The Kitchen & Mr Blobby

The Kitchen

Reegs: Welcome

to Bad Dad's Film Review, and what does it sound like

when an underprepared Reegs has to do an intro? Well, it sounds like this. Joining me this week are, of course, Ancient Dan, Super Mario

on crack,

Chris

Peter, slovenly, and worse off air,

if you can believe it, than he is on air, and

sexual deviant sidey joining us this week,

To watch

a movie

I haven't seen

and to do a top five I

haven't prepared for, which is, I can remember footballers, so

I could probably contribute to

this.

It's footballers who've been on

Pete: footballers. Yeah,

Reegs: adverts and

movies and

Pete: adverts, that sort of thing.

yeah.

Reegs: And

then really excitingly, we've

got Daniel Kalu, Kalu Kalu. Is that how

you pronounce it? His co directorial

debut, which I really wanted to see, Netflix's

The Kitchen,

starring Ian Wright

as well, one of my all time heroes, and the first football name I ever wrote on the

back of my shirt.

And we've also

got radioactive,

dildo,

Mr. Blobby,

Blobby: Blumpy Blumpy!

Sidey: he

Reegs: is.

Pete: pleased.

Reegs: Joining us this week as we watch him humiliate Garth Crooks in something I enjoyed way more this time than when I probably first watched

it.

Dan: Can I

Pete: Can I congratulate

you on an intro? Straight from from the hip? That is

Dan: from the hip. That

Reegs: I'm just bringing vibes this week

Dan: he's bringing vibes this week um,

Sidey: We've got, a lot.

Dan: That's

going to to

take some time to get through. I have,

Cris: I have, Yes,

Yes,

it was very good.

I've never been to Thailand and we're definitely going to go again.

Dan: I've

Cris: I've heard so many things and I, you know when you have an opinion in your head. kind of already, but I didn't expect it to be that good. I really, really enjoyed it. And especially because it was so hot and everything was just easy and

Dan: Yeah.

Reegs: You are always banging on about how brilliant it is

there as

Dan: It is,

As Chris said, it's, it's warm. It's easy. It's, it's nice.

Sidey: Got beer.

Dan: they've got beer.

they've got sun and

their food's

Cris: is great. The people are nice. It's safe.

Dan: There's very little to complain

about over there, and Yeah. as opposed to being in this room with you guys whereas,

Pete: hotter in

Reegs: See how we can all relate

Dan: yeah, yeah, hmm. Did

Sidey: did.

you watch any airplane movies while you were I

Cris: So many of them.

Reegs: Oh,

what did you see?

Cris: I've watched Tenet.

Dan: Mm

Cris: I've watched The Creator.

Reegs: go back, Tenet,

what did you think of that?

Do you watch that in an airplane?

Best place for it, I think, to see a movie like that.

Tenet,

Sidey: Because you already can't

understand.

the audio in an

Cris: earphones, but

to be

Reegs: fair,

that wouldn't have

helped.

Cris: to be fair, the subtitles, I didn't have subtitles because they were either in Thai or in Chinese. So I couldn't really understand everything from it. So it was really confusing. especially

Sidey: is confusing. Yeah. Yeah,

Cris: I, I will say the thing that I always say, and I know it's annoying, but it was longer than it should.

They didn't have to make it that long. I kind of,

Reegs: for

an airplane, though, 'cause you wanna

Cris: yeah, exactly. But, but by the end, when they again moved back in time and they did again that, and I was just like, fucking, I'll just, just shoot me now. I get it. I already see what's happening here. But by the time they were. Already kind of these things flying and they were going back again and then forward again and back again.

I was like,

I'll

Pete: when you want the plane to crash, because you hate the movie that

Cris: I didn't hate it. I just thought this is now I understand what will happen when there was already half an hour to go

Sidey: It was a really good idea, I thought, that just didn't didn't execute it brilliantly.

I don't think.

Cris: Yeah,

it was it was As as an idea it was brilliant and the concept and everything and they to a point they did it really well But then it kind of just kept

Reegs: I

didn't understand a lot of it if i'm completely honest with you. There was like a lot of it looked really cool and the going backwards in time thing was pretty

Excellent to watch, but yeah, it was baffling

a lot

of the time, but

Cris: That's why I kind of agree with that.

Sidey: Wow.

Cris: And then I watched The Creator,

Sidey: Okay.

Reegs: yeah.

Cris: which is with the same guy, the actor, the main character, the black guy, I can't remember

Reegs: Oh Denzel Washington's, what's his name?

Sidey: David.

David,

David Washington? Is

Reegs: his

Cris: Is this his son? Is

it? Oh right, okay, I didn't know

Reegs: not,

Cris: He is, no, he is cool, but again, the creator got another one that is a bit,

Reegs: a bit, Oh

right,

Cris: was all right, but I don't know, I

didn't

Pete: Anything you liked or would recommend that you saw on the

Cris: in the film? Not, ah, do you know what, I watched the Oscar de la Hoya documentary, the HBO documentary on Oscar de la Hoya, and There's loads of things that I didn't know and growing up I kind of liked Oscar De La Hoya as a boxer.

I'm not a boxer myself but I knew he won loads of fights and he was good to watch. He had a, like a front hook or whatever. It was a cool documentary to watch. It was two parts so that was good.

Dan: I pretty much copied my style Hoya.

It's so dangerous in the

Cris: I watched a movie with John Cena which was really shit. Called Freelance. Freelance?

Reegs: Oh yeah, it's on Prime at the moment. I keep thinking about watching it. I

quite like John Cena, so.

Cris: You nearly get to see his dick as

Reegs: Oh man, it sounded

Dan: wow.

Pete: it, sounds good. Wow. the

Reegs: yeah.

Cris: Maybe.

Pete: Maybe.

There

Cris: was, I watched Moneyball, which was, that was, but I've seen it before, so that would have been a highlight, but I did see it before.

I've watched the Six Nations thing on Netflix. Like a, like a

Reegs: haven't even seen the Five Nations.

Cris: It's a

series about the

Sidey: I

Cris: I watched that and

I'm

trying to think if there's something else.

There was definitely something else, but you know when you watch so many of them that they just kind of all blend into one.

And I've met, I've watched American Made with Tom Cruise, which is the story of Barry Seal.

Reegs: The CIA guy, wasn't

Cris: well, kind of.

Pete: it the drug

Cris: Yes. yeah,

Pete: Well, I've seen that. yeah. yeah,

Cris: was, I thought it was quite

Pete: Yeah, that's alright.

Dan: I'm just gonna interrupt you for a quick words from our

Sponsors and partners, this is a yuppie gummy pizza. There's five slices in every yuppie gummy pizza. Get yours at any yuppie gummy shop.

Pete: Well, thank you

Reegs: for that. And

Sidey: And you'll

Pete: Daniel!

Cris: So yeah, anyone else wants to

Dan: yeah. No.

Reegs: Any

other sponsors?

Is that Bad Dad sponsored or is it you who's

Dan: sponsored?

No, that's bad. Dads. They, they sponsored. We've got a few others here that have

Pete: yeah, listen, listen out for the, for those messages, folks. Well, all I'd like to say based on what I've been doing for the last three, four weeks since I've been on is My name is Peter, and I am a Super Mario Odyssey a holic. A couple of weeks back, three weeks or so ago Sidey gave me his copy of Super Mario Odyssey to play on my son's Nintendo Switch.

For my sons, sons to play on their Nintendo Switch. And I have, it's completely taken over my life. I am now over 600 moons in my six year old son, Charlie, has completed, got the final moon in the darker side. something Sidey couldn't do, so he's, he's been, he's been toppled

Reegs: by, a

Pete: toppled by a six year old, who, I actually filmed him getting the last moon, and he fucking loses it, it's amazing how excited he got, he's completely like, he doesn't go to school anymore, We put, taking him out of school so he can concentrate on, that. yeah, yeah, yeah, but, that's all I've been doing, but I cannot believe that I've got to this stage in my life and not experienced this game, it is, fucking incredible.

I was saying to Sadie on the way down here that sometimes in the worlds I just climb up to the highest bit and just pan around and just look at the, at the, the view. and and

Dan: vastness.

Pete: Like, mind blowingly, amazingly brilliant. And it's Mario as well, which is right up my alley. So yeah, next, as soon as, once they bring out a new one of these, you will not hear from me for six months.

Dan: Okay, let's hope

that's soon. You, you,

Reegs: Well, no, I haven't had a lot of time recently, but what, time I have had, I have been watching Jack Reacher. So,

Sidey: Round.

Dan: around. Well we was out, weren't we? Side? We hit

Sidey: were out, yeah, we were out on the Ras

on Friday night. yeah.

Dan: It, we got thrown out of just one place, I think.

Sidey: one, yeah, just one. Pretty early on as

Dan: pretty early on Yeah. Yeah,

Sidey: Of

Planet Pool, yeah.

Reegs: What for?

Sidey: We left of our own volition. point, of order We left of

our own volition.

Dan: We'd, we'd been for

Sidey: I wasn't even drinking.

Dan: we'd been here.

Reegs: Yeah, that's a good point.

Dan: No, nor would I.

Sidey: No, that was sober as a judge.

Dan: And then we went out to various other places with various other people and did various other things. So that sounds fun, doesn't it?

Where Every box was ticked. And then Saturday morning was so much fun. Honestly, we were just like gliding around. Skipping. Skipping. we was, yeah. So that was good fun. but I did watch something it's more Luther. that's what I've been watching

has any of you guys seen that Luther show

Sidey: The very start of season one and no

more than

Dan: bad It's I mean That's him, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, he's he's he's really good He wears the same jacket all the time. And now I've I've really liked

Sidey: One jacket. Luther,

Dan: I want to find that jacket. And then the last one, he threw it overboard into the into the Thames.

And then he turned up with another jacket just like it, because he's got like a wardrobe with the same jackets.

Sidey: Last week we did a top five, but we didn't put it out to the masses for a contribution, because it was frankly

nonsensical.

Yeah. Load of buffoonery, but We had fun with it, but it

wasn't. What

Pete: it?

Reegs: Dad jokes slash

trivia verse

Pete: Wow. Okay. That's,

Reegs: Oh, Yeah,

Sidey: So, I think we've waffled on for long enough We'll just

get on with

this week's, yeah?

Pete: let's do it.

Blobby: Blumpy Blumpy!

Blumpy!

Reegs: my god.

Dan: Let's

Sidey: Top 5

football

cameos

But,

Football league

Pete: Yeah, it doesn't,

Sidey: got very up to about

Pete: Right, so straight because if I say football and fucking Americans start jumping on I mean like Oh yeah, like NFL

or

whatever, Like Absolutely not,

Sidey: no. we could have had loads of

really

Dan: know what they're like, the

Pete: And I'm not, I'm not having, I'm not accepting any of them, don't even try and get them past me,

Sidey: Not even Joe Namath

Joe Namath

Pete: that is. but anyway, so this was, this was association football players, soccer players, if you want, but we know it and the rest, and most of the world knows as football players.

And it could be, it doesn't have to be cameos, it could be, they could be the stars, It could be the leads. What I was trying to avoid is just like, oh, Ronaldo, because he's in the film about Ronaldo, and that kind of stuff.

Dan: Oh, that's me done.

Pete: this is, But I thought I'd throw adverts in there, because there's been quite a lot of amusing adverts.

Dan: I mean, loads of adverts, yeah.

Pete: From down the, down the years, so TV shows, films, and

Sidey: adverts.

Pete: Okay,

I'm gonna, I'm gonna do that, let me just get, get my list up. I'm

not

Dan: Jones. In lock stock and two smoking barrels

Reegs: Just

Vinnie Jones in general, innit?

Dan: Yeah. he, Well that's it. Vinny's

Sidey: well that was his first one, wasn't it? As an,

Dan: but I think he was, he was, came straight into this guy Ritchie film.

Everybody was slightly taking the piss that any footballer could try to be an actor or anything especially such a, a piss poor footballer

Sidey: It wasn't a huge leap for him though, was it?

Dan: But,

Reegs: Yeah, to play a

Dan: type to character as he was on the football pitch, He was

Sidey: I mean, you could say he was, acting as a footballer for his whole career.

Dan: Yeah,

Reegs: footballer for his whole career. He had

Dan: And And he absolutely smashed this. He was brilliant in it. And I think it really gave him the base in the the the platform in which to, to you know

Reegs: to become juggernaut in the X-Men series.

Dan: well, he's done well for himself. Let's

Pete: I think

Dan: honest, he's probably made more money from films.

than he

Pete: Oh easily. Yeah. Yeah. But going, going back to, to, to lock stock,

I think, you know, yes. He does put in a, surprisingly good performance. because everyone knew he was going to be in it, but no one really knew a huge amount about guy. Ritchie wasn't a household name. We knew it was a bit of a, almost like an indie kind of like film at the time with, you know, one but there was some recognizable sort of cameos in it. And vinnie Jones was certainly one of them.

Dan: A bit more than a cameo. I

Pete: of course, yeah, no, he's actually like got a

significant part in the plot, but the, but the script is brilliant, the supporting cast is brilliant, so it kind of, you know, he was lucky in the sense that that was his first break into the

Dan: Make your own luck in this

Pete: And it was, it was an absolute hit. And, and he, and he took, he took that chance. What I would say is by the time Snatch came out, his acting has gone up to three notches already.

Sidey: Yeah, who was he in Snatch?

Pete: he put it to Tony.

Like fucking Clark, He

starts off reintroduced with like slamming a guy's head in a door that, you know, picking up from, from Lockstock. but straight away he's more kind of like animated. I know his, his character is a little bit more animated because his character is just a fucking mean motherfucker in, in Lockstock. But there's a couple of

Reegs: you see his son in this one, don't you?

Pete: he's got, he travels, he moves around with his son.

Little Chris is his son in, in Lockstock. But yeah, he's gone on to Hold his own, he's not just been a, like, a total figure of ridicule. I think for a little while, quite a lot of people probably would have liked him to have failed. But he's made

Reegs: he's done quite well,

Pete: yeah,

Dan: No, Good on him. And I think he has actually been in other more challenging roles since then.

He's taken on,

Pete: lot of Shakespeare

Dan: got Shakespeare

Sidey: My Left

Dan: you know. So, But no, I think you put him up as one of the finer footballer cum

Pete: Yeah.

Dan: that we've seen. Beat that.

Pete: Well, very quickly there's another footballer makes a cameo in Snatch. Anyone else, anyone know who that is? I'm gonna look at Res, Is

Dan: it Ian right?

Pete: No, he's a bouncer at the club where they they go into to find Bullett Tooth, Tony Avie and someone goes in. or It might actually be Mike, as it, Mike Reed's character. Anyway, there's a bouncer on the door.

Former Arsenal player, but previously of Spurs.

Dan: Oh.

Pete: Sol Campbell. is one of the bouncers.

Dan: Yeah. I'm

Pete: not sure he has a speaking part, but

mouth. Okay, where are we going? Clockwise or anti clockwise from Daniel? Chris,

Cris: I've got David Beckham in Guy Ritchie's King Arthur.

Reegs: Yeah. I've

Dan: They're big,

Sidey: Well, they're big, big pals.

And They have I don't know if it's a chain

of pubs. but they they're definitely,

Bex and and Rich. They

have pubs and they have

their own beers, I don't know if it's brewed for them, but

they're, they're, so he will, like, lean into their friendship to get David in a

film.

Dan: them, but they're, they're, like, fleeing into their friendship to get David in the film. yeah, seen it. Yeah, I've seen How, how

Cris: It's not as good as

I

really like Guy Ritchie as a director. I like most of his movies, not all of them. Obviously, Revolver is difficult to understand. But which I still enjoyed. But, this is one of them that he, I think he tried a little bit too hard to be too elaborated as a plot and as a Movie for what a King Arthur movie is in my opinion

Sidey: my

opinion. And, you know, he was a good player. And, he looks good

in

Reegs: He's not great

Sidey: not great when he

Pete: not great when

Cris: He does yeah he and he has a face is burned with acid or some

Reegs: Does

Pete: Well, he

sounds like that as

Cris: it, he's a bit, well he sounds like that as well. But he's got a part where he's one of the guardians of the sword and he kinda sits there and chats and when, whatever his name is, the blonde guy, Arthur, I think is his name, maybe.

Reegs: When

Cris: when he tries to take the sword out of the stone, Beckham's Whatever, with that kind of voice. And he says, maybe like, six, seven words?

and

Reegs: like him though, Beckham?

Sidey: I

like him as well.

Dan: You

know,

Pete: a sort of You know, when they do, like comic relief, they'll do like sketches from other shows or

Sidey: Only Fools.

Pete: was an Only Fools and Horses one, and he was actually quite good in that, because his accent lends itself to that, that, yeah, sort of setting or whatever.

Sidey: Did he do the fall through the thing?

he

Pete: yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and it, like, that was kind of like more enjoyable and believable. I can't really imagine him in

Dan: be no good for the wire, or something like that,

Sidey: really.

Dan: sopranos.

Pete: Sort of gritty dramas.

Sidey: him, He is a, he seems like a decent guy. You know, he doesn't take himself too seriously. Yeah. Fucking works hard, but. Yeah.

You

know, but just let me look at you. there's

Pete: himself too seriously. He fucking

Sidey: Mm-Hmm.

Pete: hard. right, so what have I got?

Bizarrely, even though I came up with this, I'm aware of a lot of cameos, but I haven't seen a lot of the

Dan: Yeah,

Pete: So I'll talk about, what I might do is start off with a few adverts, just to kind

of

Dan: substitutes.

Anything

Reegs: I'm

offering I think is an advert.

Pete: Okay, so. Where can we, we can start with, where we've got the Walker's Crisps advert, which is obviously adverts, which was, there was a whole series of them, so it was, it was Gary Lineker, They obviously started changing the names of crisps to things like Salton Lineker, You can see what they did there. The most sort of memorable ones really were like, there was the Gaza one. Where Gazza sat behind him in the stadium and, and, every time, and he's trying to steal the criss from, from Gary Lineker. And then eventually he like crushes his hand in the criss packet and Gazza starts crying all over like, sending himself up.

And then there's another one bizarrely with Roy Keane in it where Lineker lands in the middle of like some Irish festival. And there's some kind of like leprechaun slash goblin thing that chases him down a back alley

Reegs: and then he

Pete: all his crisps and it turns out to be Roy Keane.

Which,

Sidey: RO came, would actually

do that.

Reegs: do

Pete: So

I saw a program that, cause he's done something recently where he's like dressed up as a clown. And I think what he's done is any time he's done any kind of things like that or whatever, he's always insisted when, he's been convinced to do it by his agent or whatever. He's always insisted that the money, any money he gets, goes to charity.

So, he's basically, he doesn't want to look like a bellend. And so, yeah. So at least that's kind of fair enough. But I'm sure there were, there were other Anyone else remember anyone else in the, in the Walker's adverts? Other than Lineker?

Sidey: probably one with Hansen at some point.

Pete: think that, Yeah, I think Hanson might've got involved.

That was it. And then there was another one, famously, the Pizza Hut advert.

Sidey: Or the penalty

Pete: not long after nine, Euro 96, when

Reegs: soon! It's

Sidey: It's

still too soon.

Dan: It is.

Pete: Well, I was at the game. I

Dan: How can they laugh at that? I don't get it. Yeah.

Reegs: I'm making a few

Dan: minutes.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, look. Yeah.

Reegs: I missed a pen. But

Pete: the fun part about it is the fact that they got Pearce and Waddle there who were obviously famously missed penalties in 90.

Dan: it even worse

Pete: Pearce's got Saved, didn't it? But who ballooned it?

Waddle.

Reegs: Waddle Waddle's is still going,

Pete: it out. The stadium.

Sidey: He went for stands.

Pete: But they, they were kind of, you know,

saying

like, trying to pull gara through.

He's got a paper bag on his head at the beginning and they're in Pizza Hut and they're trying to make him feel better with a pizza. And then southgate

hilariously walks off and, bangs his head and like, oh, he's hit the Post? Yeah. It was too soon

Dan: It was

Pete: He got, he got cut down and now he's the England football manager.

So he's turned it full circle.

Reegs: Well, I think of the Brazilian football team advert. Was

it a

Nike 1998

Dan: La Da

daaa da da

Reegs: and those amazing, you know, Berto, Carlos

Dan: Sergey Mendez. Yes.

Reegs: all of them. Kaka, yes.

Sidey: Sergio Mendes.

Yes. Yeah.

Reegs: And

Sidey: Bonito. Yoga Bonito was the series of Nike ads that had the Brazilian football team. It's

got

Reegs: were all

Sidey: like on a monitor. Yeah.

And then they're doing different bits. Yeah,

Pete: I loved it. I can remember the one at the airport with, like the conveyor belt and everything. And they're just, like, doing key, but it's again, How many people do you think tried replicating that? Like, lads on tour, Brits have got a football under one arm, like, waiting

Reegs: are other,

like, football adverts all the time now, but something about that one in particular, that combination of that team and that music and all that stuff,

it was, yeah, really good and similarly iconic was Kevin Keegan with the Sugar

puff.

Do you remember

Sidey: Honey monster.

Reegs: It was the Honey Monsters, yeah, it was the Honey Monsters.

Pete: It's absolutely amazing. I watched it, I re watched it today.

Reegs: I didn't get the chance. I wanted

1. I can remember

Pete: yeah, he subs Honey Monster

Reegs: That's right, yeah.

Pete: And then he like

Sidey: a big header?

Pete: he does like a massive head, oh no it might be a bike y.

It might actually be a bike y that he

Reegs: that he's got.

Pete: Yeah, advert with Peter Schmeichel in. Where

Sidey: gets injured and

Pete: and he hands, he goes to hand Honey Monster his gloves and Honey Monster doesn't want them because obviously he's got massive hairy hands. And he does a René Higuita style scorpion kick to save it.

And then he starts eating his Sugar Puffs. and I still remember to this day, Peter Schmeichel then walking in and going Hey monster, where's mine? He sounds like, sounds like Schwarzenegger.

It's

Reegs: It's one

of the great, terrible things in life that Peter Schmeichel didn't name his kid Michael.

Pete: Yes. Yeah, like. The Neville's pair, Gary and Phil's Neville's pair was a Neville

Sidey: Talking of big monsters with hairy hands, Stan Collymore.

was in a

movie. He was

in Basic Instinct 2. Did

he fuck Sharon Stone in it?

Reegs: Yeah.

he gets killed. He gets killed,

Sidey: Yeah.

He'd also battered Eureka

at this point as well.

It's

all bad, really.

Pete: bad, really.

Sidey: now

he'll try and give some sort of level headed sort of punditry and opinions on, like, matters and you

think,

Reegs: he's still

a bit

trolly, isn't he though? Because He's on talk sport. Yeah,

Pete: been dogging

Dan: Dogging a lot, wasn't

Sidey: yeah. I think he got Dogging, yeah.

Dan: yeah.

Reegs: It's sort of dogging in the movie, if I remember

it correctly. he

Sidey: he die in a car as well? Yeah.

Pete: Yeah, you know, yes.

Dan: imitates are imitates life. Well we talked about Escape to Victory, which had a whole host of football stars in it in the midweek from Pele to our dealers to to the great West Ham legend Bobby Moore.

But Eric Cantona, he was a more modern footballer who, who actually took to the, silver screen, left football early and he did a film called, Looking for Eric, which was

Sidey: Loach

Dan: yeah, yeah, and it wasn't bad, you know.

Sidey: it's the guy is sort of, seeing him in visions,

Dan: isn't it?

That's right, yeah, he's, he's a guy who's obsessed with United and Eric and, and would see him and ask for advice and things and Eric will visit him as, as some kind of force through the, through the film. He was also in a film called Elizabeth. And and one that, that I only really have found out now, but I have actually seen the film, The Theory of Everything, Frank Leboeuf.

Frank

Sidey: Frank

Reegs: in that, is

Sidey: He's

Dan: in the Theory of

Pete: I saw that, I read that today. Who's seen the Theory of

Dan: I have, But I don't remember seeing Frank LaBuff.

It's only a, he's

Pete: Leboeuf. Yeah, I've heard

Dan: Yeah, he's, He's he's only got

Reegs: they give him a

Dan: in it, but he's a a small part in

Cris: it. I've not seen it, but I didn't know that Frank Leboeuf can act.

Sidey: He's

here, he's there. he won't let us swear.

Frank

Leboeuf.

Dan: LeBouf.

Exactly. So, you got any more there, Chris?

Cris: I've got asterisk and Obix at the Olympic Games. It's a French film and it is got our friend from earlier David Beckham and Zan.

Dan: Di Is it the one with Zlatan in as well?

or is that a newer one.

Pete: That's a different One,

Cris: yeah, that's a different one. He makes an appearance in a different

Pete: But I think he's got a reasonable part, Zlatan, in one of the Asterix films.

Dan: I think it is,

Pete: what, he's like a Roman warrior sort of thing, Yeah. I can

see Zlatan, like turning

Sidey: like an emperor or something, isn't he?

Cris: Yeah, he's an Egyptian kind of

Dan: Pharaoh or something,

yeah.

Sidey: Yeah.

Cris: like that which is, and he's got the makeup and, and the whole thing on his head.

It's quite, I mean, obviously for, and it's for a French film that has they have footballers, they have fighters kickboxers, all sorts of kind of

Dan: sounds a bit of an own goal to me

Sidey: Ha!

He's also in an episode of Family Guy, where he does the headbutt but sadly it wasn't actually him doing the

voice

acting for

it.

Pete: it actually him doing the voice. as a player, and also he's won leagues in five different countries and four Champions Leagues in total but the, crowning sort of glory in Carlo enchiladas. History is a 1983 film, Italian film called The World of Don Camillo, which is an Italian film about a priest who coaches the local town football team against, like, the evil of the, the other teams.

They're called the Devils, and I think there's, it might be a comedy, but Ancelotti plays a part in that, presumably as a, as a footballer.

There's, I don't know if this has been mentioned on the pod before, but I feel like I knew this but I'd forgotten about it and then I found out again today. The film The Fifth Element contains a 16 year old who then went on to become a professional footballer.

reasonable name, he's got the best nickname in the whole of

Sidey: Fits Hall.

Pete: One size Fits all. yeah. He is in the fifth element.

Reegs: a great fact. Yeah. Factoid.

Dan: stuff.

Pete: don't think it's the speaking part, but he is he, it is a, a cameo. And, and then another film I haven't seen, but I absolutely want to watch when I'm, I'm looking at the, the cast.

So this is Kickboxer Retaliation. I've seen it. You've seen it?

Reegs: Yeah.

Pete: got Ronaldinho in

Reegs: Of course it does. Yeah,

Pete: yeah, and, and he, and his character's name is Ronaldo. which

is a massive like, removal. But the cast includes Mike Tyson, Hafthor Bjornsson,

Jean Claude Van Damme, and Christopher Lambert. I mean, who doesn't want to watch?

We should do that for the pod. Have you seen it? And is it good?

Reegs: It's not one of the better ones, no.

Pete: Van Damme's Durand or whatever, but he's blind? He's been blinded innit?

Reegs: Yeah.

Pete: Okay. We should

Reegs: we should revisit that for, it's been a while,

Maybe we should revisit that for the pod.

Pete: Ronaldinho any good well you didn't remember he was in it so he can't be that memorable.

Dan: Well, maybe we

should take a shot at Because um, Robert Duvall and Ali McCoyst. We're in the same film together. And it, yeah, obviously Michael Keaton as well. He

Sidey: He plays an ex Celtic player.

can't

believe he

would do that.

Dan: it. Entangled in a complicated love affair with his new coach's daughter. And McCoy's just like a highlander Marlon Brando is the, the reports that I read.

Sidey: Kill Noki FC.

Dan: yeah, that, that's that I've not seen.

Pete: I've got to say, I think Ali McCoy is just my favourite co

Sidey: Yeah.

he's really good.

Dan: Yeah.

Pete: It's just, it's absolutely brilliant.

Dan: Yeah, he is very good. He's with Scottish

Sidey: The

thing I read about that one, because I've not seen

that film, it does sound amazing. In a

film with such vaunted stars as Robert Duvall and Michael Keaton, the Scotsman is somehow the best actor in it.

Is it? Wow!

So it's a strong recommend. How

good is it.

Well,

it

Pete: your go, Riggs, but Dan just bizarrely

Reegs: chaos tonight. and he is

Dan: couldn't, I'm, I'm fired up.

Reegs: Well, I'm running dry. I tell you what, I Strictly Come Dancing is a show that I don't really watch. Never watched more than 15 or 20 minutes of it, but a lot of people

do like it.

And Tony Adams, former Arsenal England footballer, was,

Sidey: He was one of the jokey

contestants. and he shamble his way

to about four or five rounds. Yeah. With catcher.

Pete: He's completely lost it, though, Tony. so It's it's hot It's

Reegs: still an arsenal legend

Pete: I know this sounds really bad, but I preferred him when he was like

Sidey: a Shitting himself in a car, yeah, A

Pete: violent thug.

So they're kind of like, weird, poet, piano playing,

Reegs: Bow tie, man. lost

Sidey: it

Reegs: And

Sorry, just one quick, oh, have you got a factoid

Sidey: go for it, no,

no, I don't know.

Reegs: gonna say a

Former Norridge winger, Rule Fox, played Michael Corleone in The Godfather. So,

that's my other factoids for you.

Dan: Not everybody knows

that

Sidey: I'll rattle through my last few.

You took

Ali McCoy's off me there

Dan.

Robbie

Keane,

Reegs: Bloy Keen.

Sidey: Yeah, Spurs

player,

He, this terrible. Once appeared in Mrs. Brown's

Boys, that

Pete: worst thing that's ever been on a

Sidey: been on television

Reegs: Oh, Chris Powell's in Ted Lasso. There you go, that's

the other one.

Sidey: Mrs.

Brown Boys, can we just say that

that should be just fuckin napalmed.

into

Reegs: I've never watched more than about two or three

minutes

Pete: Keane's got plenty about

Sidey: It's like,

it's like some sort of hideous, like, Butlin's cabaret.

fuckin

Reegs: My

dad

loves it. I

Pete: my mum

Sidey: it.

My mum loves it. I've seen that well. And my mum was

in

Pete: was also in Money Heist. You know, the the Netflix, the Spanish Netflix thing.

Sidey: Spanish

Netflix thing. he's a prick. We,

Dan: we had the Icelandic film that was made by a footballer as well, remember that?

Reegs: Yeah,

Cop Secret!

Hannes, Hanres, Hanra,

Sidey: We were supposed to talk to him.

Reegs: Yeah! and then our equipment got all fucked up.

And also, well on that note,

Something else, Summer of 92,

that didn't have any real footballers or did it?

Dan: Don't

Pete: I don't know, but that, that wasn't, I, I remember the because we did it for the pod didn't we, but the the, the actual football segments weren't too bad.

They weren't like Escape to Victory esque, but great story, great, good film.

Dan: Who is, who is friend of the pod? Jamie,

Reegs: yeah

Dan: we interviewed, because he was a, He was a footballer as well, wasn't he? He had trials at Brentford and, and Chelsea Brentford way.

Pete: Oh, he's a West Ham fan, isn't he?

Dan: He was we interviewed him for

Pete: Yeah, he's a West Ham fan though,

Dan: think he was fairly solid guy, yeah. Um, Jamie Chambers. yeah, so he's he's another one.

Sidey: Well,

Pete: what was, we might as well get it out there. We are actually sat with a former professional

Reegs: He's never been in any Oh yeah, fuck

Pete: Daniel Craven. Our listeners might not know.

They know that you've been in a film because we've spoken about it. But

Dan: it's available on All good that

Pete: that you, you, you took a wage to play football for a few years.

Dan: the, the film is available on all good YouTube channels dolls under hogs.

Yeah. Yeah,

yeah. if you wanna see me

Cris: fondling a hog.

A pygmy

Dan: A, a pig, A small pig,

Sidey: bacon

Pete: it And, and, it's probably worth Saying that, that your manager, maybe more than once, is now the current Aberdeen manager.

Dan: he

1. Yeah,

Warnock

Pete: age of 72 something like that, whatever he is.

Dan: Yeah,

Sidey: There's

definitely no one younger around who could do that job.

Pete: It's quite

Reegs: getting

Hodgson in.

Pete: he's, become, like a caricature of himself.

I quite like

Warnock.

Dan: yeah.

Pete: You

should

Cris: should listen to the podcast, I don't know if you listen to him on Crouchy's podcast.

Pete: Podcast.

Cris: is actually quite good, it is quite good

Pete: there.

Dan: Well, loads of acting football content there.

Is there any women that have been footballers in, in weeks

Reegs: there

have been,

yeah.

Dan: the

actors

as well?

Reegs: Oh, they're Female actors? yeah.

Dan: Ah,

Cris: I've

only got the Pepsi adverts, which we all know Beckham, Raul, Ronaldinho, everyone, everyone, everyone. And I've got, am I allowed to put a manager rather than, he, he did play football, but he is a manager who I think at the moment of football has gone past him a little bit, but his name is Jose Mourinho and he is in a Stormzy video.

I don't know if you've ever heard of this collab.

He is. Yes.

So I can't remember the name. I did Google it. That's to make sure I'm right. And I am right.

Sidey: tell you a single Stormzy.

track Because

Cris: He

Pete: No, but I've, I've heard of

him

Sidey: I've heard some of them in

Cris: Mourinho stars in Stormzy's new music video in September 2022

Reegs: I think I watched the document Louis Theroux thing with him.

Sidey: with? Stormzy

Cris: Mourinho. Oh, okay. He's I like him. I like his music. I like him. He's It's quite fun, and he loves his football as well, and he also got confused by some Irish newspaper with Lukaku once, which is really,

Reegs: do who

Pete: a lot like Leki. He does look like, yeah.

Cris: obviously a

Reegs: Damien

Sidey: No, it was

Banksy. The

stab vest,

Cris: Yeah, he did that at Glastonbury, when he headlined in

Sidey: you

were watching Texas though.

Cris: No, I watched Stormzy that

Reegs: Yeah. And look at your punishment as

Cris: But yeah, that's all I've got, so.

Pete: I'll just rattle off the last few then. There's there's a, remember Wash and Go? don't why take two bottles into the shower? There was one advert with Jimmy Bullard in it.

Oh, well, you know that. but yeah, Jimmy Bullard was

Sidey: is, I'm worth it.

Pete: And he comes, it's amazing, because he washes his hair and obviously he pricks about with it, then comes out at the end and his hair's like massively, like, you know, blow dried back. And he's doing like loads of weird looks. Ian Wright was in a Chicken Tonight advert.

Specifically the sizzle and stir range.

2006 World Cup, which hilarious and routinely Scotland did not qualify for. In on Scottish TV they did adverts, like, for the World Cup that was coming up, saying, Scotland going to the World Cup and they had like,

a coach,

When somebody going onto like, interview, like, whoever's on the coach. But it was a football who played in Scotland, bizarrely, called Jason Scotland, who is from Trinidad and Tobago, and it's just him sat on a coach. So they, they parodied themselves

Sidey: there.

Do you remember when Della Metri did their World Cup song?

Don't come

Pete: home too soon. Yeah, Which is

Sidey: is amazing.

Pete: Shout out to Dion Dublin for Homes Under The Hammer. I don't know how that ever happened. And and lastly, I I looked this up because I thought that the story was that he had been in a, in a porn film.

But it turns out he hadn't. So,

Reegs: like a professional

Pete: no, no, sorry, sorry, not not Dion, this this, this guy. Everyone's favorite lunatic, Faustino Espriera.

Cris: Ah, he's a

Pete: So, I thought that I'd read once that he'd been in a porn film. Turns out that the story is, so he hasn't been in a film, or a porn film for that matter.

So the story is that they had finished a game at Newcastle. They're waiting on a coach for like Terry McDermott and Kevin Keegan. And whilst they're waiting, because there's a TV there Tino's got a DVD out or whatever and gone like, Oh, lads, watch this. And he's put on a DVD and straight away within 30

seconds, everyone's

like, this is a porn film.

So he's put a porno on like the, the team bus. There's like fans and kids and everything can see in through the windows.

Sidey: they're like,

Pete: they're like, going turn it off. He's like, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, like that. And then like the bird like, gets, and they're like, I mean, some guys, like,

Recollection of it, is like, And this bird's getting, absolutely, like, slammed, and Tino's going like that, That's my new girlfriend!

Which I thought was a lovely little anecdote.

So yeah, let's

Dan: Should we whistle it

Sidey: Well I think we've got a word from our sponsor

Dan: Well, yes, we, we, better just zip in,

Thank Aya. Rings. Gummy rings from Aya. Get your rings. Ring pieces from Aya.

Pete: That is amazing.

Sidey: What are you putting in the top five though?

Dan: Well, I'm, I'm going to put in a film that we haven't mentioned. It's a George Best film called Cup Fever. And I remember watching it when I was a kid. It was about a group of man united starlets. Wanting to break into the team and the ups and downs and George Best, put in a bit of a cameo to, to that.

And it's got all the classic 70 collars and flares and all the rest of it. And one of the kids I

Sidey: that why you're dressed like

Dan: Yeah, yeah. And one of the, one of the kids I remember, he was smoking a fag and it was like, Oh, he ain't going to be united if he doesn't sort of crack out of all this.

And yeah, it was a pretty good one. So, I remember it from then.

Cris: I'm gonna put Vinnie Jones, but from a movie that I've not said yet yet. It's from Eurotrip when he's a football hooligan I think he's a Man United fan on on

Reegs: and I

Cris: Yes Yeah, so and I think that was I thought that was

quite a funny film for that Time and, and for what the Americans thought of Europe.

So, yeah, Vinny

Reegs: Americans thought of Europe. So yeah,

Gotta remember the important things about these movies, yeah.

Pete: well, I'm I'm going to, if it's acceptable, I'm going to put in a, former professional footballer and his entire body of work that I've not yet mentioned the, the legendary David Ike. Who, who, played in golf for Coventry City.

And, and some poor teams like Hereford Town and stuff like that. So, but not only was he a former professional footballer, he his work included presenting the snooker and Alien Reptilian Legacy. Which, which, he also presented because he's fucking lost. the plot. Completely lost the plot.

Dan: Until you actually watch down and listen to that, and you realise there's a lot of truth in it. But go on, carry on Riggs.

Reegs: I

have

got,

who am I gonna go with, I'm, I'm gonna go with

Ian Wright in the kitchen, even though I haven't seen the movie. Because it's Ian Wright,

man.

he was the

Pete: We'll go for the chicken tonight advert

then,

Reegs: then? He was the footballer I had on the back of my shirt. And yeah, Ian Wright. And once

I saw a video of him and his PE teacher, have you seen

Cris: yeah, it's

Sidey: Mr. Pigeon. So

Pete: it's so, Yeah, Even you

Reegs: I'm like, I

Sidey: Oh, every time I see it.

every time I see it, comes off on your feet. every now and I just watch it every

time. Everybody takes his hat off and

he's is

really respectful to me. He is

Dan: close. Well, he thinks he's dead, doesn't he? And he goes, what? Mr, Mr Yeah,

Pete: He's got a funny name though, the guy

Sidey: Mr. Pigeon.

yeah.

Reegs: So, Ian

Sidey: Stan Comore.

It's not going to make it into another Top five of ours, is

Dan: No, he's not.

Pete: Not with that attitude, he won't.

Dan: Solid. Well, maybe if if the listeners, the the great unwashed out there, want to contribute as well, we could always shift Pete's over.

Blobby: BLOOPY BLOOPY BLOOPY!

Dan: Well,

we've got an exciting film to, to talk about all about kitchens and food, but before we do that I've just got a a quick word from our sponsors. Min Min. Min Min cola candy. Have you got a splash on your Min Min? Well, Cola Lemon Splash Min Min is all you need to make that mouth fresh. Fresh Splash Min.

Min

Thank you. There's, well

We've been, we've been quite inundated with Toblerones and and gummies. We had, obviously our sponsors,

Sidey: Guppy.

They're not, these are not just any

gummies though, these have come a long way. No, No,

These

Dan: are toy

Pete: Thai

Sidey: Chris has

supplied us with a

Dan: He

smuggled them in from Asia.

Sidey: Yeah,

Cris: From Mr. D.

Dan: From

Special D. I mean, These have got the kind of Yeah, ingredients that they

just don't allow in Europe anymore These are

Sidey: are all made in a lab.

Yeah There's nothing natural going on

Dan: here Absolutely nothing I'm looking at

Something that resembles a chocolate sushi It's a platter. They've got

Sidey: it's a platter.

Dan: which

Pete: They've got little faces on which is disconcerting, I don't think I'd want to eat one of

Dan: No, they all look

Pete: Yeah, they're all happy,

Dan: apart from the octopus that looks like he's gonna be offended if you

Pete: Yeah, no, yeah, Octopus can

Dan: of, ooooh. And,

Sidey: And not only that, but we've got savory, we've got some

Dan: We've got a cheese board up there as well.

Pete: three different types of cheddar.

Sidey: We sure do.

Pete: And

it's been paired with

A massive jar of original Branston Pickle, which I could just eat that by itself.

Sidey: excited for

that

Dan: actually links just fabulously

Sidey: so nicely

into this Which is,

Now I had heard of this because it's co directed by Daniel Kaluwa.

Dan: And I'd heard of this because Ian Wright was on The Overlap and he mentioned this. Is this where you picked it up

Pete: That's exactly where I picked it up from? Dan. I just thought, Because they were talking about Ian Wright, and, he was saying he didn't want to go down the Vinnie Jones route and become an actor and everything. But it sounded like it was more than just like a cameo and he wasn't playing Ian Wright, he was actually playing a character. But then I heard like Daniel Kaluuya's name attached to it.

And in my head I thought, because the first two things I saw Daniel Kaluuya in were an early episode of Black Mirror. And also he was one of the recurring characters in Psycho Ville, which is

fucking brilliant.

And I thought, well if they're the sort of influences that he's got, those two I forgot their name, Rhys thingy.

Rhys Shakespeare Smith and the other guy. Pemberton and the, the other guy who does Black Mirror. forgot his

Sidey: Charlie Brooker

Pete: Him. Then, and he's a good, really good actor as well. So, this is gonna have yeah, a lot of potential. And it's got Ian Wright in it as well. So, that's how it came about.

Sidey: Yeah, it's,

Set in the not too distant future. 2040 or something

Dan: Another kind of hard sci fi thing going on, isn't

Sidey: it? Yeah,

Dan: reality that you can almost believe exists. Because it's not like

silly

Pete: Yeah, it's not too far removed from where we are now. It, it was some of the early scenes I I getting Black Mirror vibes.

You know, he is just like cleaning, brushing his teeth and swiping things

Sidey: off the mirror.

Pete: and You know, his emails are coming up in his mirror and thing that, That was very Black Mirror

Sidey: The kitchen refers to this, not just one tablet, is it? It's kind of like an estate.

I think it's the last one of its kind left.

And from the messages that get broadcast, sounded like They were being told they were living there illegally.

They were trying to shut it all down and get them out of there.

They were introduced to a whole host of characters.

Dan: and get them out of there. They'll reintroduce to a whole host of characters. Food is really scant. There's radio messages coming over on Big Tannoy saying, Just take what you need. Food's going to be at the north side. of the thing. Just take what you need. And so it paints this picture of everybody getting along but a real us and them situation.

And Yeah, otherwise things look fairly normal with A few exceptions that lets us know in the future like, emails on a mirror

Pete: less is known in the future like emails on a mirror and but yeah, so we're, we're introduced early on to the main character.

Izzy.

And we see him sort of like going about his, his daily business.

Dan: his, his daily business, not just in the kitchen, because his, his work is a, he he looks to work in This is a modern funeral home, which is basically a plant nursery where the people are cremated and then their their remains go to form the soil or the base of of a plant and then people come to.

To obviously look after and water and see that plant, and tend to that plant. And this is a future thing, whether it be enough space,

Sidey: that, but my auntie snuffed it a couple years ago and went over to her funeral and she was didn't want any religious, anything like that, all that sort of stuff. So this was, this, this like wooded area where they go out and it was like this, sort of.

Where there's a service, that they're buried in the woods and

almost like you walk through the woods and

It's almost like fucking shallow graves everywhere it's not

but It's,

and it's all like, you know, you just go in to

be part of the

Dan: and it's all like, you know, a,

Sidey: felt like this was just like a few years further down the line sort of thing yeah,

Dan: this will be a

Pete: So, the, the, the, what I was getting from this is that it's, it's for people who can't necessarily, like, afford a proper burial. And therefore, an alternative is to, you know, have the, as you say, the ashes, or or whatever, like, But like, formed into the, you know, the soil of, of a plant or a tree. That is tended to in the early days at this, this, this funeral parlor, but then eventually can then be taken away and planted somewhere.

Sidey: That's it, they get

Dan: get

Sidey: they get together and see them for

a couple of years. And then the thing is just taken out into the

Dan: out. they're taken away and you get the sense that Izzy is he's a salesman and he doesn't quite believe everything that he's selling, but he wouldn't let that on to the people that he's.

it, don't

we?

Yeah, He

Sidey: He gives some like heart to heart spiel about Oh, when it happened to me and blah, blah. and

as soon

as they walk off, he's just like, oh yeah, I gave them that that pitch.

Dan: pitch. Yeah,

Pete: yeah. Yeah. The Nigerian funeral

Dan: I'm going to

get a bit more

Pete: So they're clearly on commissions for upsells of various services.

And

Dan: And you you, you also kind of get the sense, well, why is he doing this? He doesn't seem to be a complete arsehole, but he just realizes, well, life's tough. My situation's tough. I need to get myself out of the kitchen, which is

this

Cris: you see the email coming in with the Pura Vida or whatever it's called the housing Situation and you see the email is like do you want to follow it up now to pay the deposit now?

And he just presses

Dan: Yeah, he's, he's, he's on the waiting list

for better

Pete: the hint that he's Trying to better himself, get out the kitchen and, and go and live in

where

I guess most other people are living in, in sort of like, you know, relatively better standards and so

Dan: You get the sense

through conversations that

The kitchen is soon going to be found out. The police are raiding it more and more often. Yeah. They've been always doing that. And one of his mates says, No, they're not gonna de He go, Believe me, they're coming. And they're not gonna get away. So he feels that the clock is ticking. And he wants to get a this deposit enough together so he can move into

proper

Accommodation where he is not gonna

Pete: what you've also got in the kitchen and you've seen like early on in the piece is there's some kind of like vigilantes Who they're on there. They've got motorbikes which didn't seem that futuristic for,

for whatever that is, 17

years into the future or but anyway, what they do is they hijack some

Transport

vehicles that have got food and produce and everything like that. And, and it kind of like makes the point of, look mate, we don't want to be doing this, but we have to.

They're wearing masks, They got bike helmets on and things, so they basically hijack these vans, bring them back to the kitchen and then open the back and it's kind of Robin Hood type stuff. where they're like flinging out like You know, food and

various other

Dan: over the top of this, this, this tannoy, you you, you hear Lord Kitchener, which is righty. And he is the one that is giving the motivational speech over the, the, the tannoy to, Look, food is in the quarter.

Can't.

You know, just take what you need, don't go there if you don't need anything, look we're all in this together they can't beat we, and he goes through this, as these raids come in, so we just get our first sense of what that looks like, and it's the police.

heavy handed. Everybody's banging pots and pans and things to, as to raise the alarm. But anybody who's not already inside is scattering inside

Sidey: a lot of brutality

Dan: Are tough with it and they're clearing the

Pete: They've got these drones that are just hovering around the whole estate the whole time, sort of, you know, filming what's going on in the kitchen.

They're obviously now zeroing and This is the last Bastion, as I said, and there's, like, trying to zero in it and fully, you know. Evacuate the, the, the, people that are in there and you don't really know what, what, happens to them. They get kind of carted off in vehicles and so on. They are, they're whacked pretty heavily.

Dan: By this time, we've talked a fair bit and we haven't really met Benji yet. Who's this young boy whose mum has just died and Izzy has gone down to the funeral, he's just kinda, he doesn't need to be

Pete: he's seen the name.

Dan: Yeah, he's seen the name, And he's just hanging back and Benji sees this kind of stranger at his mom's funeral, and there's not many people there, just him and one other woman who's to do with the funeral, outfit.

So he waits outside and, kind of confronts him and says, why did you go to my mom's funeral? Did you know my mom? And they, they start to begin this kind of tricky relationship where Izzy wants nothing to do with him but he's curious enough and wants something to do with him, it's not obvious and Benji's just a lost little boy

Sidey: He starts knocking about

Dan: the wrong crowd.

Sidey: vigilante

gangs. Well

Pete: he, so sorry, outside the funeral parlor, what he does is he drives off and then obviously has an attacker conscience and going, I've just left this kid has got no one, he's lost his mum. And then he Dr. He turns around on his bike, goes and picks him up and like, all right, you you can come for 'cause he admires his motorbike and he's like, oh, can I ever go and everything. So, sticks him on the bike and takes him back to the kitchen to sort of show him

Dan: Not without sort of saying, look kid, I don't, I don't mean to be, you know, mean, but fuck off. Like, I know you've just lost your mom and that, but fuck off, I don't need this.

And as you say, has, goes off, but then 30 seconds later comes back and goes, Go on and jump on. I'll give you a

Pete: and jump on, you know, I'll give you

Sidey: vigilante crew.

Pete: break and everything. pair of hands that can help with what they've got going on. They need as many people who are like fit and capable that can.

help them with their raids and

Dan: Yeah, prepared to maybe get a bit

Pete: yeah, so they put him up for the, they put him up for the night and he's young.

He's by himself. He's impressionable. They're going to. be able to mold him into whatever it is

Dan: he, and he's also got something that he doesn't back down at one point.

there. They try and take his bike and he goes no, you're

Pete: Well, straight away the next morning they go up on one of the roofs and one of their pastimes is catapulting rocks at the drones that

Dan: thinking that all the rocks that they don't hit or where they go down, they're gonna hit somebody aren't

they they're gonna hurt,

Pete: yeah,

Dan: but they don't

Pete: they're a little bit devil may care like

Dan: Yeah,

Pete: But Benji nails one of the drones and so that gets him a lot of high fives and a bit of kudos

with the, with the crowd.

So,

Dan: Yeah. Yeah

Pete: Izzy, however, finds out that he's been knocking about with these guys and knows that. You know, whilst they're, ultimately they're doing a good thing, their methods and their means are gonna, yeah, they're literally like hijacking vehicles, using force, and it's going to end up, and because they're a little bit like, you know, reckless with it, he's like, people are going to get killed, you don't want to be around when that happens, or when it goes,

Dan: We've all been in gangs like that. you know it's

best to get

Pete: We grew up on the streets, Dan. We know what it's like, Yeah,

Reegs: You

ran with the

Crips for a little while, didn't you?

Sidey: Yeah.

man.

Pete: Yeah, Yeah.

Dan: You know, we've all got that side about us. But Izzy wants to continue with his dream of getting a, an apartment together.

He's scraping the money, he's bullshitting people at work. He's, he's eventually gets the email come through and says your apartment's ready. Around this time though there's been another couple of raids, there's been a little more soul searching and an understanding of just what is the relationship between Benji and Izzy who is now living with his apartment, there's a girl that comes onto the scene as well, but

a,

big part is where this raid takes down Lord Kitchener and His tannoy you can hear

The police

Pete: Well, yeah, you, you, you, hear it all

Dan: And I tell you what, up and up and to this point, you see, you don't see in the first half of the film. He's

Pete: He's

completely by

himself in every scene because he's just a guy in his own flat.

Sidey: Pirate radio

Reegs: the inspirational figure.

Pete: Exactly. Yeah. He's like, his

Reegs: ian. Right, right,

Pete: and he says it's like seven o'clock every morning.

He's like, wake up everybody. You're with the Lord. and and then he goes and he does a bit of spiel, reminds him of like, he's trying to keep order, he's trying to keep that kind of community spirit kind of going on, and then he'll play like African music and reggae and various different, like,

Reegs: is he good in it?

Pete: I think

Dan: excellent in it. I think

he's really

Cris: he's the best thing in it.

Pete: I

think he is. He's he's excellent in

Sidey: Well, Chris said

Reegs: Right, right, right.

Pete: Ian. Right. Right.

Right. Yeah. What, happened before Kitchener buys it and everything is, is is he goes to the new, to to like the reception of the the new compound where his, his new, better flat is going to be?

And he starts inquiring about the ability to sort of, how, you know, how much longer and how much would it be to, to add it up to double occupancy. So you can see he's, at first he was standoffish with Benji, but he wants to, he's got this kind of protective sides that, that wants to look after him. So he starts inquiring about that.

And then the scene cuts, so you don't know what his decision is. like Whether or not he, because they say, Well look, you have to, right, if you want to go on the waiting list for the 2W occupancy, you have to give up your single occupancy right now. And then it cuts. What you then quickly find out is that he's just taken the single occupancy, and he's left the, he's left the kitchen, and left Benji behind.

But then this this scene where, you know, it happens where there's another Raiden Kitchener gets, not only, you know, evacuated, but obviously, like, killed as part of the, like, the brutality of it. And you hear the, the, the scene unfold through the microphone, and there's a bit where there's, like, you know, right, he's, like, shouting, Ah, and all of that, and then it's left, on, and then one of the, the police just goes, microphone's still on, and then it cuts off.

And then it goes to the scene at the funeral parlor, where Izzy just sees It, even says over the tannoy oh, in bay there's like too many people in bay 13 or whatever. six, well, there we go and he walks down to it to see what's going on, why there's so many people because everyone's, you know, everyone's fairly modest, like, you know, in, their funerals and stuff like that.

And there's like tons and tons of people, hundreds let's say, in there and there's like singing and real grief and mourning going on and you see Lord Kitchener like, you know, lying in the casket. Looking dapper, although you see him upside down, but yeah, he's looking dapper. And is he, yeah. it's almost like a an awakening for him.

It's like the straw that breaks the camel's back. It's like, you know, this is the figurehead of that community just been killed. Now this, this boy

Dan: you're leaving him on his own. Yeah, He knows he's only got, like, one path out away from himself. It's going to fall back into this this crew of hoodlums, really. There's, there's a love interest for young Benji where one of the gang members, that one of the girls who's related in, in with that crowd, Ruby.

Is escaping from the, the police in one of the raids and he just manages to open the door rather riskly because the police would just barge in there and start ripping everybody out. You see him doing that in different,

areas, so. He manages to save her, but they're they're young and they're just kind of, you know, I was thinking then, Oh, I see where this is going you know, Izzy's gonna die and those two are gonna take this really nice flat together that he's set up, But it's not the way that it went at all actually so I knew nothing.

Pete: Yeah, so, well, anyway, Izzy goes back and it's the middle of a raid, they managed to, to kind of like, he gets Benji, gets him back in his in his apartment. And then they have this heart to heart and Benji effectively, well he just turns around and asks him flat out like, Are you, are you my dad? And and is he just kind of, he doesn't say anything, but he just sort of like, and then he says to him like, you know, but, you know, what do you want me to be? Kind of like, he's not sure how he wants to, you know, they, they deal with the fact that he was never, it was like a one night stand, doesn't love it, like, it was never in love with his mommy. he didn't sort of like, abandon them because that was never anything that he signed up to in the first place, there doesn't seem to be any ill feeling, and I think Benji was saying that his mom said, look, like, she's, she said, like, oh, your father, like, didn't love me but maybe one day he might love you, and that, and he, yeah. this is where he works, and so if I'm not around, maybe go looking for him or something, and so that, that's how they come together.

Sidey: He just wants to see how it

Pete: Yeah.

And they kind of like, they have, they have this moment and then the raid is still going on. And then you just start hearing banging at the door. To the point where you assume the door gets like broken open and cut to black. and that is the end of the film.

Dan: Yeah, I, I didn't assume that they were gonna get I thought that door would would've held firm.

But, it was, yeah, just the end of the, the movie there is it Faced a Black and it leaves you wondering what kind of relationship is he and Benji gonna forge going forward. Violent a a violent one, yeah.

Pete: Well I, I took it as, as they, they,

not reconciled because they'd never really sort of like fallen out in the first place.

But they'd like come together, They'd dealt with who they were to each other. And at that point, they're sort of like, it was a tragic ending that the doors were going to burst open and the police were going to come in and and take them away and do whatever it is that they do with the people that they take away if they're not killing them like Lord

Kitchener.

Dan: For

me

I

think Chris is right. I think right. He was the best bit of this movie actually. I really, I really generally enjoyed his performance. I thought he was he really brought something to the film. in the first half of the film, where you get these

The,

Tannoy spot, you know, speaking, truth to the masses down there and trying to encourage them and, and, and bring the community together and playing some music and things.

And you've got Whitey going over. I thought it was such a, really, you know, clever way to get him into the film, but also bring a bit of spirit.

Pete: of He plays a sort of like a, more, slightly more fictional version of himself really, doesn't he? Where he's like larger than life kind of.

Dan: Amorphous

Sidey: that righty

charisma.

Dan: he was

Pete: Yeah, exactly right. Yeah. like, he, He is, he is excellent at it. I mean, I don't, I haven't got a problem with the performance of like Izzy for example. I think like, you know, that's a solid performance. I, You know, quite a, I think quite a lot of the other guys in it are are like rappers or street artists or whatever that aren't actors as such.

So there there is. It doesn't sort of like flow particularly well in some of the other scenes or

Dan: It's, it's not hugely dialogue heavy there's a lot of scenes where people will just have you know, the camera on them and and Just through Izzy's acting ability. You you can understand his thinking He's, he's you know, he's obviously Conflicted in which way he's going to go but that did slow the pace of the film down Quite a bit for me in certain areas where I just thought

no,

Nothing is not moving fast enough here for me.

So

Pete: So what I thought was exactly that, that it felt to me like a Doesn't quite hit the mark and should have been It could have been punchier and shorter and it would've been almost like an episode of Black Mirror It could have been like an

Sidey: it looked like

something off Channel four to me. The visuals of it

just reminded me

Reegs: I don't have

Pete: I like the, I I thought visually it was quite good,

Sidey: don't mean that in a bad way, but It did have the feel of Like, TV budget.

Not that it's a bad thing, but it

looked small screen.

Pete: I I I was underwhelmed.

Yeah.

Reegs: on the screen. It's

Sidey: It's okay. I mean, it's nothing

I wouldn't

say, you know, you, you go oh, like what a

unique style or anything like that. It's, There's

nothing, I don't know.

The, the, The film is Like, not successful for me in generating any drama about the relationship. is very obvious to me that straight away when they meet, that that's

his dad. I mean, it was like, like,

pretty much, almost explicit. And so that, that sort of element of it, there's no like, oh, when, when the surprise, you

know, that

he admits that he's his dad, you're like, well, yeah, obviously.

And so you just, really all you're given is like a couple of scenes yeah. where they do stuff together. A few raids. That's really it. And it's,

it's kind of, you

know, it's trying to make this point about the haves and the have nots, but I just don't think it's done in a particularly like new or you know, interesting way necessarily.

Looks quite good. I mean it is, you know, well made. It does look good.

Dan: Yeah, some really nice

Sidey: But I wasn't thrilled, you know, I wasn't watching it going, oh, that's fucking brilliant. It was just like Performance is a decent

Dan: Yeah, It wasn't

Sidey: just a bit so so

Dan: Yeah, it wasn't the edge. and I think that was more to do with the pacing. There was you know, as I say,

a lot of just shots on one guy.

So he's, you're only just trying to find out what he's thinking through his acting. And, you know, is he confused? Which way is he going to go? There wasn't a lot of conversation in in which to, you could hear his thinking

Sidey: for it being called The

kitchen you don't i would have liked to,

have Like

Drill down more into that and learn more about the community and more about the place because you really don't See anything much of it.

other than Right in his pirate radio,

Dan: but, but it feels like there was more to it, like there could, you know, there, there was layers to it

Sidey: been more world building because

like I said, we don't know what happens to anyone when they get captured.

So they go into like some forced work thing or like I don't know what it is. So it was It's felt a little bit wishy washy. It was a shame.

Dan: But there was definite potential there, you know, to, to see more as you say more about this world, more about these, these characters. The idea itself I, I wasn't sure what it was, you know, it was going to be soil and green kind of thing around the the, the plants.

It didn't really go too much into that. So there was a lot of good ideas that it didn't really, for me, going to It could have gone into a little more depth and maybe pulled apart those stories to make it a little more pacey.

and, and edgier seat stuff,

But

Pete: you

said the same, Chris, you said the same the side that you thought the best thing was, was

Cris: right.

Yeah, by far. He was the, he was the best part. The only thing I didn't really understand was why they would call him that name. I think the name was terrible. They could have,

Sidey: have Do you know, Do

you know who Lord

Kitchener

Cris: who Lord

Sidey: the famous poster, the war poster, of Your Country Needs You.

There's a

big, there's a

white guy.

Cris: So I

Sidey: they've just, they've taken, they've, they've Yes,

Cris: right. Is that who he?

Sidey: they've sort of taken that name and re appropriated it.

Cris: Otherwise I just thought they could have called him John and it would have been a lot better than Lord Well, this is the Lord. You know, this is the Lord speaking. This is, I was a bit like, what the fuck is he talking about?

But the music, the choice of music was great. The dialogues were very poor and not only that it was and it's, it feels like they've basically, cause I watched top boy, not all of it, but I've watched most of it. It feels like they it's the same actors. Kano or Kane, whatever his name is, the other guy, the motorbike guy, there's a few of them that are exactly the same actors.

It feels like they moved Top Boy into the future and they've

And they speak the same, they do the thing with the teeth, they do that, and all that stuff is, I don't know, it was,

Sidey: yeah, the slang is it is the future, but it's now it's today's slang.

Cris: Ian Wright was by far the best thing, especially because he's a DJ, he's cool, he's got the, I've got the gold tooth, I've got this, be like me, be happy, all that. Other than that, and again, it was way too long.

Reegs: So what have we got? We've got didn't love it, didn't love it, didn't love it, didn't love it, didn't see it. Strong

recommend.

Pete: very strong

Dan: total stanch

Cris: Blobby! Blobby

Dan: now Pete, you've given us an absolute treat again this week with the

Reegs: Well, you say that, my initial reaction when you said

it was to groan

and be like,

Dan: Yeah, as was mine.

Reegs: fucking

pink

Sidey: I was.

Reegs: Because,

obviously, at the time when Blobby came out, that's how I felt about Mr Blobby.

Sidey: Did you not even like it back then.

Oh, man.

Pete: didn't either?

Reegs: No, just twat. But looking at it now, I realise what genius

it is.

Pete: it is, . fucking absolute genius. So uh, like, I remember, I distinctly remember this because like a few of you know, Mileman, like miserable fucking prick, right? I've, barely seen him like chuckle, let alone like barely laugh. I can remember this one and the Will Carling one. Mileman literally on the floor, like bent double, like howling with laughter at how hilariously funny he thought this was at the time.

Sidey: was

at the time. I think

it

Pete: think it was no one's

Sidey: house

party, So it

Pete: So it was the gotcha reward, wasn't it, normally?

So it was, So what it was, it was kind of like a precursor to almost like Ali G and other, you know, where he goes as an undercover character, but very, very different in terms of like slap, more slapstick and so on, but it's like getting real people, so real celebrities, and there was a whole host of them And it was this fake kids

Sidey: Yeah, he was purported to be an established,

Kids

entertainment thing.

Reegs: It's sort of believable, but when you see him, because

Sidey: Yeah,

Reegs: yeah, exactly, everybody's

Pete: But there's something, but even looking at him makes me laugh. Like those, the manic eyes that are like wobbling in his head. And the fact that he says

Blobby: BLUBBERY

Reegs: And the fact that

Pete: Yeah, and everything is just, various,

Sidey: Blobby,

Pete: iterations of the word

blobby.

So it's kind of like Groot, but

Reegs: corpses, because he did it a little bit in in

the

Pete: in the Garth Crooks.

Sidey: He's a little bit clumsy as well.

Pete: it's,

total slapstick, which is normally not my like, favorite style of, like, comedy or whatever. But because Mr. Blobby is so preposterous as a character, and these people think Because what it does is, like a lot of other other, stuff, is it's putting these people into Situations where they feel like they have to be professional, they have to be polished, they have to come across as holding it together in the face of everything

Dan: that's

going on.

And they're totally not TV people, so they're not sure where to stand, they're not sure how to perform and act, and they're out of their comfort

Reegs: don't have agents that are making them media savvy,

Sidey: And also

Reegs: on, it's just a guy in a tracksuit stuck in a studio.

Sidey: But it's a man in a crosshair, so you could believe

that

Pete: Noel

Reegs: Edmonds. Yeah,

Sidey: be floundering. No, but as, So like Garth could say, when he falls over

the first time, you could well believe that, Oh shit, like it's an accident,

he's

fallen over because he can't fucking see. Yeah. But then it just

happens

Reegs: Well

you don't see the

45 minutes

of takes around

it where he's being normal,

and where he maybe just,

you

Sidey: know,

they get

Pete: get the producer, but the good, the funny thing is, like, So the first time he falls over and breaks the goal, and he's rolling around in it and stuff.

But like Noel Edmonds is is obviously like because there's some bleeps in it, so he's obviously straight he's going, oh fuck

or whatever, But

He's doing it in his ridiculous blobby

Reegs: voice.

Well, it's got the blobby

Pete: voice. boxing, yeah,

Reegs: yeah,

it's like Stephen

Sidey: but

Pete: but, this one, like, because some of, the reactions of, of, the, the people, I mean, Blobby falling over and wrecking, just trashing everything

Sidey: But then you get the producers, you can hear them going, oh, we need to, say we're running

over

now. They're getting like ticked off. So it's more believable.

Pete: inside Blobby going, like, oh look Dave, look we've, you know, we've, got we've got a wrap up by three here, mate. Like you've got to be more careful with the set and everything like

Dan: one minute he's counting and you go, Blobby one, Blobby Blobby Blobby Blobby Blobby Blobby And he

keeps doing it.

Pete: in in a football

Dan: and go

off.

Pete: got four fingers

on each hand as well That's Blobby, 11.

Sidey: waiting

Dan: But the producer says, didn't he?

You're going to have to jump in here, Garth Like, you know,

Reegs: Yeah, well he's up to about

15.

Dan: 15.

Pete: It's

Sidey: asked him to kick, and he

just runs around the ball.

Pete: And bursts. Yeah.

Reegs: yeah.

Dan: bursts it. That's it, he

Sidey: we watch it

again?

Reegs: of what's good about it is Garth Crooks

It's

Pete: brilliant because he just pisses himself all the way through. Some other people like get really fucking, they

Reegs: Well, this one is not very mean spirited, right?

Because the joke is all on Blobby in this

one. He's fooling around being a dick and

Garth Crooks just gets to laugh at

it

Pete: laugh at

Reegs: he has been involved in a punch up and all

Pete: And all sorts of I think so, yeah. But there's others that, whatever it is that they do, like it's their art. there's like ballet ones and all sorts of stuff. where. they I think they get really upset because, you know, their, art is their, kind of like,

Sidey: like. Parky, Parky didn't like him.

Pete: Right, loads of people do. Will Carling was one where he's like, it gets caught on the microphone and he's going like, You're a fucking idiot, mate. And stuff like that.

Sidey: He's like,

Reegs: well, that's how I felt at the time, though. When I was a kid watching this

I was

Pete: It's amazing. And then obviously you get the big reveal where he's like, Head comes back and it's Noel Edmonds in there.

Who like, I always feel like I didn't like him, but, like, if, if, he's, I'm not saying he came up with

Dan: it, but He threw himself

into

Pete: threw himself into the, and like,

Reegs: Well, it was good at the beginning, right? because

it could be, because it was unknown. They could film like 10 or 15 of them and get away with it, but you know, people didn't know who he was or whatever.

But then it

just became a

Pete: out the bag.

Reegs: fucking big pink prick,

like, Releasing a

Christmas song or whatever And you're like, oh We've been

Dan: No, it became a bit oversaturated with Blobby but

Sidey: Famous tax dodger, Gary Barlow

Like Genuinely hated him because he kept like blobby's Christmas number one kept taking that off

the Christmas number one

spot.

And he

held a grudge about it for fucking years

and

Reegs: years. beaten beaten by, yeah Mr.

Dan: robson

Pete: Like,

Sidey: Have you seen that that's been shared Breezy's shared that on our Discord channel.

so if you want to

what's that?

the, Blobby,

The she put the YouTube.

Reegs: Of

Dan: Oh,

the song on

Sidey: of

the, of the song Oh nice It's got the clip of Garth Cooke's in it Yeah You can like, double down on

watching

Reegs: Garth Cooke's in it. You can like double down on what he's done. Appropriately Nate. Well, it's this segment that's introduced

by Blob Wilson.

Dan: You've

Sidey: Blob Wilson

Pete: he goes yeah, everyone's talking about the new phenomenon Mr. Blobby, or Blosser, as he's known. I always thought Blosser was like a blowjob, but.

yes, and then they put him up, Blosser or Gazza Who's your favorite?

Reegs: But the heap introduces is alongside contemporary such

as blobby charltons. Yeah.

Pete: Blobby styles.

Reegs: styles. Yeah. And it's, this has got me thinking all day. How many have you got then?

Blo?

Pete: we, did

Dan: you got then? We had

Pete: Carlos.

Reegs: Blato.

Sidey: Blobby. Blobberto.

Reegs: Blato,

Dan: Al Hal

Reegs: iron, blobbing.

Al How? Blobs and Cano. Oh, I like that.

Pete: like that. Yeah. That's good. That is good. Yeah. What did you make of this, Chris? Was this your first foray into the world of Mr. Blobby?

Cris: I didn't see it.

Reegs: Oh,

We'll have to watch it

Sidey: We will have to watch

Dan: Right, okay. You will, you will. my

Sidey: absolute

favourite moment of

TV of all time.

Because

he went away for a while. And then he was repurposed by

Harry Hill in TV Burp,

Pete: Oh yeah.

Sidey: And he would take segments from,

What had been on telly that

week,

and

reenact

it with.

looky likes,

But then, so have Mr. Bobby appear?

So there was an EastEnders reveal where one of

the characters was pregnant and had a baby and there

was like

Reegs: like And

Sidey: the identity of the father had been

kept secret.

And

so obviously it

happened in the EastEnders normally like the door opened, but he didn't see

who was behind the door and she's in bed

and she

goes, it's you. And that holds the baby up. And then,

In TV Burt World, it just reveals Blobby, and he goes,

Hahahaha It's fucking 10 out of 10, The best

thing that's ever been on telly,

it's amazing

Dan: So, there you have it. I mean, this is one of the

Pete: We, we know a guy who's got a Mr. Blobby tattoo. Which is class.

Dan: this is one of the few things we revisited and it has gone down an absolute

Sidey: to hear what Gary Barlow actually

said? Yeah, go

on.

Reegs: Yeah, go on.

Sidey: Yeah. There's

very few things I hate, but that blobby. I hate him. He's ridiculous. Kids don't like him. He scares people. He's horrible. I hate him. And he robbed us. He robbed

us! I love

it.

Dan: there. There we go. Well done.

Pete: That is a mate. I love him

Dan: done. Berto.

Pete: Yeah. Blob Perez.

Reegs: Yeah. Good.

Blobberto Solano?

Pete: Yeah. 10 out of 10.

Sidey: strong. recommend.

Pete: Let's talk about blobby some more.

Dan: Right, well send in your Bobby Your Blobbys and your Bobbies and

Reegs: Blobmonkhouse, all of that,

Dan: or any of those will do.

It's been a strong episode, I think.

Pete: Oh, thank you, Daniel.

Reegs: Brought to us

by,

Brought to you

by,

Sidey: well, A

Dan: final word from our sponsors on butter chocolate. That's Lott Black Butter Chocolate. You can get it with the little bear. He'll wink at you just like you love it.

Pete: I do get paid for

Dan: That's, I do get paid for saying it, you

know,

Pete: Yeah, true, yeah.

Cris: done

Sidey: Some sort of nominations from someone for next week

Reegs: could, it will probably,

I'll

be the same I reckon next week

Sidey: Yeah, too cool,

right.

Reegs: yeah. We'll

Sidey: yeah. We'll figure it out.

Cris: out.

Sidey: Struggle to beat Blobby content though.

Cris: Yeah,

Reegs: It's downhill all

the way, innit?

Sidey: All that remains is to

say, Blobby signing

out.

Reegs: signing

out.

Cris: Yeah, Blobby.

Dan: Dan's Blob.