April 14, 2023

Three Thousand Years of Longing & Shimmer and Shine

Three Thousand Years of Longing & Shimmer and Shine
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This week’s show starts with a look at the Top 5 Journeys because that word sounds a bit like genie. Yeah, that's the level we're at this week.
We're big fans of George Miller around these parts so we thought we'd take a look at the Australian auteurs most recent effort, THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF LONGING (2022). 'Narratologist' Alithea (Tilda Swinton) discovers a trinket whilst on a speaking engagement in Istanbul which contains the Djinn (Idris Elba), who proceeds to tell her the story of his incarceration and promises the scholar three wishes in order to fulfil her hearts desires. For the bulk of its runtime, TTYOL is an intimate conversational piece about companionship and loneliness taking place within the confines of an hotel room whilst simultaneously being an epic fantasy romance spanning thousands of years, involving magic and real historical figures, which is clearly a bit of a bizarre combination. It's also awful and impossible to connect to in any way according to two of the Dads and whilst I did enjoy this inventive, unusual and clearly very personal movie, with it's difficult to completely discern themes about the impact that science and technology have on our sense of wonder and our need for intimacy, I did find the film's final act which moves the couple to London and introduces several new conflicts to the story to be a bit of a jarring come-down from the weirdness of the preceding hour. It is of course often quite incredible to look at; beautifully composed and with Miller's trademark vibrant maximalism on display to the fore. Not for everyone it's fair to say.
Thankfully SHIMMER AND SHINE unites us all this week in that we universally decree it to be mindless, badly written fluff with the exception of Cris who couldn't be bothered to watch it. Smart choice. This incredibly ugly Nickelodeon animated series sees the cretinous Leah given three wishes every day by the glammed-up genies, yet somehow they all conspire to fuck it up. Moronic. 

We love to hear from our listeners! By which I mean we tolerate it. If it hasn't been completely destroyed yet you can usually find us on twitter @dads_film, on Facebook Bad Dads Film Review, on email at baddadsjsy@gmail.com or on our website baddadsfilm.com.

Until next time, we remain...

Bad Dads


3000 Years of Longing

Reegs: Welcome to Bad Dad's Film Review, the podcast that loves movies more than the Dalai Lama. Loves children. Each week, sorry. Yeah, sorry. Each week we prove just because you're a dad doesn't mean you can't be a cinephile, or at least pretend to be having given up our hobby to watch Pepper Pig re runs.

We're finally getting up to date on everything that's been released in the past 10 years. This week, sees us discussing the top five journeys from the Shire, all the way to Interstellar space and everything in between. After that, we'll be getting all genial with the genie as we review George Miller's fantasy romance, 3000 years of longing before finishing up with a look at the terrific Nickelodeon Animated Series shimmer and.

Sidey: and

Reegs: A quick warning for you. This podcast contains more spoilers than a broken down car dealership and language, which would make a bunch of sailors on shore leave blush. So listen at your own risk. All that's left to do is introduce the dad, starting with multi-talented co-host Sidey, who can not only speak fluent dog, but also has a special talent in that he can perfectly fold a fitted sheet every time.

Yeah. Yeah. It's impressive. We also have the brilliant Balkan the man who I've noticed each week pays special attention to how long something is Chris. And finally there's me res

Sidey: Hello?

Cris: Hi.

Sidey: Have you been watching anything good?

Reegs: Yeah. Succession,

Sidey: Oh, okay. I saw a post on Twitter where someone said that the most recent episode was better than OER Mandes and a specific Soprano's episode. And I was like, wow, that is a strong

Reegs: It,

it, it, it deserves to be talked about in those. It really

Sidey: is.

I haven't seen a single second of succession, so I've got that

Reegs: that one. It's genius. I need to watch the whole thing from beginning to end. It just gets better and better. It's brilliant.


Sidey: Cool. I'm fully up to date with Yellow Jackets. Nice. Have you been watching S two?

Reegs: No, not yet. None of it.

Sidey: It's real good.

Reegs: Is it all out

Sidey: No, it's fucking soul crushing, having to wait seven days between episodes, but

Reegs: yeah. I'm gonna wait.


Sidey: where I'm at.

So the last one was like, except. Some real fucking badassery and, and it's like, oh, and no one, like, no one else that I know is up to date. I saw Pete today and he's, he's still flummoxing around on like episode one of series two. So I so tempted to spoil stuff, but I didn't, I didn't do it. I, I restrained myself.

Reegs: It really was terrific. The first season of that

Sidey: Carried on in the same vein. It's real good.

Cris: I watched a movie called The Career 2020 with Benedict Cumber Batch and someone else,


other people, I dunno, I, I dunno, anyone else.

And it was, it's 2020. It's kind of like a spy movie.

Reegs: All right.

Cris: He, I really enjoyed it. I think it's in the sixties maybe the, the action,

Sidey: Wait, what's it called?

Cris: Courier

Sidey: Is he

Reegs: courier?

Cris: The

Sidey: Oh, I've seen that. Yeah. Yeah. He, he gets captured by the Russians. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Cris: he, he's a, he is an amateur and he goes to

Sidey: he's, he's sending a message he's gotta take that's he's the curry.

He's gotta send a message to his, like, his contact out there. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It, that was really good. I enjoyed

Cris: Yeah. I, I liked it. It was, I, I thought it was really good

Sidey: it's a true story, isn't it?

Cris: Yes. It's based on, yeah,

Sidey: Yeah. That's right.

Cris: I dunno. The guy, the Russian guys, apparently to this day, the most, the biggest source that they ever had in, in Russia.

And allegedly they stopped some Cuban nuclear missiles problem with American. It was, it was, I really enjoyed

Sidey: It was good. It was good. Yeah. Cool.

Reegs: I've also been watching Beef. Have you

Sidey: ah, no, I want to go into that. Cause I'm a big fan of David Cho. Right. The artist who's in it. And also he's got Steven Yung.

Yeah. So, really wanna see that. It's supposed to be,

Reegs: Yeah.

Cris: Is other series?

Reegs: Yes.

Sidey: Oh, hang on. We smashed something as well. The Night Agent or something like that on Twitter. Twitter on it's on Netflix. It's a fairly middle of the road, kind of actually 10 parter.

Reegs: Ooh.

Sidey: it's okay. Like we, we did six episodes on over Easter on the Saturday and then the next four on the Sunday night.

So like blitzed it. Nice. I think I fell asleep during every single episode, but I was awake enough to follow it. And it was, it was like harmless fun. Yeah. It was quite insane. Sometimes you need that kind of stuff in your life.

Reegs: Yeah.

Cris: I've also watched, I just remembered, I've also watched it's a series, I think it's only one season. It's called Home Game on Netflix, and it's the first one is about culture. Historical is like a, it's basically football with MMA in Florence and Italy. It's, it's really amazing. It's only half an hour episodes.

And this is like these Italian guys, they just beat the shit of each other and, and they, their end goal is to score a goal in, in each like different ends of the, of a, of a sand rectangular thing, but

Reegs: whilst they fight,

Cris: whilst they fight, but proper like bare knuckle. And it's brutal. Yeah. Yeah.

And the second episode is, I think it's in. The Philippines, and it's to do with diving. And there's this guy from some tribe, and he's trying to, to, he's attempting to do the

Sidey: well no free dive,

Cris: Yeah. Free diving. And he's the national, he attempts to do the national to beat the national record or something, and he fails, but it's quite good.

And there's also the Scotland Highland Games

Sidey: Ah, right, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Cris: where they, the, the biggest challenge is to throw a

Sidey: Kto. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Cris: the one. Have you seen

Reegs: that?

A tree

Sidey: basically. Yeah. Big like telegraph pole.

Cris: It's like a big toll. And they need to throw it and the queen goes there and, and they have to


Sidey: was shot at it though.

Yeah. Yeah.

Cris: she didn't really, she didn't really do much with it, but yeah, I, and I've only seen the, the three episodes, but I, to be fair, I did enjoy that. I don't think there's, there's that many episodes left. There's probably, I think there's all, in all about six of them. So I, I thoroughly enjoyed that, especially the football and fighting one.

That was, that was good. Proper violence.

Sidey: Okay.


Reegs: get into watching K tossing as well.

Sidey: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, we had a top five last week. Do you remember? Well, I, I don't remember. I wasn't here, but it was about bears.

Reegs: It was,

Sidey: was about bears. And did you, I can't remember, did you mention any of the ones from online last week?

I don't know. I don't wanna repeat myself or

Reegs: we did have a couple of terrific nominations for the Bear Jew from Glorious

Sidey: Yes, we did. So, first of all, we'll get to the Bejo in a bit, but Wek. Positive and I think you guys did too about having chew backer. Mm-hmm. And his voice is, contains a sample of a bear.

Reegs: I think Pete said I couldn't have it.

Sidey: I also think that, that he's a wicke. I mean he's a separate creature, so it didn't know. Then Bear is nominated the Bear Jew. He was like hesitant because he feels like we've been ridiculing him one mind,

which is quite. funny.

Cris: I thought that was a great self from Joe. Yeah, I mean, to be fair, I ridicule him, but you know, sometimes he deserves it.

Sidey: think Brey also mentioned the Bejo.

So two good nominations there. Darren Leh Lee with Paddington Times two Cocaine, bear, owl Bear from Dungeons and Dragons. I dunno if that's the new film.

Reegs: be, yeah.

Sidey: Gentle Bear is a great shout. Yogi Bear, Winnie the Poo and the Fox's glassier Mint Bear I really like.

Reegs: that's good.

Sidey: So I think, did you guys put in three? when I was doing the edit of it. Cuz I, even though I wasn't in the show, I was still grafting away. Don't

Reegs: Yeah, of course.

Sidey: I was thinking, please, someone fucking mentioned Grizzly man and You did. Yeah. I was like, that's such a fucking good film. So that was gonna be my cha but you did it anyway.

So I think the Bear Jew and the Fox's glassy mint bear cuz an advert, we don't have a lot. That's

Reegs: amazing. That's an amazing shout.


Sidey: So they're in boom

Reegs: So Journey sounds a bit like Genie. I dunno whether you noticed that. I thought about doing Top five Genies, but it would've been really fucking hard after Aladdin.

Sidey: even get, I, I didn't make that connection at all.

So when I was watching the movie, yeah. I was

like, She doesn't really, she's on an airplane, I suppose. And then, and then I was watching the kids thing, like they don't really journey at all in this's. Maybe from the kitchen to the lounge. I don't get it. No. Alright. Right. Okay.

Reegs: Yeah, it's not very good, is it? But it sounds a bit like

Sidey: Right. Okay. Yeah. Well, here we are. So, so journey's then, and I guess you could interpret this in, in any, in several ways.

Cris: Well, in any way really,

Sidey: You know, the, the journey of self-discovery perhaps, or just a geographical journey is basically what I've got.

Reegs: Yeah,

Cris: Yeah. The journey of discovering your sexuality.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Still on that one.

Cris: Yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm there as well.

Sidey: People could see in the trousers that I'm wearing, they, they would probably agree. Uh Right. Reeks gone in

Reegs: well, I'm gonna start with Don't Stop Believing by Journey. Used in loads of stuff, but really memorably for me. The, the finale of The Sopranos. I remember feeling absolutely gobsmacked with that massive cut to black and just not really being able to comprehend what I'd just seen.

And it taken days to process much like this most recent episode of Succession Will, I think. But yeah, that, that was journey. Don't Stop Believing. I wish I had, I had a list somewhere of all of the films that

Sidey: I've got. Wait, if you wanna seek it out in films, you could look up view from the top, the comebacks cloudy with a chance of meatballs and the losers. But there's others.

Reegs: dozens, dozens and dozens of

Sidey: it's a tune as well though. Yeah,

Reegs: it is a tune.

Sidey: Chris

Cris: I've got the first one is, which was also in Rigs introduction is the Fellowship of the Ring, which is obviously the journey that The

Yeah, the hobbits.

And, and later on everyone

Sidey: Riggs is down, down about these films. Isn't like 'em.

Cris: Okay, well,

Reegs: okay, they're okay.

Cris: It's, it's a, it's a journey. I dunno,

Sidey: It's an epic journey.

Cris: that

categorize as a


Reegs: would say so,

Cris: Despite the fact that you hate them and

Reegs: well, one of them is called an unexpected journey, isn't it? So,

Sidey: So in order of films, goodness, it's two towers Fellowship, return of the King. I think that's the unanimously accepted

Reegs: with

Cris: Anyway, they're for me, the whole 3, 5, 6 movies, whatever. If, if you go backwards and

Sidey: but it

Cris: they're all kind of a journey anyway. They,

Sidey: it's literally from the Shire to Mount Doom.

Cris: To throw the ring into the fire. Right.

Sidey: But yeah. And then it's completely undone because, and we've had this a million times, but just get the fucking eagles. Yeah. Not the band, the the bird, the birds. Yes. Yeah. To fly you there like they do at the end to rescue and drop the thing in and fuck off again.


Cris: Yes. But

Sidey: I wouldn't make for a great trilogy,

Cris: it would be, it would be the three minutes, you know, it would be like a

Sidey: but it would cut out

Cris: a Nirvana video.

Sidey: Yeah. It would cut out a lot of strife, but great films.

Cris: Yes. Yeah. I, I enjoyed it. And, and I thought that was a, a, a good journey to start from, again, from Hobbit. You shouldn't really be upset with him. You look like one.

Reegs: Yeah. Here we

Sidey: Oh wow.

Reegs: Straight with the hobbit things. Wow.

Sidey: the PlayStation Lego leg. Why are you looking me that Lego Lord of the Rings game. You got a, a special medal if you walked Frodo from the Shire all the way to Moreor,

it took hours, literally hours. Yeah. Yeah. You get like a special reward thing for that, for nerd.

It's only,

Reegs: yeah, that's definitely a journey, Chris. Yeah. Yeah.

Sidey: Oh, a hundred percent. It's the first one I thought of. Yeah. Yeah. I think Dan would be very upset if we didn't mention Into the Wild. He's a huge fan of that. I really enjoyed that too. It's a story about a guy who sells all his stuff. Have you seen this?


Cris: Yeah. I say he, he, he dies at the end.

Sidey: Spoiler. He does die. Yeah. He STAs to death. Is he star or does he poison himself in

Cris: he eats something.


Sidey: He kills, he kills something and he isn't able to preserve it well enough. And then he reads a book and he, and he eats and something and he dies. But great advert for weight loss.

Cris: Yeah.

Sidey: not such a great survival story, but very, very memorable. Yeah. Emil Hush, I think. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, that one I thought of as well.

Reegs: Nice. Well, I've got the Hero's Journey, which is like the, the entire concept and of described by Joseph Campbell.

And it's basically the sort of story structure of every kind of hero from every film like The Matrix or Moana or Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter from everything from that to Interstellar. Somebody leaves the familiar world behind, goes to navigate an unfamiliar world, there's a call to action, all this stuff.

So yeah, the Hero's Journey, it's like it's Star

Sidey: it's an academic thing.

Reegs: Well, it's, it's, yeah. It's just basically a way of describing how all popular culture stories of heroes are framed in a particular way and you can trace it structure through literally every, every kind of hero movie that you can think of.

Cris: of. Yeah. I've got one to follow up on that one because this is a story and a, and a journey which relates to, to your absolute hero is a guy called Raul Duke and Dr. Gonzo in a movie called Fear and Lo thing in Las Vegas. Yeah. So they follow the true heroes path. And obviously I got the quote on the way to Las Vegas that they had two bags of grass, 75 pallets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered acid, a salt shaker, half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy multicolored upwards down, and cream as lathers, and also a court of tequila, cor of Rome, a case of budweis.

There are pointer, ether and two dozen Amal. Not that they needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked in a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push as far as you can.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Letting themselves down with the Budweiser

Cris: I know.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: But it does sound like every Vegas trip ever. Pretty much.

Reegs: Not many of them.

You wake up like wearing waders in half a crocodile

Sidey: suit,

Reegs: your floor completely submerged.

Cris: But I think it relates quite well from your hero story into this movie because it's exactly what you said earlier. It's so inspiring and it's, it's a proper story as well, and a proper journey.

Reegs: I love it.

Hunter s Thompson. I've read the book a few times as well.

Cris: Yeah, I've read the book. I, I thought it was brilliant as well. I, I, I didn't experience quite everything that they've seen there, but it was, it was a good journey.

Sidey: uh, well apologies in advance Torey, but I'm going to put forth two Tom Hanks movies both with journeys that don't go according to plan. The first one being cast away.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Which has a plane crash, but then a nice stay on a Fiji island.

It was the island of Madi.

Very picturesque. And again, great advert for weight loss. And then Apollo 13. Yeah, which is a journey

Yeah. Well way

Reegs: Well, that's it. I've got a subset of movies that are just about getting home from

Sidey: Okay.

well maybe I'll just talk a bit more and then you can segue into that.

Cuz I like. Pretty forthright about my dislike of Tom Hanks, but I do, I am, I am a sucker for Apollo 13. Yeah. Even having seen it a million times, still like really enjoy it

Reegs: Yeah, it's brilliant.

Sidey: Does have that I don't know Ron Howard just, just good at that. And it's a Clint

Reegs: that understated

Sidey: does have is Clint Howard and, you know, the rule of Clint Howard equals great.

So it's just a great story and feel good. And you know, his son, like in the school classroom, like waiting to hear, to hear that voice on the radio and it comes and he like, yeah, yeah. And then he like, fuck, it's Tom Hanks though.

Reegs: though.

Sidey: What a can He is?

Reegs: Uh, Yeah. So movies where the whole point is to get home. The journey home. So Apollo 13, inner space. Do you remember that

Sidey: one? So shocking revelation of was talking to Peter lunchtime today and I was like, I've never seen it. Inner space. Oh wow. I know. And I

Cris: seen it either.

Sidey: I only seen like every video that I rented in the eighties had a trailer for Innerspace and somehow it just never,

Reegs: Oh, it's

Sidey: never.

And then all the times that it's been on tele, I've just never seen it. Dunno why.

Yeah. I've proud to been enjoy it.

Reegs: it. Dennis Qua, like really charming and great miniaturization sequences and all that. Oh, brother. Wear art now is about prisoners trying to get home. So The Warriors, you seen that one?

Sidey: haven't seen that one. No. I'm

Reegs: Coney Island gang trying to get home. So yeah. Subset of movies where the entire point is just a journey home.

Cris: Okay. I've got Jumanji.

Where it's, it's kind of a journey through time and, and obviously they end up in the jungle and then they,

Reegs: which one are you talking about?

The original or

Cris: the

first one?

Reegs: Well, with Robin Williams. Yes. You seen any of this equals?

Sidey: Yeah, man. I've

Cris: seen, is it the one with the rock and Yeah. Yeah. I've seen,

Sidey: There's two of them.

Cris: I'm probably seen both, but they kind of

Sidey: oh, they're really good. I think they're

Reegs: pretty funny. The first one is especially is really

Cris: funny. I'm, I've definitely seen the first one.

Reegs: It's more like a video game, isn't it? I think they find an old video

Sidey: do find a video game. Yeah. They get poured into it. Yeah, I think they're really

Reegs: good.

Cris: Oh, I, I, I really enjoy. But obviously I'll talk about the first one because that's the first one I've seen and it, it kind of, I was very young and, you know, I think it's 1995 the movie, the first one. So it was, it was, I was, well, 10 at the time, so obviously when I've seen it, it was just, this is unbelievable.


Reegs: your mind,

Cris: you know? So, yeah. With, with special effects, the Rhino runs through the, the city and the taxi car. It was brilliant story. And then I've never heard of something like that before. Mm-hmm. So, so for a,

Reegs: and it's really scary as well. There was a couple of like, I remember watching that and being like,

Cris: So, so yeah, I did, I did really enjoy that. So I would say that's, well to be all, all if the three of them. All three of them. But that's kind of the journey of, of. Completing the game. Yeah. If that makes sense.

Sidey: I was gonna do a franchise thing where they happened to just fucking travel around a lot.

First of all, I was thinking about bonds. Yeah. But I literally said in the cinema, I think with the misses, like, fuck me, they're air miles in this film. Just like in it cuz it gives you the name of the place and literally it's like, I think every continent. Yeah. But I was actually thinking of for this, the Mission Impossible franchise.

Yeah. So number one, that's features London and Prague number two dead Horse Point State Park in Utah. And then the rest of it's mainly around Sydney. Three the Vatican,

Reegs: Russia?

Sidey: the Vatican, Rome, Shanghai and China. Ghost Protocol Budapest the Kremlin BKH in Dubai, Mumbai and then Praga Vancouver as well.

Rogue Nation, London, Vienna, and Morocco.

Reegs: And GK I think. Yeah. No.

Sidey: I don't remember that bit. And then Fallout was Norway and Queenstown, and then some bits in Paris and London. So they really do like fuck about all over the entire

Reegs: Slummed it when they went to

Sidey: to Paris. Well, it's pretty much on fine now, isn't it? These days?

Yeah. So yeah,

Cris: cross sounds. They're all burned.

Sidey: that's a, that's a global franchise, that one. Yeah. Yeah.

Reegs: Right. What else have I got? Well, journey hang on. What were they called? Journey to the Center of the Earth. RAL. Well, this one I was the Redux with Brendan Fraser.

So, you know, standing a bit for him at the moment with Please for his success. Everybody's pleased for that. The best movies really make you think, and this one doesn't. Um, But and it, and it's like got some pretty poor sort of PlayStation two style action sequences in it. And then it's got a pretty appalling sequel called Journey Two Colan, the Mysterious Island, which is pretty clever, isn't it?

And that's got the. In it. And that's pretty awful as well. Writing is terrible, but the, the Rock does make his, I was gonna say tits. Not tits. What are they? Pecks makes his, he does that like dancing. Can you do that? Have you got

Cris: No.

Sidey: dancing. do that? No,

Reegs: no. Of course you

Sidey: got I'm flabby man, baby. No, I can't. I'm a bit down on the Rock recently.

Reegs: Oh no. What's, is he me too

Sidey: now? No, I don't think so. I think

Reegs: does he hate trans people or is he sexually abused a child? He

Cris: just been into so many movies

Sidey: He's just being a bit with

Reegs: not that bad. Considering these other things that it could have been,

Sidey: but it couldn't have been any the scene because before we get Lawyered up he didn't do any of that stuff.

Yeah. I just think he was a bit with Prick around the whole Black Adam time and I just keep reading stuff, BA being a wanker. So I'm down. I'm down, I'm out. But I do actually like him, but I've just been, I dunno, I've been consumed by a lot of negative press. I think

Reegs: think his food looks good. it? Oh, have you ever seen his Instagram page of what he eats?

It's insane.

Sidey: do follow him on Instagram, but I just don't go on Instagram.

but it's, I don't like the captions he post, they fucking irritate me.

Cris: He's a big boy though. He needs to eat. Yeah. Like he, he what? He'll eat like what, four chickens a day or something?


Reegs: Oh, something like that. Yeah.

and like

Cris: foot four and Yeah. He's

Reegs: a kilo of pasta or something.



Cris: I've got from the same year as Jumanji, a movie called Usual Suspect.

Reegs: Yep.

Cris: And the story or the Journey which we take following the story of Kent, which is Kevin Spacey,

Reegs: verbal Kent. Yeah.

Cris: Verbal. Kent Pete's mate. Mm-hmm. Kevin Spacey. And he tells, I would say the whole story of, of the movie, but especially at the end where he presents this,

Which, we find out at the end that it's an imaginary story

Reegs: Yeah. Basically the plot of 3000 years of longing is basically usual suspects pretty much just with kind of more

Sidey: slightly more genies in

Reegs: and genie

Yes. Yeah, it's the same kind of vibe.


Cris: That. So, so yes, that's the usual suspects.

Sidey: I was going to do like a subset of different vehicles used within Journeys

Reegs: Oh,

Sidey: then I thought we'd just go on for fucking ever. So what I did think of was like unusual ones and a film that we did on the pod, which weirdly is a fucking Disney movie, but David Dench is the straight story.

Yeah. Featuring a not cross country, but it's at least, it's a couple of

Reegs: states estate on a lawn

Sidey: on a John Deere lawnmower,

Reegs: Like that's a journey.

Sidey: a pretty epic journey. And we all, I think we unanim, we fucking loved that film. It was really, really great.

Reegs: didn't do the review, but I have seen

Sidey: it.

Yeah, it was fantastic. So yeah, straight story but we don't need to talk about, if you wanna know more about it, then watch it and then listen to us fucking harp on about it. But really, really great film.


Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Have you seen that one, Chris? No. Oh, that's a strong recommend. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Really good.

It's about two estranged brothers, old men and one's dying. And the other one's gotta get Jim before he dies. Okay.

Reegs: on, on a loan.

Sidey: that's the film. Okay. But it's, it works. It really works. Nice. Okay. Yeah.

Reegs: Well, bill and Ted's bogus journey. Oh yeah, it's right there in the title.

Sidey: This, I've got another, say, I've got another subset of time travel movies.

Reegs: All right.

Okay. Well this one, they made a just a really bonker sequel to an already great movie. And this is the one obviously with the amazing William Sadler's.

And the plot where robots are sent back through time to kill them is amazing. And at the end, in newspaper clippings it says that bill and Ted solved the problems in the Middle East.

So that's good, isn't it? I would've like to have seen the sort of tense negotiations with Keanu Reeds, but I think he could do it, to be honest. I think maybe they should try him in there, like, you know,

Sidey: well John Wick style or actual

Reegs: No, I would go for

Sidey: Ted Theodor Logan.


Reegs: no, I'd go for peaceful, just real Keanu go and, you know, sit with him, share a sandwich on a pub bench or something.

Talk to him a bit and see if he can talk him around.

Sidey: I, again, talking to Pete, I said that it was controversial, but I think that the Superior Time Travel trilogy is Bill and Ted over back to feature.

and then I was like, he said, why is that controversial? I said, it's not, I just, I just said it to be controversial, but, and it isn't.

No, it's just what I think.

I don't even think, I think we think that because the third film, I'm sorry, but the third film in the Bill and Ted Trilogy really sus it for me. I thought it was Poo

Reegs: it didn't, it

wasn't great. It wasn't great. I'd need to give it a re-watch. I think

Sidey: I was thinking that, but then I don't, I don't really want to give it another 90 minutes of my time.

But anyhow so that, and so obviously my other one was back to Future.

they were travel travels through. To the past and indeed into the future.

Reegs: Yeah. And in Test, Stella was like that as well. Had a bit of traveling through time and shit as

Sidey: and I had my third one from time. I, I couldn't be bothered to go through a million time drum films.

Just thought I'd mentioned it cause you didn't like it. It was midnight in Paris.

Reegs: Mm.

Sidey: The Woody Allen one that was a bit quite pretentious.

Reegs: Yeah, it is. Where they sort of assembled the Avengers of pretentious people, didn't they? Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah.

So sorry I jumped the gun there. Chris, you, you're back to

Cris: Oh no, it's alright.

I've got, well, two more basically, but I've got a movie called The Gods Must Be Crazy. Which I don't know if any of you was, it's definitely one of my favorite 10 films I've ever watched, and I can tell you it is.

Reegs: I recognize that title, but I can't.

Cris: September 10th, 1980, released in South Africa. It's a South African movie and the, the premise of the movie is there's a plane going across somewhere in Africa, in a desert and a empty bottle of Coca-Cola drops on the floor.

Sidey: Alright.


Cris: this tribe think that the go Gods must be crazy because they dropped this thing on, on them. And then it presents a journey of this child who has to travel. At least. I can't remember specifics cause I've watched this movie when I was fairly young. But it was he travels to get water.


think it's 10 k each way.

And each time he must go through the land of the hy.


And it, it tells you in this movie, which I dunno if the source is Wikipedia on that one, because I don't think Wikipedia was invented in 1980, but this child basically survives hyena attacks. Because, because he puts a piece of wood on top of his head because hyenas won't attack if you're taller than them.

Sidey: Oh.

Cris: So apparent, I dunno.

Sidey: but surely he must have been taller than the hyena

Cris: the

No, he was very sh he was a small child.

Sidey: Okay. What Greeks height

Reegs: Yeah. White. Yeah. Again, again. Alright, alright, alright.

Cris: Wasn't me saying that this time. So honestly if you've never watched it, the God the Gods must be crazy is, is a must watch 1980 movie.


Sidey: Hmm. Okay. I've got up in the air. Did you ever see that George Clooney one? Yeah. That's good. He get, he racks up a million air miles in the movie. Yeah. Not in real time. That would be horrendously boring to watch.

And the whole thing is his,

Reegs: he, he lays people off, his

Sidey: character travels around going to corporations are firing people. That's his

Cris: right. I've seen that. Yes, I know it.

Sidey: Yeah. But then he has a connection with a lady who turns out, is cheering on her husband and, and it's not real. And he's devastated and then he realizes there's more to life than blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But I actually quite enjoyed that the trip.

The series, the Trip, which is literally them traveling around restaurants,

Reegs: Michael Kane

Sidey: impressions,

doing Michael ca impressions and Batman impressions. And it's all largely ever seen that? No, it's Steve Coogan and Rob Brighton originally bbc and then it got shoved over to Sky.

It's incredible. It's never really liked Rob Brighton until I watched this. Never really got him. But it's really funny in this and it, but it is just them like dining out and irritating each other and doing impressions on sounds.

Reegs: of the seasons, I think like the third season, this starts to become a sort of meta story part to it with

Sidey: the, that's when it goes to Sky, isn't it?

So they do Spain and then they do Grease, don't they? So the first one is, is like a properly episodic. The second one is almost like a movie just over. It is just, that is a strong recommend. It's really good.

Reegs: It's really good. I mean, yeah, I had others, we did Lion On the podcast, which was the amazing story of Saru Briley who's, who sort of traveled across the whole of India.

Secret life of Walter Mitty was a Ben Stiller movie that I really rated actually great cinematography and a, a lovely soundtrack and nice themes and a sort of unique blend of fantasy and realism. Clear the JIS from my throat. And we watched The Lost City of Zed recently, the biography of Percy Force It, the Tap Guy.

And that was a journey, I would say

Sidey: Sure was. He never came back from it.

Reegs: So I think we like Journey Smokey in the Bandit. There's a journey in that really. Hold on. Yeah. Yeah. Big side burns. Big laughs you'd think, but it's not true.

Sidey: I've got a couple others just to throw out there.

Thurman and Louis. Mega happy ending. And that one look, miss Sunshine, we just talk about that all the time. That's the road trip movie, effectively. And we watched the other day lost in translation where a, I suppose journey to Japan to, to re-find themselves or something, re journey of rediscovery perhaps.

And then I've got my kind of nomination double bill that I gonna hold back. Why

Well the first one is another film that used to crop up quite a lot, which was E two Mama Taun, which is a Gael Garcia Bernal starring movie. And that's another road trip. But the one I was gonna put in was him, it was him as well, starring as Ernesto she gava in the Motorcycle diaries class.

Love that film. Really, really like that film. And that's him as a younger man setting out on a motorcycle and keeping a diary.

Reegs: Yeah.

Cris: Quite revolutionary. Yes. One

Reegs: was Oh, oh, very

Sidey: Yeah. So there go. That's me. Motorcycle Diaries.

Reegs: What are you gonna go for, Chris?

Cris: Well I've got two more just, just

Reegs: All right.

Cris: just to touch on the last two con Air Cameron Paul. Yeah. Goes on a, on a Corn Air Airlines, pretty much. Yeah. And he's got a, an unbelievable journey along the way. And just to, to connect the two prison story.

This is the second one is a movie that I really, really enjoyed and it's based on a true story. I think I mentioned it before to you guys. It's a movie called The Prayer Before Dawn. And it's about a scout guy. It's a real, real person. And it's about the scout boxer who goes to Thailand, ends up involved with the gangs there and smokes a bit of Yaba and all that, and then ends up in prison.

And this, his journey and, and obviously each morning everyone wakes up to, to say a prayer before dawn. Yeah, that's the ritual in, in prison. But it's, it's quite brutal. And it's, it's a, it's a journey of how he escapes prison and he gets involved with this transsexual lady and it's, it's, it's a brilliant movie.

So, so Pete would probably love it and you would love it with this outfit that's, that's all I have to say on that note.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Okay. What did you put in mi?

Reegs: Well, I'll put in Bill and Ted's bogus journey.

Sidey: Oh, I love that. That's a great shout. We've got some nominations online. Do you wanna hear what they are?

Reegs: they're I do.

we had one from Pete. I know that

Sidey: Pete, Pete, unsurprisingly, yeah. Went for Conan Conan's quest to the mountain of power to confront, to doom in the greatest film ever made.

He says, yeah. And then Andy Jameson,

Reegs: I keep thinking we should do that, but on a week when Pete's not doing podcasts just to annoy him,

Sidey: him. No, I I also, now that I'm talking about Pete, I'm, I forgot I was supposed to troll you relentlessly about Lawrence of Arabia, cuz that's a

Reegs: I was gonna say that as well. I was gonna say that. Yeah.

Sidey: And every, and he, Pete said, every time he says something, yeah, it's not as good as,

Reegs: as,

Sidey: and I totally forgot, so Apologies Pete. Andy Jamerson, he's on about the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Yeah. He puts him in the correct order as well. And he also then does a kind of journey of discovery going with Star Wars.

He's gone for six films star Wars one to Six, which Anakin's journey from the Light to the Dark side of the Force, which I quite like that.

Reegs: Is good. Well, we, we've got a, we've got a a space really for more than one, haven't we? So yeah.

Sidey: And I also, Darren Lethally he's gone for a documentary watched the Night Mail about locomotive.

Was that the one that had the the poem about it? I think if you were more cultural, we'd probably know that. So we can mu that over, over the ne the week and then decide next week. But It's strong list. So fast.

Reegs: Mm-hmm.

Sidey: for a podcast about films. There's certainly been a lot of films nominated that I have never fucking heard of. And this is another one to add to the list. Yeah. 3000 years of longing.

Reegs: Yes.

Sidey: Never, like, not a fucking blimp on the radar of. Recognition, nothing.

Reegs: Yeah. And it's George Miller as well, so,

Sidey: and people in it that are well known. Yeah. Swinson, Iris Elba. Yeah. But nothing,

Cris: yeah. I've never heard of it either. I, I don't even know how you've managed to find this.

Reegs: Well, I've always been interested in George Miller. I think I heard that it sunk really horribly on its box office release. But I was always interested in seeing a world that George Miller puts together cuz ba basically all of his movies.

And I include stuff like Babe and Happy Feet in that. They're all great and obviously Mad Max Fury Road is something we really enjoyed. And then there's this a sort of weird fantasy romance thing.

Sidey: Yeah. So obviously not knowing anything about, like, had no preconceived idea about what, you know, what it was gonna be about. I think searching for it to, to watch you see the, the artwork, you know, the poster art or whatever. Yeah. So you're kind of like, okay, it's a bit fantastical. And I, I, I did catch the very brief bit of this snob.

I tried not to read it. It was just like, into it. Yeah. So go. So, I didn't know it was George Miller. If I had I been like more excited. I, so I was pretty like, neutral going in. I wasn't like, oh, this is gonna be shit, or this is gonna be great. It was just like a completely cold, like, going into it Yeah.

With nothing. This it was just quite interesting.

Cris: Yeah. I can only say that. I was trying to explain to my girlfriend what she's like, oh, what are you gonna watch? What, what is the theme this week? And I, I said, okay, well I need to watch this 3000 years of longing. And she's like, oh, I've never heard of it.

What is it about? And I, I've just on Amazon Prime, when you just, before you click play, there's, there's the, I dunno, three paragraphs of whatever. And I read it, but the, the tally wasn't facing her, so she didn't really understand what I was saying. And I kept saying, there's, there's a woman that meets a gin.


she's like, what are you talking about?

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: think I kind of missed that. I think I just saw that it was Tilda Swinson traveled somewhere. And that's why the theme that I had for the podcast, not Genie. Yeah. I was thinking it's about traveling and, and meet someone so thought, oh, it's like a romance thing.

She's just gonna go and meet someone while she's away, like a holiday romance thing. It's bit more than that.

Reegs: that.

Cris: I, I tried to say to her and, and because obviously English is not my first language, I just missed that the gin is, is actually a genie. So I kept saying to her, it's a gin, you know, like a spirit. She's like, I know what gin is. And, and I kept going like, no, no. You know, the one that you, that, that lives in a bottle and you rub it? He's like, we have two bots of gin on the shelf there. What are you talking about? You Bella. And honestly, we kept going for about 10 minutes until I turned the tele I'm, I swear this is a true story. And I turned the tele around and she looked at it and she's like, ah, ho Jeanie.

I was like, yes, A fucking genie. That's the one, honestly. And, and yeah, then we started watching it.

Reegs: So there we go. There we go. Excellent. Should we jump into it? Should we, let's do it. Yeah. Sort of white titles over black and a low wind sound, and then narration from the principal character Anahea, which is our sort of heroin for this journey, I guess.

Sidey: Yeah. And she says the story is gonna work best if she tells it as a kind of

Reegs: That's right. Yeah.

But she says it's all true, but it's best as a fairy tale.

Sidey: I don't know if I believe her.

Reegs: her. And it does start off with a once upon a timey type thing, but what she's actually describing is them flying. She's, she's a neurologist and she's flying to give her speaking engagement at a conference in Istanbul.

And we see her and it's all great straight away cuz it's George Miller. It all looks beautiful, beautifully composed, great editing as we swoop through the skies. And she tells this sort of story once upon a time as humans hurt through the air on metal wings. Yeah. And blah, blah, blah. And anyway, she touches down in the airport in Istanbul and she's immediately kind of accosted by a sort of small, strange looking person.

Sidey: Yeah. I'm sure there's a, a correct

Cris: a blue little

Person thing.

Sidey: sure there's a correct name for the, the, the condition that the guy has. But,

Reegs: it's a, it's a woman actually. Yeah, she I did get the Conditioned somewhere, but yeah, it was a woman. But she's does have a particular disease, which gives her a very distinctive appearance.

And she's also made up to look like a tradi, like a kind of traditional genie, really what you would imagine. And talks to her anyway. And then she, he's kind of, that genie is kind of scared off by professor, another professor who's arrived to take her away to the conference.

Sidey: and she says, so did anyone say that?

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Say that. Cause I tried to nick my luggage or some, she's like baffled by it

Reegs: it a little bit. But she's already stated her job is a neurologist, someone who finds common true truths in stories. Anyway, and so she's at this conference. Oh, she's staying at this really what is exquisite grand suite at the Pierre Palace Hotel in the room where the murder on the Orient Express book was written by Agatha Christie.

 she goes to this speaking engagement and she hallucinates a pale figure at the back of the room that comes to it. Sounds bizarre, doesn't it? As you're describing it

Sidey: it makes his way further forward.

Yeah. As she kind of, cuz she takes off her glasses and she keeps kind of thinking, well what's going on? You know, and, and the sky, he kind of, his mouth is open the whole time.

Reegs: Yeah. Well, no, it opens like impossibly wide towards the end cuz he screams rubbish at her cuz she's talking about how science can explain the world and all this sort of thing.

Sidey: And

she collapses. Yeah. She comes to, and she's properly collapsed on stage and everyone's worried about her, but she gives a thumbs up as she's being helped off stage and everyone cheers that, you know, at least she's okay. Yeah. But something obviously not quite right, she's having these strange visions.

Reegs: Yeah. And the professor guy is like, oh, you should go to a doctor. But she kind of brushes it off and, and she finds herself in a particular side street near a particular shop, examining in a, a particular glass bottle that she finds at the bottom of a pile of different ornaments.

And she ends up buying it and taking it home, even though they're a refiner and grander ones there.

Cris: Well even the professor tries to make her buy something else, but she just says, no, I like this one. And gets that.

Sidey: Yeah. So she gets trinket back to the suite and decides to give it a, a polish Yeah. With her electric toothbrush. Yeah. Cuz it's a bit, actually it didn't seem that dirty to me, but she's cleaning around the opening and it pops open.

Yeah. And, and then I was like, oh, that's what this film is. Yeah. Cuz I just hadn't tweaked it all.

Reegs: All right. Okay. Well that was probably a bit of a shock because a big purple vapor comes out of it and then it sort of goes into the next room and then a giant foot.

Yeah. With gold toes. Toes.

Cris: really. You can kind of, I, I have to say, I was thinking, is this a hand or some, just some toes because it was massive toes.

Yeah. Just like long, thick toes, but yeah.

Reegs: she's conjured up a genie. Yeah. Idris Elber.

Sidey: Yep. Classic genie. Three wishes. And he obviously she's a disbelief at first. Yeah. But he, he's

Reegs: he's eventually, they're able to, they find a common tongue in ancient Greek so they can speak and he can kind of.

Knowledge out of books and laptops and the tv and he's able to manipulate electromagnetic waves. It's part of something that they'll refer to a few times throughout the movie that he can, that explains his sort of powers in some way.

cuz he conjures Einstein out of the

Sidey: right. Yeah. And he, he sets out the, the classic rules of the, the, the three wishes. You can't wish for infinite wishes. Dammit. Cuz that

Reegs: straight away bastard.

Sidey: And he can't abs absorb your as sin.

Reegs: He can't wish for you can't be immortal because it's not the way of humanity and Yeah.

And he can't absolve you of sin.

Sidey: Essentially, the wish has to come from your

Reegs: Mm-hmm.

Sidey: As it turns out.

Cris: Yeah.

Reegs: She obviously, being this studier of stories, she knows that all stories to do with genie's are caution retails. So she's not like going straight into you know, wishing for a billion pounds

Sidey: Well, she just doesn't want to even wish

Because of that, because of the, the cautionary tale. Like, she explains it and she's, she's like, well, what if I, what if I never wish? And he has a freak out.

Reegs: Yeah. She talks about an imaginary friend that she had, Enzo that she'd created when she was a young girl in, in the orphanage to sort of fulfill her loneliness.

And this, you know, creating his backstory inspired her, her lifelong love of stories, essentially. But she gets embarrassed by this and she burns her books. So it's like the, yeah. It's a little bit of backstory for her.

Anyway, he does the gin eventually. He, that's all they refer him to the whole way through.

The movie doesn't have a name. Just the gin.

Cris: Yep.

Reegs: And he sits to down to tell her the story of how he was trapped three times. Yeah.

Cris: well the stories. Yeah, because he just goes and on and on. Yeah. So, so he just kind of starts telling the story of

Sidey: the first one. Yes. The first one, he's just out and about.

He's with queen of Shiba. Mm-hmm. And she's got real hairy legs.

Reegs: They all do. It's a symptom of being cuz she's part gin.

Sidey: Yeah, that's right. And like they're together.

Reegs: Yes.

Sidey: Initially yeah. And then a magician dude

Reegs: Solomon, it's King Solomon. It's the,

Sidey: he's well hornier than him.

Reegs: Yeah. And he's got a sort of magical playing guitar thing.

Sidey: Well, yeah. And she gives him a series of basically unachievable, she thinks challenges which he's able to achieve. Yeah. By able to communicate with the beasts and the, the, the sucker punch thing that's supposed to be the real, like unachievable one top of the list is to tell her exactly what it is that women want.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: And he whispers something we don't, we never know what it is.

Cris: Yeah. That's why I'm, I was, I have to say, I'm really annoyed.

to, Yeah,

Well at least tell me if I'm gonna watch this movie.

Sidey: And so they, they end up going it on with him like in the rafters. Perving at them. Yeah. Like a real,

Cris: he's really creepy though.

Up there. Just, I have to say he's got a good vantage point for porno, but

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: And Matey just gives it the old flick.

Reegs: He, he put, he rims the, the bottle doesn't he? And then Edris Elber is trapped in there and thrown out the window and Eagle grabs it and carries it over the deserts and drops it in the sea where he is lost for two and a half thousand years.

And she's a bit like, well, what the fuck did you do for 2000?

Sidey: Did you just sleep? He's like, gin, don't

Reegs: don't sleep. He said he spent a hundred years sort of being in anger railing against his situation. And then he begged to all the gods and every other gods. And all the gods he knew and the ones he didn't know for forgiveness.

And then he pleaded for them to trap him there forever. He

Sidey: to trick them. Yeah. To like call their bluff by saying, well just trap me here forever. But he is eventually discovered. It is like swallowed by fish, isn't it? Yes. Yeah.

Cris: Well, they, they show someone catching, like it is like a, in a net and it's a few fish and whatever, and then,

Reegs: Oh. It goes on a huge journey itself because it's a rock that ends up in a wall that ends up being eventually climbed by Tran who is

Cris: a slave?

Reegs: the slave girl who's got her eyes on Prince Mustafa and is that his name?

Cris: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Mustafa.

Reegs: And the, it comes out the wall as she climbs up and sees him, and then she breaks it open and she finds the bottle in there and releases the gin.

And she so shocked me. Saves him. Anyway, she, her wishes

Cris: and he's Mustapha is the son of Suleman de magnificent. Yeah. He's pretty much a, a history of Turkey really in all his, because obviously I would imagine that's like, this is a, a, that's where the action happens and gins are part of, part of Turkish mythology, I guess. But yeah, Mustafa is the magnificent thing.

She's a slave girl and falls in love with him and

Sidey: Yeah. She's ch originally she's climbing the wall. Yeah. Like literally climbing the wall to get a glimpse of him. Yeah. And when she does eventually get the three wishes, her first wish is for him to fall for her. Yeah. Which is Okay cuz it's from the heart, from her perspective.

Reegs: Yep.

Sidey: And then as she. She gets slightly marginalized in it or doesn't she? And so her next wishes for to become with child. Which doesn't get down well with all the others.

Reegs: Well, the, the sultans, like she, chief Concubine has got her own plans to install her son as the air to the throne.

Yeah. And so she plots to have Prince Mustafa killed basically by her father's in front of her father, in front of her husband, whatever he is.

Cris: Yes. Yeah. Well, the, the, pretty much the, he goes to his father to see him in a tent in somewhere, and he just gets killed. And the father just, instead of kissing his hand like the tradition is, he turns around and

Sidey: it's a brutal or death. It's

Cris: horrible. Yeah.


Sidey: Yeah. They, they grab him and garrot him, and then they, they hold his f so he's. Almost horizontal, but they pin his feet down, they spike his feet to the floor, don't they?

Cris: Well, he, he gets these spurs. Yeah. He gets these spurs, these spiky spurs.

Sidey: Yeah. And then they just a little bit like final destination. He's like, he's cho, you know, he's strangled to death.

Cris: Yeah, yeah. With the cord of his father's bow.

Reegs: Yeah,

But all the while this is happening, there's loads of conversations going on in intimately in the hotel room between the gin Yeah. And

Cris: Ali. Yeah. Alisa.

Reegs: Yeah. the second story ends after,

Sidey: well, she doesn't use her third wish. Cause that's the whole thing is like, she's like, what if I don't use my wishes?

And he's like, that's bad for me because he needs to.

Cris: all three wishes so he can go into the land

Reegs: of the realm of the

Sidey: gin. Yeah. And so, because the I forget her name. What was she called? Gladstone small

Reegs: Yeah. Gladstone.

Sidey: Yeah. Because she hasn't used all three. That's bad news bears for him.

Yeah. And so he goes onto the, the next part of his journey.

Reegs: Well she, she, she ends up trying to escape and is killed by followers of the women who, and by this hideous, like head that drops from the floor and explodes into a load of

Sidey: That's right. Yeah.

Reegs: and then Idris Elba does a kind of naked Superman leaping from a castle down to try and save her. But she doesn't use her wish to save herself. So he's. Yeah. Imprisoned again. And yeah, they are having these intimate tales. She, you know, she sees the subtext in what he's saying about how she should be conte, you know, in contempt with her life.

And she talks about her backstory that she was married and

Sidey: he did the dirty on,

Reegs: they, they lost a child and it broke their relationship. And I think the implication was that he wanted to start a, a new family and she couldn't and didn't want to, and,

Sidey: she sees him out of a cab, doesn't she, with someone else. Pretty grim. Yeah.

Reegs: Yeah. And

Cris: to be fair, the other woman was really fit compared to her, so

Sidey: yeah, I guess so. Yeah.

Reegs: And we see her sort of packing up that stage of her life in a box and putting it in her basement at one.

Sidey: Mm-hmm.

Reegs: Anyway, so after the, the gin is kind of in this like weird state where he is fulfilled two wishes, but he's like invisible now, sort of wandering the castle or whatever for a hundred years.

And then he two princes Yeah. Turn up and one of them can

Sidey: a spin

Reegs: Yeah, yeah. And one of them can kind of not see him but feel his presence or

So it is, there's like two young princes turn up one season and then as he's nearly got his attention, he's now buried under this huge slab

Sidey: That's

Cris: right. His, his bottle. Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah. He's the top. He's at the top of the stairs, isn't he? And he's almost found

Reegs: He's almost found, but then the prince goes off to war,

Cris: move the slab and then the mom comes in and takes them away and he's again, hopelessly

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Undiscovered.

Reegs: Yeah. And the prince goes off to war and he becomes this like blood thirsty

Cris: What was the other, the first one was Murra and, no, yeah, that's Murra was the first one. Like the Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Reegs: And his brother Ibrahim,

Sidey: He's got a predilection for large

Cris: He is quite big himself.

Sidey: And,

that is enabled by his mother. Mm-hmm. Who locks him in a room. And the, the camera just is, it's not shy. This part,

Reegs: it's a lot of big, beautiful women, I believe is the um, yeah.

Sidey: them as and then you get to the, the most voluptuous of all.

Reegs: Yeah. Sugar lump,

Sidey: It's a generous name.

Because, because you know, lump is the word cheer. I don't know. I don't wanna be like unkind.


Cris: big, big woman.

Sidey: a big lady. She's a big, she's a big lady. Yeah.

Cris: He's, he's, he's a big

Sidey: and, and that's what, and that's, you know, he's into it and it's all con, you know, you're all consenting a

Reegs: There's a bit where he's got like, I guess come all over his hand

Sidey: when, well, my messages say, what is

Reegs: that?

Sidey: on his hand?

And I was like, I was, I dunno, I think they may be like eating loads of stuff. I don't know. I don't really wanna answer that question because he puts, like, through the letter boy, through the, there's an opening in the door where they, cuz he's just in there trading four, seven

Reegs: He

Cris: in there.

Reegs: until he produces an air,

Sidey: mother just opens it and shouts stuff through.

And he puts and, and like you say, you like, I don't even wanna know what the fuck, what the fuck's going on there. Yeah. Oh, it's grim.

Reegs: Anyway,

Cris: I, but this is,

Reegs: is,

Cris: we have to say he gets locked in the room because his brother Murra is, is blood thirsty and he starts all these wars. He kills all these people. Yeah. And in the time when he comes back, he just drinks or he just hates everything and everyone.

So he's

Yeah. He's just like, like, and, and finally he discovers a friend. The friend dies and he's, that's when he thinks that his brother is gonna come for his throne. That's right. And his mom, you're not gonna kill him. Just look at him. And she gets him through, he puts

Sidey: a baby.

I think

Cris: yeah, he puts the, the slimy handout.

Yeah. And he's, I look at him. He's a baby. Yeah. So, so that's kind of how we, we got there, I would say. And then,

Reegs: wait, she, sugar lump is important because she gets called to the gin, I guess.

She discovered, well she falls on the

Sidey: her, her behind. Yeah. Cracks the uh, slab.


Reegs: that's

Cris: yeah, because she bathes in that old bathroom.

Yeah. Yeah. And she sleeps and falls in because she's quite heavy. The slab opens and

Reegs: and he comes out and he's desperate and he's like, just give, you know, gimme anything.

He wishes, you know, for anything, go on desperately do three wishes. He's like, Trying to get her to do it, but she won't be tricked and she imprisons him straight away. Back in the bottle.

Cris: Yeah. I wish you go back in the bottle. Yeah, that is her. Because it's only one wish because the other two were, were already made and it's, you only need one. And because he's so insistent and so desperate, she just says, no, I want you to go back in the bottle.

That's my wish. And

Sidey: because I guess these guys hadn't had all these years and years have been told this story about the three wishes.

Cuz I would not give up a wish as freely as that.

Reegs: No,

Cris: no.

Sidey: We're gonna get to the wish questions later. All right. I guess

Cris: But then after that Murra gets. Removed by his mother.

Yeah. And Ibrahim, despite his wish

Reegs: Where he sits on the throne surrounded by his

Cris: conies. Yes. Yeah.

Reegs: Yeah. So it all turned up roses for him. Really? Yeah. And his commy hand. And then there's the final story of zir and I think the one that is most obviously about ahea herself.

So Zir was married at 12 to an elder elderly Turkish merchant. And the bottle, the Genie's bottle comes to her as a token of love effectively.

Cris: Yeah. That's the perfect age to repeat as

Reegs: well. Yeah.

And Zeer wish, eventually she, you know, the G gin emerges and she wishes for knowledge and he grants her that in the form of like dozens and dozens of books and library and blah, blah, blah.

And later he teaches her to perceive the world as a gin does. They kind of fall in love Zia in the gin again. So he's fallen in love with later them. And but eventually she kind of resents him for the kind of captivity and she compares him to the husband who's sort of the, the

Cris: Well that's, yeah.

That's why you're treat Yeah. He, he doesn't want to give her the freedom that she wants and Yeah.

Reegs: yeah. So she feels trapped you know, literally trapped by him. Yeah. And

Cris: because I think her last wish is to be viewed as an equal to men because that's what she has all this knowledge, but in that world, she's not, she's still a woman.

Reegs: Well, she said isn't her last wish that she wished she'd never met him.

Sidey: Yeah.

Cris: Well, yeah, but, but that's,

B before that it, it kind of, she kind of throws it out there that she would want to be, wish she, wish she would want to be seen as a man and share those, all this knowledge and all this intelligence that she, because she has all these he like a little helicopter

Sidey: Yeah. The Da Vinci

Cris: all these inventions and all that, that she could be before da Vinci and whatever. She had all this invention, but he wouldn't let her pretty much spread her wings and show the world her knowledge. And she's resents him. And then she wishes he never, she never, she, she always, she forget him and just like that she forgets him.

Yeah. And then we come to toy's surprise.

Reegs: by the story really, isn't she, of this last one that she finally announces the wish, but the wish is for her and the genie to fall in love.

Cris: Yeah. I want you to love me. My wishes is for you to love me like you loved her or something

Reegs: that. Yeah. So they do, and they bang.

I mean, it's expressed really passionately and eloquently and it's all hinted out and all that stuff, but they do bang, they

Sidey: Yeah, you can distill it down to that. That's fine.

Reegs: Yeah. And there is a scene where she wakes up and the gin's gone, but she talks to him as if he was there, sort of fight club star. So anyway, she goes home via airport security and there's a great sequence where she's like nervous about she has to go through the body scanner and he's in a little salt shaker and she doesn't wanna take him home and stuff.

As she

Sidey: she doesn't want him to go through the

Reegs: X-rays cuz the electromagnetics. Yeah. And she gets him home from London and it's still not clear like what is going on? Is she like, lost her mind here or but then he does reappear, doesn't he? While she's unpacking. And he, he says, he talks about how he can hear and see all of the transmissions from London.

Cuz presumably there were no electronics at all in Istanbul.


Cris: Which is, I'm pretty sure Istanbul has more population than London.

Reegs: Yeah.

Cris: So, you know, he didn't get bothered there,

Reegs: He didn't. No, exactly.

Sidey: It's the 5G though, I think.

Reegs: Oh yeah. And chem trails probably as

Sidey: as well.

Reegs: And then the bigoted racist neighbors, Clementine and Fanny turn up.

Mm-hmm. And give her a load of shit for having a black guy in a back garden.

Cris: Well, they didn't see him at the beginning. they, they just kind of,

Reegs: they're just generally racist

Cris: And, and, and just, yeah, just ignorant and, oh, are you back again? You should get, oh, just,

Reegs: she's saying, they say, why are you going looking at other people's stories?

Are you a, you know, you disgusted by British culture or something, you know, why aren't you sporting that blah, blah, blah. Embarrassed by it. And they talk about, and they, they say some really racist shit about ethnics and the food they eat and how they smell and shit. And then it ends with them shouting, Hey, fuck face stop your ivy growing outside of the wall.

On outside of the wall, which is quite good. Anyway,

Sidey: my shit comes home one day. And he's kind of not there immediately. Yeah, right. Does anyone do this? So I see this in films or television programs or whatever. When someone arrives home and they shout I'm home. Have you ever done that in your life?

Reegs: No.

Sidey: No. No one has in the real world anyway.

Just the thing that fucking bugs me when I watch this stuff. But anyway, she does go home and she can't immediately see him, so she shouts. I'm home. Yeah. Can't find him. And there's a kind of like dust, dust dusty thing kind of floating around at the atmosphere. And eventually she tracks him down.

He's in the basement or something, I think.

Cris: Yeah. In the basement.


Sidey: and like crumbling and just decaying because of all the well, the 5g, all that's

Reegs: Yeah. All the

Sidey: I thought it was dead. Actually, at first, I think she puts a hand on his back and it seemed to almost go completely through him.

Reegs: Well, she makes another wish. She wishes that he can talk and I think that act of the magic that he needs to fulfill that wish sort of kickstarts him again because he, he sort of straight away comes up. So she, she's made her second wish. Yeah. The wish that he can talk and he does talk and he's straight away like, oh yeah, let's go out on a date, even though he is completely fucked.


Cris: he's ashy. Just really.

Sidey: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Reegs: And eventually, you know, she does use her final wish to set him free. She wishes him back to where he belongs, wherever that may be. And she, he kind of cradles her in her arms as she sleeps and then he does,

Sidey: it's really uncomfortable position to sleep in.

I don't know if I'd been able to fall asleep like that. No. Um, Maybe.

Reegs: But then later we see her pack some shoes and slippers and a red coat that he's been wearing in a box and take it down to the basement where it's placed among other memories of her life. And then we see she turns off the red, the light with a red cord that looks very suspiciously.

Like the cord that was used

Sidey: Original chord that wrapped. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

But he does come back to kick a football later on. Yeah. In quite amusing way. Yeah. So he, but he, he periodically comes back to visit.

Cris: But she does write a book About all that. So it kind of

Reegs: well, three years later. Yeah. She's sitting there, she's written a book.

She's done all these illustrations. She's drawn the liar that we saw earlier that Solomon was playing in the vapor and all that shit. And yeah. And he turns up every few, every three years or so. Because three is a big number in this. So yeah, we've like, and then it fades about, we've stumbled our way horribly through the plot.

I think really massing, you know, managing to not talk about any of the themes or you know, shit that was going on. So yeah,

Cris: Is there a theme to this movie?

Reegs: Well, I don't know. I mean, there was lots to talk about storytelling and love and longing and identity and all sorts of stuff about you know, I mean, it's clearly, I think about, about magic in the modern world and how that's hard to, to have anymore.

And yeah, clearly a pretty bonkers, an inventive movie, which completely falls apart in the third act.

Sidey: Honestly, the, the stone cold for me was just pretty bad.

Reegs: All of it.

Sidey: Yeah. I, I mean, I, I don't wanna just like kick, just like be a prick. So competently made looks pretty good in

Reegs: Competent. It looks brilliant.

It looks

Sidey: a nice bit, but ultimately, like the story just left me like so cold. I was just, I kind of on the fence with Tilda Swinton anyway. Yeah, there's some stuff that I really like of hers and it's the most stuff that I'm not so keened on. So like, It could go either way when I watched something with her.

But I just, honestly, there was like really nothing to latch onto in this. I didn't really care about the stuff. I dunno, for someone who used to do like, role playing and fantasy stuff, I, I find these fan, this sort of fantastical stuff sometimes quite hard to get on board with. And just thought, yeah, it just, I didn't like it at all.

I just didn't, it just, it had, did nothing for

Reegs: nothing for you either,

Cris: oh. I have to say, especially because I kind of knew when I read the thing to my girlfriend and I tried so hard to explain what it is Yeah.

What, what a genie is. And then I, I kind of knew, okay, so this is what happened. So, you know, a thousand in one nights I've read the, the thousand in one night book. I read the Edin book. I kind of knew in my head what, what I would imagine and, and what the, the genie would do and all, all this thing. But I just thought that the whole storytelling, it was the, the visuals of of the movie were brilliant and, and it was, they're really well made.

I probably would've really enjoyed it if I was also

Reegs: mushrooms.

Cris: Because it's such a trippy movie that you would be in so many dimensions and you would be,

Reegs: it is a bunkers movie to look at and it throws a ton of ideas at

Cris: at the, but it's just the, the, and they don't tell me what women want. I was really annoyed with that.

I thought by the end of the movie, I'll know what women want

Reegs: Well, they want the things that this is about companionship and love and you know, in this specific instance, I think about storytelling and those sorts of things. But

Cris: yeah, I don't, I if I would be a woman in my period, in my fifties, maybe,

But, but I, I'm gonna be a dick here, but honestly, I, I watch you with my girlfriend and even she was at the end, she's like, did you like that? I dunno,

Reegs: I didn't, the last act after all the magic, I liked all of the stories. I thought they were really inventively told, and they're like 15 minutes long and visually interesting and in, and thematically kind of, you know, interesting stuff to talk about.

And each of those moves pretty rapidly. So I liked all of that stuff. And then it's also this like intimate character study of these two weirdos talking to each other. And then it kind of, the bits back in London, it, the whole movie just grinds to a hole really badly after that

Sidey: I didn't see what, what, this is gonna sound really bad, but why he would be into her.

I mean, they're just literally just in a room, you know, they're in a room in London. I say what?

Reegs: Yeah, well, but it's because he's made it it her wish.

Sidey: Yeah. Well she says I wish he'd had the chance to fall in love with me properly, but he wouldn't have done

Reegs: Yeah. exactly. nothing there. Yeah, she

Sidey: never, sorry.

Just like, I dunno. I mean, we're not in bright and rock territory here cuz that was bad. It was just a bad film. Yeah. This was still at least had some good stuff about it, but I just, the story was just flat.

Reegs: You'll still remember sugar lump.

Sidey: Yeah,

I mean, and

Reegs: the

Cris: that is

Reegs: honestly and the come hand as well, you'll remember that.


Sidey: I was falling asleep and, and so I was like, do you know what? I'm gonna go up and watch the rest the next day. And Mrs. I think she's like, thank God I don't have to watch the rest of this.

Reegs: it's not gonna be for everyone. Cuz it's clearly a sort of pretty weird

Sidey: It

wasn't really for anyone because like you said, at the, at the top it did fucking bomb pretty badly.

It was 60 million budget on it and then he got 20 back of that. So yeah, it didn't, it didn't do great.

Reegs: Yeah.

Cris: It's also, sorry, I, I just have to say I don't understand what the, what the, you know, when you, when you have a product or whatever movie, what is the target?

Yeah. What is it for kids? I

Reegs: I don't exactly. It's clearly Is

it, but it's amazing

Cris: with adults? Is it for adults because it's still fairly kind of fantastic or whatever the word is. Yeah. Is it for just women? Maybe not because not, I don't know. I I don't see where, where, where the target is.

Reegs: Well, but people, you know, I, I think it, yeah. I dunno,

Cris: you know what, what

Sidey: I think it's a really good point cause I, I couldn't tell you like, who the, who would they be aiming this at? Who would you market it to? I just don't know


Cris: if you watch James Bond, you know who's gonna watch it. Yeah. If you watch the Notebook, you know who's gonna watch it.

Reegs: Well maybe that's part of the reason that it sunk so badly. Cause like you say, there was no like word of mouth at all around its release.

Sidey: Well, yeah, I think maybe like the studio when they did test screens or when they saw it like, shit, we're just gonna have to bury this and, and take a hit on this one because,


Reegs: I did really like the first hour and 10 minutes of it is like really solid filmmaking and interesting visually and

Sidey: all I agree with that. Yeah.

Reegs: But yeah it does kind of bomb a bit in the end,

Sidey: The other thing is right, is I look at Idriss, Elburn like peaked with the wire. What else have you done? That's actually any good, not much.


might be being harsh there, but string a

Cris: he was good in Mandela, he was good in American gangster as a

Sidey: string. A bell is such a high point though. It's like, I don't

Cris: he was good in, in

Sidey: but that's not this film's fault.

Cris: No. Yeah. No, it's, it's, again,


I have to say it was okay with a strong,

Reegs: But I mean, did anyone get a vibe of, it was all kind of, you know, usual suspects kind of fight club, eat, like she went on this thing and picked up that memento and was just kind of inventing the stories and there was all that going on as well, or just

Sidey: I, to be honest, I was just

Reegs: when she goes back to her house, it, her, her home is strongly reminiscent of places that have been described in there with like the trinkets on the shelf and some other bits and pieces.


Sidey: I was just glad when it was over, to be honest, and, and I never got the chance, or I never said like, gave it that much thought.

I, when I was like Ben doing research on it later on, I was like, yeah, the red, the color red was in it quite a lot and maybe there was some other stuff that if I just actually gave it some more thought, there was more to it. But I just, I just wasn't enjoying the film enough to want to, to do all that.

Yeah. But it's still a strong recommend for me.

Reegs: Yeah,

Another thing that's definitely gonna be a strong recommend this week's side is gonna be shimmer and shine.

Sidey: inevitable because when you have to find something on Facebook to watch, you know,

Reegs: I was only cause I wasn't gonna pay for it. I mean,

Sidey: it's, well yeah, you'd have to pay two pound 49 per episode.

Reegs: I wasn't gonna do

Sidey: think it's probably discount if you buck by the whole series, but no fucking way. I was, I tried to find it on YouTube and there were, it did seem like full episodes, but there were only four minutes long. And what a blessed relief it would've been had it only been four minutes

Reegs: you, you went full 22.

Sidey: I couldn't watch the whole lot. I, I got, I think I got about 1780 minutes and

Reegs: Oh, surely at that point you might as well, cuz you've got

Sidey: No, because um, even my daughter was hanging it, I only started doing hoovering halfway through. It was that bad. So it was fucking

Reegs: watch it when she was a kid?


Sidey: No, no, no.

But there's other things that are very similar to this. So this is Shimmer and Shine. Yeah.

Reegs: Shimmer and Shine. Episode

Sidey: one, season one, episode one. Right. And so it starts off with these two, Chris, Chris, you've fucking dodged this. You've Dunno, done yourself a great bit of of work there.

Reegs: The, the setup is that this girl has got three wishes every

Sidey: wait.

No, but they don't fucking set that out at the start.

Reegs: They don't. But that is the Yeah, no,

Sidey: so, so it starts off with this kid and her pal, like. Fucking being complete twats I think it was called the sweetest thing, this episode. That's right. And they're trying to bake cupcakes. Right? Right. And they're morons.

So they Right. A specific baking thing that irritates me about this as well, but so they, they spill milk everywhere and they

Reegs: a whole egg in like with the shell.

Sidey: He's like, spin it really fast and it'll just like, break up the eggshell. I say, you can't taste it. Then they do. This is the thing that irritates me, right.

And I think it's an American thing, but it's like, well, we need one cup. A cup is not fucking measurement, right? Yeah. So if I go into the cupboard and get out a cup, all our cups are gonna

Reegs: no, there is, there is a unit of measurement called a

Sidey: just fucking call it that then. Like, if it's like however many fluid ounces or this many grams equals one cup, then just do the fucking gram measurement.

Yeah. Bullshit. Ah, really fucking irritates me. Yeah.

Reegs: Yeah. No, but there is a specific, there is a

Sidey: specific, there.

Reegs: there is for a cup, if you could look it up. There is a

Sidey: specific Yeah. Well

then just do have that as minute because what if you get the stuff and you like pat it down in the cup so that there's more Yeah.

In that it. That's wrong. It's just wrong. Yeah, it's wrong. It irritates me anyway. They fucking like spill the milk and then they run outta milk and they're like, well just use something that's the same

Reegs: Yeah. Use mayonnaise cuz it's white. They could've used CU couldn't they? For the same reason. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Sidey: so anyway, matey fucks off and whatever this fucking stupid kid is called, she's like, I know what we'll do. I'll use my three. There's no pre buildup to her having Genie friends and having the ability to make wishes. Yeah. She just says, oh, I'll use my three.

One of my wishes

Reegs: I wish I thought that earlier.

Sidey: Yeah. And they just fucking appear. And the the kind of gag is that the genie is always, you know, like classic genie stories that you make a wish and they kind of fuck it up a little bit for you. That's the premise. But they even like start singing and shit. Oh we've slaughtered things in the past.

Right. And then we, cuz kind of like grownups actually want to try and find something to hone in on that we can say is good about it. Really fucking difficult with this because it looks ugly.

Reegs: Yeah. It's mindless.

Sidey: It is a complete marketing thing for toys, like a hundred percent. This is born out of a toy

Reegs: It's badly written.

Animation is horrible. The girls dress like sluts even though they're like four.

Sidey: The only thing that was quite fun was I was watching it initially. I started watching it. It was just me and the dog. And the two genie have got like a little miniature like tiger thing.

Reegs: Yeah. Nah,

Sidey: white and purple.

And she started getting fucking mad when she saw that. I'm like, it's a fucking cartoon idiot. That was the only bit of entertainment I got out of it. Honestly, it's, I think it, I think it's okay to be really like, fucking down on this because it's just a horrible, cynical marketing thing.

Reegs: I have got one

Sidey: positive.

Okay, that's good.

Reegs: because it, the largely it's about making mistakes and how you atone for your mistakes.

Every episode kind of has,

Sidey: like, oh, I thought you meant like everyone involved in this has made a

Reegs: Yeah. Well there's that too. But yeah, if you're gonna look for any positive they, you know, they talk about how mistakes, making mistakes is an okay thing to do.

Sidey: Yeah. I mean that, yeah. There is that, that's the, the visuals of it. I've usually, I really liked animate, especially when I was a kid. I hated live action stuff. Like I always wanted to watch something that was animated. So I've always had like a, an interest or just like the, I like the visual appeal of something that's animated, but this is that horrible almost looks like it could be like an iPad game, that sort of cheap Yeah.

Computer, like nasty anime, awful to look at. Yeah. Bads the story shit.

Reegs: It's also got a sort of pretty creepy fan base. I

Sidey: God, not another one.

Reegs: Yeah. Yeah, I mean there are harmless, like my Little Pony style brony type ones. Are they harmless? I don't even fucking know. But then there's also like pictures of like, you know,

Sidey: grown man, my beards

Reegs: who love this shit.

You know, like,

Sidey: check their hard drives, man, there's gonna be some bad shit on

Reegs: cartoon pictures and then with jizz all over and that sort of stuff. So

Cris: okay. Well, again, I, I was actually happy that I, because I deleted my Facebook, I still have an account on, on there, but I don't have it on my phone. Yeah. So I'd only have the messenger thing in case my auntie

Sidey: tagged

Reegs: this program made you, did this program made you delete

Cris: No, no, no. I, I

Sidey: It would

Cris: no, it probably, no, my friends made me delete Facebook. Yeah. Like the people actually have on there, but I just don't have it. So I I wasn't gonna download it again, do all that. I was like, oh, do you know what this, I'm

Sidey: It's

Reegs: shit though, isn't it?

Who the fuck uses Facebook

Cris: you know who people looking for this kind of

Sidey: qan on people and stuff, I think cuz youngsters use TikTok and stuff. You know, this is what Facebook was, what we moved onto after MySpace and that was like a million years ago.

Cris: And MSN and all that.


Sidey: So anyway, this was a strong recommend

Reegs: Brilliant. This Absolutely.

Cris: Yeah. I've not seen it, but judging by what I've just heard, I can't wait for everyone else to watch it. So guys, please watch this.

Sidey: Another

episode done. Mm-hmm. Great Nominations. Rigg Storm recommends all rounds. Well done. I think maybe I will nominate for next week. I don't know when. Who did the week prior to you,

Reegs: Well, there was cocaine. Bear was Peter. It does

Sidey: Pete. So maybe it's you, Christoff actually.

Cris: is it again?

Sidey: Anyway, we'll sort that out between now and next week. But all that remains for now is to say society signing out. Meet

Reegs: out,

Cris: Chris. out.