July 20, 2022

Midweek Mention... Transporter 3

Midweek Mention... Transporter 3

Having frittered away this weeks budget on extravagances like cheese and pickled chillies, the Dads were forced to choose a movie available to them at no extra costs. 

Step forward TRANSPORTER 3 starring the very excellent Jason Statham. A strange choice by Sidey, as he hadn't seen either Le Transporteur 1 or 2!

Mr Statham plays Frank Martin, a man whose name confused your hosts a lot more than it should have. Frank is the Transporter in question. A courier of dubious goods, who has a code, but will abandon that code a the drop of a hat. 

Dan and Pete really enjoyed this one. Sidey was less of a fan but still found a few moments to enjoy. So make up your own mind I guess.  


Transporter 3

Sidey: Right. I nominated all this stuff for this week. Yeah. Let's get through it as quickly as possible. Cause it's so fucking

Dan: It's really, really hot

Pete: really, really hot. 32 degrees at

Sidey: in this room.

Pete: seven. Oh no. It's hotter in this room. It's 32 degrees outside and it's about 7:00 PM.

Sidey: Yeah. We're

Pete: not used to that shit. It's a record breaker today.

Hottest it's ever been

Sidey: bigger than that.

Peter. It's large. It's

Pete: It is large. Its

Dan: It is big.

Sidey: So for our midweek, I nominated transport to. Okay. I haven't seen one or two

Pete: two Okay. my first question was gonna be why,

Sidey: because there'd been a lot of things recently. That we've had to rent or buy. So I just thought, let's see what's available for the match cuz lots of people listen. And I want everyone to be able to see it too, as well as not, you know, constantly spurge money on this.

So transport three was in on prime. So I thought, fuck it. It's a bit sta let's get involved.

Pete: That's very thoughtful of

Dan: Yeah. I'd actually seen the other two and I'd seen this one before.

Sidey: Oh, well sorry. Or,

Dan: I was ahead of, no, I was ahead of the curve.

Sidey: Okay. So

Pete: transport curve. I'd seen the first one, not the second and not this one before. Didn't

Sidey: so I didn't really personally know anything about it.

Pete: I don't think you need to.

Sidey: No, but I was sort of surprised when it flicked up on the screen, you know, the credits Luke BES saw produced and had written this one and presumably it has been involved in the other two as well.

Pete: well, yeah, cuz these are, these are French.

Sidey: French. Yeah. These are

Pete: These are English language, but French

Sidey: Yes And we'll we won't hold that against it.

Pete: No. Yeah. I was I didn't know that before I watched it, so that's why I was okay

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: Yeah. It, it starts off like many, like the other two really? You've got a, a guy not so much fishing, but the premise is you have a guy who, Frank Wright, I think his name is isn't it Frank,

Pete: his name is

Sidey: Frank Martin, Frank Wright.

Dan: He's a, he's an artist.

Pete: he one of the Wright brothers? Yeah. Yeah. At

Sidey: No. Frank Lloyd Wright was the, I wanna say architect, but

Dan: Oh, he may have been, yeah, it may have been an architect artist. Some he's not the one we are looking after. No. Looking for he's Frank Martin and he's Jason sta a man who will deliver packages from a to B without asking questions.

Sidey: He's the titular transporter. Yeah. Mm-hmm

Pete: by packages, these packages can sometimes be people.

Dan: Mm.

Although he, he seems to have a code of no names, not getting too, you know, close to people and

Sidey: it's gotta be incognito. No, doesn't, you know, D. Be able to deny everything

Pete: Now, now, before we jump into this one fully, I didn't REM I thought I'd seen the first one. Yeah. Turns out I had seen the first one. I couldn't remember anything about it. Other. I think I enjoyed it.

But there there's something specific about this one that reminded me that I had seen the first one.

It's nothing to do with like plot or anything like that. And we'll come onto it in a little bit Yeah.

Sidey: So it does open up with a nice fishing scene. Yeah. It's Staman Frank Martin and his friend who I guess is a returning character inspector Tai

Dan: that's. Right. So they built this relationship. Yeah. And he is, he is friends

Sidey: I assume that Takai was after him originally. And they've now built, built of a bit of a relationship.

Dan: one. It's been a while and he is done. I have seen all three.

I'm pretty sure I have, because he's done other ones he's done snatch, which is an action film again.

Sidey: So I think about this sort of era of St and when he was, yeah, was the crank ones and this lot where he was building up his sort of action, man, persona


Pete: a similar sort of role in the reboot of the Italian job. Right. He's like a driver. Handy fighter kind of guy. Yeah. Basically the same sort of basically the, the, the, the role he plays in every single film.

Dan: Yeah. And he's good at it. I mean, even in the Meg or something like that, you know, he's still a, he

Sidey: not as much driving in that one.

Dan: Not as much driving.

Pete: He, he does it in in the, the one that redeems Yourman from the, that did lock stock and snatch guy, Richie, the latest guy, Richie film that we all watched and

Sidey: Roth of Khan him.

Yeah. It wasn't Roth. That's a star Trek film, but it's Roth of man

Pete: of man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, similar sort of

Sidey: yeah, grumpy. Vi's not so grumpy in this actually,

Pete: actually, but, but the character the, the transporter Frank Wright slash Martin he kind of, he sort of like transcends the law doesn't he he'll like, he will break a lot of laws, but he, he kind of is ultimately a goodie.

Yeah. He's got a very strong moral code. Although he fucks a lot of people up.

Sidey: he's well, it's a gray area for him. You know, he's willing to go beyond, you know, break the law, but ultimately.

Pete: for the greater good yeah. Or for a job for a paycheck.

Sidey: money.

Dan: Yeah. Does, does Frank Wright make shoes

Sidey: yes, he does.


Dan: he?

Sidey: I dunno. Cobbles

Pete: Yeah. Only one of the set and Frank left makes the other one.

Oh God, sorry.

Sidey: Right. So some stuff happens. There's a, we cut to the, the ocean and there's a, one of those huge. Ocean linery things cargo ship with.

Pete: Well, that's the opening, isn't it? The, the, in the one eye version I watched, it was the, the liner, the ocean liner was

Sidey: one, but

before possibly Yeah. Okay. So we go to this thing with those fucking thousands of shipping containers on, I find those things quite fascinating that they're so fucking large and yet still. Go a would've flow.

Dan: able to float and move.

Sidey: In any case, these two guys decide to break into one of the containers to steal booze.

Dan: I think so. Yeah, they looked like they were

Sidey: the wrong container to pick what? Dumb luck.

Dan: It's some kind of nuclear waste, toxic

and one sniff of it it's is melted their faces and they're overboard into the sea.

And that scene there throwing those bodies. And you just gave you a, a sense of how big the boat was.

Sidey: got some scale. Yeah.

Dan: You got some scale there and uh and just how big the ocean, because they're just, that's it gone. The

Pete: O ocean. One thing I didn't really understand is why they put them in bags. They put them basic in body bags to then throw them overboard. Why

Dan: Just cuz they were so scarred and I don't think anybody seeing them would've been shocked and what the hell was going

Sidey: otherwise a body,

Dan: No, I'm thinking like just carrying the body from the whole through the thing without you know, cuz they'd melted didn't they had acid or

Pete: something

Dan: all over their

Pete: they could have just, they could have just put hood on them,

Dan: Could have done Peter. They just did a proper job. What do you want? well,

Pete: anyway, that, that, that like, yeah, sorry that, that isn't the, the crux of this film.

Dan: that reason, Pete scored it three outta 10.

Sidey: Well, then we get some shots of a minister, a politician fella, he's negotiating, or he is in charge of environmental matters.

Dan: That's right. Yeah. He's,

Sidey: giving it the big one to let the reporters in otherwise about how, oh, I've gotta go and, you know, upset some businessmen and I'm gonna take a hard line about all this inst stuff and pollution.


Dan: trees to save,

Sidey: someone has come along and has a plan to thwart his efforts. He sits down at his desk and he's being watched by that guy.

Pete: Mr. Johnson.

Sidey: Yeah. Cut off your Johnson. He was in prison break. Do you remember him from that? Never seen green break. Robert Neeper. His name is sort of a,

Just a perpetual bad guy,

Dan: a type cast, bad guy. Yeah. He's got

Sidey: he's he's spying on him. Gives him a call and says open that envelope on your desk. He might change your mind about your plans and his daughter's been kidnapped.

Dan: Yeah, which we don't find out at this point, because there's still a little bit of mystery.

Sidey: I thought it was like a pitch of him having an affair or something like

Dan: like that,

Sidey: Yeah. You know, but you know,

Dan: well, you don't

Sidey: some dirt

Dan: you don't, you know, that he is, got some dirt on him. Next thing. Frank's at home and a car comes through his

Pete: Well, before, before this we've seen we've seen this car.

The one that you've just mentioned, which I think is an out,

Sidey: it's a row.

Pete: is it's basically the same as,

Sidey: I think, I think Audi financed a lot of


Pete: But I think like, because initially, so I it's similar to, or the same as Frank's car. Right.

Dan: Mm-hmm

Pete: But you see this guy who we like to find out was called Malcolm. He's rolled off a ferry somewhere and there's some border control and they say, oh, where have you been?

And LA LA. And you see that there's a girl asleep in the back,

Sidey: just going back from my beeper, you know how it is inferring that she's off her tits. Like we've been like slamming, you've been beef. You're thinking, well, he'd probably been like up to no good. I wouldn't say that to the customs guy

Dan: hasn't got a seatbelt on, you know, but anyway,

Sidey: so the guy sort rolls his eyes and goes, well, you guys, and let's them go. But then the customs guy properly pauses 'em over and says, I need your papers. And,

Pete: Anna

Sidey: and he's clearly like panic mode setting in because something's not right. So he just hos it bolts. He, he, he, he

Pete: and the next time we see him, Dan, as you're.

Dan: He's he's coming through Frank Martin's wall just after he stepped up off the couch and call is a

Sidey: He's very composed isn't he,

Dan: Frank just turns around and, and kind of half investigates what's going on. Calls an ambulance when he realizes it.

He's some connection to this. And through a couple of flashbacks, we find out that he was offered a job that he didn't want. And he then recommended this guy, Malcolm and Malcolm's just sped through his wall. An ambulance comes, it's quite, it's quite interesting this bit. So an ambulance comes and Malcolm's out, Malcolm's clearly in need of his ambulance.

So he hadn't called it. He's he's gonna die probably, but the ambulance comes and as they're wheeling him away, he just, Frank's just putting it together and realizes. there's an electronic tag that running man style is gonna blow up. When he gets a certain

Pete: too. And he's saying he's mumbling stuff about the car.

Presumably he

Dan: can't leave the car. Can't leave the car

Pete: can't leave the car. I don't want to get, yeah. Like leave me in the car. I don't wanna get outta the car at first. I think he's like no ambulance and stuff, but yeah, he, he deduces cuz when he goes back inside, I think that's when he sees the girl.

Dan: Well, yeah.

Pete: And he sees that the girl has.

A bracelet on and that that's when he like, deduces that, there's a possibility here that this, I mean, as you would, that's the first thing that crossed your mind?

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: It stunned me that he hadn't seen the girl because he's said the ambulances come in the, in the time that he's not bothered to look in the back seat, but sure enough, she's there uninjured.

Yeah. And this is when I definitely knew I'd seen this film before, cuz she's a striking. She's a striking girl.

Pete: She's very striking looking. Yeah.

Dan: Yeah. She's got freckles all over her face and which is all natural. It's not makeup or anything and red hair beautiful blue eyes or green or something, yeah,

Pete: She's got eyes. Yeah. Yeah.

Dan: had two of them and her nose and a nose. Yeah.

Pete: But yeah, as, as you, as you mentioned Malcolm and this girl both have these wristbands on and Frank deduces. Get too far away from the car and it will trigger an explosion. And so he runs, starts sprinting,

After the, yeah, after the ambulance and the ambulance absolutely fucking blows. It blows to smithereens.

Dan: and I, I don't know previously whether Frank, because he, he had said, look, I think he, and the remember the P paramedic kind of turned around just it's okay. Just let me do my job. And he comes back. I wonder if Frank just.

Got what he had comment to, you know,

Pete: yeah, yeah. I was trying to help

Dan: there. I tried to help. I tried to slow it down, but no, there is, is a tragedy, the ambulance and everybody on it dies.

Sidey: And then Frank is knocked out by a henchman. Yeah. Yeah. He, he gets, and he gets a bracelet of his own, which is

Dan: Yeah. And basically having recommended Malcolm for the job that he didn't want.

He is now responsible for completing the job and he has

They put two packages in the back of the car and about to shoot the girl when he says it's okay, she can ride along

 And they're off and he's got various instructions he has to call in and he gets the location.

When he calls in for the net, from a code that he

Sidey: Yeah. When you go past the toll,

Dan: Yeah. It's all very well worked out.

Pete: they they've brought his they've very kindly brought his car along.

Sidey: Yeah. Because, do you wanna know what, what the car was?

Pete: an Audid R


Sidey: Yeah. It's an Audi. A eight with a six liter w 12 engine. I thought it was V12, but this one's a w 12

Pete: Yeah. Okay. W 12 is two V eights together. Yeah.

Sidey: Right. Like a V 16. So power. Yeah. And it goes room.

Pete: yeah. A lot and goes very quickly. And like you say, Dan it it's explained that

There's chemicals in this wristband and the, if,

Sidey: it goes orange when you gets 75 foot away and then

Pete: when you get 75 away.

Cause it, cuz it effectively, do you know what? I learned something because to this day, obviously we have to do that fucking bullshit where we have to like anything that's over a hundred mills or sorry, you can only carry liquids on a plane that are under a hundred mills, but as many of them as you want, so surely you could still make a bar out of liquids if you wanted to, or just take a little bit

Sidey: Well, also a hundred mils would, would be enough to blow hole an airplane. I'm sure. In any case.

Pete: They're on their way. They find out the first location from the code that gets put in is Budapest.

Sidey: But he is like, we need to fucking ditch these bracelets cuz they're risky. So he basically takes a detour and they're being tracked.

So that is a big no-no. So he goes to see a guy who not only is like pretty good with cars, but he's like a hacker

Dan: he's a one stop shop

Sidey: he can hack into like, Secure government, you know, computers, websites, and all that, all the rest of it. So he's like good at everything. But they send a gang of hoodlums to put them back on track.

Pete: It's a

big gang of

Sidey: Big a lot of them.

Dan: Yeah. There's there's about 15 of them, I guess.

Sidey: Yeah. Uh And they basically tell sta them get back on the fucking road.

Dan: 15 of them

Sidey: And he just come up with a bit of a plausible sort of, no, I need to get the car looked at and blah, blah, blah. Don't worry. I'll be back on the road, but they're not having it.

They're gonna basically punch him until he gets back to, to business. They encircle him.

Pete: Yeah.


Dan: is what I was thinking. How bad can you beat him up and still expect him to drive,

Sidey: Well, don't worry about it because, I mean, we've seen this already. He's very precious about his suit. I dunno if that's, that must be a running

Pete: It's a thing. Yeah.

Sidey: So he, he takes off his jacket. Fucking like, pizers about a hundred guys repeatedly without


Pete: they attack him one at a time, which is good.

Dan: but

even when they do two or three, wraps him in a, in a jacket or a shirt or a neck tie.

Pete: point, his shirt comes off.

And there's the reveal.

Like this point immediately, I thought of us side because we've been going to the gym. Yeah. And like he, so Jason is now went into his fifties about 54, but this was 2008. Yeah.

So how

Dan: how old was he

Pete: 14 years ago. So 40 and we're in our forties as well. So similar sort of, yeah. So Saudi and I are quite are sort of quite state the mask at this moment after having gone to the gym three times. But yeah, I did. I thought, well, that's probably what I look like. I don't spend a lot of time looking in mirrors. That's probably what I look like with my shirt off now. But yeah, he Garros people with his shirt and black and jackets and, and everything. He puts paid to all of these guys, but then the big fella comes in,

Dan: oh, I love the camera action with this because suddenly they go right down onto the floor and kind of shoot under Satan's ankles almost. So the big guy looks twice as big as he is.

And Statham looks smaller. And you just see him kind of having this crazy fight, which ends in him, reducing him to his size by making him fall through the floor and then punching him like a punch bag. Really? Isn't he he's just laying into him, the, the big

Sidey: guy

Dan: who then just flops

Pete: And then he finishes him off with a shovel.

Yeah. Yeah. And then

Dan: because snow shovel,

Pete: and then he finds a rose, a single rose, just like this. Yeah. In a garage. And, and I thought, oh, he's gonna take that back to the girl. That's quite cute. That's quite forward of him, but no it's so that he can just throw it on top of the, the grave that he's just made for the big fella.

Dan: And the girl we, we learn, her name is Valenti.

That's all we know for about her this stage. She doesn't speak a lot, but she, she kind of gives a couple of, oh, rounds of applause when she sees Frank

Pete: Well, to, to this point, she's been quite

Dan: frosting. Yeah. She has

Sidey: very

Pete: a lot away. Yeah. She, she's not interested in sort of getting to, to know him.

She's yeah. She doesn't wanna answer any questions, but she warms up a lot when he takes a shirt off and batters a load of

Sidey: Yeah She, she SPS him. In the buff nearly. Yeah. Cuz he has to change clothes.

He takes a suit bag out of the car and changes and she watches him get dressed. She's like really keen on him now

Pete: helps him with this tie.

She says you're really good at fighting, but not so good at wearing

Dan: 20 maybe


Pete: going older than that. Late

Dan: late twenties, You think. Yeah.

Pete: She's done a few shifts in IBI though. You can see she's a bit like,

right. Yeah But weather beat

Sidey: well, she goes from not wanting to speak to him or Shaker's hand or do anything to like throwing herself at him within about like 30 minutes.

Dan: Yeah. Yeah.

Pete: we can relate. So

Sidey: Yeah. I mean, I didn't blame her by any means.

Dan: They're back on the road though.

Sidey: they drive a bit more, they transport for a little while.

Pete: they?

Dan: they, they can't, they can't disable the the wrist.

Sidey: No

Dan: Here, the, the technology won't allow 'em, but they understand now their limitations a little bit more. And as they kind of head off towards Budapest, there's other people now kind of going into the,

Sidey: well Johnson's been going, Johnson's been going on at, and he says, just fuck off and let me do my job.

You wanted me to do this? Just let me fucking do it. Right. You know, I'm the man for the job, just fuck off.

Pete: But it seems that Johnson's patience with him is, has worn thin because when they eventually reach Budapest they stop.

And another fellow comes on and gets in the car with Valentina and drives off, which Frank immediately recognizes is bad because. I think it's 80 yards or something like that. If he's

Dan: This is straight outta crank this bit, you know, when he's gotta keep his adrenaline up or cuz if he falls below a certain blood pressure or, or

Sidey: that's it, his heart rate, I think

Dan: heart rate,

Sidey: whatever, but this one, if it is the BMX

Dan: but this is the BMX scene and he, I mean, it is great.

Isn't it? I mean,

Pete: It's

preposterous but

Dan: preposterous, but he's, he's sliding down. He's


Sidey: knows the exact layout of all the buildings to go through all the shortcuts

Pete: was thinking this and I was whilst I was watching, oh, no, come on.

I said, how did he know to go through that? He's like

he sees the car driving off a straight line and he just like. Cycles into a building in the totally different direction. You think? How, like, how do you know this? But then I thought, listen, I watched bond films all the time and they, and they fucking do that.

Like motorbikes through like, you know,

Dan: a chance

Pete: and stuff like that.

Dan: It's

Pete: rolled the dice and, and paid off. Yeah.

Dan: paid off. And then he call is a cucumber. He swings through the, the driver's door, kicks him straight out the passenger door. Yeah. Gets in the car and drives off.

Pete: all the while, because Valentina is quite smitten.

By Frank now she's punching the driver.

Dan: She's done a little bit to slow him down.

Pete: wants him to stop because she doesn't wanna sit. Like, she's just seen sta with his shirt off and, and fancies a bit. So

Dan: she was just warming to him. And I think when he gets back in the car, that's when she really thinks, mm. Hook line and sink are I'm going for him. And is that when she takes a couple of the I beha party pills And

Sidey: Well she goes, she goes into the garage at one point and next load of vodka and takes a piss

Dan: That's right. Yeah. This is all.

Sidey: to get a bit unhinged.

Dan: Yeah. Well, she's taken a couple of tablets by then. She offers one of Frankie's a professional and says, look, you gotta stay on it. People are trying to kill us. It's all pretty exciting action stuff. Isn't it? It doesn't let up for, for very long. I mean, within five or 10 minutes of every action scene, there's another one coming.

Pete: Yeah. Yeah.

Dan: they've been all the way through, you know what you're gonna get. He's gonna be up against the odds. It's gonna look impossible. He's gonna pull it off. And he's, he's gonna save the day. It's transport a three, you know, there's no sign it's, there's not gonna be a transport, a four or five or, or whatever, because it's, it's that formula that Luke bezel, the action keeps coming.

Pete: Well I, I, I, I disagree because what, what became apparent even from me not having seen the original, I had seen it, but not remembering the original, but then this code that has been referred to about like no names, no attachment, no, blah, blah.

I think like his own car. And he has to wear a suit all the time. I dunno what his rules. but he's already like a couple of times gone, ah, fuck the rules. Like I don't mind or let's, let's ignore the rules for a day. This is my name. What's yours. He's definitely be like, even though she's like more overtly, like coming onto him, he's definitely grown a little bit of an attachment to her.

So this is where I was starting to think. Okay. I, I, I was aware that there hadn't been any made after this. But I thought, okay, well this could be a little bit different. This could be, he could die at the end or something because there's like, he's, he's starting to like drop his gut. Maybe that will be the, the, you know, the thing that,

that gets in the fact that, you know, she might die, he might die.

The names have been exchanged. That could be, you know, so he is let his guard slip a little bit in this one.

Dan: Yeah, he did. He did show that other side, but I think they, they tried to write in that he is very likable and human and you know, for a girl in distress, he will he'll bend the rules.

Sidey: Anyway, she comes onto big time.

Dan: Yeah.

Sidey: When, once they're reunited, she makes to car keys and just like puts it up on the plate for him and says, we're gonna fuck.

Dan: they're on a they're in the middle of nowhere.

Aren't they on the edge

Pete: very, it was very, it was very much blackmail. So rape. Are we, we going with that coercion?

Sidey: she, yeah, she, she just lays on a bit thick.

I don't know if I go as far as that, but you know, anyway they fuck.

Dan: Yeah. Yeah, they

Sidey: fuck. They have all the

Dan: did is she's still on drugs at the time.

Sidey: oh, you've putting consent thing

Dan: Well, I'm ju she is isn't she she's just taken a couple

Sidey: also, well, what happens is that we also get the reveal that she is the package.

Dan: She's the important

Sidey: the politician's daughter who's been kidnapped.

Dan: So if he'd have called up the guy's Johnson's bluff at the beginning, when he was gonna shoot her, then he would've probably found out that sooner.

But because he had a heart and Johnson was playing on that they followed him to thinking the,


telephone directories that were in the back of the van are actually an important package because just before. The, the scene where they're they're entangled he opens the back, looks inside and just says, fucking telephone directories.

Then he works out. She's the package, doesn't he?

Pete: Yeah

Sidey: Yeah. I used to know a guy who collected telephone directories. Oh yeah. That's not a joke. That's true. That's true. Basically he has to go to he's redirected to Odessa to a bridge. For the handover,

Dan: because we find out she's Ukrainian, which is nice. Isn't it? When you, you think of all the the trouble that they're in at the moment, just to have them represented in this film.


Pete: almost quite markedly she's she says I'm not

Dan: Russian.

Pete: Its very different. Exactly. We're different here. Points at her head and different here points at her heart.

Dan: right. Yeah.


Pete: that's quite sort of, you know, symbolic given like what's going on today. Yeah. Because to be honest, I mean, we've been to the Ukraine side. Yeah. And I I've, I've been to Russia, but I spent nine hours at Moscow airport.

It's fucking hideous. But in, you know, I ignorantly, I wouldn't necessarily have been able to DEC discern, you know, have like no, certainly discernible difference between a Russian person and a Ukrainian person and was never really aware of. other than the stuff you hear in, you know, in the news in, by gone years, like some tension, but nothing the likes of what we're seeing now, but quite clearly as a, you know, part of this film it's referred to the,

Dan: they're very different very

Pete: anti-rusian.

Sidey: Yeah. Yeah. Ukraine's never been the same since we left. Is it

Pete: not at all? No.

Sidey: Right. Anyway so they, yeah, they, he has to handle over yeah. To, to the baddies.

Dan: and that's all done on a bridge.

Yeah. Where she knows he's gonna be killed because the baddies are either end of that bridge. Yeah.

But Frank says, look, I haven't come all this way to Don bridge,

Sidey: no, he's a transporter. So he he's a

Dan: a transporter.

Pete: see, as a Johnson sticks, this kind of round sort key thing into Valentina's bracelet to remove the bracelet. So now you can see, okay, that's how you get rid of them.

Dan: right. Cuz she could only walk so far from the car towards him when he had to come towards her.

Sidey: But I like this.


Dan: Puts the,

Sidey: he just puts the foot down,

Dan: the foot down. It goes straight through the, the bridge,

Sidey: yeah.

Into the river, into the river.

Dan: yeah.


Pete: and then he does what we'd all do in that situation situation. He makes a phone call.

Sidey: call. I was marveling his signal as that's pretty good.

Dan: He's I, I dunno who he's with, but he, he manages to get notice to his friend, his fishing body, the, the policeman what's going down not mentioning himself going down.

Just the, the situation. Yeah.

Pete: Which just says I'm in a lake. Yeah. And, and then quite luckily, the guys on the other end of the call, the sort of Odessa police or whatever is like I'm in a lake, like by a bridge and they're like, oh, we know that place is 10 minutes away.

Dan: Yeah.

Pete: I did sort of Chuck or I've did chuckle at the convenience of that. So

Sidey: we get and then a secret of how he sort of ingeniously scaled over, do quite like this. He. He goes outside the car to use the, the air in the tires to, to breathe, to breathe.

Pete: which I've seen before, I think in maybe bond

Sidey: Roger Moore, does

Pete: yeah, yeah.

With the Lotus. Doesn't he? Yeah. Yeah. But Not only that, but he's also got what seemed to be a couple of raft, like inflatable rafts in his boot, which is handy.

Sidey: Like body baggy sort of thing. So he sort of inflates those around the car tires.

Pete: but like hooks them around the, the, the tires

Dan: Makes an air, an air pocket within that. So he gets another good Lu of air and all the, all the wild bullets that have been raining down for a good couple of minutes, eventually he's able to bring the car out.

He float it back up a tractor. Pulls it over onto the side. He's just sat on top. Cool. As a cucumber is

Pete: he's very resourceful.

Dan: yeah, he

Pete: sort of like a bare grills type character.

Dan: it gets better because 20 minutes later that car's driving down the road

Sidey: Not a problem.

Dan: it's not a problem. Just try this. No, just try this.

No, wait a minute.

Pete: ordinarily article bullshit on that. But did you watch the top gear episode where they like, basically like tethered a Toyota?

Whatever it is, like pick up to a, a peer

Sidey: a land cruiser, isn't it

Pete: then got. Submerged like in Brighton, I think it was, so it was underwater as the tide cut. So a full sort of tide in and then out again, so the water, and then they rolled out a mechanic basically like just came along and all he was allowed was, was like no replacement parts, just his tools.

And he tinkered around with it for a bit, started it off, drove it off the beach

Sidey: This is a more modern car.

Dan: So,

Pete: and this is a more modern car. Yeah. So um so it it is doable. Yeah. Doable. Yeah. And that was saltwater as well in bright. And this would've been a freshwater lake, so. Yeah, it's not, child's play.

Sidey: not the end of the the car heroics.

Pete: no, it's not. When, when, because by now you are sort of preempting how ludicrous everything is.

And so the, the badies and Valentina are now on a train they've bought they've boarded, a train and like muscled their way into one of the carriages and that train's hurtling along. And Frank has now caught up with the train. They're assuming he's dead obviously. And there's a part where he sees the train coming and he, and he just, he sort of skids to an angle on the bridge and then you start piecing it together and going.

I did wonder why he'd waited for most of the train to have gone past,

Dan: to get the last

Pete: to get the last carriage, cuz by the time he's he's ramping off the bridge, the last carriage

Sidey: is yeah. You're, you're giving yourself a smaller margin of error.

Pete: Surely

Sidey: Yeah. So I'll advised, but he seems to know he was doing cuz he like, he fucking

Pete: well, listen, it paid off.

Because he did jump that car straight onto the train

Sidey: and many sharks also they have

Pete: that was the part where that was jumping the shark. No, like none of it before we'll get into

Sidey: we'll get into it. Essentially they have a fight, him and Johnson.

Dan: Yeah.

Pete: And it's quite, there's a funny bit again where he like walks down the carriage and he's just about to engage him. And, and he looks at his, his cuff, like his

Dan: oh, it is full on one more

step forward it's one more step I don't understand why Johnson just didn't grab him and pull him maybe cuz

Sidey: maybe cuz he, cause he would've gone himself.

Pete: Yeah, blowing up himself. Yeah. That's why so,

Dan: not as da

Pete: so, so Johnson does what, what we'd do do in that situation, UNC couples that carriage, so that, you know, now we're gonna be safe from this guy cuz you know, he's he's, even though we've killed him before, and he's already jumped onto this train, surely this will out Fox him, but no Frank runs back to his car gets in and this time jumps.

From from the top of the train and just kind of like bla blitzes through and into the,

Dan: So when you do a trick like that, it's so important that you just get your. You lying straight on, cuz he's gotta come off the top of what? There's one carriage of train into the carriage or the other one, wipe out everything towards it.

Not go off the side. I mean, it's some driving

Pete: of track though. Done. It's quite easy

Dan: Yeah. I suppose he

Pete: So going round to bend, bend, it would've been harder, but no, he's, he's landed in bat as the guy manages to over overpower

Dan: Yeah.

Pete: Whip the key off him. Attach him to the carve momentarily whilst he undos his cuff.

Waxs it on the bad.

Dan: Oh, this is perfect.

Pete: then puts the car in reverse sacrifices, his own car, which is his pride and

Sidey: It was in bad neck at this point. Yeah.

Pete: He bad neck guy at this point. Yeah. Um I'd have thought he would've tried to get Johnson a little bit further away cuz it's some explosion. Yeah. But yeah. Anyway, the car goes off the back of the train

Dan: Johnson doesn't jump after it.

I would've thought he would've jumped after

Pete: I suppose. Cuz it would've been stationary pretty quickly. If you jump. And make a run for it. You,

Dan: he may have made it, but or then you run towards Statham, you know, at least

Sidey: take him out with you.

Dan: with you. But he, he does either.

Sidey: screams and blows up.

Dan: But it makes a bit of.

Pocket of smoke and fire and everything that rolls down the, the carriage. But thankfully Valentina is, is okay. Statham wipes, the dust. And for the second time, as she wakes up, she asks, is she in heaven?

Pete: Yeah,

Dan: No, it's a bit of a hell hole in here, Frank za . But

Sidey: it's a bit of a help but no, it's all good. Tom Lanco is the politician dude. He's he tears up the contracts that he was being blackmailed to

Dan: which

he had just signed and actually signed

Sidey: legally bind. It is legally bound at that point. Yeah.

Dan: the, all this nuclear

Pete: at that point, like all his nuclear, which that, and, and the thing is there was a camera crew in there filming him doing it.

Yeah. So I think

Dan: and then he ripped it just once and then left it next to them, which I thought might have, you know, tempted them

Sidey: You'd at least

Dan: Yeah. I would've taken it, but that's good enough for, for our, our story this time. And Frank had saved the day and, and he finds himself back on the boat, fishing, fishing again. And it's not quite the same. She's there,


Sidey: fucking ruining the lad's day out.

Pete: didn't, they, they didn't catch any fish at the beginning.

And, and what, at one point at the beginning we met, we skirted over this a little bit, but doesn't, he, he attaches some sort of belt yeah. To the end of his fishing rod. And I was thinking that, oh, that that's.

He's gonna be something and that never really seemed to materialize into anything.

Sidey: just trying to kid him on that. He caught a fish, wasn't

Pete: Oh, was he right? I didn't,

Sidey: Cause the other guy's like unlucky in fishing

Dan: but towards the end, Valentine knows a restaurant that, that sells and

Pete: which is handy.

Dan: And he is only around the corner. And those guys who have lived there all their lives, didn't know anything about it.

And they sail off around the.

End of Um I did, it was pretty decent. First time round. I watched it, it was pretty decent this time round. I watched it, it probably watched it in 2010 or 11, you know, just after it came out. So it's been 10 years. And it was an easy, you know, action movie to watch, you know, what you're getting.

I was kind of in the mood to watch a film like this, where I didn't really wanna concentrate too much, you know, was just letting it wash over me. Sta does it as good as anyone or did do during this time? I think it was these transport films, whether this was the strongest one from all the transporters.

I couldn't really tell you, but it was for me. Good enough. Yeah, it was really good enough.

Pete: So I, I realized I definite I suspected I'd seen transporter. And what confirmed it for me was his, was his accent.

Times is just Jason sta them, like, what's the belt, what's a gun doing in your, in your TRAs. Like, like that it goes from Cockney to kind of like,

Dan: an

Pete: almost like slightly American cuz at one point he goes, yeah. Yeah. And then we're gonna laugh about it. Yeah. Like I'm like, whoa, whoa. Where is this accent going?

It's almost like it's, he's been told, I put on a bit of Amer like American

Dan: order, just so they understand you.

Pete: Yeah. Rather than like laugh. He would've said normally, but it it's an odd accent. I remember it from the original transporter. This is this is brilliant. Like I , I really, really enjoyed it. And I, the, the thing that you could probably like level at me is like, I can't fucking stand the fast and furious franchise.

and yet this isn't a million miles from it, but I don't know. I can't actually quite put my finger on why fast. Both of them are preposterous. Right. Totally ludicrous. And.

But this, I was like, I was chuckling and, and rolling my eyes, but with a right smile on my face, but at no point did I want to like, turn it off?

I wanna load a Ock and everything. You knew. Some DF ship was coming around every corner, but the BMX scene was ludicrous. He's like this, a Audi that we've just said with the engine in it. I mean, that'll be gone past 80 yards in a fucking heartbeat, and yet he's able to somehow keep up with it on a BMX.

And yet I enjoyed it and I'm not gonna go out on my way, but Tran I might watch transport and I might watch transporter two, which I've never seen. Might even watch this one again at some point, but it was just Doy, light relief, action, fun, dumb type stuff. And I liked it.

Sidey: Oh, it's interesting. Cause I'm like almost the complete opposite to you is I like the, the, or I really like the fast and furious franchise.

I thought this was like a bit of a stinker to be honest. yeah. I the castoff I did enjoy.

BEC mostly cuz it, it was practical. You know, it wasn't like a CGI stuff. I think there was almost no CGI used in the car things and especially the bit underwater, I just thought that was quite clever and quite fun.

But the fight stuff really fucking. Took me out of the film. I just found some of the things I was like, oh, that's quite good fight choreography. Then you could see that it was clearly just people walking and sped up in post. It looked so fucking fake to me. Just, it really took me out of all those sequences.

Didn't like it

just, to me, it's like a four or five outta 10. I just wasn't like

Pete: I know, I know what you mean, but I, this film doesn't take itself seriously.

Dan: No, I think he's,

Pete: I think maybe for me, it feels like the fast and furious stuff does take itself. Seriously. It really prides itself. Look, the fact that like VIN diesel light takes it so fucking seriously. And can't be beaten

Sidey: almost like that. Cuz it should, you should take yourself seriously. No, not when it, I don't like RS to say don't like things when it's like wink, wink. Oh look how fucking silly we're being. I'd rather it was more earnest and just sincere to what it's trying to be.

Dan: I,

must I must say that. I think that Frank, just about pictures it right for me where he doesn't

Sidey: like stay. I do still

Dan: Yeah. He doesn't take himself too seriously. The, I, I take your point as well about the fast and the furious. Although to be honest, I. Not seen enough of them to, to give 'em a fair chance. I probably should go back one, maybe a midweek mention and watch fast and a furious one and just see what it's all about because it has kind of lost me.

And I, I,

Pete: well, just obviously state is in fast and the furious, but

Dan: is in fast and the furious, but he's in one of them. Yeah. Is

Pete: yeah, he's in a few, I think.

Yeah. And like, so it just says here, a little sort of paragraph on him says his, his acting has been criticized for lacking depth and variety, which is a. Yeah, accusation really. He doesn't play, like he's not know doesn't do any Shakespearean roles or anything. But he's also being been praised for leading resurgence of action films from the, like, through the nos and, and like the tens and everything.

According to a report, his film crew from 2002 to 2017, generated an estimated 1.5 billion in ticket sales. Not, not just him, but the films that

obviously making him one of the film industry's most bankable stars. So he's obviously got an audience. He's got a pedigree very much in this kind of niche,

Sidey: Well, that segues peaked very nicely into the money stat. So this was cobbled together for mere 30 million us.

Dan: Yeah.

Pete: Which would you consider the amount, like the train stuff and the, like the, the,

Sidey: only, only a couple of those

Dan: Luke be and sta them will probably take 10 of that.

Sidey: Yeah. So what do you think box office wise?

Dan: Oh, this made money. This made a hundred, I reckon.

Sidey: so close.

Pete: Oh, I was gonna say double. I was gonna say around 60 million, but

Sidey: hundred and nine Dan wins. Dan's the big money winner. Did you happen to catch the name of the director?

Thought that was the most interesting thing about his film. Olivia megaton

His actual name is Olivia Fontana, but his birthday is on the anniversary of the dropping of the bomb on Hiroshima. So he decided that would be an appropriate yeah. Fantastic

Pete: like moment in humanity.

Sidey: Yeah. So he seems like that's the sort of thing you do when you're a child, but you wouldn't make it your career name.

This sounds like a fucking Dick is another reason why I didn't like it. There we go.

Pete: Okay. Well, yeah, you, you picked it and we enjoyed it and you didn't.

Sidey: good.