Dec. 23, 2022

Teeth & SpongeBob SquarePants

Teeth & SpongeBob SquarePants
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As we're all no doubt aware by now Peter has had some very real difficulty with his teeth. Two double root canal operations and a hefty bill were at the forefront of our thinking when coming up with ideas for this weeks show. Expect a hire car themed episode soon so we can laugh at Peter some more...

Teeth are a set of hard, bony enamel-coated structures in the jaws of most vertebrates, used for biting and chewing. They also provide a great deal of inspiration for memorable movie moments as we discovered this week. Some fantastic nominations online too - thanks so much!

We were all very surprised when Pete nominated Teeth, the 2007 American comedy horror film written and directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein. Dawn O'Keefe is a teenage spokesperson for a Christian abstinence group called "the Promise". Dawn promotes the sanctity of the human body and promises to save herself for marriage. However teenage hormones and a trip to the lake lead us to the inevitable moment we waited for from the moment the movies started. And then we have various repeats of the same moment with slightly different motivations, but ultimately the same result. This one left us slightly underwhelmed but not a total dud. We also discovered that you can replace the lyrics to Hakuna Matata with vagina dentata with hilarious results.

We're approaching 300 episodes and we somehow still haven't talked about SpongeBob. Until now. I think mainly it just feels like a derivative of Ren and Stimpy, but we all still got a kick out of it. So go watch it with your kids I suppose.

We love to hear from our listeners! By which I mean we tolerate it. If it hasn't been completely destroyed yet you can usually find us on twitter @dads_film, on Facebook Bad Dads Film Review, on email at or on our website

Until next time, we remain...

Bad Dads



Dan: Welcome

to Bad Dad's Film Review. The Bad Dad's

Sidey: Film


Dan: Yeah.

Sidey: We're, we are a,

Dan: Seamless.

we pr you wouldn't believe how much research goes into these intros.

Sidey: We are a quad wrangle.

a quartet, a quartet.

Pete: I thought of that the other day. Like, you've got a triumvirate. Yeah, but what is it when it's four?

Sidey: It's a quartet, isn't it? That's what we are today. We haven't had a,

Pete: a trio would be

Dan: Trio, trio,

Pete: et cetera. Triumvirate. Why isn't there like a quadron, a Quin

Sidey: Maybe there is. too ignorant. But it's the first time we've been a foursome for a little while.

Pete: especially this foursome.

Sidey: Yeah. I don't, I I was thinking about that.

I don't, I think this is the first time that we've had this

Pete: The

dream team, you mean

Sidey: Yeah. We've,

Dan: I'm sure we've done a

Sidey: got rid of the We've got rid of the ju contingent Dr. Zelle would be very happy.

Dan: Yeah.

Yeah. Re reeks is

Sidey: Arian chaps. Just shooting the breeze.


How are you back

Howie: from outta space ? Yeah. I, I, you know, I've spent time away consolidating my position as Jeremy Clarkson's Print Checker

Sidey: He's apologized.

very heartfelt.

Pete: Yeah.

Dan: What did he apologize

Howie: Oh, he

Sidey: he wasn't very kind about Meghan Mark or

Pete: did. What was the Game of Thrones reference? Cuz

Howie: Shame.

Sidey: he wouldn't be happy until she was paraded around the streets naked with people throwing extra shouting. Shame.

Yeah. So

I think he was more annoyed about the lack of originality of his, insults

Pete: right.

Howie: Yeah. I mean, I'm so not bothered by watching that.

The ne mega

Sidey: who gives a

Howie: Yeah. J it's not like, oh, I hate her. I'm just not

Sidey: No, I can't.

Howie: I'm genuine. I, the,

Sidey: some people don't like each other. Great. Move


Howie: Your family's fucked. Welcome to my world, . Your dad. Your dad's a member of the Royal Family. Welcome to my world. You know, it's the usual, it's a Taylor's oldest time.

But no, I've just been playing sticky Biy a lot over the festive period and I've just decided, I thought I'd come along

Dan: comfort in an old

Howie: yeah, well, I, I genuinely have absolutely no life. My calendar, it just features the words. It almost sounds exciting cuz it just says real taxi on

Sidey: but it's not

fake actually

Howie: I mean, it's, it's less fake than real.


Pete: am I looking, so I thought that the correlation between well it was you being here, but re's not, is it something like anti reeks?

Howie: Well, sadly touched on the Aryan thing,

Pete: Yeah. The Arian versus Jewish thing.

Howie: and also I, I, I, I have to hold back my Palestinian viewpoint

Dan: It's, it's nice to see a man in shorts in December, isn't it?

Sidey: he ?Yeah. .

Howie: Short Short, yeah. Short

Sidey: the view I'm

Howie: getting, yeah. Well, oh, is it beautiful? Is it a

Sidey: partridge?

Howie: Is it an, a partridge lunge shot

Sidey: and Pete, something's been keeping you away.

some rare and very troublesome neurological

Pete: Well, I was, yeah, I was, I was diagnosed with incorrectly.


Sidey: By yourself, wasn't it?

Pete: it? No, not at all. No, no. The doctor,

Dan: the doctor on, on Google

Pete: after the worst dentist in the entire world said there was completely nothing wrong with my te Well, there's nothing wrong with my teeth, but apart from the fact that they had died, three of my teeth had just died in the night somewhere along the line and caused some bother some abs abscesses, which I still haven't worked out the plural of abscess.

I'm gonna go with abscess.

Howie: I know a good German dentist.

Pete: Oh, right, yeah, true. Yeah, yeah. But anyway I went to, I was referred to a doctor because there was seemingly nothing wrong with my teeth and they diagnosed me with some like crazy nerve condition thing and put me on some really, really, like heavy meds.

Not much fun, but it turns out it wasn't that at all. I had stuff wrong with my teeth.

Sidey: teeth.

Yeah. I think you're wrong.

Dan: Might be wrong. Just, just one of those. We think that you've got this rare disease that only like one in a million people have got. So we're gonna give you these heavy meds while we decide we are wrong.

Yeah. Yeah. What's

Howie: the overall advice stop using dog shit for toothpaste?

Pete: Yes. That was it. Yeah. So I, I've had three rounds of root canal surgery in the

Sidey: last nice

Pete: couple of weeks, which actually isn't really that, but the worst bit is the injection in the gums, which is never nice. But then the rest of it is just, you know, it's just a

Dan: of Aren't you

Pete: internal scraping.

Dan: Aren't you double rooted as well?


Pete: I'm, I'm one of the 4% of people that have double roots.

Howie: we're still talking about teeth. Yes. Mm-hmm. .

Sidey: Wow.

Pete: But that's what inspired,

Sidey: have you had the bill yet?

Pete: This week's fair. I have paid half of the bill. Is it? And I, I,

Sidey: is it


Pete: gonna have to go down the harbor and start doing favors for sail.

Sidey: To is it better or worse than the bill for your high car?

Pete: by the time B really, really perversely, it is going to be about a hundred pound more than the final bill for the, when I lost the car hierarchy so yeah, so the, the thick, I've wasted the thick end of five grand this year on fucking



Sidey: Right. Cool.

Pete: Let's move on for that. But what it has inspired is tonight's fair.

Sidey: Yes. So we've already covered off in our midweek mentioned marathon Man. And if you haven't listened to, , you definitely should because you may find some of it half decent that that's available

for your listening pleasure. And today we're gonna get through top five, anything really related and then we've got the movie teeth. Yeah.

Howie: Thanks

Sidey: and a, and a, a SpongeBob episode about teeth. Yeah. Which we'll get into later on.

Howie: I've been watching much nicer things

Sidey: Well gone.

Howie: I've watched Wednesday.

Dan: Oh, I've watched all them as well. Yeah.

That's, I

Howie: watched you watch it with your kids. Yeah. Yeah. They loved it too. It's good. I was like

Dan: It was a nice bridge, wasn't it? Between kind of adults and children? It was a 13, I

Howie: think. Yeah,

Dan: it? So it's my, my eldest isn't 13 but. I gauged it at being okay for her.

And we watched it, you know, during the day. It wasn't like she was, she loved

Howie: you. She's not your oldest.

Dan: Youngest. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. I'm not sure anymore, to be honest.

Pete: boys one, the one's overtaken the other one now.

Dan: Yeah. That's how it works, isn't it? ? I'm not sure who's mine.

It's just loads of kids wondering out. Yeah. Looks about the age.

Howie: Looks like that's the classic SAVI defense, isn't it? There's loads of kids wandering around.

Pete: I wondered where you were going with like a bridge to

Howie: and

Pete: so on like

Dan: well, no, not like that. I'm just talking about it. You know, those, those programs that you can enjoy as much as the kids

Pete: So this is Adam's family stuff,

Dan: But it's Wednesday and it's it's really good. It's Tim Burton related

Howie: well, I watched something today, which I think you would appreciate more. Have you seen the thing on Netflix about volcano, the New Zealand

Dan: No, I've not.

Howie: It's yes. It's another docu. Drama type thing on Netflix, but it's got actual footage of when the crater went up in Waka

Dan: Okay. Blended in.

Howie: years ago.

And it's horrendous and it shows everything. So I recommend it. It's really worth watching. It's on that same sort of, you know, the high altitude climbers that you got me watching and all that sort of go something I do wanna watch I still haven't seen yet is the, I keep seeing the trailer for 1899, which

Dan: looks ah, yeah.

Howie: Like it's a horror series. Sit on a

Dan: It's, I haven't seen it, but it's been on in the house, so I've seen the episodes and, and

Sidey: did you see the trailer for Barbie?

Howie: No, I've,

Sidey: Oh, mate. . It looks


Howie: So is that a spoof?

Sidey: I think the trailer is a spoof. I, I, I'm not sure that the stuff in the trailer will appear in the movie.

It's a 2001. They do the 2001 thing with dolls. It's honestly no trailer has peaked my interest more than this. It's like the


Howie: So it's Margaret,

Sidey: it's Marga Robbie.

and Ryan Goling.

Dan: Is Barbie and Ken.

Yeah. Oh wow.

Sidey: I know. It's a winner right out the gate. And it's directed by Greta. Go The trade.

Honestly, watch, trade off this. It's fucking

so good.

Howie: And the the last thing I was gonna say I've watched that I would recommend as an easy watch is Three Pines on Amazon Prime, which is like a Midsummer Murders Meets Fargo.


It's a good one. It's an easy one to watch's about six episodes.

Bit quirky murder mystery. This good one. It's got Alfred Mulino. You think his name is the place Doc O in Spider-Man. Yeah. So he's good. It's, it's, it's an easy one to watch and I, I'm stuck in the middle of the peripheral as well, with Chloe is Itlo.

Sidey: or, okay,

Dan: watching done over there.

Sidey: I didn't like it. I, I started it off and I couldn't finish the first episode.

I just thought it was go. I

Howie: Ed.

Sidey: on

Howie: I've given

it a go. I'm about, I'm now further into it, so only a couple more episodes and I just need to see the finality of it.

Sidey: Okay.

Dan: Yeah. Well, I was recommended a couple of things to watch.

One was by Guss called Desert. The Desert Lion or

Pete: Oh, he told me about this. Yeah. Yeah.

Dan: So

I watched it. Oliver Reed, it's, it is a Oliver Reed. Anthony Quinn Mussolini g Colonel Gaffe. He's

in it or

Yeah. Well, no, he's, he is just but Colonel Kadafi bankrolled

Pete: Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Dan: his money that he just went and spent into loads of things.

And it's one of those David Lean esque epic epics where they've just used loads of horses and people and tanks and got the lot in, and it's sta and it stands up. It's a really, really good movie.

Sidey: Okay. What's it called? desert Lion.

Dan: The desert line. I might, the desert line of the desert or Desert Lion. You'll get it.


R Fantastic. Really enjoyed that. And then I was also recommended to watch SAS Rogue Heroes. Oh, they,

Howie: heard about that.

Dan: And I watched one episode and then watched all of them straight away after that because it was that good. It was just one of those things that

Howie: a story of the

Dan: story, sas, absolute Mad

Pete: is it a dramatization? It's not a documentary.

Dan: No.

Yes. Dramatization and but based on, yeah, that's it. Yeah. But based on true events and lots of

Howie: the, the bit I saw was where the guy who's the Looney Scottish

Dan: Yeah, Paddy

Howie: just jumps out of a plane.

He's never pulled a

Dan: Oh, they're all Looney. That's

Howie: he, and, and he lands in the middle of the desert and he's paralyzed.

Dan: He's jumped on the plane.

Oh, it's, it is crazy what they do. They just don't want be stood down anymore. So they're all these macho guys who just will not to, it's a fucking sandstorm. Going off is a normal level. It's like 15 is unsafe. It's blowing a Julio at 30 out there knots and in the desert order and they go, right, we're doing it anyway.

Like, you know, let's just go for it. And yeah, and they're not even the craziest ones. There's an Irish guy called Paddy May, who's they get outta jail to join the sas and yeah, I, I don't wanna spoil any of it cuz I think you'll watch it and enjoy it as well. But it's a good one, bbc.

Sidey: Okay. I've been watching some stuff on bbc. There's some Adam Curtis stuff on I Player. Yes. dunno if you're familiar with

him. if you really wanna depress yourself.

Howie: Just the Russia one. Yeah. Yeah. Holy

Sidey: Yeah.

It's, it's

Dan: he's done a few, isn't he?

Sidey: quite long. I've still got lots of it

Howie: to, have you got to the Yeltsin years yet?

No. Oh my God.

Sidey: But there's, but you can catch up with all of his other stuff really good as well. Yeah. It's terrifyingly like, dystopian,

Howie: It's very

different to his other stuff. Yeah. It's very different to it cuz it's all in,

Sidey: it's all

but I do love him. There's also a drinking game you can do with him.

Howie: Mm-hmm.

Sidey: which is quite good. And I got into some more, so, the miss was out Friday, so I was like, right, what shall I watch? Obviously it went straight in for some more classic n e s Super Mario three speed run world record.

For the, there's different categories. So you can do the, just the proper full game one, or you can do like the no warps or you can do the warps or you can do the bug ones.

So this was the bugged one where the guy broke. Anyway, , it's the nerdiest I'm so into

Dan: into, well, I, I tell you the other drama I watched, which was absolute drama and you have to say it cuz it's, it's just happened the World Cup final. Yeah, really the whole World Cup has been a big part of my viewing over the last month. So I've probably done well to watch as many films as I have actually shows what I do in my

Howie: life.

Dan: just sat around all the time watching, watching football or,

Sidey: get back to the proper foot

Dan: But but that was drama of the highest level to, to have, you know, that game, that final game with mess and Bae tour and throwing, who's gonna win Right to the end. I thought that was great drama. Mm,

Pete: of lost interest after the quarter finals.

Dan: Yeah.

Pete: Yep.

Sidey: We did a top five last week, which was winter, kind of themed movies not to do with Christmas. I think we covered everything off on the show last week. We didn't get any more nomination stations throughout the week.

So let's just go straight into this week's top five.

Right. It teeth, we know all about this. We've had your life story. Pete, let's just get into it. Do you wanna fire off your first toothache?

Pete: Yeah. Yeah, I can do it. So I've got a few different there was, I, I had lots of fun researching this actually. There was some, you know, there was quite a few where there's people in films who have got notable teeth for, for some reason or another, and there were stories behind some of them where there's, you know, the people actually.

So an example of that being I think we all agreed the greatest film never to have won an Oscar is Dumb and Dumber, right? Yeah. And in it you've got Jim Carey playing Lloyd. Christmas, which it's actually, he's actually, it's one of his more understated performances when you think of like how ridiculous he is in like Ace Ventura and The Mask and, and, and a few other things.

But he's quite famously got that chip tooth at the front, which is real. He,

Sidey: all right,

Pete: so that was, he had like a, a, what I, you call it kappra a crown or something like that. But he removed that for, for the film just cuz he thought it would it would fit in nicely with the, with the character. And yeah, that's, that's one example of the, that kind of thing.

Another one as well, which I'm sure we'll get mentioned is like the hangover where you've got, I dunno, the actor's name can't, can never remember it. Cuz I've

Dan: I think I've got that on my list.

Pete: I haven't seen him in anything else, to be honest. But he obviously one of the,

Dan: no, he's been in a few

Sidey: Ed, um,

Pete: ed something or

other. Yeah. But anyway, so they wake up on the, the, you know, the famous aftermath and he's got a tooth missing. But again, that's, he, he's, that's an implant, that tooth. And he asked to have it removed for the, for the film. So he

Sidey: Method

Pete: had a tooth missing for that. So there's just a couple examples of, of people going method for the teeth or teeth missing.

Howie: Well you've just mentioned Jim Kerry, and I'll just continue quickly with the classic Ace Ventura. Is there something in my teeth and he's just got

Pete: want an ashtray? Don't smoke. It's a disgusting habit.

Howie: Yeah, the dinner party scene which we, I think we've had this conversation before.

Ace Ventura Pet does not age well at all now.

Sidey: it's transphobic, isn't


Howie: Yeah. Cuz he goes, oh, I could feel your gun in my waist. Yeah. And when they strip Ray Fi, was it


Pete: E Horn Lewis

Howie: they strip him down. and he's, Mr. Kaki turns him round and he's got his balls tucked up, his asshole

But yeah. Aside from all that transphobia still a film that I remember distinctly laughing my fucking head off at. And that line is still used by, just by everybody who has stuff in their teeth and they wanna check it.

Sidey: Way back at the start of our podcasting life we reviewed a movie called Tusk.

Dan: Yeah, well I wasn't in there for

Sidey: Any of you jerks have gone back and watched it, but it's about a guy called Wallace Brighton, played by Justin Long, you'll remember him from Dodge Ball.

And he's a podcaster and he goes to interview someone and ends up basically being taken into this house of a man called Howard. How

Howie: Mm-hmm. .

Sidey: same spelling and everything. How. And to cut. Long story short, Howard Howell has been, had been rescued years ago on, from a shit wreck by a walrus, and he's obsessed with walruses

Howie: to see this

Sidey: and

he basically drugs and mutilates Justin Long and makes him wear a skin suit to make him look like a walrus and takes his, the bones from his legs, which he's sorn off and uses them tuss to replicate tusks as like fake kind of teeth.

So it's real rivalry, I guess. It's a really fucking demented from, it's so good. It's really funny.

It's runs

Howie: into it, doesn't, he likes it.

Sidey: well, she goes to visit him, his girlfriend goes to visit him. He's just like left in a kind of like paddling pool with a little ball, like a blow pool in a water.

It's a Kevin Smith film, so it's not like a complete horror. It's just like

ludicrous. It's really funny. It's got, you've gotta see it. Honestly. I, I love

Pete: I, I listened. I, I remember listening to the episode that you guys did about it and thinking that, that that's, that'll do for me. . I'm not into people having their legs sorn off. Really?

Sidey: It's, it's not, it's like, it's as much of a horror as this week's movie is a horror. I would say that about

Dan: No, I, I remember Tom Hanks has a, an absess tooth that gets cast away in a, in a film. I don't remember

but he, he's kind of got a a ice skate, isn't he? It's an ice skate that he,

he, we wouldn't be able to

Pete: finding an ice skate on that island. Yeah.

Dan: I mean, he'd have to, there'd be, he might be able to chip away at the tooth, but I'm not sure he'd be able to get the roots and things and the abscess would've gone.

Right. You'd know more than

Pete: Absolutely. What you need is antibiotics, Daniel. You need a, a surgeon with a steady hand and a scalpel followed by a lot of anti

Dan: So, I

dunno if Wilson would've helped him out. Morale or could have, yeah. Someone to kick

Pete: certainly helps to have the, the tooth taken out to relieve some of the pressure, I guess.

Then the abscess could come back up


Dan: Maybe that did. Cuz I think it actually spurts out in the in the,

Pete: it's, it's Ari it's the sound, it's the, the sound that he makes cuz it gets a rock, doesn't he? Yeah. Puts the ice skate on the, the, the tooth. Yeah.

Dan: And then hits. He just wants to shatter his tooth. So exactly what happens

Sidey: happens.

There's just something about like dentistry and that kind of thing that everyone sort of relates to it and

Dan: well, cuz there's no bigger pain than, than pain toothache really. I mean, that's just right in the heads. There's no

Howie: it's cuz the nerve endings

Dan: Yeah. It's all the nerves and things. Of course. You know, it just runs down there.

So the pain there, I mean,

Sidey: and dentist. Dentist is the profession with the highest suicide

Dan: Wow. Yeah.

Pete: is it,

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: Apart from professional suicides.

Pete: Yeah,

Sidey: I guess it's from inflicting. Like pain or Noah wanting to come to see you? I dunno. It is.

That's a fact. it's a factoid. Yeah.

Yeah. I,

Pete: I, I'm, I'm actually really like not bothered by, you know, when you see like the, like the dental torture scene didn't bother me in, in marathon man. I don't mind going to the dentist. I haven't been to the dentist that much, but it didn't really bother me. I

Sidey: it's

Dan: but you know, a

Sidey: of knowing bit

Dan: a bit more long in the tooth about it all aren't you Pete? You

Sidey: It's the combination of knowing that it's gonna be like, pretty uncomfortable and it's gonna cost you an arm or leg as well.

It's like just double whammy.

Howie: my big thing is I hate it when I open my mouth and I get randomly I get that spurt thing.

Sidey: Yeah. I do that as

Howie: and I'll just go, I'm gonna, it's gonna right in their face. I'm gonna lift my tongue and there's gonna be this spray

Sidey: Do you ever get that when you go to eat something and then like a jet of saliva just

Howie: like

it's a very rare thing. Only a few people can

do it.

Pete: No what? See like what like a, like a sort of a,

Sidey: your two.

Howie: cobra spit Spiting.

Sidey: Yeah. So someone was sat next to me today cuz we were looking at something on my screen

Dan: went full

Sidey: eat a mint.

And it went. And the Jets. I was like, that's


Howie: So if you can do it, you can like clench your jaw. I can almost do it. And you lift your tongue and it spurts out like does.

Sidey: So another thing,

James Matthews in our school year, he could do that on KA Commander. He would open his mouth and just be able to do that. And he's in prison now. Cause he's a Peter

Howie: he's a pedophile. Yeah. Yeah.

Sidey: I dunno if that's

Pete: so again, like

Howie: sad works for a pedophile. That's what I took from that . Yeah. . Who eats mince?

Sidey: No. Unrelated. Those two stories. Anyway.

Howie: When you say mince, do you mean like a pack of mince, like you sat at your desk eating load of meat.

Sidey: Raw.

Howie: and You

you want us to stare at the things on your computer

Sidey: Pete? We need another film

Quickly, for God's sake.

Dan: Yeah, I'll, I'll give you a quick knock, knock joke. Not knock


this is how I talk since I lost my teeth.

Pete: I have actually got a joke as well. It's, my delivery isn't as good as yours, Dan, and, but my jokes are better. So I was gonna say, like, I was gonna make a joke that the, the dentist that I've been using re recently is Dick Van Dyke.

He said that I have super coloristic Xbi

Howie: Oh,

Dan: Oh, come on Pete. They have fill-ins too.

Pete: Anyway so yeah, my next film is a film I've mentioned before on the podcast. Cause it has quite, it, it's, it's poignant in the, it's it's connected to the early courting days of myself and my current partner.

But the film Cape Fear which is about stalkers most specifically Robert De Niro. What? Okay, so in the remake, I haven't seen the original, but the remake with Robert de Ni. Playing Max kd, who's a fucking nu job if you haven't seen this?

Howie: I haven't. I've only, I've only seen the Soso.

Dan: I watched this with my mom and dad,


Pete: you? It's worth what It's De Niro at like fucking 10.

Dan: Juliet Lewis on the


Pete: is a young girl. Nick Nty. Is it Nick Nty?

Yes. Yeah, Nick Ty's the, the, the guy.

Dan: Actually a good shout for a midweek of

Pete: it's a fucking good.

Dan: film. It's called those tattoos. I remember just being like,

Pete: oh, like he just, he just ramps it up and he, he went, and obviously he's famously sort of method.

He's actually fucking stor. He just picked people at random to stalk as preparation

Dan: He killed three people. He

Pete: killed

three people, Strang, strangled some. Yeah. But in the film, the reason I'm mentioning it in, in the teeth thing is he paid $5,000 to a dentist to have them grind his teeth up to give him a more menacing look.

He basically fucked his own teeth to make him look fucking even more as part of this, this look to be more menacing. And then as soon as the filming and everything was done, I think he, he went on a ridiculous, like, he lost loads of weight, but got like super fucking like, like yeah. Or like, whatever the words like defined he's muscle as fucking it,

Dan: But he loves to get his teeth into a role, doesn't he?

Pete: And I'm just ignoring them now. Yeah. And then as soon as the film was finished, he went back and had them all like. Done

Sidey: Yeah.

Americans love a bit of dentistry,

Pete: to perfection. Yeah. I guess that, can you imagine doing that? Like no five paying, paying someone to fuck your teeth up. Okay. Just to play a role. But have you seen this film?

Sidey: I haven't actually, it's one of those Scorsese ones I've not seen.

Pete: It's

fucking good. It is really good. I don't know, but there'll probably be people like screaming and at listening to this going like, oh, the original's so much better.

Sidey: it Robert Mitchem? The original

Pete: Rob,

Dan: I like this

Howie: one. I, I I

Dan: saw the original one actually. I've seen this one

Sidey: It's where he thinks the lawyers fucked him, isn't he?

Yeah. And he's

Pete: you, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Howie: I have only seen the sideshow, Bob one. What? Never, not, never What? Never . But I got another show. No,

Pete: it's yeah, high. Highly recommend. It probably would be a midweek mention. I think we'd get some kicks out of it.

Sidey: it.

Howie: I'm up next with a childhood screen idol of mine, Richard Keel, who placed jaws in the bond films and steel cap teeth. If you read into it. He had to have significant amounts of wash downs in his mouth.

Every time he put these teeth in, they were very uncomfortable. He could barely breathe. The scene that you sometimes see in the film, I think it might be, I think we wrote down Spy is it Spy Love Me. And you see him biting the cable car? Yeah, that's licorice. Not, not real steel. I didn't believe it

Pete: That's not gonna hold a cable car up.

Well, I

Dan: is he sp love me Moon Rayer.

Howie: says so he is in, so

Sidey: I never, that's

Dan: but he was in

Howie: so he in moon

Sidey: travesty at the

Howie: end of Yeah. Right in Moon Ray, he says the only lines that he's ever said, which is, well, here's to us, and he does the glass chink with that little blonde girl that he falls in love with.


Pete: Yeah. It's really rapy.

That's it. Yeah.

Howie: bonus. Loved it. Uh uh, but he is a, he has some weird thing, so he never dies and never gets injured. He falls through, he bites through his own parachute in one thing and falls through a circus tent and his signature moves to sort of brush himself down and walks towards a

Sidey: He's like a


Howie: A place like that. I

Pete: I wonder what happened to him, like, not the actor, I mean the character

Howie: Well, the character was

Sidey: in out space, didn't he? With

Pete: Oh,

Sidey: the,

German bird

Howie: Well, he.

There. He was originally written into the next set of Bond films, but they decided to take it into another direction.

Sidey: not not shit.

Howie: Yeah, not shit.

Sidey: Good


Howie: he, in the books, he's a far darker character as is he's a, I think he's like a near do well.

And he gets his jaw smashed in and he's pulled, he's got like an origin story where an evil scientist gives him an iron jaw with serrated teeth and he eats people all that

Pete: sort of That's what I was gonna ask for when I was in the dentist chair the other day.



sort? But it was, it was twice surprise,

Dan: Yeah. Yeah. He was already at your limit. Yeah.

Howie: so you just got a plastic one. Anyway. Yeah, jaws from, I know he said Z James Bond, but I dunno why I'd say Z James Bond.

Dan: Ram back

to me.

Is it?

Pete: no,

Sidey: no.

But you can jump in if you want.

Dan: I was gonna with Rammy. Malach cuz he wore these prosthetic teeth when he, he played Freddie Mercury. Oh yeah. And well, Freddy's teeth a kind of legendary anyway, aren't they? They, he had too many teeth I

Howie: Extra

Dan: he? He, the extra, which he said that gave him the extra range or vocal, the, the vocal range.

But yeah, that, that was my one there. I've got Austin Powers as well. If we wanna

Sidey: about also some

Dan: kind of dentistry thing going on

Sidey: online. Yeah. Well if you wanna speak about British ones, then I've got the Simpsons. Yes. Lisa needs

Howie: Daniel plan.

Sidey: Lisa needs new braces. Precious Homer is in charge of the trade union. Yes. And Lisa goes to the dentist. And she's shown the big book of British Smiles. And every page, it's more and more like ludicrous, where someone's tooth is going all the way up through the top, like through their skull and out the top

Howie: the top they, they, they do a time lapse of Lisa after two years will look like this, three years, seven years, and 18. And it's got Monster and Bart's like, cool, I'll have a freak in the family

Sidey: So she gets the braces and they're not the discreet like Invisalign, you know, nothing. I think there's an option to have ones that spray perfume out, but she's, they can't afford that because they don't have the dental plan.

So she's got these like monstrous, like metal contraption and she's devastated. And those also appear in the movie, the Little Shop of Horrors where Steve

Dan: Martin, Steve Martin does this dance,

Sidey: Dr. velo. or Veo. He's he's doing like Elvis impersonations and Bill Murray is a masochist who's waiting there for another like dentist to him and a girl. I think it's a girl or a boy, I can't remember, comes out and No, but then they've got that huge like metal thing, like pulling their whole face apart and that's what he's just put on and he goes in and bill Murray's just so excited to have dental work done and he's

Dan: like, you get a shot from the mouth.

Sidey: yeah, he's having this whole explanation of like, who did the last thing and he's like getting all the, the different tools out.

And this, I don't know if they were real tools, cuz they're just so barbaric. Some of them. And then even eventually, like, cuz Steve Martin's not able, he's not getting in the pleasure he would normally get from like, torturing people. He hoofs him and Murray's like, tried to steal some of his equipment on the way out.

He's like, oops, sorry. And fucks off. Yeah. I am not that enthused about going to dentist.

Dan: No. Well, I, I actually do have a, a false tooth that front one there. I mean sometimes it comes out in conversation, you know, I'll talk about that kind of thing, . But


it's it is been a nightmare for me dentist, ever since I lost it. About nine, 10 years old, felt playing football. Bang. Face, blunted the wall and and lost a tooth fair.

And yeah, it's I, I just really hate it. I dunno what you guys are, I mean, it's not a fan. Yeah. Pete, sorry. You're not bothered. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Pete: I'm spending all that money, might as well enjoy

Dan: Yeah. Well, I mean, it's the pain thing I must make, say my dentist

Pete: quite like, I quite like actually swallowing the mouthwash as well. Yeah. Yeah.

Dan: you'd do

Pete: tasty.

Dan: Well, there was

Pete: a bit of a kick

Dan: there was this guy who he was addicted to eating sofas. He had, he had a sweet tooth. Yeah.

Pete: That's not bad. They're getting better. They're getting better.

Sidey: Where are we up

Pete: or I'm getting more drunk. It's one or the other. I have got a I've got a Tarantino double bill. Okay. So the first one is just because it's, it's horrible the hateful eight Kurt Russell smashes out daisy do's teeth.

He just fucking sets upon her in a, quite, quite, you know, what is a controversial scene and is quite rightly kind of referenced in fucking, you know, when people are leveling things at Tarantino in general about. Misogyny and, and stuff. But yeah, it's pretty horrible. I mean, she very much gets her comeuppance or it's because of what she's done that, that she gets her teeth knocked out, she's poisoned.

Sidey: Yeah, yeah.

Pete: the coffee

Dan: she's no

Sidey: coffee

Pete: and Kurt has yeah, really realizes that he's on his way out. He's he, he gets some digs in and her teeth gets, or she's all bloodied and smashed up, and that's pretty horrible. But the other one, and this is bugging me, I could picture it in my, in my mind. And it was, it was a tooth on like a spring, just wobbling backward and forward.

I'm like, where the fuck have I seen that? Jango Unchained? It's Dr. King Schultz. Yeah. Played by Kris Christoff Waltz. Yeah. And he was, before he was a bouncy hunter, he was a dentist. That

Dan: it. In his little kind

Pete: and his wagon. Horse

yeah. And he's got, he's got that boy you too. Which it's again, like, like it takes, it doesn't take you out of it, but like he's, he's got a brutal job and it's a brutal film and, and there's loads of brutal themes, but it's got this like, lovely boingy tooth, like cartoon tooth just bouncing around

Dan: in those days, that would've been it. I mean, that must have been horrible getting tooth a, you know, how many people would've just over before dentists became a, a thing where they, they got better at it.

Sidey: I'd say it was probably a period where game dentists were worse than just fucking getting

Dan: plugged.

Well, he's just taking your teeth

Sidey: When is it like the primitive kind of dentistry

Howie: Well, dentists or surgeons. Yeah. That's what used

Dan: be. Have we got any Victorian dentists on your list? Because that would be, you know, the time to be a really, you know, medieval dentists in the fly. Yeah. Jeff Goldblum who, who had just

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: at the point he could just take his, his teeth out with

his, his

Howie: I found the fingernails.

One fingernails scene in the flight worse when he pulls off his cuticle.

Dan: Yeah, they're just Oh, you're changing.

Howie: Well actually I think I might have the worst tooth injury scene.

American History X

Pete: Oh yeah.

Yeah. It's a bad one.

Howie: Yes.

Dan: Remind me, I've seen the

Howie: curb. He bites the curb. The

Sidey: curb stomping.

Dan: Ah, Yes.

Howie: It's,

it is awful. That's almost a turn off film moment. That one as well. Cuz you're like, I can't

Sidey: Reeks actually had a terrible dentist. Well, a tooth related.

incident at school we're in like we would've been first or second year or year seven or eight It is now. And like, it was either a cricket bat or a hockey stick. Someone was swinging it around

Dan: And caught him in the

Sidey: you, right.

In the face. And he had to have loads of he, he can clear this up for us in the new year when he is back. But he did have to have quite extensive surgery to yeah, I, I remember

that? He just, he just walked around the corner base and someone swung it. Smacked him

right in the

Dan: bad.

Sidey: really

Howie: Well, Paolo fell down a death slide about eight foot up face first into the concrete.

All his teeth.

Sidey: Yikes.

Dan: Paolo the beast.

Pete: Yeah. Smashed all his teeth up. No one knows who we're talking about. So do you have any

Sidey: I've got a couple of dentists from a pair of exceptionally mediocre films. Horrible Bosses. Do you remember that one?

Jennifer Aniston?

Dan: told about this one

Pete: I've got it on my list. She's a

Sidey: a sex pest. She is just

sexually, Yeah.

But you do see her in some lingerie. Yeah. So that's okay.

Pete: take, yeah, it

makes things a bit better. But she, she effectively like anesthetizes people and then rapes them.

Sidey: Yeah. And she's a dentist. And then another one and this is really, really like mediocre is Ghost Town. Pete, you would hate this.

It's Ricky Jave. He's plays a character called Bertram Pincus, which is a fucking terrible name. And the film is not great. He dies briefly and is resuscitated. When he comes back, he can see Ghost. But he is also. I wouldn't recommend that I recommended avoiding

Pete: Okay.

Dan: Ed Helms,

Sidey: Yes. Hangover

Dan: guy.

That was the

hangover. And he, he lost his tooth after a punch from Tyson,

Sidey: No, he pulled it out. He pulled out Please.

Dan: there's


it's not his real tooth. It is his, you know, that's a real fake tooth.

Pete: Yeah, we, we covered that. I'd said exactly that.

Dan: Okay. Well, I, I did say that I'd written down, so, you know, I'm not a robot. I

Sidey: but someone else who pulled their tooth out.

Sorry, I'm just going, just stealing stuff now. Old boy.

seen that one?

Dan: Yeah,

Pete: I haven't.

Sidey: Okay. Well, he's confined, he's trapped in a hotel room for 15 years, like a prison

Dan: salesman. Doesn't know why.

Sidey: only given egg rolls to eat. And eventually he does get out and he tracks this guy. He finds someone selling egg rolls and he gets the guy and he's just on a, like a revenge mission or retribution, and he tortures this guy to find out more information.

And he does that by strapping him down, pinning his mouth open, and just fucking getting his PLIs. Oh. And pulling the guy's teeth out. It's pretty brutal. Yeah. There's lots of fucking, like, horrendous violence in

Howie: Oh, and does he get an.

Sidey: It's a Yeah, they all live happily ever after

Pete: Yeah. I, I know, I know

Dan: No, they don't. No

Pete: the plot and the outcome of the film, but I've not

Sidey: a Hollywood remake. But you should go for the,

Dan: I'll go for the original.

I, I've got just a mention of soccer Saturday pundit, Paul Merc. Did you see this? That you can, you can watch the, the outtake on YouTube or something. He's, he's giving commentary on a match. It's like commentary look like about to can see the fifth after across. Oh, my front tooth's just falling

Sidey: now.

Dan: And you see it like, you see his tooth just, he just spits it out in his mouth halfway through the commentary.

Pete: Yeah. That's probably all the gear he did. Yeah, yeah,

Sidey: I met him and he was really nice. Anyway, Pete

Pete: Dean. Dean Street, townhouse. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, is it back to me? I've got a couple of TV ones.

This, I cannot, so this scene definitely top five most horrific scenes ever. And I, I remember I was late to the party with Game of Thrones, and I remember seeing you posting Howie a, a Facebook thing about an episode, a particular episode, the Mountain in the Viper. And and it's not the, the teeth bitt, that's the worst bit, but just before, like, obviously fucking Ober and Martel's, an absolute king becomes a really kind of like likable character with like how little he gives a fuck, and the, and that he stands up to the Lannisters and everything.

And you're, you're sort of rooting for him. Rooting, huh? And then there's this like epic kind of, fight, which is a trial by combat on behalf of Tyrion, isn't it? It like OB and his, his tyrion's champion for him against the mountain, and it looks like, and he's, he's used that sort of like, poison tipped like weapon on him and, and it looks like he's got the upper hand and he starts fucking showing off.

Yeah. And it's right at the end of the episode and, you know, run time. There's not much to longer, longer to go, but you know, you're not quite at the end there and. He grab like the mountain, grabs him, rolls around, and fuck it. He smashes all of his teeth out first so that he's got these again, like the daisy domigy thing, all these like jagged edges and blood in his mouth.

And then it gets even fucking worse from there. I don't, I don't wanna relive it, really. It's the only bit when I've watched, I've watched Game of Thrones all the way through three times now, and that's the only bit I will not watch. But the other TV one is, there's an episode of Red Dwarf season three, episode one called Backwards.

And the, the, the crew crashed land on a planet, which is basically exactly the same as Earth, but everything happens in reverse. They, they're not doing anything in reverse, but everyone around them is like walking backwards into things. And they, they go into, there's a scene where they go into a bar and Lister all of a sudden has got like a, he's got his ribs hurt and he's got a black eye and he doesn't know why.

And then the next thing like this, this fight kicks off. It's fucking brilliantly done.

Sidey: better than tenant, like

Pete: the budget

Dan: the budget on this was always

Pete: really, really low. So they just play this whole like, so people are getting all of a sudden appearing from behind the bar, going up into the optics and the optics are all going back together and they're landing on their feet and then leaning on the bar kind of, but there's a bit with a guy and like a guy comes over and puts his fist against his face and then pulls it away and his black eye disappears.

But then there's a guy comes up to him and he's got a, he's got a tooth missing and Lister goes like that and, and punches him and punches his tooth back into his face, and the guy's tooth is there. So that was quite amusing. Good series.

Howie: Okay. My last one is the actual shark jaws. Especially the bit where Quint gets eaten off the back of the boat. Cause you see everything and you see all the big wide open, all of them, all of the teeth just chewing through him. And then you see his mouth and his mouth is just blood coming out of his mouth.

Dan: Foamy

Howie: It's a proper grizzly scene.

Dan: Yeah.

That it, it's a brilliant scene, isn't it?

Sidey: Spielberg? It is his birthday the other day. And he was saying that he kind of regrets the impact that Jaws has had sharks on sharks of making them like the big trophy catch and decimated the population.

Pete: it's

definitely affected. I I cannot go swimming in the sea. Like, you know, ju not just paddling, but open sea kind of thing without thinking

Sidey: about I'm gonna die jaws.

Pete: Yeah. Can't, without thinking about a shark just fucking coming and tearing you in half,

Dan: da da.

Pete: even though you've just like gone outta half de par or something and you know it's not gonna happen.

Dan: Is is ever a score in a film just to fi you know, cuz it's just like, da da. Yeah. I mean, you don't need more than that

Pete: Well, fun, funnily enough just when I was doing the research, I, I, I just watched a couple of Tarantino interviews. He says that, that, you know, there's a handful of perfect films and Jaws is one of those.

He believes.

Sidey: Oh, round off my list. Then. Gremlin's two, the new batch, they take off the marathon man scene with

Dan: oh, dentistry. Yeah.

Sidey: Dentist Chair. Similar really in Pink Panther strikes again. Cleo. and Yeah. the laughing gas. Yeah.

They, this is dentist they do the laughing gas thing.

Got a few others. Finding Nemo, Dr. Sherman is kind of the bad guy cuz he

Howie: Oh yeah, yeah,

Sidey: the

Pete: fish. Yeah. On unwittingly so though,

Sidey: yeah, Yeah. Un

Pete: got a fish for his daughter who's horrible and she's got braces

Sidey: And Charlie in the chocolate factory, the Tim Burton one. Turns out that his old man is a dentist. Yes.

And was a real horrible bastard about And it's Christopher Lee. Christopher

Lee who wants a spoken word metal album about Charlamagne. he's pretty rad. Oh yeah. And he was dentist and they kind of, reconnect. Later on.

Dan: I mean, I, I could have spoke about any vampire film.

There's Stephen King's it with those sharp kind of horrible teeth for, with there as well. But yeah, I think mostly the other ones that we, we've kind of covered.

Pete: Last, I'll finish up now. Look, very couple of quick ones. Hot shots, part duh. , what's his name? Lloyd Bridge's. Character. The fuck it, Admiral Benson. Is it Admiral Benson? He's they're at like some dinner and there's like the Japanese ambassador like raises his glass and Lloyd like bridges turns around and is like, oh, thank you.

And he like, thinks it's like the glass to put his teeth in. So he like takes his fool teeth out and puts them in the glass. And also only because it's been a long time since we told you about this home alone. Kevin swings the cans of paint down the stairs and it knocks. I think Harry's teeth out

Sidey: not as good as bone alone.


Dan: yeah. What

the Patterson as well. He had


Pete: so

Sidey: and we've had some nominations online, already mentioned. Brey gave us the Austin Power shout. And we used this, pardon, last week. But given its teeth, Darren Tely he's given us a whole plethora. He is mentioned little sh of Horrors and finding Nema, which we've talked about.

And then Round the Bend, ITV Kid, series of ma youth featuring

Dan: oh, I

remember that. The Estr

Sidey: the Stars starring Roger Apprentice, the


Dan: did. Yeah.

Pete: False Teeth from Beyond the Stars. I

Sidey: But this,

this is the one that tops the, this is might be the best nomination ever, dentist on the job. A Bob Monkhouse film from the

Dan: I was a, it was a comedy thing. Yeah. Monka,

Sidey: Which became the opening gag in Monty Python, the Holy Grail, where they were supposedly playing the wrong film, which was this one? The Bob Monka won.

Dan: There was some, there was some good, yeah, it was, there was some good teeth in the Monty Python stuff as well, actually. But yeah,

Sidey: Bob Monkhouse had had that gag.

Know, people asked me what I wanted to be and I told 'em I wanted to be a comedian and they all laughed before. They're not laughing now. Yeah, It's great.

Dan: he, he's, he's

Pete: I remember he opened a, like a pre watershed game show with hi, my name's Bob Kelson and I'm from Kent.

At least I think I am. Cause I hear people whispering it as I walk

Sidey: walk up

Pete: which is fucking

Dan: Yeah. He, he was, he did a show, I remember. It was, he, he kept on going back to this thing and we are keeping it clean tonight, but he just went so clever and close to the bone with everything else that he didn't swear once.

He didn't, you know, but he, he was just fantastic comedy.


Sidey: So dentist on the job, Bob Monkhouse,

Dan: that's, that should go in. Yeah.

Sidey: Peter, what you putting in?

Pete: So, I'm, I'm doing a rigs this week where I haven't mentioned, I've kept one back and I watched this scene get his fucking horrendous. I know Harry, you'll definitely have seen it.

And you probably said jackass, the Lamborghini tooth pull. Oh it danger. Aaron, have you seen this?

Dan: I've, is it what it does on the tin that he, he pulls, he

Pete: this guy who's got nothing wrong with his teeth whatsoever, fishing wire round one of his front teeth. And then they attach it to the back of a Lamborghini, ba mager and Johnny Knox will get in this Lamborghini.

So fucking excited. And they just, they're on a runway and they just boot it. So, I dunno how fast this, this

Dan: what's is this guy like, just stood

Pete: He's no, he's, he's sat in a dentist chair and the rest are

Sidey: all I feel like he gets the worst every single

time he gets the

Howie: worst. I watched an interview them and he's the nicest one out of all of them and the one that they all still like, and he's got a really good, he's the only one that hasn't spunk his money up the wall.

He's got like a little business. He's really happy and, and he doesn't regret any of it at. It's, and he's bullied to fuck. I mean, the latest one, have you seen him being punched in the bollocks? He's horrific.

Sidey: Pogo stick on the sack

Howie: Oh,

Pete: but this, this scene, you need to watch it. It'll be on YouTube a couple of minutes. It's the noise that it ma, it makes like a plunk sort of like, no, it just goes, this tooth just fucking pings out of his face. There's nothing wrong with it. And it's one of his front ones pulls it out, and then eventually all the blood starts pointing down.

It fractured his f like his face all the way up to his eye socket. He had to have like bone grafts and everything. It was like, like completely needless and pointless, but funny as fuck. . Sorry, Howie

Howie: no, I, that's okay. I've got no more. But in terms of which one I'm gonna choose I think I'll go for. Ace Ventura. Is there something in my teeth? Because it's a phrase I use all the time.

Yeah. Because I've got really bad Dunno, hygiene.

Sidey: I'm going for Lisa Needs braces. Daniel. Plan

Dan: Okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna wrap it up with, I always like somebody who could rip out their own tooth. So Tom Hanks is going in for me in Castaway.

Pete: Okay.



Sidey: a, it's been a little while since we've had some

Dan: We haven't done a a cheese barbershop quartet in a while. We


Howie: dad, We

Sidey: we do have cheese.

We do have cheese.

Pete: We do have cheese. We took delivery. Of cheese, just the other day side, didn't we?

And we have three cheeses. Four cheeses? Yeah. For

Sidey: three three. from our subscription. Yeah. And I just embellished with one other.

Pete: So is that, did you get that from Weight Roses?

Sidey: I did. I was doing the weekly shop and the hest, it's like a, you know those little posh jars with the flip lid thing?

It's like one of those, and it's stilt. It's called Tipsy Stilton or something or other. So it's got a sherry.

Red onion marmalade topping on some very light stilton a light as in texture-wise, the flavor is legit, spread so nicely on a cracker.

it's, a fucking winner.

Pete: powerful. It's not, it's not for people who aren't into like blue and strong cheeses.


Sidey: it's,

but there's not much of it. But it was only four quid, so

Pete: almost spreads like pati.

Sidey: Yeah, it does have a, that's the consistency that I'm trying to describe. Yeah. Pat. Yeah. I'm gonna buy another one of those cuz it was real, real win. it

Pete: is, really good. Yeah. It smells quite a lot like Dick.

There's to, to combine we've got our, our selection from, from relish. We have an old favorite lek, which I won't bore everyone with the the notes about, although it does say, I think erroneously here country uk. It's definitely not, it's, it's French. We have a also French A Tom Dewar, which is a semi firm young arm pasteurized cheese from the French Alps.

It has a distinct thick gray rhd with yellow or red molding, and a beige or straw colored curd. The flavor is mild, soft, and fruity. I'd describe it as a slightly more interest. So you can get a really good cheddar. Right? But like if you've got a normal, like mild cheddar Yeah. This is slightly more interesting.

It's got a little bit more flavor to it. A bit more about it. Yeah. But it's more, I'd say it's more like just cut little bits off and just snack on them rather than,

Sidey: that with some of the pickled shallots that you've bought would be a win.

Pete: Yeah, absolutely. More. But I'm declaring not tonight's winner cuz that's, that's the stilton.

But of these three, the selection that the


which is a delicate fully ased mixed milk cheese from Caigo del Alta Langa imp Piedmont. So it is a creamy with just a hint of guiltiness and a yielding texture.

Sidey: It definitely did yield to the knife. When I put that through it. I would say if like a brie is your gateway cheese, that's then, and you could, you could like, then this would be an a next step into like something just a lot more like better flavor.


Pete: of leagues up from Abri. Like not, not

Sidey: just

but like I'm thinking like the soft texture. That kind of consistency to it. But way more complex. That sounds really pretentious, but it's just really fucking nice.

Pete: Yeah, it is. It is really good. I will be burying loads of that later with

Howie: maybe try it because I like Brie.

Dan: is that

Pete: Yeah.

Sidey: It's, not, you should try that. You'll like that.

Pete: It's, it's not a, a strong flavor or anything, but the texture is magnifi.

Sidey: So we've got red wine, we've got pork, we've got cheese. We're having a good time.

Pete: Yeah.

Howie: Luon.

Pete: Yeah, . It's it's ba This is basically our Christmas do, isn't it?

Sidey: Yeah.

Pete: Yeah. We're gonna get Larry. Yeah. Craven's got a Christmas jumper

Sidey: Yeah, he has. And that segues really

nicely in, into this week's movie. Yeah. Which is about vaginas,

Pete: vaginas teeth.

Dan: teeth. Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah.

Thanks for

that. You nominated the movie teeth?

Pete: Yes, I did. So obviously there's a teeth theme this week.

Sidey: Yeah. This would've stuck out like a sore thumb if you Googled movies.


T yeah.

you probably would've got

this, your first hit.

Pete: this was definitely my sort of first hit, one of but I remembered reading about it. I'd never seen it before, but I, I remembered it. Like, just like the premise being quite bizarre.

Yes. It was, it is pitched as it says, a, a comedy, a horror comedy

Sidey: I didn't get any horror from this at


Pete: didn't get much comedy from it either or May

Sidey: I

Howie: can I just sum up exactly what I've got? I, I'll just give you some snippets from my notes with no contents or reference to any film so far. Crab penis.

Oh my god. Imagine filming that. And drinks and dildos That for me was the, just the snippet into

Pete: this, which is what it said on the poster. It did at the cinema.

Sidey: If res was here, we would talk about the very opening shot. I dunno why I said very, the, the opening shot and it starts like a panoramic view of the town and there's a blue sky. It's all very pitch risk and it just pans across.

And you get the two power station cooling towers, like almost like Springfield.

Dan: Yeah, yeah.

Pete: Very much so.

Sidey: And then, so we've panned from right to left to see that, and then we pan straight down into the back garden.

Pete: Well, those chimneys step power station chimneys or whatever, they're a constant sort of Yeah. Presence in the film. And we can talk about it maybe afterwards but there might be some kind of


or message

or something in that.

And I dunno if there is so we can discuss it

Sidey: Well,

I mean, I just thought it was the cause,

Pete: the

Coors, the Irish

Howie: band

Sidey: I, I can't think of one of those songs. I like some horrendous singing. Anyway, it pans down. There's a couple on two song lounges. Yeah. And there's a couple of kitty winks in a paddling pool. Yeah. And did you recognize the man

Pete: No.


Sidey: Trim Peaks? He was the acrophobic nutcase who had Laura Palmer's diary who she would visit on her Meals and

Pete: No


Sidey: that was him.

Pete: him. Is it

Sidey: Yeah, it really is.

Pete: No

way. Cuz there's been quite a lot of years past since between then And when was this? This was 2007. I believe. Which again, thanks to Dan for, for, for spawning a child. So that this, I'm assuming your eldest was born.

Dan: 2006.

Pete: There we go. So yeah, that, that, that's it's opened up more opportunities.

Howie: opening scene with the two kid in the

Pete: the porn. It's child porn.

Howie: Yeah.

Sidey: Oh yeah. Kind of.

Pete: Yeah. And

Howie: how does, and then I started thinking about the technicalities of how does the director tell the kids what they're gonna be doing And what, cuz

Sidey: well, I dunno how in depth you need to be, but, so the, the, the parents they're frolicking around and you learn very quickly that they are.

I don't know. They, they had previous relationship. These kids are, yeah. I think the son is from the, the fella and the

daughter The daughter is from the lady. Yep.

And they're getting well and they're saying, blah, blah, blah, let's do this. And the kid, the the boy, they do the classic, I'll show you mine.

You show me yours. So he's obviously flashed, like pulled his swimming trunks down and then it cuts away. And he's obviously shown him, but he's like, says, ow. And the parrot come running over and he's top of his finger's been bitten off. Well,

certainly like a big deep cut. he's got big, deep cut. But Yeah.

And, and then it like,

I mean, the movie,

Pete: it's worth saying you don't

Sidey: No, no, no. It's just, It's just

the, the shout is offscreen. Yeah. And you see the result of

Dan: Well the parents think that she's bitten it. Yeah. Because there's no other

Pete: yeah. And, and yeah. So anyway fast forward to

Sidey: next day

Then it cuts to her or a girl on stage.

Giving a talk to a group of people. They're wearing t-shirts with a big red ring. And it says promise, I think on a thing behind her on the stage. And she's giving a thing about a speech to all these people about promise about chastity, about saving yourself for marriage. Just talking about you've got this gift and you don't just give it away, you know, for anyone laying it on thick.

And it's obviously the girl from the paddling pool, I think

Pete: like

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sidey: And just seems like completely wholesome, very religious, I

Pete: Well,

she gives a, a speech that is you know, has everybody

Sidey: They're loving it.

Pete: Yeah. They're all, all, all the other people in, in the group like that. She's, she's like their


Sidey: like, they're all true believers.

So to me those things are like pointless. Like you're already speaking to people who. all in already. Yeah. It's like if you go to like a fucking gun convention, they're already gun nuts. So

Pete: Yeah, yeah,

Sidey: telling them anything new, like, you know what I mean? But anyway, but the crowd, they're loving it.

She's she's dressed very modestly, you know, like it's jeans and ev no, a t-shirt. Everything's like very, very modest. And she's giving this story about, you know, you've gotta protect your gift and all this sort of thing. And then there's a few other people there, and almost immediately there's enough fella, because they're

Dan: so dark and handsome

Sidey: And when they're in the corridor afterwards speaking, she covers up, she's got one of these red promise rings, actually, you know, the ring. Yeah. And, and she sort of puts her hand across to, to cover it. So she's given this big, long speech about pr, you know, keeping herself pure.

Dan: And he, he's loving it as well. He's, he's

Sidey: want to, like, she's straight away. The hormones are still there. Yeah.

Dan: And both of them are a kind of just telling each other how great each other are while they're just there.

So, you know, something's going on, there's some feelings and things, and.

They end up kind of agreeing to, to go out or something. He's quite persistent in things. And

Sidey: well, anything that they do, they do in groups. So they go, they, they go out as a, as a, there's a foursome that they go out


Dan: can't see this film because

Sidey: it's yeah, it's gotta be a g-rated film, you know,

Dan: so they're really religious, kind of

Sidey: our equivalent

Dan: religious teenagers and, and looking for


Pete: something is gonna stop people from ever thinking about.

Stuff that then becomes like pri, you know, it's a primal instinct and, and everything like that. It's getting involved in like some kind of weird fucking cult and wearing clothes and a ring and everything that is a constant round the clock reminder of this thing that you should never, ever, ever, ever do until the absolute fucking perfect moment when you are like 30.

And God says it's okay to do. Yeah. Like this is a real fucking thing in America. This actu this shit actually


Sidey: Well then, and then, but in all sorts of facets of it so that you get the non-drinkers and they call them straight edge, where they're just like completely militant about, these are the things we're gonna live completely pure.

just fucking, you know, it says nutcase. There's anything fucking


Pete: Yeah. And it definitely, like in years later, they definitely won't fall off the wagon really fucking hard and just like,

Sidey: well, they fall off the wagon pretty quick in this

Pete: Exactly. Yeah. No,

Sidey: So they're, you know, they're, they're giving this message , but they are effectively teenagers with fucking raging hormones.

So there's only so long and you know, the film setup, it's called Teeth. We've had the opening scene where we know the fucking what the,

we got what the setup. So you're basically watching a film where more so than a lot of other films I've watched, you're just waiting for the thing that you know is gonna happen to happen.

Dan: And and it does cuz they go swimming down in some kind of

Pete: like a

Dan: Creek. Yeah. River a

Pete: a cave.

Sidey: Yeah. The boy, the boyfriend is just giving it the big one about how he's into it as well. And he's fallen off the wagon at some point. He

Dan: yeah, that's right. About a year ago, 18 months ago,

Howie: But just before that, doesn't she imagine she's

Sidey: herself? Yeah, she


Howie: that she's married him, but she just as she gets to shove her fingers up her she has a flashback to some fucking bee movie horror film.

Sidey: It's about a tarantula

or a, or an

Dan: she goes, what's

wrong with me? And she's kind of freaking out a bit.

But she shakes that that dream kind of image,

Sidey: Oh, she's super into it. I mean, that's what it's telling.

Dan: Yeah. She, she finds them and they're, they're kissing in the water. There's a, a rope hanging down that they both hold onto and he's moving in. He's getting a little bit fresher, a little bit, moving a little bit too fast for

Sidey: Well, She, get, she She he's seen her

in her bathing suit,

that's like real bit of titillation


Dan: him. Well, he says, actually he's straight away, he's a bit of a dick because she goes, oh, I've, I imagined you like this. And he goes, oh, you imagined me. And she goes, yeah. And he goes, I imagined you too.

Just in less, like, you know, gives it a big light. It was big step for her because she's kind of, you know,

Sidey: it's not the worst thing that he

Dan: No, no, no. So it gives you a taster. It gives you a taster though, of what's to come. Because eventually he,

Sidey: there's a cave. There's a cave where they've,

they've, this is,

Dan: they've got a, they've got a mattress or something.

You've got a,

Sidey: they, they say it before

because they go No, they go down there as the four of them. And they say, isn't this the place where people go to like hook up?

And so they, when they go back later on,

Dan: oh that, that's a really clean duo. Then

Sidey: where

Pete: It's definitely got some DNA on

Howie: it.

Sidey: Yeah, it's, it's pretty grim.

Dan: So let's pull that around you just to

Pete: it's like that sock in your top drawer down. It's like, yeah,

Howie: do you see they couldn't bend the sheet. It was just like,

Pete: sheet

Sidey: things are moving too fast because they do start making out and it's, it's all, it's all happening too fast for our heroin. A dawn.

Dan: Yeah. Yeah. And,

Sidey: and, she tells him no.

Dan: She, she firm. No. And, and he's like, no, no. Come on. He starts whipping down his, but,

Sidey: it's, it's rape,

Pete: he, yeah. Well, it is,

Dan: cracks her head back. She, it's even more serious than, yeah, because she's unconscious.

And after he goes, no, no. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. Oh, wait a minute, you're asleep. And and he goes for it and , and then she,

Sidey: he gets his comeuppance.

Dan: fuck me. Does he,

Howie: hell. Crab penis. The

Sidey: the moment we've been waiting for, since the film started is to someone's dick to get bitten off.

Dan: and, and, and it's spat out and it's just there on the

Sidey: screaming you know, an agonized what you can only imagine after you've had your dick bitten off by someone's,

Dan: off by a toothy

Sidey: vagina.

Yeah and we see it on the fly. I was just waiting. I was like, come on. They got a shout here. They got a shout here. And my miss is like, what the fuck are we watching

Dan: Oh,

Pete: I I, so I did exactly the same

Howie: same, you bit off a

Pete: bloke stick.

yeah, yeah.

yeah. I've got teeth in my out. Anyway, and I, so no, I I did, I did the same setup with Cindy where I just said I, I tricked her cuz

Howie: What?

Hang, hang on Rick. Careful. Now what's going

Pete: I don't like horror films. Yeah. I didn't know what level of like gore or like, you know, disgusting stuff was gonna go on. I knew the premise.

She knew absolutely nothing about it. It's just called teeth. So, you know, from her perspective it could be just fucking some horrible thing that attacks all the time. And it's, it's quite a, I dunno what are we a good half hour at least into the film before it eventually cuts to what it is that, you know, we we're, we've all been waiting for, like you say But she, yeah, she didn't know anything about it, but like, I imagine like straight, I was like, gee, do you know what's going on?

And then she was like, fuck. Oh, like, what the fuck? Like, what's going on here? Like, she was like almost like angry with me for making her like, watch this. And I'm like, what? Well, you've invested half an hour into

Sidey: Yeah. Hours ago.

Dan: yeah,

Pete: yeah, yeah. So, yeah.

Sidey: but she's,

Pete: he kind of

Sidey: mortified by it. He just goes off into the water, presumably dies. He

Pete: well he does die, but you don't

Sidey: she can't,

she's obviously like completely traumatized by it and she has to kind of make her way round the cave past this half a dick that's just lying on the floor. . Oh yeah.

Pete: it. Yeah, so I still remember like, do you remember there was that guy famously, his John Wayne.

Bob John Wayne. Bob, yeah. And I had an album and I can't remember what even what band it was, but the, the, the front cover was John Wayne Bobbitt's, like severed dick, like on the thing. And it, it like reminded me immediately of that.

Howie: I had some questions about this genuine man questions. So his dick was bit off when he had a boner. What happens when they try and reattach it and he hasn't got a boner at the end that isn't

Sidey: well presumably

Pete: stay, it doesn't stay hard. It's hard because there's blood in it, but I imagine there's some blood loss there. So it's not gonna stay hard

Sidey: because they did reattach John and Bob and he had a brief porn career after.

Pete: but his wasn't, I don't imagine his was a wrecked when it got cut off.

It was when it was in his sleep. I think she did it. Okay. But in this one, cuz there is a, a reattachment attempt,

Sidey: Yeah. She goes

Pete: the film. But I, yeah, I don't imagine it's like

Dan: a good question because you thought that's probably the


Pete: level of depth of thought that I went to

Howie: I went there. I went there.

Pete: I think you should do some practical research.

Howie: I could cover all ours.

Dan: hope it never happens.

Pete: Yeah. Let me just get hot. Sorry.

Howie: I, I, can I say the next part of the film had a particular little niche part that I quite enjoy in films, which is terrible technology in films.

When she used a web search, and for me as a geek, I looked at it and went, I can't see what type of browser they're using there, but she's using a search called Web Search Bollocks,

Dan: Yeah. They,

Howie: And, and the first thing she types on a public computer. Vagina teeth. Yeah. Whatever it is that she's

Pete: so what, what, what's the is vagina

Sidey: Yeah. So she goes

back she, she ends up going back


Pete: Una

Howie: matata.

I've written that down. Look, Hakuna matata.

Sidey: She goes back to

Howie: no Willie for the rest of her days.

Sidey: cave and she, she goes back, I guess, to see if it was actually real. And the helmet is still there, but crab, A crab has got it. And it's like

Howie: is it the same crab from our children's watching crabby crab pants,

Pete: Oh yeah. crabby patty. Yeah.

Sidey: So she then goes up to the, like a, a kind of cliff thing, I guess. Takes off her purity ring and throws that, cast it as sun after a good bit of like, thinking about it.

And she decides, no, that's gotta go. And then she goes, yeah, like you say, she does a bit of internet research and, and finds this, this mythology about what was it called?

Howie: It's

basically the demo dental. Yeah.

Deescalation of power to

Sidey: yeah. So she's like, I've gotta go and see a doctor about this creep

Howie: gynecologist ever.

Sidey: Yeah. Remind, did you ever see the hand that rocks the cradle? was similar. It was the start. It was the, with a gynecologist of it all went

right, because he did the thing with a glove. He took his glove off in this. Yeah.

Pete: Well, because again, like this, this is like, you know, this this, this film obviously like ba it paints all men as fucking like, you know, rapists, like every single bloke in this pretty much is some kind of like horrible molester rapist type guy.

And this guy is as well. So he's got, he takes his, it is her first kind of, you know, examination.

Sidey: Yeah.

Pete: And so I think he, he

Sidey: he's way too into it

Pete: go, oh yeah, this is completely normal. Like takes the glove off. And he's been a little bit fucking, he's been way too handsy.

Howie: He's basically the filming of this.

It looks like she's a glove puppet. Yeah. And it, I was just, imagine how they filmed this, like, just put your hand between her legs and now we're gonna roll around the room quite viciously.

Sidey: Yeah. But his, he, way too aggressive with this because you see, he loses four finger, he loses all four fingers.

They're on the floor.

Dan: He shouldn't need four.

Sidey: I don't think that was necessary for this examination. No. So that's the second victim. Yeah.

Pete: And you see him having his like, fingers reattached, but he, he won't admit how it's happened.

Sidey: No. So she must have taken some explaining away.

Pete: Yeah.

Dan: well, she, she meets then this other guy

Howie: well he's a friend zone, top of bloke.

But in, in between all of this, this, this weird kind of stepbrother thing going

Sidey: Yeah. There's a subplot about the stepbrother is

Pete: one who had his finger bit and

Sidey: Yeah. so

Dan: he's a bit of a, a rock and roller

kind of,

Pete: fucking cunt with the shittest tattoos I've ever seen in my.

Howie: life.

Sidey: He's he's having

sex with his girlfriend and getting stoned. just has a, he is just, lives still live with his parents. He's just listening to metal all day. He's got a dog, which is obviously a complete savage, but is completely like at his beck and call. And he's an asshole. And they, they eventually get it out of him that he's.

Fucking raging with his dad for, I thought it was more, he would've had a repressed memory about her, but he's mad at his dad for getting married and making her his sister.

with her. he's in love with her Yeah.

Which maybe that's the repressed thing about the finger. I dunno. They didn't really lean into it that much.


Pete: There's like a weird thing going.

So he is got a

Howie: but he won't f he only fucks her only or something. That's what it said in the writeup. I don't remember that in the film

Pete: Yeah. That, that didn't really come through in the, in the film necessarily. But they were, they were always like bickering or I just thought that he was like a fucking sexual deviant and he's like, like, just basically do well, which would lean into that, like, doing stuff that she's not necessarily into, but they always seem to be like having sexy time, but arguing about it at the same time.

Sidey: Yeah. Eventually the old man does.

Go into the room and says, you've gotta fucking leave, like, you're out.

And he just lets the dog attack him and I thought he was gonna die. Yeah. It looked like the dog had gone for the jugular and it did seem to be a big pool of blood, but turned out to be more of a flesh wound a, real life threatener.

Pete: Yeah. I think the, the, the reason that all happens because the mother is ill mm-hmm. , yeah. That kind of becomes revealed. Yeah. Like even as early as when you fast forward after the initial scene. And I think

Sidey: that she, yeah. She says that I've not had a good day

Pete: kind of like had a bad day and she's like passed out or like, you know, had like a funny turn fallen on the floor.

He's ignored, but he's just totally ignored her and Carrie and I'd like, you know, fucking his, his girlfriend and stuff. And that's why the dad is

Dan: Yeah, she's, yeah. Yeah. That, that's

Pete: But going back to, to dawn, she's now, she's like befriended this, this like odd Ryan lad Ryan.

Sidey: Yeah. Yeah.

Pete: She'd already had like a, a small encounter with him before

Sidey: pretty bad mullet.

Yeah. Yeah.

Pete: But yeah, so she goes around his, he, he seems to like have a room in his garage. He's got like a. Garage converted into like a den bedroom type thing or

Howie: whatever. man

Pete: BrandCo. Yeah.

Howie: A, and he's got a brown box of dildos Dan.

Pete: Yes, he does. He does.

Dan: Bottom shelf

Pete: Yeah. So he but does,

Howie: dildo. Imagine like, no,

Pete: he, but doesn't he drug her?

Dan: is sedative to relax her, but I

Sidey: And then he's got, she's, up he's got a finger vibrator attachment thing

that he's using on a, and groping her,

Pete: but in, in her like sedated state. So again, this is yet more like rape, but like this, this s her sedated state. She seems to be a willing participant, albeit under, like the influence of a drug.

She's a more, she seems to be more

Sidey: she's her, her,

Dan: I think she's curious as to if is she's always gonna be

like this, you know, if she can just relax, will she be able to be normal?

Will she be able just to have sex with someone?

Pete: Yeah. And it turns out that she can, because she initially like, has sex with him and nothing happens.

Howie: And then

Sidey: he Yes, that's right. Yeah. There's a, there's a consequence. Free

Pete: Yeah.

Dan: But then he takes a phone call, I think, doesn't he, he speaks to his friend and she finds out

Sidey: mean, this is obviously a no-no.


Dan: so he's, he's, he's had a bet that with his mate who's going to sleep with her first. Yeah. And well, it's not the thing to do. No. Not when you're,

Pete: that kills the mood. Kills the, very much so. Yeah. Yeah. And so they,

Sidey: kills his erection as well.

Pete: Well, so at this point in time, like, cuz she's like basically on top of him. And he's like sitting up as well mid kutu and yeah, because she finds out that this is like, she's basically, you know, like a part of his fucking brag to his mates or whatever.

It goes off again, the old tooth that it gets all toothy again. Yeah. And she, and then here you see it

Sidey: we see his

Pete: more graphically. It's kind of like this, like half a

Sidey: cross section Yeah.

Howie: Oh,

Pete: blood, like spewing out of it and he's like holding it, trying to control it. Ah, it's, it's fairly, yeah. It's, it's a tough watch.

It's a tough watch as a girl, I imagine. But it's a, it is, it's a tough watch as a

Howie: guy

Yeah. He goes and gets reattached, don't

Sidey: We're

kind of getting

to see now that she maybe has some control over it.

Yeah. Which

is interesting, both, both physically and also accepting it, that, that this is what, you know, how she is,

Howie: There's a cutaway scene. I think at this point. We're in the morgue and they've identified the teeth that are in the corpse of

Sidey: Yes. It's like shark teeth. He describes them and they're

like, all right,

Dan: this Toby that they found in the water?

Sidey: Yeah. And so they're having a description they show you, and it doesn't, it looks like it almost like a little. Shocked if, and they're saying, oh, what's it from? He said, well, that's the weird thing. These, this human, these, this is human DNA or something. This hu we know these are human teeth.

They're like, oh, okay. It's weird.

Pete: Yeah. And they're quite large, but,

Sidey: well, her mom has now died.

Pete: Yes.

Sidey: and this was where her stepbrother could have helped but didn't, and she finds this out from her stepdad. So, there's only one thing

Dan: yeah. She, she starts to play the fem fatal. Yeah.


Pete: She puts on some makeup.

Dan: Yeah. That'll do it. And yeah, she, she goes,

Pete: and I guess now this is like where the tables have turned and now she's effectively

Sidey: no longer the victim Yeah.

Pete: And going like, yeah this is what you've wanted and I'm just gonna hop on board.

Or you can do the, or you can. And at the, at the most opportune moment, again, there's another severing of a penis.

Sidey: for this time. He's got, we see that he's got a piercing,


And the dog takes a shine to this one and fucking takes, starts chewing it. Oh man.

Howie: and just inhales it. All

Sidey: the dog Just spit it out though, cuz we did see it.

You see the, like

Pete: just the meet

Dan: So,

Pete: with the with the piercing in it.

Dan: so she, she leaves town

Howie: and we now come across the most horrific looking old

Sidey: man.

Oh, it's hideous.

Howie: Yeah.

Pete: Yeah. God. Like the, the

Dan: look, she's hitching a, a ride out of town and and this old fella picks her up.

Pete: Yeah. And then she wakes up there outside the garage

and he just like looks over at her

Sidey: It's just learing out

Pete: Yeah.

And he does like a little thing with his tongue, like, I mean, yeah, it was creepy. It was creepy for me. My message was like, oh my God, he's

Sidey: disgusting. And she just sort of. Smiles and you're like, unlucky old man.


Pete: yeah, there's, there's the smile, but then she goes to get out the car and he's locking the door.

So every time she opens it, he's locking the door. And then she kind of like, like breaks the fourth wall, doesn't she? Pretty much. And then just turns around and Yeah.

Sidey: You know, this guy's gonna, meet. a hideous end.

Pete: And that is the end.

Sidey: Yeah. I mean, it's, it does whistle by, I mean, I thought it took a little while because you literally are like, I dunno

about you guys.

But I was just waiting for it to like, for it to happen.

Dan: I didn't know, I didn't know anything about this movie until I, right,

Howie: what to do with the kids.

Dan: Teeth Okay. it was gone, gone. Family, family movie time. But even the, the bit in the paddling pool, it, I, I hadn't realized the gravity of the situation. So it was only Toby when I realized, and it was really kind of fucking weird, like, you know, not knowing anything. You just like watching this. And I was thinking it's like a, I dunno, it's like got just snuff movie vibes or something.

It just, it was like really ba poorly shot. And the acting just looked like budget, kind of television acting and things get punched, wasn't

Howie: suit one, he gets one of the guys who gets his dick

bit off, but then son back on, gets punched in the face and his reaction to it is so terrible.

Dan: mean, it is, it is one of those shows that you think, well, maybe there's a star and a future in there.

An early role of, of somebody, you know, I didn't spot any of that, but I mean, it was, it was like all those early kind, but it's the, it's the plot and it's the film and it's the

Sidey: well they reference b movies in it.

I dunno whether they were going for that kind of aesthetic to, to keep it


Pete: think some of that, so I, I think the thing about this is that they're like, it's, it's, it's flawed definitely. But I think it was the originality of it. And so I was looking at like critical responses and stuff, cuz I was thinking like, you know, how how's this gonna be?

Like, you know, how are people gonna feel about it? And the majority of review, I couldn't find any like real sort of, yeah, definitely you can level very, you know, like the way it's put together in the acting and a lot of other things about it. Although the bu like the budget, and I know you, I don't wanna spoil

Sidey: I couldn't find the budget. Could you

Pete: I, yeah, yeah. I've got the budget is was 2 million.

Sidey: Okay. Well it didn't take much more than that at the box

Pete: It didn't, no, but the,

Dan: what year was this? 2007.

Pete: what the fuck did they spend $2

Dan: Not on the cameras.

Pete: there's nothing, there's nothing in there. It's a, it's a load of, other than Yourman from Twin Peak who are like, that

Sidey: it's the first thing

I've seen him in since

Twin Peak. Right.

Pete: So it's, it's, it's not, the money's not spent on the cast or the fucking production. There's not like, loads of special effects in it. There's nothing like the, the penises wouldn't have been that hard to make

Howie: Quote.

Sidey: I mean,

review wise, like you say, it did have, like on Rotten Tomatoes, the review aggregator, it has like an average score of 80 out of a

hundred, however they calculate that.

But otherwise, imdb like five five and a bit Googling 60%, 67% of like positive ity about it. I would say it's like, it's fairly basic.

And the story, whilst it's quite original, once it happens once, that's the only thing that can happen again.

it is just gonna be a series of that happening again.

And the message about, you know, is it female empowerment, she embraces it and is able to, you know, cease being the victim and is empowered and Yeah. And is there a comment about masculinity and blah, blah, blah. It's.


don't know. I, I, I think the message is a bit lost in it and it is just,

Dan: oh, it's a hundred percent

Sidey: It's just waiting for

like, the next story. Bit of dick

Dan: Yeah. . Yeah, that's, yeah. It was, it was really kind of strange, particularly, as I say, not knowing what it was even really about for the first half an hour.

And then, right. Okay. And yeah, one, as you say, once it had happened, once, you were just waiting for, for more times and opportunities for, for it to happen again. And it does do in various different circumstances. You've got the gynecologist course, then you've got this guy and, and you find out that there is control and, and stuff.

It was a I would never watch it again, kind of film. But the original ideas is, is you know,

Howie: ironically

That sort of film, if it was shown to a group of lunatics who believe in promise rings, it would further amplify their belief that they won't ever have sex.

Dan: Probably

Howie: because they'd go, oh my God, is that because they're so,

Sidey: that's what

Dan: I think you give people a complex

Howie: yeah.

You have trauma, you people at low educational value would be like, you mean women can have teeth in their vagina? You know? Yeah. Bite deck

off. Great.

Pete: think it's, it, it's a sort of film that. It because it, like definitely there was an originality thing that about it.

But the fact that it didn't then spawn loads of fucking sequels and everything, which like, they could have then like gone, you know, like, ah, if it, if it, yeah, exactly. Exactly. You'd assume '

Sidey: em up her ass as well.

Pete: So

Howie: the hungry

Pete: like you say, there's not much you could do with it, but you think you could like do it again, but bigger budget better and everything

Howie: more funny,

Pete: gory and,

Howie: more funny. There's definitely an

Sidey: I don't think that throwing more money at this would make any difference to it because quite limiting in the.

The, mechanism of the story is quite limiting.

Yeah. And they've, I think they've told the story well enough, you know, I actually quite, I quite enjoyed it. It was okay. I wouldn't rave about it. It's not the worst thing we've seen, it's not the best thing we've seen. I I, it is a film that I knew about and I wanted to see it, so I'm glad that I watched it.


you know, I'd probably give it like a six outta 10 or something, I

Dan: know. Yeah.

Sidey: I quite enjoyed the performance in, it was nice to see matey from Trim Peaks again.

Yeah, It was okay. some

Howie: I have to say it's one of those films that you can't say in general, sort of general polite conversation. What films have you seen recently? Well,

Sidey: Yeah, exactly.

Dan: what's that about?

Pete: Yeah, but you've got a reason to have watched it because you're doing this podcast, so, and I think it, it is sort of like, and you could say to someone, have you ever seen teeth?

And they go no. Go. Oh, right. Well, yeah, go and watch that. Be quite funny to stitch people

Dan: up. Watch it with your mom. It's nice one. Yeah. Yeah.

Pete: Yeah. It says horror, but it's not

Howie: not really, I really think that there is definite room thinking about it now for them to do even more of a stupid comedy version of that

Sidey: Well we could have it maybe with a dick Does something like teeth fly out of the dick

or something like

Pete: we go.

Sidey: like barbed. So it's


Howie: or

Pete: like spikes coming out the balls. Yeah.

Howie: just like, just like a cock that suddenly becomes enormous and eviscerates anyone that you b you pork see

Sidey: like Coke

Pete: Um,


Howie: Yeah. See? Alrighty. If anyone is listening, full stop.

Sidey: No, we'll make that ourselves. That's our

Howie: oh, we need financial backing.

Sidey: We've got some lot tickets today.

Howie: Yeah, exactly.

Sidey: Right? So,

Howie: and we'll just shove balloons down your penis. and just

Pete: again.

Sidey: It's like a cat that's like a catheter.

So yeah, I think we're on the fence, broadly speaking.

Dan: Yeah. I thought for 2 million quid. I'm surprised it looked like it'd been made for about 20

grand. Yeah. That,

Pete: that was a surprise. That

Dan: and even 20 grand was

Pete: dunno where the budget went,

Sidey: Mark. All I would say if someone was, if someone was going to watch this, I wouldn't talk them out of it. But I wouldn't strongly recommend anyone to go watch it if

Dan: I'd agree with that.

Sidey: Yeah.

That's how I'd

Howie: it's a good first date movie

Sidey: I can't believe we've done this many episodes and we've never talked about SpongeBob.

Howie: Yeah.

Pete: SpongeBob Square

Sidey: Is that, Is

this the first time we've done?

Howie: I think it might be, yeah.

Sidey: So yeah.

SpongeBob Square.


Pete: luckily, so initially I, I suggested something. We watched something that look got awful and was half an hour long.

Sidey: Good Dodge.

Pete: luckily I I withdrew that. how

I came to this was I thought of kids TV shows that I don't mind or like, or that, you know, that the kids like there's, there's pretty much nothing that that's on, like now that the kids watch that I've been bothered about or whatever, and I thought,

SpongeBob Squarepants

is quite like funny, endearing, whatever.

I mean I know there's been a million episodes of it. I'm completely over it. But

Sidey: this is the first,

episode I've ever watched of me?

No, I'm not kidding you.

Pete: Wow. So that's, but so that will have come from your, cuz you are one of the most obstinate people on the planet. , I'm also like right up there with you.

So that will be for a reason that you will have gone like, I'm not watching it cuz of,

Sidey: not. It genuinely isn't. It's just that in all the year formative years of my kids going through all the TV stuff they watched, they just never happened to land on SpongeBob. And there was never a reason for me to watch it on of my own volition until now.


I was . popping my

Pete: had any have we got any SpongeBob fans amongst the rest of us? Or with children or anything like with your children?

Dan: No kids. Never into it. Nelly had a little bit, we watched the movie the

Sponge, the SpongeBob movie, which was, yeah,

Howie: David Hasselhoff as a

Dan: And I probably watched half a dozen episodes of SpongeBob.

That's about it.

Pete: I quite like Dick SpongeBob,

Sorry. I need gagged on my dairy milk then.

Howie: Actual dick.

Pete: Yeah. No, I quite like SpongeBob, although I, I wouldn't ever sit down and put it on, but if it's on. Oh, I don't mind it. It's quite funny. It's a little bit, kind of more modern ren and stimpy type vibes.

Sidey: Yeah. But that

was my conclusion. You just Right.

Taking it away. But this was a, again, fit in very nicely with

Pete: Well, this was it. So how, how I came at it was like, I go, I don't mind SpongeBob. I'll just see. I just typed in SpongeBob's teeth. Yeah, like teeth and a and an episode came

Sidey: season nine, episode

Pete: So cuz there's

been that many. Yeah. So luckily we sort of like stumbled into it.

So if we, well let's, let's run through the the plot. They're, they're, they're having some sweets, aren't they? There's some kind of like

Sidey: saltwater taffee. Yeah. Have you ever had saltwater taffee? No. Neither. Right?

Dan: Is that a

Sidey: Yeah. It's an American thing.

Pete: Saltwater taffy. I've never

Sidey: I guess it's kinda like a taffee. It's a chew sweet. It's,

Pete: Sam Salmon sell the Taffy Pal in the Bikini Bottom Fair is where they are eating the saltwater taffee.

Sidey: So they're chewing it, it's SpongeBob and his pal

Pete: Patrick the

Sidey: Yeah.

And they're doing all kinds of like, elaborate things with it while So like playing guitar or SpongeBob does like, skipping with it.

Yeah. And yeah, all the sort of like really exaggerated Yeah. Absurdist kind of comedy stuff.

Pete: And then because Patrick is just cramming these sweets in his mouth or whatever, all of

Sidey: take the wrapper off either.

Pete: Well, yeah, but he's a starfish. He can probably ingest that somehow

is a Yeah.

Then he gets a toothache.

Sidey: Yeah. he does

Pete: of it. And there's a, there's a message here to all those people with sweet

Dan: Take the

Pete: and well, don't eat, don't eat so many fucking sweets as well. There's, that's, I know that you, Dan, have a real sweet tooth. Busy, busy laces, et

Sidey: dad.

Dan: I I used to be worse

Sidey: ruthless on the sweet's.


Pete: I'm not, so I'm not too bad. I don't

Howie: have much of it.

Dan: tried to show a little more restraint,

Sidey: but,

no, I, I, I


Dan: We've got walnut up whips and

Pete: dairy milk and stuff. We've got savory as well. Yeah. So Patrick is, is having a bit of bother.

Sidey: Yeah. SpongeBob convinces him that he needs to go to the dentist. So they go to the dentist and it's built up to be like a completely horrific event.

So I'm guessing that there were probably other things that we watched when we were kids, when we were kids that gave you the impression that going to dentist was going to be hideous.

because this

Dan: is though. It always is.

Sidey: I know, but this, they did it in a funny way. So they, he, he sat waiting and he's nervous and all the, all the toys like you do, you know, when you go, you're in the waiting room, all the toys are kind of broken.

Yeah. But they're all the toys, like toy teeth and they're all like falling apart. And there's this really loud

Dan: instilling no

Sidey: confidence

building score. The soundtrack is really building up and the shadow of the dentist as he walks around the corner, like it turns out to be like a really small little dude.

And then he is just like, shouts over to his receptionist, turn the radio off and the soundtrack just

Pete: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sidey: Yeah.

And he's called something like beige.


Pete: Mundane,

Sidey: beige, mundane.

Pete: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's

Sidey: Dr. mundane.

Pete: Dr. Mundane. Yeah. Funnily enough, at the dentist I went to, there's, in the reception there's like a bookcase in the reception, and on the bookcase there's like figurines of like someone in a chair and then like a dentist, like with their foot on them.

Yeah. Basically like their

Howie: foot

Pete: on them kind of like yanking out of their, this is like a bit of mac McCab humor there. So that, that, that's what they, that and that's what it was playing on in in this, in the buildup.

Dan: the dentist you went to, that couldn't be bothered?

Pete: No, no, no. That, that, not that prick. This is the, the, the guy that sa saved my teeth.

Yeah. So he finds out that basically what's causing him to bother.

I, I th this is where they missed the chance at, because kids, like, my kids will fucking wake up in the morning if they've been to a kid's party the day before. It's like, oh, can I have some of the sweets at the party bag? And I'm like, no.

So the rule in our house is you're not allowed sweets, chocolate at all ever before midday, like before your lunch. And then if you do, you can have like two or something like that. You don't need to sit there and just fucking stuff loads of sweets in your face. Because what will happen is you will get loads of like tooth decay and fucking cavities and all of this sort of shit.

And but that isn't what's happened here with

Sidey: Patrick. No,

Pete: It's, almost like the, the sweet stuff was totally inconsequential. What he's got is like a baby tooth that just hasn't

Sidey: his teeth are in such good nick. still got a baby tooth and the adult tooth is trying to force its way through. And that's what's causing the pain.

Howie: I still have a baby

Pete: Do you?

Sidey: What? As you sit there, this is it.

Howie: on there.


And there's no adult tooth that ever grew

Sidey: Right. So you've gotta maintain,

Dan: you've got a little milk

Howie: got it there. It's got a little milk

Dan: going. Yeah.

Howie: Yeah. But yeah, I, I am Peter Pan of the dental world

Dan: It, it's interesting how you, you say it not. Till 12 your kids. Cuz we always just stuff 'em for his shit in the morning and then we find they don't really want to eat anything for the rest of the

day. Yeah. Yeah.

You, you give them enough chocolate and

Pete: good. Some good parenting tips there.

Dan: you know

Sidey: It's just an alternate take,

isn't it?

Pete: like coming from the guy who, when you were left home alone for six weeks, when your misses were anyway, you just ate sweets for the entire time. There were no meals or

Dan: anything,

No. Crisp do did

Pete: Oh, no variety.

I guess so anyway Patrick has a baby tooth,

Sidey: he gets out an enormous, the dentist gets

Enormous contraption and says we're gonna need to extract it, and it's just like

barbaric torture device. And it's what he uses to open the drawer to get the really small little dinky little thing out.

Yeah. But Patrick's already shaking himself and he just bolts, he's, he can't do

Pete: do it.

And, and he doesn't want, also he's, you know, he, he thinks the tooth is really cute. Yeah. So he doesn't wanna like, because the tooth is quite cute. Actually.

Sidey: He sings a lot of bite to his own

jaw. He, like, he, he rocks his own jaw back and forth.


Pete: Yeah, yeah and the tooth is quite cute, isn't it? So, yeah, he, so, but whilst they, so he just wants to go home and like look after this tooth forever.

But then SpongeBob starts telling Patrick about Tooth Island. Yeah. Which is where the, the tooth fairy takes all the, the teeth to this magical place, tooth Island, which all the little baby teeth are gonna have the best fucking life ever by, if they go and live in Tooth Island. They

Howie: this where


Pete: Yeah. They go, they go and see, but like Squid,

Sidey: Squidward, Squidward,

Pete: So Patrick,

Sidey: hear the guy, the guy who does the voice for squid Wood? It's called Roger Bump Ass

Pete: That's not true.

Sidey: absolutely

Pete: made that up.

Sidey: they probably pronounced bumpers, but it's B U m p A W S.

Howie: pass. Yeah. Bump.

Pete: So whilst SpongeBob is trying to convince Patrick to do the right thing and have it extracted the, somewhere Squidward overhears

Sidey: this, he's

a complete prick.

Pete: Oh no, he is. That's the point. And in, if you watch more episodes of this, it's always Squidward who's the fucking dick? And he always gets his comeuppance and SpongeBob and Patrick will always like, even though they're simpletons, they'll always win the day. the, a

Sidey: recurring, so I was glad that I had missed this throughout the week and I had to watch it today, so I went upstairs to watch it just quickly on my own because my daughter would still be a true believer about the tooth fairy stuff. And Squi straightaway was like, tooth fairy is not real, blah, blah.

And I was like, Yeah, it's probably a, it'd be okay for her to hear about this now, but I maybe don't want it to be like a SpongeBob.

Pete: Yeah. This is how she finds out

Sidey: So, and I could just dumb out that headache right before I was about to leave the podcast. So, squid, he's just a fucking real prick.

Pete: Yeah, well he, but he, he sets himself up to fail

Sidey: he makes a bet.

Pete: that it's not true. It's not true. If, if you can prove that it's real, then I will eat a bucket of chum.

Sidey: yeah,

Pete: Which he doesn't like, no.

Sidey: Patrick has a meal, he has a, he, he's got a burger. I guess this is where SpongeBob works cuz he's got the hat.

And, and Squibb's got the, same

Pete: dunno what it's called

Howie: called. Mr. Krabs

Krebs Kraish

Pete: K Crab shack. Can they eat crabby patties?

Howie: because I watched the episode before as well. And this is the thing I need to understand. It's run by Mr.

Pete: Mm-hmm.

Howie: He's selling K Crabbs?

Pete: No, he's selling burgers, but they're called crabby patties. So they're not made of crab. They're made of, obviously they're, you know, if, if you're gonna have a burger

Dan: not a barbarian,

Pete: in a, you know, in a cafe under the sea or whatever, it's not gonna be a crab burger.

It'll be cows. Yeah.

Howie: human

Pete: So eventually

Sidey: well he is trying to eat his burger. He is trying to eat his crab patties and he is getting horrendous toothache. And it just escalates to the point where he accepts that he's going to have to. But SpongeBob's painted this picture of tooth Island being this paradise where they, they swim in calcium pools and like red.

Bubble gum, trees

and all this sort of shit. There's no decay and all this. They're living the dream. And he's like, and you are depriving your baby tooth of this, you know? And he's like, so it's fine. We'll work it out. But eventually the pain becomes so in intolerable that he, he agrees to go back to dentist and he is like shitting himself in the dentist chair.

And it's like a nanosecond where dentist rips it out like it's pain free and wraps it up like a newborn baby and

hands it to him.

Howie: there's a bit of a jango scene though, where SpongeBob is chasing him with

Sidey: those

Howie: two eels. Yeah. . Like, but

Pete: like, oh yeah.

Howie: Jango.

Pete: Yeah. So anyway, the, the, the tooth gets removed. Patrick goes to sleep and puts it under the pillow.

Yeah. SpongeBob comes in

Sidey: dressed as a burglar.

Pete: Jess the Yeah. To take the, but gets but squid wood's there ready to

Sidey: he docks him

Pete: the fun. Yeah. Yeah. And obviously Patrick wakes up to find out what's going on, which is SpongeBob taking the tooth. And therefore Squidward is, is

Sidey: really relatable to me because we have got elf on the shelf on the go.

we've got four fucking elves.


Dan: taken on a lot?

Pete: if you've allowed

Sidey: No, It

wasn't our own fault because she had one elf. We lost it. , this was the last year. And so we bought another one, and then my mom bought her another two. So it's blackjack there's four of them, cookie leaf and another one.

But every night they are in her bed and you have to sneak in . So you have to try and like SpongeBob doesn't this, you have to try and sneak in and retrieve them in the middle of the night. And then, you know, every now and then she'll wake up and you're like, huh. And you just have to like, I'll just check in on you and then hope that she fucking goes back to sleep quick before you fall asleep in bed and get Yeah, and then set them up during, you know, their fucking nightly

Howie: This is an unnecessary stress.

Sidey: Oh, it's bullshit.

Pete: Yeah. We,

Sidey: the number one reason why I wanna,

Pete: to do with it.

Sidey: Yeah. It's the number one reason why I wanna tell her that sat Claus isn't real, so we can just fuck the elves off. Yeah. They've even like, she got dropped me work on Friday and she had four new outfits for the fucking hours.

They've had a fucking outfit chain. They've all got dressing gowns now. It's fucking mental


SpongeBob gets rumbled trying to take the tooth and, and leave a bit of money under the pillow.

Pete: Yeah. But what SpongeBob then says after Squidward saying, ah, see, I told you it's not real. There's no such thing as the tooth fairy. He says, right, well look, let's go down the docks and let's have a look.

And lo and behold, they go down the docks

Sidey: tooth

Pete: is, it's the tooth fairy, which works better with an American accent. Fair fairy and

Sidey: But the captain of the, the ship Yeah. Looked like he had wings like a fairy.

that. Yeah, he did.

Pete: Right. Okay. And obviously Patrick now can see this like magnificent fair Yeah.

Fairy with all these like little teeth like hopping onto it. They look like they're gonna have an amazing time and

Sidey: I'm sure they do.

Pete: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well they do. Yeah. So yeah,

Howie: And squid thing in me, j

Sidey: wood has to eat his bucket of chum.

Howie: and all his teeth escape.

Sidey: Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. They, they, they're so anti the chm they run off. Yeah.

Pete: Yeah. And, and that's the end of the episode.

Sidey: It's, I enjoyed it, but it's a fucking huge to me, it's just a huge Ren and stimpy, like, it's so is, I dunno if there's people who worked on Reim, who came across and did on this, but Absolutely.

The way that it was like Ren Dii was not crudely drawn, but like, it's, it's, you know, animated as you would normally expect and then goes into like a super detailed drawing of something that's fucking horrendous. You get that with, with like close up of people's

Pete: Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sidey: is exactly the

Pete: same. Yeah. And like, you get like drawing, like almost like the stench coming off something, or if it is, they do this a lot in SpongeBob where it like zoom in on food and they'll be like, hairs on it and like dead fish bones.

And so like, it's, it's, it is very, I mean, I, I watched, I watched Renn Stimpy and liked it and then I saw this and I liked it and I kind of drew the connections, but doesn't mean to say like, oh, this is shit because it's

Sidey: no, no, no, no. I would, I just see the, I just see the through line to like the og and I loved that when I was like a teenager. I had like fucking all the t-shirts and all share about around Stimpy. And this to me, if people were like, I'd be like, yeah, this is great, but also you should check out Ren Stimpy.

Cause it's Probably.

actually, it's more, it's like it leans more into the like absurd Ren dpi than this. Yeah. Even though this is still like, completely ludicrous. Yeah. So it, it is still good. it's


Pete: quite, there's there's a

Dan: would say Ren and Stimpy was more for older kids than,

Pete: yeah, yeah.

Dan: SpongeBob. I mean, SpongeBob is a huge, and it's, it's got it's market is is large.

Yeah. It's, it's, you know, cleaned up really, isn't it? In just about every country. I think everybody knows SpongeBob. You see the, the t-shirts, the clothes, you know

Pete: Yeah. The cuddly toys, and everything

Yeah. But you, you get. I think what it's, it's a sort, like I say, I wouldn't say like to to adults at all. My like, so my,

Dan: but it's definitely watchable for

adults. like

Pete: found it themselves and they find things in it that are really funny cuz it's like gross or stupid or, or they're like, and, and SpongeBob can be like really annoying as well.

Like this episode in this one, he's quite sort of placid and he's like the hero and

Howie: he can be quite

Pete: considerate and everything, but he can be really, really annoying. And it's the sort of thing if it, like I say, if it's on, I'm not turning it off and I'll enjoy it, but I'm not gonna like actually actively seek it out to put it on.

Sidey: No, it's, it's decent enough. There's some big numbers attached to it. It's the highest rated Nickelodeon series and the most profitable property for paramount consumer products generating over 13. Billion dollars in merchandising revenue. And that's as of 2019. So another fucking three years on top of that is, this is, it's bigger than that.

Pete, you've

Pete: got a catchy theme tune as well, which you, you may or may not put here.

Sidey: There

it is.

Pete: Okay.

Sidey: So you recommend I think it's a recommend Oh

Pete: yeah.

I did recommend it.

Dan: is

Sidey: The

Pete: By bringing it to

Sidey: I think everything teeth related has been a win.

Pete: Yeah. Excellent.

Dan: Excellent. We've maybe for me the exception of the movie Teeth.

Pete: Teeth, yeah.

Sidey: Bow. Wow. Outvoted.

Dan: Yeah.


Sidey: Write another week, another pod down.

Dan: Yeah. Well it's Christmas next week.

Pete: It's Christmas

Sidey: Literally like when we would normally record It's Boxing

Pete: Day. It's

Boxing Day next Monday.

Sidey: So I don't know what's gonna

Pete: I'd rather be here recording them with my family though,

Dan: Yeah. Well I'll be here because I live here.

Sidey: Well, maybe we could make, we might, be able to make that happen.

Or not

Pete: happen or not. Yeah.

Sidey: So we'll come up with some nominations. Sorry, I just spt all over myself. We

could come up

Howie: do, was it a vi spray?

Sidey: No, it was just

Pete: The mighty Cobra.

Sidey: I don't know what we're gonna do. We'll, we'll sort something out and it'll be amazing.

No doubt.

Dan: Oh, it's gonna be the best Christmas episode ever.


Sidey: Yeah.

Howie: Cliff Richard's gonna come online.

Dan: We got Cliff. We've got um, Bule

Howie: B. That's who he's coming on.

Dan: Yeah.

Sidey: Well look forward to that. All that remains is to say, sad signing out.

Dan: Dan's gone.

Pete: Goodbye.

Howie: Harry. Goodbye.