Midweek Mention... Hitch

Hitch

Dan: Hitch.

Sidey: Yeah. This is the start of, I guess, wedding fortnight. Yes. Because won't be able to, well, you guys can record something, but I won't be around to edit it.

Dan: what you gonna be doing,

Sidey: Get married and so we

Dan: well about after you get married? What happens?

Sidey: If I got the week off and it would be I think frowned upon if I disappeared to do

Reegs: pod.

Dan: are you are you going anywhere in that week? You gotta have a, a Jersey Staycation anywhere or

Sidey: appointment on

Dan: Oh, two 30?

Sidey: Yeah. No, it's at three 20. Actually, we missed opportunity. We got, so I was doing a couple of wedding themed episodes or films that have weddings in them.

Dan: in celebration.

Reegs: one, this one is gonna go out a mere four days before you type, before you get hitched.

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: It would be a little bit like, oh, I was gonna make this chair squeak. 'cause I was gonna say squeaky bum time. Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah. For her. This is hitch.

Dan: Yeah.

Sidey: A Will's

Dan: a winner. Oscar winner.

Sidey: It swept the boards, didn't it? At the Oscars?

Dan: he's got Oscar winner. Will.

Sidey: will Smith. Yeah. Slapped you down. So first question, have you always hated Will Smith or just since that [00:01:00] Oscars thing?

Dan: Just since the Oscars

Sidey: Yeah, he's always, it seems like very, very vanilla to me,

Dan: Well, I liked it. I was a Fresh Prince fan, you know, back in the day. So, and, and I can't say that I didn't like Independence Day and, and

Sidey: oh, I've liked quite a lot of the stuff and we'll

Dan: when he showed his true colors that night, the bottom just fell out

Sidey: slap someone. I mean, what the fuck's that all

Dan: Oh, but just so. Really terribly played, sir.

Sidey: Yes. Yeah. Bad. But this came out way way before that. This is 2005. It's PG 13, so one for the whole family.

Dan: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I just watched

Sidey: it's definitely in right in the middle of this romcom sweet spot.

And it is Will Smith, it, the film starts off set slap bang in the middle of New York City. And he is a kind of. Well, he starts off with a a monologue about [00:02:00] principles, the, the core principles of dating. Okay. And what it sets up is there's various people it's like a montage really, of different people and it's blokes that are sort of bit clumsy, bit like anxious, bit sort of ill at ease around women.

And he is coaching them in how to. You know, make the first move and make a good impression. Yeah. And, you know,

Dan: have confidence in themselves. And, and some of their

Sidey: His, his kind of rule sets out is that he will get them to the third date, and the third date is probably where they're gonna have their first kiss.

And after that he kinda steps away. But it's not just that it is like a, he's giving them sort of tips and, you know, pointers in how to be confident or what to do in a certain scenario. He actually, and explicitly shows you this, manipulates the women into certain false scenarios. Like, so there's a guy there's a woman with a dog, and then the guy comes along and Will Smith gets a dog out of his bag to entice her dog [00:03:00] out of the elevator.

She's going back to her apartment and it runs out, and there's a setup with a taxi cab.

Reegs: Oh, I see. So he can look like the hero rescuing the

Sidey: got the dog and pretending that he's been hit by the car, by the cab as he's rescued the dog. So that to me is like a total manipulation

Reegs: Yeah. So you're creating these big romantic moments, but manipulating the whole situation, like you say. Yeah,

Dan: That was definitely on the first the first bit we seen, and he talks about communication being 80%,

Sidey: It's 60% is, is nonverbal, is

Yeah. It, it, so it says most of what they're hearing is not coming outta your

Dan: So it is, it is like that 70 20 10 rule, you know, 70% body language, 20% tone, and 10% is actually the you say.

whether that's true, not normally, but when you meet somebody for the first time, it tends to be in and around

Sidey: So we're introduced to him. We're also introduced to Eva Mendez's character. She works for one of those horrific gossip column tabloid things of like spotting people out[00:04:00]

whatever. Yeah. Sensationalizing celebrity lives and plastering that all over the front pages about blah, blah, blah. And she has been away. She's a workaholic, but she's been away. But coincidentally, while she's away, she has seen some fella, he's some sort of Swedish royalty carrying on with someone else who isn't.

His misses and, and this, the misses is some rich New York heiress. They don't explicitly tell you where the money's gone, but she's like mega celebrity, super, super rich. That's the setup. Yeah.

Dan: Yeah. So, she's got her own kind of slime ball lifestyle as well, or living It

Reegs: who've amends.

Dan: In that gossip column kind of thing. You know, they're spying on people's lives and saying, you know. You, you're not perfect because you did this and then putting it all over the front page and just destroying that life, that relationship, whether they

Sidey: well, she says if he's dumb enough to get caught, then you know, then people need to

Dan: know and yeah, people do [00:05:00] need to know. Okay. Yeah, maybe they need

Sidey: but whilst this story breaks, then Kevin James, who we all I think can say We love

Reegs: him. We love him. Yeah.

Sidey: He, he's got the hots for her. He is part of the accountancy firm. He's one of the like the junior managers on the team who looks after her tax affairs.

And he has once lent her a pen and he's kind of obsessed with her. Her name is

Dan: is

Sidey: Allegra Cole.

Reegs: Is he kind of clutsy

Dan: Yeah,

Sidey: massively. When he reads you in the newspaper, he spills his coffee, he fucks everything up. Like he's a complete doofus. And you see her, the actress Amber Valletta was actually a supermodel.

Like she is smoking hot. This is obviously a few years down the line. She's more sophisticated and like, she's outage, let's just say. And he's,

Reegs: as young as that.

Sidey: he's kind of like short and chunky and like, you know, but you wouldn't, you wouldn't necessarily pair them up.

Reegs: know? Yeah. Out

Sidey: of the gate, let's just say that.

But Hitch only works on referrals. He's a hundred percent referral, so he will hook someone up[00:06:00]

Reegs: Is there a lot of money in the hitching

Sidey: Well, you see his apartment and you think Yeah. They fucking must be. Yeah.

Reegs: And he's obviously pretty well turned out and very smooth. I, he's going to fall in love with Eva Mendez. Is he?

Or

Sidey: there's no, like, this is not a, a complicated movie.

Dan: No, No,

He, he does at the beginning playing Paul with his friend. I know that guy. Who is

Sidey: it's Michael Rappaport.

Reegs: Alright.

Dan: Is he? Yeah.

Yeah. Everyone loves him. So he, he's, he's playing Paul with him and he's like a straight bating guy saying, look, I think he's a bit pathetic what you do now. You, you just too shallow. You need to find a girl that you really like. And he's saying, well, I've kind of like my life. Look you saying.

And there's some beautiful girl that comes in and he just says, I go home with her tonight. And and then move on to the next one next week. And. Not complicated, it's fine. But he's getting to that age where his friends are settling down and

Sidey: yeah, he's just a bachelor, but he's the only one left,

Dan: Mendez [00:07:00] is, is in the, the place that night, they don't get together that night, but later on they do. And he knows everyone, of course, he knows all the barmen, he knows he's hooked them up. You, you expect at some point. And slipped him a, a few quid here and there. So he does his research and when he sees her she's getting hit on by another guy and he comes to save her and goes, sorry darling, you know.

Yeah, well, he kind of, oh, let me get him out the way for you. And he's smooth and he's charming and he's not

Reegs: she seems like the sort of person who would be completely capable of dismissing that fuck

though, if

Sidey: She, she doesn't give a fuck. She seems to, they don't tell you, but she seems, she definitely doesn't believe in love or happy endings or anything like that.

She's

Reegs: Oh, she's never been to the massage places. You've been to Dan then.

Dan: That's right.

Sidey: very cynical about all that kind of stuff. And this guy approaches her and she says, look, I really, I, I understand it's, it's difficult to approach someone and try and create something outta nothing. So I, I, you know, thank you, but I'm not interested.

And the guy won't take the [00:08:00] hint. So Will Smith fucks him off? Then they have this kind of chat, this thing where they, they're talking like in the third person, both of them, and yeah.

The,

guy might say that he would do this, and she goes, yeah, but the girl might think that they did, but then

Reegs: so they're playing out some scenario

Sidey: and you think he's going like, woo her. And he just, he just like calls it and says, nah, maybe when me, the, the two people will just go their separate ways and, and that'll be fine. And she's like, oh. And as he walks off, she's like, fucking, she can see, she's like, he's actually quite hot and pretty smooth.

And then so that starts off, so what they've set up is that you've got the guy who's fucking really good with women, he's now. Got in touch with someone and they've got a thing, and you've got the guy who's infatuated with the super fucking rich one, who's useless to women and they've got their thing going on.

So Hitch all the while is teaching him how to be super suave. He starts going out on dates with Eva Mendez. And they all go like catastrophically badly. It's role reversal. He,

Reegs: not gonna learn from Kevin James what it takes to believe it. [00:09:00] Oh, I can't believe it.

Dan: Well, just about being himself, being in love,

something

Reegs: like

Sidey: that.

Yeah. Just be yourself. That's enough. Yeah.

Dan: And that's it really. Yeah. No.

Sidey: well

Reegs: there's

Sidey: there's another guy. He's been referred to this guy called Vance Munson.

name.

Yeah.

And he's a dickhead.

Reegs: Who is it? Who's the actor?

Sidey: He recognized him. He's got I can't think of the guy's name. He's like a character actor you've seen in a bunch of things.

Dan: Yeah. he's been in stuff. But he's a real,

Sidey: Jeffrey Donovan v Jeffrey Donovan, sorry, plays Vance Munson. He looks a little bit like Rob Mcny.

He, and he just wants, he's just met even Mendez's character's mate, and they've not. Done the deed and he can't stop thinking about her and he thinks that all he need to do is just bang her and move on.

So he enlists hitch Hal to, and he and hitch is like, no, I don't do that.

Dan: Yeah, hitch has got standards. He says, no, you don't understand what I'm in here for. And this guy's like, no, I'm a power man. And I say, what goes? And, and then hitch kind of puts him into some kind [00:10:00] of arm lock on the table in a,

Sidey: yeah.

'cause he grabs him. He is like, no, you can't leave.

Dan: And he says, okay, pumpkin, this isn't happening. You know, you are an asshole. But later on this guy does exactly

Sidey: he's, he's the source. So what we should have said is that his role in all these relationships, he's completely anonymous. He, he gets the guy to get the introduction with a girl.

He'll help them for a couple of dates and he steps away and no one knows his name. And it's all rumored around Manhattan that there's this date doctor, but no one. And even Mendez, lemme Sarah, even men, this character, she says, no, it's just nerve and myth. Just bats it away.

Reegs: Doesn't exist.

Sidey: But then they

Reegs: you like Batman.

Sidey: they do end up finding out that this guy is, this guy is real. And so her being like sort of investigative like reporter, but she's

Reegs: you're actually laughing as you say

Sidey: Is she saying she wants to find out who is? So Vance is the in because he, he,

Dan: He doesn't want to be in the, in the gossip columns himself, and she's got his number [00:11:00] and says, look, I know that you used the, the doctor who is he?

Reegs: This Jeffrey

Dan: otherwise taking a photo of him, you are gonna be all over the gossip column.

And so she then gets that

Sidey: information. He gives, he gives the business card over which they, they, they get,

Dan: A sting,

Reegs: JD Vance turned out to be a sellout? Yeah.

Dan: And he he hitch is there then speaking to her gay assistant about setting him up with a girl and he keeps trying to be masculine, but falls into him in

Sidey: Hitch smells a rat knee.

Dan: Yeah. He smells, he

Sidey: And then he looks over and he can see there's someone

Reegs: What do you mean? He pretends to be

Dan: masculine? He, he's like, puts on a Duke voice

Sidey: the guy from this guy from the newspaper who's his camper,

Reegs: very effeminate or whatever, and then suddenly pretends to, but butchers up

Sidey: and keeps, he keeps losing the voice. And so, hitch this guy's, this is his set.

Something's

Dan: going on here and he walks away and he says, you see him nice guy. I'm, I'm off. And he plays it cool. And, and goes, but,

Sidey: but they, and they run up to this, they've had three dates, right? So the first one, he takes it to Ellis [00:12:00] Island gets the book there set up where it's got her great, great grandfather's signature and it's all set out to be like super romantic and whatever. And she's looking at it and she starts crying and then she has this weird reaction.

It turns out he was a serial killer. And then Case we never saw him again, you know, other than the wanted poster. And then. The next day they go out for one of these,

the chef's cooking and you are trying to like, they call it a cooking rave. You are cooking along with the cooks. Yeah. And he something, and he has an allergic reaction to him and his face all swells up like a mutant.

And so that's the second date. And then the third one, I think is supposed to be the dinner that, that she, she, when she's found out that he is the date doctor, she turns up to dinner and just like fucking tear strips off him and

Dan: Throwing this salad at him in

Sidey: because she

Reegs: throws her salad at him.

Sidey: Yeah. She, she thinks that he had set up Vance with her mate who is the one that he wanted to fuck just to get over it.

Reegs: And she took it out on a salad.

Sidey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she, it was broccoli and cauliflower. Cauliflower, I think that she was saying. And [00:13:00] Will Smith was throwing the salad.

Dan: he threw kind of,

Reegs: Yeah, it

Dan: yeah, he, he threw kind of a green,

Sidey: But wouldn't you know it? Because all the while, the, so the other side of it, the, the flip side is the Allegra and thing, because

Reegs: Kevin James.

Sidey: in a big board meeting.

They've, she said she wants to do

Dan: something. The best scenes in this film is with Kevin

Sidey: yeah, definitely. But it, she said to the, the board of trustees that she wants to invest in her friends fashion business. And they say, nah, that, what the fuck do you know? We'll set up some portfolio of investments and you can choose which ones you like.

And she just goes, oh, okay. And, albert says, actually, I don't think that that's right. I think if you want to invest your own money in something, then that's what you should do. And they have this huge fucking ding-dong in the boardroom where he quits his job. So that's his in with her? Yeah. They then,

Reegs: but it's a display of his principles

Sidey: Yeah. And she's like, wow, someone's actually,

Dan: and confidence in her, you know, he's saying, look, she's taken more

Sidey: she says, no one's ever spoken to me like that, or with me like that. [00:14:00] So he. Invites her to a fashion show thing which she really likes because he actually invites her mate that she wanted to invest in.

So they'll go to that and she's like, wow. And she can't dance and he does some shitty dancing with her. Yeah. It's all the stuff that Will Smith said, don't fucking do any of that. Right. Go dance with her. Yeah. They go to basketball and his spills like mustard all down

Reegs: That's the kind of move I would

Sidey: Yeah. He

Dan: a hundred percent Riggs, he

Sidey: He bottles kissing her and he is about to take his inhaler. She's like, oh, and he calls her back and throws the inhaler away. And Will Smith's don't

Dan: Well, he even showed you the inhaler, like this is all like, not to do,

Sidey: but because she's seen that in the news that.

Albert is the one who's out been outed as

the the, latest client of the date director. She thinks it's all set

Reegs: of an act.

Sidey: played me and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So Will Smith goes and confronts her on the boat and to explain and say no,

Dan: I must say right there, I thought the film was over. I thought that's how it's gonna end.

Sidey: no,

he goes to speak to her and she [00:15:00] said, oh, and, and when, and you taught him and to do that.

And he is like, he did not do that. It did not show you the inhaler. And he didn't fucking whistle. And, and she's like, oh, so what did you teach him? And he's like, well, obviously nothing.

realizes, oh my God, I'm

Reegs: I've made such a big

Sidey: gonna let him finger me on the boat. Yeah.

Dan: And their hugging then is like, oh, are you and me? Oh, what are we like?

And he wanders in and sees them hugging and he

Reegs: he misinterprets it. Oh,

Sidey: Classic. Yeah. Yeah.

Starts

Dan: doing the old choke. Hold on. On Will. On will and,

Reegs: and will. We know Will's a violent man, so,

Dan: but he's taken, she can't, he is quite big, isn't he? Kevin James?

Sidey: Yeah, mostly he's on top of him. He's quite heavy.

Dan: A and then he starts

Reegs: was a high school

Dan: then he's, yeah,

Sidey: Oh, is he? Okay. He

starts

Dan: like fingering will Smith's asshole, like, and she's looking

Sidey: Yeah. Milks his prostate.

Dan: right.

More lube. More lube and, and they get on the boat and it goes out. And then they just have one of those real sick parties on the,

Reegs: a a freak

Dan: boat. Yeah. Free golf.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: but Will Smith does actually realize, oh my [00:16:00] God, they're so in love. I've messed up with what's her name or with the two of them actually have messed up themselves, I

Reegs: Is she not a bit concerned now at this violent side of Albert that suddenly

Dan: She should be, but she wasn't in

Sidey: No, she was super into it. So Will Smith runs off to confront Sarah. Sarah he, but he, now he can't get his words out. He's like the flummoxing sort of idiot one. Yeah. But. There is, they're in the doorway and he actually gets her to close the door 'cause he can't speak whilst looking at her

Reegs: she's too hot.

Sidey: too hot.

She is like, unfucking believe worse me. Yeah. So whilst the door is shut, he's able to explain this, but there's a fella in her apartment, so he's like, who the fuck is this guy?

Reegs: Vance?

Dan: No. he looks like Cameron Matheson on steroids. He's just

Sidey: He's super American.

Dan: he?

Reegs: Is he? Yeah. Did you see his six pack?

Sidey: No. He is wearing

Dan: you could see it through his blazer. You could see his

Sidey: with like a really shit haircut.

Reegs: So that's

Sidey: turns out to be her brother-in-law, her

Dan: brother-in-law. And she's screwing him, I guess. So

Sidey: have a, they have a sort of row sort of thing. Basically every interaction where he's being honest [00:17:00] with her, he shouts at her. So they have a bit of speed dating and he just yells at her.

Which then when he leaves, he, he sort of storms out.

She's like, she

starts crying going, oh God, he's so right. I just needed him to shout at me at the right time.

Dan: She, she even apologizes at one stage, didn't he? And he's like, no, no, I've, it was about a week ago we had our chance.

It's not now.

Sidey: So the bit in the street where he's long

Yeah.

Where he is confessing his love for her that he'd messed up, but he is still like yelling at her basically. And you're like, this guy's. It's a

Reegs: It's a good setup for their relationship from that point

Dan: Yeah. And then we cut

Sidey: now they kiss, they kiss, they, he says that. He says, she says, oh, you kind of like me then.

And he says, no, I love you.

And then, yeah, fade to black, fade back in.

Reegs: both getting married.

It's It's a double wedding? No. Oh. Whose wedding is it? Albert.

Sidey: it's Allegra And Albert's wedding. Yeah. Big fucking fancy affair. And someone at dinner. So Cassie, the one who's been fucked by Vance, she's their solo forever to be [00:18:00] single, or is she because an old lady starts to choke.

At one of the tables while everyone stop dancing. And she sees this and she gives her the Heimlich

Reegs: There's not time for one final manipulation.

Sidey: enormous olive, I think it was, comes out of her gob. And this fucking, like the most vanilla wanker ever comes over. She's like, grandma, you're okay.

And she's like, this lady saved my life. Why don't you ask her to dance? And as they go after dance and she looks over at Hitch, you're like, he's still like, fucking manipulate that.

Reegs: he's still at it. He's still at it.

Sidey: He's learned nothing.

Dan: grandma.

Sidey: Grandma.

Reegs: A cad.

Sidey: And then, then there's the dance off. And

Dan: there's a dance off. Just so Will Smith.

Reegs: so, so the movie's like main idea about being true to yourself is completely undermined in the

Sidey: final Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Act, no, it's still okay to set up these scenarios.

And he justifies it at the speed decking scene by saying, all I do is provide an opportunity like how's it go at women? By saying, getting out of their own way. Yeah. To see how good

Dan: because it's not okay. A guy just comes up to a gal and says, I like [00:19:00] you. Yeah. And then you add like a lo a string of guys saying, yeah, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of like you. I can't do, you can't say that. You can't say that. And he said, all we, all I'm doing is like put a plan into motion Okay. You can't just say, I like you, so you do this, this, and this, and then

Sidey: and get the first kiss right, and you'll be okay.

Dan: And then the wall, 80% of women made their decision on the first kiss.

No.

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: Yeah,

Sidey: But it does, it does undermine like the message of the movie. Yeah. By saying just it's okay to just be yourself by then saying No, actually you do have to manipulate an, an old grandma and her stuff. Yeah.

Reegs: that's, good. Then I

Sidey: I still quite enjoyed it though.

I have to say

Dan: Kevin James was the best bit of it.

It wasn't for a a rom-com with Will Smith in it, who I do test. That bad. It wasn't that bad.

Sidey: It's completely harmless. You can watch this with the family.

Dan: Yeah, there's a couple of, there's a couple of funny bits in it.

Sidey: You probably could've watched this in, in the naughties and not thought about any of those things.

Yeah.

Reegs: You wouldn't have done? No.

Sidey: [00:20:00] And it's fine and everyone in it's like good looking and the soundtrack is shit, unfortunately. Yeah. It's that awful naughty like shit club music.

Dan: but it's only going one

Sidey: It set. It is set in New York, which is like one of the sa bits of the world. Yeah. Absolutely. Stinks a piss and everyone's miserable.

So, probably do need some help.

Dan: that didn't really come through that as

Sidey: as much. No, but I'm telling

Dan: filmmakers could have made it.

Sidey: But I still quite enjoyed it. Eva Mendez, man, because, so she basically knocked acting on the head, didn't she? When she had had kids with Ryan Gosling to raise a family. So we've been deprived 'cause she's really good in this and she's good in other stuff that I've seen her in.

I really like her. Yeah. Not just 'cause

Dan: are they still together?

Sidey: Yeah, there was rumors about some well, no, more of just, I think she was getting a bit fed up 'cause he was, you know, he works a lot and Mitch means he's away and whatever they seem to be anyway, seem to be still

Dan: Well let's hope so.

Hope

Sidey: so. 'cause what a beautiful

Dan: what

what? Amazing kids. They'll

Reegs: Also the pressure on the lives in Hollywood and that like a year in Hollywood

Sidey: they

Dan: pressure, they dunno. Pressure

Sidey: Different. They haven't played walking football

Dan: exactly. That's pressure.

Two, one down two minutes ago. [00:21:00] No. This was

Sidey: five

Outta 10.

Dan: Yeah.

Solid

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Which makes it a

Reegs: Strong recommend,

Dan: recommend.