The Three Musketeers: D'Artagnan & Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds

D'Artagnan

Dan: we Bon and Sava.

Sidey: Yes, we've gone all Gallic. Francophiles, is that, is that the right term for? Francophiles.

Cris: I think,

Sidey: Okay.

Dan: Frankenstein, I think

Sidey: I think. Which I'm sure would have been great fuel for a clever intro, but Riggs is not with us today. He's splintered his pancreas, and unfortunately can't be here.

Dan: left us to shoulder the blame for his his nervy kind of situation.

Sidey: And Pete is out entertaining VIP clients, so he's not here either.

So it's Chris, Dan and myself, Sidy

Dan: The dream

Sidey: That's what we're known as

Cris: what we're known as. All for one.

Sidey: That's right,

Dan: All for one.

Cris: pulled

Sidey: And you will know if you listen to the midweek which was he fell that we're on a kind of French theme this week. Chris has pulled out the bag. So we will be talking about top five French. Actors and characters. Yeah. Yeah, and then our main feature is going to be The three musketeers colon d'artagnan. Yes, it's

Cris: to be the 3 Musketeers colon d'Artagnan.

Sidey: Dan's

Dan: Sounds exciting. I just couldn't wait. I just love the

Sidey: And then we've got a retelling of that same d'artagnan story but in dog animated dog form

Dan: You've got a retelling of

Sidey: so look forward to that I was away, so I watched a couple of films on an aeroplane.

Cris: All right.

Dan: aeroplane films.

Sidey: Yeah, I watched one. Right. So I've got a bit of a rule about airplane films. I won't watch anything for the first time on there.

If it's something I want to, like, I'm not going to watch on a shitty airplane screen with appalling sound. And it really, they give you these like in ear things. Yeah. But the sounds are fucking dreadful. I was hurting my ears. So it was just shit. So I have a rule that I won't spoil something I really want to see.

So they did have a couple of movies on there that I was keen for, but I thought, no, I'll park that. So it's either a repeat, or it's something that's kind of, I, you know, it's like a bit of a mystery, but I'm happy to go for it. So that was the first one I watched was called Mandy Moore's, I think, or men.

Yeah. And it was Jon Hamm and Tina Fey.

Dan: Fey. Right.

Sidey: the story was that two ladies had been murdered the same name and it was a story about that but they had a kind of his wife had either left him. I think she'd left him or died. I think she died and Tina Faye's husband had left her. So they have this kind of cute romance thing going on.

He's the sheriff, the local, like, law enforcement. And he's trying to solve what's going on with this particular mystery, and I did actually quite enjoy that one. And then on the way back, I watched Paint, which is the Owen Wilson as Bob Ross, the

Dan: Oh, right,

Cris: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

Sidey: Really good, I

Dan: Alright, I'd like to see that, that

Sidey: like that.

I'd seen the trailer a little while back and forgotten all about it. And there were, like, a fucking shit load of films that you could, you know, on the airplanes that you could just scroll through, there's millions of films. And that one, I thought, oh, fuck it, yeah, I will watch that one on here. And that was really good,

Dan: Who did you fly with?

Sidey: yeah.

Dan: Ah, okay. Oh, well, it's good to know that you've got a good choice if you're

Sidey: that was a strong

Cris: Also, you have been in the land of movies

Sidey: I did, yeah, I went,

Cris: holiday, so how was that?

Sidey: Right, so, we had, we had, I'll start off by saying we had a really good trip chilled to the max, child free,

Dan: bad. Was It

Sidey: child free for the week, weather was like fucking red hot, it's not as glamorous as, I don't know if you think it's going to be glamorous, but it's not glamorous, so we went, first thing we sort of did was, we went down to Hollywood Boulevard where you've got the stars on the sidewalk, Uh, you also have shitload of homeless people and people going through bins.

It's just fucking just like a shit street It's just fucking minging. So that was disappointing No, you had the chinese theater there and that's kind of the nicest building on the street. The rest of it is just like strip malls and f king crap. Then we got from there, we got we did the proper touristy thing of an open tour bus trip round, which takes you around all the sort of main bits.

So we did like Beverly Hills and all that. Even Beverly Hills, you're really only like a couple of minutes away from some real shite. And there was one bit where you're, we were going through, I forget the area, but it was quite nice. In terms of sort of high end and then you kind of you can see all the hills but then they just got like a million billboards just like blocking out all the views of anything nice.

It's like this is a

Dan: fucking shit

Sidey: and then we always like to try and get a souvenir piece of art something that we can get framed and put on the wall when we get home. So we went downtown to this marketplace area. I didn't really have anything so we thought we'd have a wander around and Kay likened it to when Macaulay Culkin has to walk through Central Park at night and he's shitting himself.

She, we, I would say that we were never actually unsafe. We were there in the daytime, but everything fucking smelt of piss and there was just fucking crazies all over the place. This is a big crack problem. Yeah. So that wasn't great, but we went to Universal and we did, we did some like cool art gallery stuff and like.

Loads of beers by the pool. That was cool. But I would be hard pressed to recommend LA as a destination to be

Cris: Part 1,

Dan: okay, well.

Sidey: And last weekend as in a couple of days ago, we watched Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning part 1 Bucking loved it. It was great

Dan: Oh really? The new

Sidey: one? The one with

Dan: Okay.

Cris: fucking loved it. It's a 61 minute

Sidey: now Tom Cruise, he's still fucking like absolute king

Dan: You watch anything Chris?

Cris: I've watched outside of the homework. I have watched a movie called The Contractor on Amazon Prime with, I actually thought his name

Dan: Neeson, is it?

Cris: No, I thought his name was Jeremy Pine, but it's Chris Pine.

Dan: Chris Pine, okay.

Sidey: I know he, I know he may have had a hard time trying to think of the film.

Cris: it's called The Contractor. And it's I don't know. He's like,

Dan: pricing up jobs.

Does he,

Cris: he's like,

Dan: No

Cris: discharged from the army.

He's got a bad knee and he's discharged from the army because they do some tests and he's on all sorts of juice. And then he kind of is like the classic story of a soldier in debt and he can't get a job. And his wife is like, don't get a private contractor. Don't become a private contractor. You know what happens?

Too many people die. He ends up being coming Contractor and goes on a mission in Berlin. It goes wrong and long story short, he comes back and gets revenge and he gets double

Dan: ah, revenge film.

Cris: that kind of send him there and stuff. It was quite good action

Dan: Yeah. Yeah.

Cris: movie with with

Sidey: I really like him. He's cool.

Cris: He's cool.

He sees. Yeah, he's he's he's cool. And there's another actor which you would recognize in this movie. If you just bear with me, Ben Foster.

Sidey: The goalkeeper?

Dan: Yes.

Cris: that one, it's this guy. hE was in, you would know him from a few movies if you see him. But, I actually didn't know that that's his name. But yeah, Ben Foster is in it, and some other guys, and girls.

Dan: name. But yeah, Ben Foster in it and some other guys and girls. Came to be it was made by some Russian guy Alexei someone or other in who worked for the government everybody did in Russia in those days if they still don't and then how that was kind of exploited by different people who maybe realized the potential of this game outside of, of Russia.

It was quite good. I really enjoyed it, actually. Got, got through that. I also watched Passengers for the first time for, for Sonny. He came in and said, Oh, I really want to watch this movie. That's with Jennifer Lawrence and,

Sidey: Oh

Dan: What's his

Sidey: Chris Pratt.

Dan: Chris Pratt. When they travel in a spaceship and his pod wakes up I think 30 years into a 90 year journey because they've gone for an asteroid and, and things start fucking up.

So he opens up Jen, Jennifer Lawrence's pod. After a year, he waited a year before he, before he did And so I watched that. That was quite interesting. I've seen it before and it was still watchable again for a second time. Ted Lasso, I've been watching because I've got Apple TV and Slow Horses, which is the Gary Oldman thing.

And and Shantaram, which is the story of a... I think his name was Gregory Roberts. It was a true story. It's like a modern day papillon if you like so so that's been pretty that was serialized as well.

Sidey: I would definitely recommend on Apple TV, the Velvet Underground documentary, Todd Haynes one.

Ah, okay. Fucking cool. Yeah, it's really good.

Dan: Nice right. Well there's stuff to watch. But yeah, let's let's talk about this other stuff we watched

Sidey: Right, we're going to try and talk about French people, characters and actors without descending into horrible stereotypes about surrendering and cheese eating, I suppose.

Dan: That's that's the challenge it's quite easy for me to talk about this first one actually is Julie Delpy Who is just a

Sidey: You're a big fan, aren't you?

Dan: I am a big, big fan as well as huge crush. When I was you she's just done some wonderfully brilliant films. The the trilogy from link later, the the before,

Sidey: Breakfast After Lunch and

Dan: and before dinner sunset with Ethan Hawke.

I love those. I just think they're, they're so, so sweet. So I couldn't. Start off any French recommendations without mentioning her.

Sidey: Yeah, well same I have to pick one of my favorites. First up. It's Captain Jean Luc Picard.

Dan: Bonjour.

Sidey: Later Admiral Picard of the Star Trek The Next Generation and also Picard his own series. He's French and we see that because he's got his ancestral home, which is a vineyard and they make the Picard wine. Yeah, yeah.

Dan: Can you actually buy that? I bet you can

Sidey: probably some gig

Dan: Somebody is doing Picard wine.

Sidey: we see a few flash forwards and flashbacks in the very end double part.

Episode where Q is got humanity on trial. It keeps flashing to Picard as an old man on the vineyard and then in Picard, the series, we see him there quite a lot of the start and he's playing chess with data. He keeps having these visions of data. So yeah, he's French. I think his brother's called Rene which

Dan: which is also

Sidey: incredibly French.

Yeah,

Cris: I've got well I've got a couple, but I've got the first one is, I'm not going to say actually, no, I'm going to go for the, the, the movie taxi, the original French taxi movie. And the character Sammy Nasseri, which is Daniel Morales. In the movies called Daniel Morales, his name is Daniel Saminasse, and he is very good in that.

It's probably the one of the first, it's a 1998 action French movie, if you haven't watched it, watch it because it's one of the first actually good French movies. Because the director... Gérald Pires

Sidey: Oh, right, okay.

Cris: is the director, but

Sidey: Robert's brother.

Cris: yeah, yeah. And yeah, it's, it's really good, the movie. I don't know. Have you watched that?

Have you seen it. I'm not

Dan: Have you seen it?

Cris: ago. Yeah, it's 98. So it's a

Sidey: long time it's got a remake right. With Queen

Dan: this this is

Cris: Yeah.

Dan: I don't think I've seen that either though But I've seen one of them. It might have been the original one I've been watching something on Netflix and Called lupa, which is a fantastic show It came out first few years ago the first series and it's kind of drip fed you until you just about lost all interest And it brings out the last series which is just done which Fortunately, just lost the momentum for me.

It was

Cris: I feel exactly the

Dan: because, yeah, I really like the first two series, but it's been such a gulf in in time that not quite as interest. Maybe it's not quite as strong this one, but Omar Sy Omar Sy, How you want to see it is say but obviously friend of the pods. And he you know in top intouchables.

Well, we're no not really but i'm sure he is he would

Cris: he, would be when he hears all this.

Dan: He's he's top quality. I really really like him. He's The Intu Untouchables, he played that fantastic character who was on the wrong side that the tracks looking after this paraplegic guy. And in, in this he's plays another guy, sort of wrong end of the, the, the tracks if you like, or, and he's a gentleman thief.

Yeah, he's

Sidey: he's like Danny Ocean isn't he?

Dan: he's, he's a bit like that. And he's got all the moves with, he's like Sherlock Holmes, but. Doing it in reverse, if you like.

Cris: I've, I've read a few of the books as well. The Lupin books. Yeah.

Dan: I never have.

Cris: I've also have to say that the in is the Intouchables is actually called Intouchable.

Dan: Yes. Yes. Yeah. We Wei Wei.

Sidey: dam in . Yeah. Yeah.

Dan: This is, this is all bon you.

Sidey: Is it Back to me?

Cris: Yeah, I think so. I can carry on if you want.

Sidey: No, I've got plenty. I I was looking at characters that were French and there's one I've got that I can't remember exactly how you pronounce it but it's the the dude from the Matrix, the Merovingian.

And it, he's, he's obviously smart, they're all smart dressed, but he's wearing this suit and he's, it's when it starts to descend it for me into the really pretentious stuff where they should have had someone. Just say no. This is this is gone too far now and he would do these big long speeches and really posh

Cris: I'd say is posh, it

Sidey: the second one.

I think it might have even been a fall into the third one. So not that memorable well memorable to me for the wrong reasons because I thought this is starting to be just really a bit now and another one of the villain dude was from Casino Royale. I think that means the cypher. I Think he's supposed to be french

Cris: Cypher.

Sidey: Because he's got the well it could be Like a codename because no one's called the really the cypher.

But he was fucking cool He had that weeping tear ducts where

Dan: the accountant, I think he was

Sidey: He was he was the money man, yeah, and those Daniel Craig era of Bond films. They have

Dan: making it get

Sidey: for me, they have more of a continuity through them than the others. The other bonds there. They're kind of more standard. This one had a I would say and I think we are eventually going to do a bond theme week but for me, those ones had more of a consistent through point to them and he was like The money man who worked for in part of the Spectre organization thing.

So he was pretty cool. And Casino Royale is like a real high point out of all the Bond films. This Casino Royale, not the

Cris: ones and this Casino

Dan: big Not the David Niven

Sidey: the David Niven Woody Allen one. No, not that one.

Cris: Who is playing Ariadne. She is a French actress and she does play, I can't remember Leo DiCaprio's character, Cobb something, Mr. Cobb or something like that. In Inception and she's French and he appears in his dream within a dream within a dream within a dream. And I think that was quite a memorable character.

I did enjoy that. I, I, it took me a couple of times to watch the movie to kind of actually get an idea of what's going on. But I did enjoy that and she was a character I found.

Dan: of actually get an idea of what's going on, but she was a memorable character I found.

Sidey: Andy McDowell.

Dan: yeah, just thinking about it. I thought I'd like to see that again. It was yeah, because it was I remember seeing it one time and just the idea, I think, of a green card and you know, somebody waiting to, you know, stay in a country or they were having their whole relationship was around, you know, really get this green card or everything.

But also Bergerac was fantastic. He's You know, the powerhouse of French actors, certainly when I was first getting into film, he was the one person that you would typically recognize as being you know, an A list kind

Sidey: Well, he also plays one of the most UI guess, ubiquitous French characters of all time. Yeah. Remember that one? Obl

Cris: Yes, Aesthetics and Obelix,

Dan: yeah, well,

Sidey: he's also fairly infamous for an air rage incident.

Dan: Yeah, you all, I didn't hear about this, but go on.

Sidey: it was big news, especially in France. I think he was pierced on a flight and just being a prick, and they asked him if he wouldn't mind. Not

Dan: Fucking off.

Sidey: so he got up and screamed obscenities and got his dick out and took a piss down the aisle of the aircraft.

Dan: in first class though, so, you know, that's what you pay for isn't it?

Sidey: in first class. That's what

Dan: Some people are

Cris: he's also a Russian citizen now. I'm pretty sure he is and he lives in Russia because he

Sidey: Probably sanctioned then. He

Cris: wants to, he wanted to leave France because he didn't agree with the tax system.

I

Sidey: We didn't mean to have to...

Cris: mean, he could have just moved to Monaco and still live technically in France, but I think, I think he just, he was really

Dan: But, I think, I think he

Sidey: it's, it's like, horrendous there. But, whatever.

Dan: like, horrendous there. But, whatever.

Sidey: Yeah. There's a couple of very well known French detectives. A man after my own heart, Hercule Poirot with the strong moustache game. The various iterations of him.

We've got the older one, which is more like well defined. I forget the dude's name now. That's

Dan: That's it.

Sidey: it. And then we

Dan: Davin.

Sidey: Yeah, then we have, what's his face, Kenneth Branagh's version, where he is like a double

Cris: Yeah, that is a strange one I don't know how to

Sidey: Yeah, it's almost like there's two, it's like a moustache...

Dan: Germanic that one

Sidey: top of that one.

Dan: that one Yeah

Sidey: there's a third, the third movie just come out, that was on the flight, I didn't watch it. Right. Where it's more about the occult, I think

Cris: I think. His moustache is a backstory.

Sidey: For this guy with the story that he got

Cris: Yeah, I

Sidey: that's why he's kind of covered in it. Yeah, you know,

Cris: Is it the second one on the Nile?

Sidey: one on the Nile.

Cris: that and it's, towards the end, he kinda tells, he talks to this woman or something and he, he talks about how he was in love

Sidey: so the

Cris: someone cut his lip or something like that and that's why his moustache is in, in, that.

Sidey: third one I think is set in New Orleans

Cris: Could be, I

Sidey: It's It's more of a, kind of, I think it's set up as a seance we also have, of course, Inspector Clouseau Yeah Pete's a big fan, well I think we're all big fans but we've spoken about him Quite a lot in the past

Cris: Yeah. I've got. Jean Reno, which is in a movie. It's a French movie. I keep talking about this movie on the podcast. I will want to recommend it at one point, not anytime soon because we've just done a French week. So it's not going to be too soon, but it's, it's an American slash English French movie called Le Visiteur, which means the visitors is from 1993.

And,

Sidey: So glad you translated that.

Cris: yeah, I know. Just, just to avoid any doubt and it's, the story is after he, he's being drugged by a witch, he kills the father of this being a night in 1400 France. He kills the father of his girlfriend thinking he's a bear. And then. Trying to undo what he just did. He tells the witch to send him back in time to fix it.

And the witch sends him forward into New York in basically 1993. And it's honestly, it's unbelievable. Like he's with a sword and, and a, and a horse and

Sidey: That sounds amazing.

Dan: in that film? Alright. 'cause I've got one called with Gene Reno who's in he's in Leon and the Big blue. Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah, yeah. They're both Luke Beston. They're definitely Beston. I love, lEon. Colon. Yeah. The Le Professionnel. Yeah. It does have some these days bit creepy connotations there. I think Natalie Portman's sort of come out and kind of tried to maybe not distance herself but say it was a bit weird and there is a I think it might even be the French edit of it where it's their relationships like even a little bit more Explicitly.

Dan: Wow. Right.

Sidey: is like, wow. Really? Yeah, I think so.

Cris: She's very young. In that movie.

Sidey: Yes. Let's just say it's a bit Lily to esque. But it's got a great turn by Gary Oldman as a, like fucking deranged lunatic. Yeah. He's great at that. And I just like hitman films generally, so that was a

Dan: just like Hitman films generally, so that was a good one. Prison mezzanine,

Sidey: Not counting the mezzanine.

Dan: That might have been it. Yeah, it's gone up a level but The i'm coming to the end of my french written list here, but I might have one or two

Sidey: written list here,

Dan: right,

Sidey: but I might have one or two others. Well,

Dan: Right

Sidey: Cassell was also, we mentioned Danny Ocean, he was in the sequels to the Ocean films. Right. Twelve and Thirteen, he was a master thief. I've always liked him in everything I've seen him in.

Yeah. He's really cool.

Dan: Rafifi was the other film that I wanted to, to mention with the character. You had Tony Lesteffer Farnes who doesn't sound that French, but he did that amazing like 25 minute real time silent breaking in that 1950 film from Jeanne

Sidey: We should, of course, talk about Jean Girard.

Cris: yeah.

Dan: Ah oui.

Sidey: From Talladega Nights Sacha Baron Cohen. He's very inappropriate.

Cris: Very inappropriate.

Sidey: I would also mention but I'm not gonna say too much about it because I did promise the missus that we would watch this one together. And that was when we first got together. So it's like 13 years we've been waiting to watch it.

So at some point, and then there's, I don't know if you've heard of the film Belle du Jour.

Dan: And

Sidey: Catherine Deneuve and it's quite sexy.

Dan: I don't know if you've heard of feeling.

Sidey: Like a masochistic sexual fantasies. She's like kind of like repressed housewife kind of thing and she has all these fantasies and I had heard about this film when I was a teenager and then it was on telly.

I thought I'll watch this get the tissues ready and it's just not quite as not quite as porn hubby as you kind of hoped as a teenage boy. Probably is actually just quite a good film. And then there's a whole, a whole subset of Disney French characters.

Dan: Go on then, hit us with a few.

Sidey: RAtatouille, we can get into that.

The Chef The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Gaston from Beauty and the Beast.

Dan: Beauty and

Sidey: Chef Louis from The Little Mermaid. He even says, Zoute a l'or. Which is as French as they come. And then there's others, but let's, we've done quite a lot already. Any more questions?

Cris: I've only got Jacques Cousteau, who is in a

Dan: He even says,

Cris: movie.

Dan: Zut there's others, but that's done quite a lot really I've only got Jacques Cousteau Well,

Cris: Yeah, big diver allegedly loved to save species and show the life underwater generally. But there is a movie on about him, which is pretty much what I thought I thought would be, which is more of a documentary kind of thing about his life and, and how he, it turns out that that is a lot more to the story and based on his real life.

It's called a movie called Calypso. It's a French movie and because Calypso was the name of his boat and He did all these shoot these movies and all these series and all that stuff, but he was more driven by his Lust and desire of money rather than the love of animals and diving apparently, but it was the Calypso itself The movie was a really good movie and he was Still a great man and opened a lot of people's eyes on, on the wildlife in the oceans.

Dan: We should, we should mention as well the, the guy who was in the artist won an Academy Award, I believe, for it, didn't he? Jan

Sidey: I never saw that one. Jeanne

Dan: Janda?

Sidey: Of Garden.

Dan: yeah. He's yeah, it was, it was brilliant, you know, for, again, for a, a, a film lance. Fantastic.

Sidey: Very good. I haven't got round to putting this out to our audience for suggestions so we'll do that in the week and we'll complete the list.

Dan: Bye. Okay. Well, are we going to put our ones in

Sidey: now?

Dan: in? I'm going to put in the, the witty and sharp dialogue of Delphi's efforts in the before film. So, Julie Delphi. Luc.

Sidey: Right, I've got to put in Jean Luc. I'm going to put in the Admiral Jean Luc. Make it so. Chris?

Cris: admiral

Dan: so.

Cris: I'm gonna put Marion Cotillard in Inception.

Sidey: Go, nice, yeah, very good.

Dan: and g

Sidey: This is I was going to try and do it in French, but I won't. The Three Musketeers colon d'Artagnan.

Cris: Alors,

Sidey: It's French, did you know that? L'Etoile Musquetière L'Etoile

Cris: musketeers colon

Dan: know that? musketeers. Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah I guess kind of a story that most of us will be broadly familiar with

Cris: I read the books as well. Wow.

Sidey: scholar a

Dan: A book reader. Yeah. Oh, get him! ha

Cris: A lot of books. No, I, I like Alexander Dumont. I like quite a few of his books. So...

Dan: a golden gun. Or the Iron Mask, one of

Cris: Yeah, the Iron Mask, yeah.

Dan: There was well, this is a classic story anyway. Everybody knows it.

Sidey: This movie

Dan: I, I just want to go there. Da, da, da, da,

Sidey: you have to wait

Dan: know, I've got to wait. But whenever you're saying Dugtanion,

Sidey: know i know

Dan: this is how actually, because we were talking about it earlier, isn't it? This is how he must have...

Like obviously got his inspiration from Dog Tanyan being a dog.

Sidey: Dog. And then copied it into this. But it gives us a, a, a text scroll at the start to give us set the, the time period and a bit of backstory about what's going on.

Dan: 1620 something

Sidey: Oh something like that

Cris: maybe?

Dan: Ish, Even before

Sidey: but they still had this is where they did have Kings down Yeah,

Dan: Presidents, yeah.

Sidey: and We're introduced to d'Artagnan Right at

Dan: Quite early on, yeah, he's already on his journey to Paris

Sidey: We get a better version of that story in the kids thing that we watched later. Yeah. Full version. But this we gets looked a little bit like when the Hobbits arrive in their first town. He arrives somewhere on horseback and as soon as he gets there, there's a commotion in the courtyard.

Dan: Well, he, he, he gives a bit of a nod to, we

Sidey: know who he is,

Dan: No. We, you see him come in and there's a horse and carriage foxy.

There's a foxy lady about to step in, said carriage blonde, long hair. And as she steps in as you said, commotion begins, there's, an attack, a load of people flooding, a big fight ensues, shots and muskets are

Sidey: Yeah, so we're in the age of still... fencing kind of sword

Dan: the major

Sidey: weapon, but also we now have artillery.

Dan: Yeah, although they're not they're not bullets, it's kind of, musket stuff, isn't it?

Sidey: It's, yes. This isn't shooting up schools with automatic weapons. This is

Dan: because we, we know this because he takes Doctanion as he saves

Sidey: not dog tan,

Cris: d'Artagnan.

Dan: But you know how I mean. Da

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: yeah, no it's Da Tanyan. Da Tanyan he takes a bullet to the chest and he's buried by...

Sidey: before that though, there's some real cool fighting,

Dan: Oh there's cool fighting

Sidey: the fight. Choreography's really good. The swordplay, it's dark and muddy and you don't, it's hard to kind of know who's on

Dan: And everything's in French.

Sidey: Yeah, so the, even the fighting and the sound effects are in French. So people are getting stabbed left, right and center and there's a real good energy, I thought, to the fighting. And just when you think. He's won the fight or he's saved this damsel in distress. He opens the door to the carriage and she just fucking shoots him point blank

Dan: the blonde that we saw enter the the carriage earlier. And he falls back and she, Then is taken over by another woman who's in the carriage that we hadn't seen

Cris: Yeah, you can kind of see that there's this other woman that actually makes her pull the trigger and shoot that onion. So it's

Sidey: she's pulling the strings. And we see her do that quite often throughout the movie.

Dan: That's

Sidey: But she possibly is having her strings pulled by someone else. There's a lot at

Dan: Yeah, so it cuts to a scene where A guy is burying all the bodies

Sidey: Yeah, it goes all Stephen King. It's like fucking Carrie. It's the end of

Dan: he's he's in the woods and he's been past a few coins or given the look anyway by this this girl who says just bury them all and he's quite a distinctive chap. He's got one leg.

Cris: he's got a wooden

Dan: a wooden leg, one leg and a wooden leg.

And he's burying the bodies and then after a while you see a hand and kind of

Sidey: of this pit,

Cris: yeah. I thought that was quite a good scene as well. He looked quite in distress when he got out. You know, it's not one of them that they,

Sidey: that they... He just puts

Cris: just puts his hands out and he just starts running.

He's, you could see that it was, I think, I thought it was quite well acted to be fair.

Sidey: Yeah, and we find out later on that it was his Bible.

Cris: Yeah,

Dan: Yeah, I was wondering up until the point

Sidey: they don't tell you

Dan: later,

Sidey: quite a while.

Dan: later when he's, he's entered into the town at this point, he's carried on to Paris, he's got a letter of recommendation that looks like a piece of shit now, but he's still

Cris: of recommendation that looks like a piece of shit now, but he's still

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: That's right. And he he finds it and he realises a three day wait. There's a guy from who got here two days ago and he's still waiting. He's thinking I'm not having any of this. So he bolts it through manages

Sidey: he's got a connect, doesn't he? 'cause his old man,

Dan: He's got this letter his old man that used to fight with the captain and he's sure will remember his dad So he finds this this chap this commander who says right?

Okay. I'll write to the cadets Then he sees one of the guys from the night before And on the way racing down to get him. Yeah, he, he bumps into three different guys and they all challenge him to a duel or he challenges

Sidey: Yeah, it's

Dan: and they're all the three musketeers.

Sidey: Yeah, who would have thought it?

But he... It's funny the way they do it, because the first one, I think it's Vincent Cassell, he, he bumps into her on the staircase, and he's like, you can fuck off, like, I'll, I'll have you for this, you know, and even, because he's got his arm in a sling, it's like, I could even, I could do you even with one arm, meet me at

Cris: Eleven. At midfair, yeah.

Sidey: midday, or whatever,

Cris: No, it's eleven,

Sidey: and then the next one, I think it's, Porthos, or

Cris: Yeah, Portos.

Sidey: is.

He slams into him and has a row and he says right, I'll see you at blah blah blah at midday. And then Aramis at the end, and he's like, Right, I'll have you at midday. He's like, could you make it one o'clock? Because I've already got another flight at midday.

Cris: he's like, right, I'll have you make it

Sidey: to have another hour to is.

Cris: Athos.

Dan: And, and so, yeah, he goes, I'll give you permission. You have that extra hour, enjoy it. And, and so, the next day he's, he's there for the 11 o'clock with Portis.

Sidey: No, it's, it's Vincent, isn't it? It's,

Cris: who's brought...

Dan: Casse, is Athos

Sidey: Athos. Athos. that's right

Dan: who's brought the other two as, as kind of witnesses for his honour and everything because it's all bound by honour whether they're doing it

Sidey: But also, the duelling has been outlawed, so this is rogue.

Dan: The dueling has been outlawed. Yeah. They're, they're they live on the edge. And they gotta keep their skills sharp. And, and all the rest of it. So, when they find that D'Artagnan has actually got a fight with all of them. He's quite, oh well I'd have bought you a drink if I'd have known this. How long have you been in Paris?

He goes, well I got here this morning. And you're like, well already a fight with a lot of us.

Sidey: But as they're talking, they, they end up being surrounded.

Dan: That's right. Yeah. Well, they, they do start to fight and then it, it is come around

Sidey: a little bit of a flirt more

Dan: oh, no, we're, yeah, it's a bit of a flirt. They're touching swords before this.

They're surrounded. And then they say, Oh, no, no, it's, it's not a duel. It's, you know, we're just teaching this young cadet what, what to do. But it comes clear it's an ambush. This is not

Cris: Yeah. it's the Cardinal's

Dan: yeah, they're looking,

Cris: brown uniform and

Dan: looking to take them down. The three, the three musketeers, you know, they're, they're trying to and D'Artagnan goes, well, look.

Four of us now. And they start to have an almighty battle with everybody and muskets. I don't think they, I

Sidey: think Athos goes up to the first guy, doesn't he? Before it becomes a huge rumble, he approaches the guy and then kind of cheap shot, stabs the guy while he's on his horse, and then it becomes an almighty rumble.

This fight scene was really cool, I

Dan: Yeah. And loads of cheap shots. And it, it culminates in the fighting with who we come to find out is an important, figure, dude,

Cris: The captain of the guard of

Dan: of, of yeah, captain of a load of assholes or something. And that becomes quite important because a little bit later on they're brought up in front of the king for this to, for justice.

And he's, he needs to be seen to be serving justice. There's a massacre. They leave a massacre, don't they? I mean, it's like,

Sidey: They must kill about 25 people. So I don't know. It's a lot.

Dan: between them that yeah, they've killed five or six each between them.

Cris: And that if this carries on for two more weeks, there's no more guards.

Dan: yeah, that's

Cris: kill them all.

Dan: It's all finished, but he's he's the king has got a bit of Sort of respect or fun or something on his lips in his mind because he's he's not as quite as punishing He ends up giving

Sidey: Well, he's in the midst of organising his brother's wedding, isn't he? So he's got that going on. He's got a funny thing going on with his wife, he's not...

I'm not sure

Dan: not 100

Sidey: but these, but these guys, the three

Dan: they're hard men.

Sidey: what do you do after a good day's battle in the, out in the woods? You go whoring and boozing, and that's exactly what they do. They go to the

Dan: they've given a pile of money

Sidey: they're singing a load of songs, and then we get a little bit of exposition about what they're all about.

Dan: they're different characters. Yeah, we're just starting to learn that that Athos is kind of

Cris: Portos. Yeah,

Sidey: Well, Portos is with Daran and I

Cris: Yeah. He kind of tells

Sidey: saying, oh ahor, he's got his own demons. You know, he's quite a complicated character. he, he

Dan: you know.

He's quite a complicated character. Aramis, he likes the Marians.

Sidey: got Ami, he likes the married.

Dan: He likes all the girls that he can't get, and he gives the wink and everything,

Sidey: and then, and then someone comes over and says, Listen, if, if Porthos takes you under his wing, you need to be careful because you end up in his nest. And he's like, what do you mean?

He's like, he'll fuck anything. And,

Dan: And, and, and basically that's, yeah,

Sidey: see the morning after, he's got he's bisexual. Probably be pansexual, I think, was the implication. It literally would

Dan: He was, yeah, he was, he was saying a thigh's a thigh, I think

Sidey: That's a nice way of putting it. Yeah. So that's a nice bit of backstory and a little bit of introduction to the characters.

Cris: thigh I think he said. So that's a nice bit of backstory and a little bit of introduction to the characters. When Athos gets found in bed. Do you see the guards, like kind of some guards chasing through

Dan: it goes through everyone, doesn't it? I I in their morning and everything and you, you wake up with Daran and trying to impress this young lady that he's taken a room in the house and she's the chambermaid of the queen. Constance.

Sidey: She was quite easy on the eye,

Dan: she was

Cris: yeah, she's very pretty.

Sidey: pretty, pretty lady.

Dan: Madam Elle.

Sidey: Yeah. But there's also, when we've had some discussion in the King's Court or whatever with his brother about the wedding, but there's also been some talk about going to war with the Protestants.

Dan: Yeah, war talk's starting,

Sidey: and the king's like, no, I will not fucking order that. I'm not having it and you can see the the cardinal was like

Dan: a few of them are up for it, but the, the king isn't, he wants to concentrate on this wedding. And but you have all this political play and anybody familiar with the story of Three Musketeers, even through do Tan and the Three Musketeers then you, you got an understanding of the, the count OU is a bad sort of

Sidey: He's a bad egg. Yeah.

Dan: on.

Yeah. He's a bad egg going on.

Cris: he's audacious.

Dan: Yeah, he's all of this. He's, he's one of these guys who just wants to take power,

Cris: wants to... Well, he's, he's pretty much the puppet master. Yeah. Because he tries to play everyone. In, in, in your face, he will be, well, while he's with you in the room, he'll, he'll make you think and believe that you're the man and you, you made the decisions yet he will tell you exactly what he wants. And behind you, he'll plot

Sidey: he's got a lot of plotting, you know, he's, he's really up to his elbows in plots, and Milady, who is Eva Green, who we've seen earlier on, that's where she's getting all her instruction from.

Dan: That's right. Yeah. And, but there's another lady in this and it's the queen and this subplot is with a guy she's in love with who is a Protestant from England who have, Got more and more influence in La Rochelle In France, which is what a lot of the other lot are worried about saying, you know They're starting a bit of an uprising over there and they've got a foot in you know, that's England's foot into France over there but the King's still more concentrated on the wedding and things like that, but then

Sidey: she is corresponding with this guy. It's the Duke, isn't it?

Dan: and we realized that they've got a bit of a thing going on

Sidey: Duke of Buckingham. Yeah. And she's, so she's writing letters and receiving letters from someone but we know because we're shown on screen that...

There's a bit of fucking identity theft going on

Cris: and forgery,

Sidey: m'lady who's who's writing and setting up these this meeting which is probably not going to go

Cris: we forgot to say that at the beginning when D'Artagnan kind of stops and gets involved in this fight in the village my lady takes a letter from the blonde

Sidey: she shushes her, doesn't

Cris: Yeah, she just takes the letter and just shushes her. And then obviously we find out that when Athos wakes up, the woman in the bed is

Sidey: Is the lady from the carriage. So she's intercepted, the lady's intercepted this communication from the Duke.

Cris: Duke of Buckingham. Yeah.

Sidey: And then is changing it and

Dan: Yeah, they're set in a trap.

Sidey: untoward.

Yeah. It's, it's bad juju going

Dan: So, but the thing is the queen is cheating on her husband, the king.

Sidey: I think he would be displeased with that.

Dan: I think he would be. And at one point she needs to call it off. It's been really too close to call. They have a big, they have a meeting, which is obviously a trap. But thanks to the, the four musketeers, or three at this point still with d'Artagnan they managed to, to fight this band of men and, She, she realizes that you can't see him anymore and he asked for these jewels.

He asked, he said, Oh, give us something just as a memory. You can't give her like a, a little ring or a sock or, or kind of just a don't know, like something. He was just asking for anything, wasn't he? No, she gives him

Sidey: the crown, like virtually the fucking crown jewels

Dan: virtually the crown jewels. And he's like, Oh, thanks for that.

And I was thinking at the time, has he just done her hair? Like, you know, he's like. Got the crown,

Sidey: He'll have them on antics road show. Exactly.

Cris: which we later found out that the jewelry is being given to her by the king.

Sidey: significant in the plot. Yeah. And what we, we sort of. Skated over is that Athos has woken up in bed with and with that lady and she has multiple stab wounds and is no longer with us.

Dan: stab wounds and we

Sidey: And so there's been a, there's, there's been a kind of kangaroo court thing where he's, he's put up in front of these people.

And I think would have got away with it if he just said that he didn't do it, but he. his demons kind of take over and he's principled as well and he just said because they were pissed

Dan: I can't

Sidey: he just said well i don't know if i did it or not and he literally cuts to the rest of them in the in the audience watching saying why did you fucking lie you know so i was thinking so literally he said if he said he hadn't done it His word is good enough.

They

Cris: Yeah, because they

Sidey: even though he's literally says he's

Cris: They say he's a noble, he's a con de frere and all that, he's all this. His word should mean something, whatever. And then

Sidey: He literally says something like I don't even care, but I don't like, I don't like this life enough So

Dan: to lie

Sidey: kill me then I'm fine.

So they are ordering, they order his beheading And they have, I think, four days to prove that he didn't do it. Find It's going to take some doing. Yeah. So, when they go to see the corpse, that's when D'Artagnan recognizes her from the carriage and so they have to go back to the shallow grave, the shallow mass grave, exhume these pretty,

Dan: who might have sent them

Sidey: ripe corpses and find something.

Cris: Which in the end, the, the, the man with the wooden leg. They realized that the, the corpses have a missing finger. So he stole the, the rings and then the man, they torture him. He gives up the rings and then they, they find out from the cut his arm

Sidey: the pub they're dying. D'Artagnan was listening to all the screaming. He's like, what's he doing in there?

And I'm like, oh, just asking him some questions. It's so naive.

Dan: Yeah, and he's going, what, no, torture is, what, why do they do it? I don't like torture. He says, yeah, but it works, doesn't

Cris: No, it's like nobody likes torture. That why we, that's why we do it because nobody likes it.

Sidey: Yeah, so these guys are... They're fighting on the right side, but they're, you know, they're pretty ruthless themselves.

They're, you know, they'll do what needs to be done.

Dan: particularly to the bad guys.

Cris: that, that's how we. Go with how it ends up that they save the Queen because D'Artagnan goes to chase the trail of the ring. They all go to different nobles houses. He goes to this house and then we find Milady again in this house portraying as a lady of the

Sidey: She's a blonde now.

Cris: she puts a wig on and she sees him. She puts a wig on. Tries to be really sexy and really she is yeah, but quite quite sultry in a way and quite like oh,

Dan: come a lady, come, come.

A lady

Cris: here in a I've been here for a couple of months. I've not seen anything.

Sidey: She's horny, yeah.

Yeah,

Cris: She's really kind of trying to seduce him and then in the end he goes up some stairs and realizes that the woman that died that he That shot him.

She was the, the woman of the house and then

Sidey: This is a proxy. Yeah,

Cris: and then ever green just shoots him or shoots at him and he

Sidey: He gets away.

Cris: makes for this grand escape

Sidey: Yeah.

Cris: and then we, we get the scene with the, with the saving of the queen and then they say, she says, Oh, whatever happens, I owe you something. And then they're like, Oh, well, we might ask you sooner than you think, because one of our friends is in prison.

Yeah. And she decides to ask the king for forgiveness. Meanwhile, the king gets wind of this meeting.

Sidey: Yeah, so the king's, like, he's not motivated to do a favor for the queen when he thinks she's having it off with one of his rivals.

Cris: Which I thought it was a strange scene in a way, that she's like, Oh open this box

Dan: Oh, she's calling the bluff there, isn't she? Because, you're right, the king says, Look, I've heard rumors you've given the crown jewels away here to this guy. I'm not happy about it. And she says, how dare you? Basically, how fucking dare you? Look, you don't believe me? Here it is. There, go on, open to him and I'll know how much you don't trust me.

And how little our relationship's worth. And he goes,

Sidey: Just

Dan: Okay, no, I tell you what, we've got a party on Saturday night, you better be wearing

Cris: For the wedding.

Dan: for the wedding, let's do it then. So, she's bought herself some time, but, she's, they're fucking in London, the, the jewels and she's not, so, time is ticking and easyjet aren't going

Cris: No, they're not. Not in the 1600s.

Dan: no, they are not so that she needs to get some some pace there she needs to

Cris: And luckily,

Dan: don't spare the horses So

Cris: has the connection with D'Artagnan.

Sidey: Yeah. Because she's really fit.

Cris: Yeah, and he is really in love. So

Sidey: he's a good looking guy as well.

Cris: Yeah, but

Dan: he's a he's an absolute dreamboat come on he's like amazing And he's, he's on his way, you know, he's gonna head out to London, they, he, you see him galloping, he uses one horse up, there's somebody else changing it for him, boom, he's on his way again.

Sidey: that's very Genghis Kahan. That's

Dan: It was, yeah, yeah, it's the way to do it.

Cris: Athos gets released from prison. On his way to the, to another prison or on his way to

Sidey: the, well, he escapes his brother breaks him out

Cris: They they break

Dan: right, yeah, well they move him and his brother is in league with the prostitutes. in

Cris: And those guys,

Dan: the... Prostitutes.

Sidey: Prostitutes. That's

Dan: them, the prostitutes in La Rochelle.

Sidey: Yeah, he's, he's in the back of a wagon and he hears all this commotion and someone comes to the door and says, get back and they blow the door open and you think, Oh, what's going on here?

But yeah, it's his brother. They bust him out.

Cris: and then on the way, on the way to France, D'Artagnan. Meets up with Athos who is playing games with him at one point Yeah, I tracked him down, but he's asleep with a massive fire next to him I have to say I thought you know when you kind of I don't I've watched all these I've read books about like all the Camping and all that you're not really supposed to have a

Sidey: camping in inverted commas? I

Dan: don't know.

Sidey: What, the leave no trace ethos? Build a

Cris: just thought,

Dan: good

Cris: burn the forest down , if

Dan: off. Put

Cris: Anyway, he, he and, and they end up going together

Dan: And they end up going together. A church or an Abbey with Catholics. And he gets to hear them singing and he gets to hear them. And he has a conversation with his brother and he knows that his brother's in league with the, the Protestants and,

Cris: He's there in a Catholic

Dan: and they, and they, they want.

They know that there's some things afoot, there's some planning going on and they're all happy with that, they're,

Cris: But the brother actually says, he's like, to, to, to get to our goal, we'll become Catholics now,

Dan: writer actually

Sidey: We'll go undercover.

Cris: they don't really tell you what's going to

Dan: crypt, no,

Cris: But when you're, when you're, when you're there watching it, you think, Oh, this is a bit, what's the

Dan: was, it was, it was a little bit cryptic, but we move on as does the plot because he gets over to London and there's a big masquerade ball where he needs to infiltrate this party and find Buckingham. Yes. Grabbed the jewels off him and take spirit and back in time before the wedding.

Cris: But my lady's also there.

Dan: M'lady's also there. Come, come M'lady. She's, she's already on it and she's, she's found him and used her Lady Wiles to romance him. And a smile to, to take him out. And he's still talking. I was thinking he, he's, he's got over the queen quick enough, isn't he? Really

Cris: isn't he?

Really quickly. To be fair, Eva

Dan: Lad, yeah, but he, he, he does keep kind of saying, oh, Oh, my heart's been broken kind of thing,

Sidey: over it, man

Dan: well, he's trying to because he's kissing her and she's her arms around the back, but she's a master thief.

The class was gone at the back. The jewels were in his hand. An explosion goes off and he says, wait there. I'll be back in a minute. She's off.

Cris: and we get to see that D'Artagnan couldn't get to him. So he shot the gun in the air just for him to get his attention. He,

Dan: which is what? Brought him running in and he goes.

Oh what you want the jewels here that oh, no goes for his The jewels around his neck and he realized he's been done by like a kipper skipper

Sidey: so he's got to track her down now, to a cliff side

Cris: chases her on the horses, jumps and

Dan: Along the cliffs of Dover

Cris: Yeah

Dan: and right along the

Sidey: I think they were getting there, like a very speed or

Dan: there. It was definitely there. So the Emerald in the, um, but they've, they've kind of rugby tackled

Sidey: yeah, he jumped, he leaps from his horse to hers, takes her down,

Dan: and and then she does the, the maddest thing because she gives him the jewels and then jumps off the

Sidey: No, she does the kind of backwards, which we saw this in Eiffel, where Emanaki's character just puts her arm, does that Christ pose and just falls backwards. She did it into like a one foot drop. This time Milady,

Dan: Milady Come, come

Sidey: she does it off the Cliffs of Dover, so to her doom. Or, so we're led to believe because if you don't see someone go off in a body

Dan: I did think that, but I also thought, no, she's gonna be done here.

Because she was in

Sidey: that is the golden rule, Dan, if you don't see them in a body

Dan: She was in heavy clothes as well,

Sidey: as well, maybe... Every

Cris: Especially when you know that this is part one.

Dan: you know that this is part one. Yeah, well, I don't know this at this stage, but I do know it in another 45

Sidey: fourty five minutes.

And so then we, we go back, it's wedding day, and, we'll know because we don't know, we kind of do know, we do know, but it goes back to the wedding day, and the queen arrives without the fucking jewels, so the king's

Dan: she comes out with

Sidey: she's like, where the fuck

Dan: And you can see his face like thunder, innit? It's like,

Sidey: You fucking

Dan: are you talking about? You said the...

Sidey: says, no I'm saving those for the banquet. And he says, listen. Get those fucking jewels on

Dan: Get those rocks round your neck. And she's... She can't even walk. She, as soon as she faints, she collapsed to

Sidey: Not in front of him.

Dan: No, just around

Sidey: gets outta the room

Dan: she knows

Sidey: her courtesans,

Dan: been, she's been busted. All the rumors are true. You know,

Cris: Her honor Is

Dan: Honor is gone. She's been cheated. She's cheating on her husband, the king of fucking France. It's just bad news. All round. Everybody's lost face. And then Doan is, is. got there in time.

Sidey: Giselle, or

Dan: Constance

Sidey: Yeah, close, wasn't

Dan: Yeah,

Sidey: She, she runs

Dan: is mad. This bit because she runs off. She goes easier.

Sidey: Well, someone comes up, someone comes up and says there's a young gentleman at the door. Is there anywhere near the door? Anyway.

Dan: no, it is nowhere near the

Cris: miles away.

Dan: kilometer away. This is what was making me anxious. She runs down like stairs like, you know, when you go down to Like the metro or something. There was that many stairs right down to the bottom. No, she goes down

Sidey: in a muscly

Cris: And massive dress as well on her.

Dan: The tangents there because you got him and he goes, yeah, there you go Lovely, and she goes brilliant runs up the stairs and he goes you What about you love me or anything and she turns back down and I was thinking look Yeah, look,

Sidey: time and

Dan: this later.

Time and a place. I've got to get these up. That's why you just off to London and back in like, you know, a day. You've killed four horses doing it. No, all the time in the world

Sidey: A little smooch,

Dan: little smooch.

Cris: Was a

Dan: of a smooch. It was, I was just anxious that she wasn't going to get those jewels back in time.

Of course she does. And then when the king sees his

Sidey: face, he thinks, Oh, you haven't been fucking that

Cris: can see his face that kind of looks at Richelieu as well. He looks at the

Dan: loos on his, on his shoulder,

Cris: he just kind of looks at him to say as if to say. I told you she's faithful. I told you or, you know, whereas the Cardinal knows

Dan: The Cardinal knows. She's, she's

Cris: because he already got the, he already got the rumor. He already got the news.

The Cardinal before that.

Sidey: But the cardinal is kind of, he's like, well, listen, I don't know if I can have you all killed anyway. So.

Dan: Yeah.

Cris: Yeah, but he, he knows because he gets the notice before that. Milady come, come a lady is not, is not on the boat. It's like, did the boat come to Calais? Yes. She wasn't on the boat. So he knows. That lady didn't get the, the jewelry

Dan: Yeah. Yeah.

Sidey: But anyway, do we have now, we're in the midst of the wedding and someone knows.

Dan: This when games are thrones. This

Sidey: Yes, exactly. Someone shouts out. It's the monks and all these geezers in their white robes, not

Dan: bringing out

Sidey: not clan guys.

They, it goes, we go full reigns of Castamere here. Well, it's not as good as that I have to

Cris: Well Athos has a, has a kind of a flashback when he was dragged into the monastery by his brother and he kind of figures out the whole plot

Sidey: Yeah, the Catholics are gonna do this here with the King, you know, all of that.

They're all here in one

Cris: they're all fake

Dan: well he's, he's walking outside and he hears them singing. And then some of the words his brother said about,

Sidey: it went,

Dan: we, we will be

Sidey: one and one for all Duh

Dan: the, the, the, the, the, the. And he goes, that's it, that's the tune. And he runs in there and

Sidey: he shouts at the monks

Dan: he spots the sniper.

With like a musket, you can't, you can't. It was a long sight. Maybe they can. But back in those days in the 1600s, you didn't really get the, the range. But all, all of, you know, you get the chaos and the swords and the fighting and the King hits the deck

Sidey: Athos.

Dan: Athos pins the King down.

Sidey: full pardon in the, in the offering.

Dan: Saved his

Sidey: Yeah. There's a whole, I, I found this was less satisfying this fight. Than some of the other ones in the

Cris: Yeah. It wasn't as great as the

Sidey: It was kind of just people running around and shouting and a few muskets going off. It didn't have

Cris: and it was confusing.

Dan: strange cuts.

Cris: I found it was confusing. The, the fight scene was you wouldn't, you couldn't really understand.

Dan: understand. You just got the bottom of robes

Sidey: Yes, yes, a lot of that. The camera was on Athos on top of the king for quite a lot of it. And you just saw commotion going on around.

Dan: A lot of commotion going on around. Saving

Sidey: energy of some of the other choreography that we've had.

Dan: But we get the same result. It's the three musketeers coming out on top. And we cut then to a scene where they're all in a big kind of parade. Yeah, yeah. And it's the king who looks a bit Frank Zappa. He's he's just putting praise onto him

Cris: Well, before that he tells his brother and the generals and... everyone else that prepare for war.

Sidey: Yeah, he's gone full warmongering.

Cris: now he got angry and he just said, okay, if, if the Protestants want a war, assemble the army and get the the army

Dan: is what they want as well.

Cris: And then you can see all of them looking at each other.

Just kind of like, yeah, we we're, we are getting what we wanted basically. And then he goes outside where there's the parade and all. There's the Musketeers outside.

Sidey: out there and all

Dan: that. Chewbacca's there. Flash Gordon runs in. And basically they're getting Olympic medals and things, aren't they? Athos

Sidey: yeah, 100

Cris: Athos gets pardoned. Daan Young gets to be a lieutenant or

Sidey: Yeah, yeah, he's all up in it. Yeah, and go credits? Do you want to go full credits?

Dan: Well, yeah.

Sidey: But did you stay for the credits?

Dan: I st... there was part of...

Sidey: there's a mid credit.

Dan: Oh, go on then. Surprise

Sidey: credit scene with

Cris: M'lady.

Dan: Come, come, m'lady.

Sidey: She didn't die, she didn't...

Dan: I didn't see that!

Sidey: No, she's back and it's the Three Musketeers, colon, Milady is the second film. Filmed back to back, they did a 150 day shoot

Dan: Oh really? Oh, that's good. That worked.

Sidey: it's definitely

Dan: yeah. I like the

Cris: I like it. It's have you seen the release date for the, for the second part?

Sidey: Has it come, has it gone back the way? of

Cris: it's 3rd of December.

Sidey: Oh, right. So next month.

Cris: Yeah, well, two months,

Sidey: Well, no, no. By the time this comes out, it'll be next month. Yeah,

Cris: month, yeah.

Sidey: Okay. Chris, because um, I, I liked this. I, I love it. I did load more than somewhere in between those two. though.

Cris: I, I enjoyed

Sidey: really good even because, okay. So it's a story that we kind of all know. Yes. But shown, the fights, most of the fights, the last one was a little bit disappointing, but the fights were really cool. Like the cast. Yeah, cast. Gustav Eiffel was one of the musketeers.

Cris: Yeah.

Sidey: That was nice to see him twice in one week. D'Artagnan was smooth. Eva Green's always great.

She was really good as the scheming kind

Cris: Yeah. So you could see that she had that look just

Sidey: played that really well, yeah.

Cris: Constance pretty and really nice to, to see the, the plotting is quite, quite nice. Obviously the costumes because of that era and it's

Dan: it's a It's a great story.

It's a classic

Sidey: Oh yeah.

Story. Yeah.

Dan: know. And they didn't deviate too far from it. The, the, the

Sidey: So that might turn you off a little bit because you might think, well, I've seen this, I know, but this is done. And it is presented really

Dan: it does have a little more fresh take, particularly with getting to know the characters a little bit more. Maybe they could have done even more of that, actually, with the Athos Perimos.

Sidey: some of them round or is that in the. Is that in the kids thing with one of the characters is not anyway, we can get into that later

Dan: maybe but yeah, I like this. I like the pace of it. I like the characters, I like the actors. They all look good. They all play, you know, for their characters. They're how you kind of imagine them. If, if they're not dogs, they should be

Sidey: francoise seville as d'artagnan did all his own stunts and he also and I think maybe some of the other cast I'm going to say petitioned for some changes to the script because originally the first draft of the script had D'Artagnan a little bit rapey

Dan: D'Artagnan

Sidey: With Constance.

Really? Not full on, but like, they were like, this is

Cris: Maybe not what we want to do, yeah, okay.

Sidey: they made it, they wound that back a bit to make it a

Cris: Made just more a bit romantic.

Dan: then it, it was one of those things that it didn't finish. You know, it left it left some hanging because Constance gets kidnapped we don't see that getting solved in this part of the show, and you think, oh, where's this going then, and it hits you with the, oh, part one, part two, continued thing, which I don't of a

Sidey: Right. So there is a, there's a bit of a fly in the ointment. So They did, they did, they did the shoot back to back. So there's, it was 150 day on location shoot, which pretty long.

Okay. However, budget for this was 36 million Euro pounds and it only took 31. But having said that. It was released this year, so there's probably still a bit of money ticking in, but I don't know that there'll be that much more, but knowing that they have the second film in the can, which will still get a release date, but hopefully it'll get enough traction to finish the story

Cris: Royale.

Sidey: this because... Royale.

Cris: I googled her to see what kind of movies she's been in recently and that popped up so for anywhere outside of France, Belgium and Germany, this movie hasn't really been promoted and they're waiting for the second one apparently for the first one

Dan: is all in French as well.

Cris: social on the, on the platforms.

Sidey: Okay, so they'll have a big push,

Cris: So they didn't push it anywhere else

Sidey: Push it real good.

Cris: that have been financing the whole project. Also I thought it was for a French movie who are not necessarily the greatest at jokes, I thought this was actually quite funny. In, in certain kind of things it was quite

Sidey: humorous moments in it

Dan: Yeah. And the fact that, yeah, it's not targeted at a Hollywood British audience because it would be too challenging for them. The fact that it's in French not everybody wants to read the words. I think that's probably

Cris: with Buckingham when he

Dan: is, it changes. I like this, you know, like you, I didn't love it, but.

I more than liked it,

Sidey: watch the next one, 100%.

Cris: Yeah. Yeah. Strong Recommend for me.

Dan: I live it. Maybe, you

Sidey: portmanteau,

Dan: Yeah. So let's,

Sidey: we get on to, I know you're chomping at the bit to do the kids thing.

Dan: itching to get going on titanium. But this is a recommend.

Sidey: Oh, it's a recommend.

Cris: Yeah. Strong recommend. Yeah.

Sidey: I think this is a must for the theme tune, right?

Cris: Yes.

Dan: This tune.

Cris: What a tune.

Sidey: Now

Dan: you're humming it. Now you

Cris: it. Now you when, when I was watching the main feature of this week, the, the Three Musketeers, Daltanian, my girlfriend, I was watching the actual movie and my girlfriend kept playing this in the background, like, the tune, she just kept, what, do you like this?

Is this a song? I was like, this is not the actual movie, but, yeah, this is,

Dan: like this? Is not me. So this is the original. when they were like... Seven or eight or maybe even a little bit older knows that the three musketeers and Dogtanyan were all dogs.

Sidey: Yeah. This is the definitive,

Cris: that's what inspired Alexander

Dan: Yeah, well, one day he was walking his dog and he could see that his dog was actually a really good sword fighter.

And this was where Dogtanyan came from.

Sidey: Yeah. So I remember watching this, it would've been on something like going live or similar on a Saturday morning, and it was. Very clearly like cities of gold a continuous story and they would tell you at the end of an episode

Dan: What's

Sidey: would tease you like what's what's going to happen the next time so you'd be like if I could chop it a bit but that show It wasn't like it was on a set time So going live might have been from nine through to midday or whatever, but you didn't always know exactly when it was going to happen

Dan: Very hard to have seen every

Sidey: tune in and watch the whole fucking lot

Dan: yeah, I think there's 26. There might be

Sidey: But as soon as that theme tune kicked in you were like, ah, you're in your happy

Dan: You're, you're in and, and it's the same story. It's but it goes in a little more in

Sidey: definitive telling of

Dan: but yeah, it goes in in more depth.

So you start off in the village of Do Tan when he's just a little puppy.

Sidey: Which is what we watch series one episode one. I think there might only be one series, but this is d'Artagnan. Sorry, d'Artagnan journey

Dan: Journey. And he's just a little puppy starting out in his in his. Village Hut. And there's other little puppies and he's, he seems to be a bit bullied

Sidey: moment.

Yes. I was gonna say, he's getting bullied by the local dickhead. Yeah. And he's got like an entourage, whereas it's just dog tan on his own. But he can hold his own. We see him have a battle. They have a, like a stick sword fight and he whacks, he gets a whack, but he also manages to get a whack on the other guy.

And they've both got comedy like lumps on their head. That's true. And the aftermath, someone one of. A musketeer. I think it's not one of the classic ones. It's like the guy, the chief

Dan: yeah, yeah

Sidey: He's coming in to deliver a message to Francois dad.

Dan: That's right, I think so, yeah, he wants to go and

Sidey: So yeah, they get wind of all these musketeers in this action.

It's a real aspirational thing for Dogtanion. He wants to

Dan: Doctan and he wants to be a musketeer, you know, it's head to

Sidey: a musketeer. You know, It's clear that Dogtanion is mixed race. Yeah.

Dan: Yeah,

Sidey: He's not a thoroughbred, his father.

Dan: have some breed

Sidey: I, Dan, I've got every single breed of every single character in dog tanon. If you really

Dan: What is Dogtanian

Sidey: Ill, he's the illegitimate offspring. It says here but it's just a Mongol. His old man I think is some kind of mastiff or. A big dog like a mountain dog or

Dan: not like

Sidey: yeah, it could be. It's not that's not entirely but Porthos. He's a German shepherd Aramis is a spring of Spaniel Athos another kind of mastiff.

He's enormous. He's absolutely huge King Louis. You'd be amazed to know that he's a king Charles Spaniel. Juliet is, appears to be a fox Monsieur de Treville he's one of those jowly kind of No.

Dan: She's one of those jowly kind of... young dog Tanyan really finding his feet. and making his way to, to manhood. It's a coming of age story is, is timeless as any other we've ever mentioned. This

Sidey: Well, here's another ding dong with that guy, doesn't he, and then his father gets wind that because Dogtanion's getting some grief because they think he's doing the bullying. They have another rumble. He nicks the family coat of arms, well, the suit of armor, and goes out.

And the old man notices it's missing, and basically tells his son to stop being a fucking prick. And if you want a fucking sword fight... You wanna fight? Fight me.

Dan: You're not a puppy anymore.

Sidey: a sword to his son and says, Right, come on then, let's duel. Let's, let's

Dan: Does say, look, it's not sharpened. But it will still, you know, still hurt you. Still, and it might kill you.

Cris: It had the old Kung Fu feel to it. It actually Is

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: That's right, and the wind's picking up and

Sidey: It had definitely had an old kind of Shaw Brothers kung fu feel to

Dan: Yeah, it

Sidey: this actually is Japanese animation, so maybe that's

Dan: yeah, that's it. It was Japanese and it also went to Spain I

Sidey: Correctamundo.

But so they fight it out and he, like a little bit like a Sith Lord, he's very angry when he fights Dogtanion at this moment. And he's

Dan: he's getting he's doing well, but then yeah,

Sidey: The old man's got the measure of him, but

Dan: his emotions

Sidey: monologue tells him, he says fuck, he's really good. That's his first sword fight and he nearly beat me.

So the old man's like, time to kick him out the gaff. Fuck off to Paris. Yeah. It's obvious, isn't it?

Dan: there's a horse waiting for him.

Sidey: It's not much of a steed, is it?

Dan: it's, it looks a little forlorn.

Sidey: bedraggled.

Dan: but he's still big news because as he's going out the village, all the boys that have been, His peer group and and bullying him and fighting him are there to wave him off and begrudgingly kind of go Oh, good luck. Good luck.

And he says, oh, thanks, but he's not happy about going you can see you all these little sort of

Sidey: He sheds a tear. The old man sheds a tear. Everyone's crying. It's fucking really emotional.

The I think even though they've been

Dan: I Was gone at this point I was I was

Sidey: even though they've been rivals. Because he's going off to become a musketeer, there's the begrudging respect, I

Dan: there's the begrudging

Cris: from Francois.

Dan: 2.

Cris: I was under the

Sidey: yeah, Yeah. It's, it's, it's very emotional. And it's at this point that we get the little voiceover where some dude says right in episode two, you can, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then when he starts to meet some of the villains, we get a little preview, but all throughout the episodes and we've had the initial burst of the theme tune but they reprise it throughout the episode so you get different kind of versions of it, pared down, a bit dramatic, jovial, and then at the end you get the end credits with the characters.

From the film doing up to high jinks.

Dan: Yeah, falling off a

Sidey: falls off a chair. There's other ones.

Dan: twirling, swirling a moustache

Sidey: all that sort of stuff. So, great. Easily one of the best kids things we've

Dan: Yeah, one of the best things I remember from my youth. I was, if we hadn't been doing this podcast, I'd have just gone straight into episode two.

Sidey: There is a, a feature length reboot of this in 2021. Yeah, I can't imagine it'd be as good as

Dan: I, I think I would like to go back to my roots because there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Sidey: Brilliant. It's absolutely brilliant. It's up there with like, Studio Ghibli animation.

Yeah,

Dan: and Lost Cities of Gold kind of stuff. It's...

Cris: Well, to be fair, today is a perfect day for you to watch that because we have to address your outfit

Sidey: Yeah. You're look like you're little bit dressed like dog

Dan: I'm in a bear onesie, actually. But yeah. It does have kind of

Sidey: Are you a furry?

Dan: I could be referring to myself.

Sidey: well on that bombshell. This is a strong

Dan: It's a strong

Cris: a

strong... It's the strongest I've ever seen.

Sidey: Incredible. All

Dan: for one.

Sidey: and

Cris: one for all.

Dan: Well, normally we're really organised when it comes to this part of the show. As

Cris: As you all know, yes.

Sidey: yes. It

Dan: been able

Sidey: does

Dan: to this week,

Sidey: Is that right? I will be available.

Cris: I won't be able to, hopefully if everything goes according to plan, I will be away next week for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,

Dan: Lovely. Okay.

Cris: I

Sidey: I was thinking about a Western theme.

Cris: I Love a western,

Sidey: do you?

Cris: oh

Dan: do this.

Sidey: Oh, I'll keep that for when you're

Dan: No, let's do it now.

Cris: Oh, no, I, I'll watch it on the plane. I'll watch them on the plane. Or I'm, I'm only going from Monday and back Wednesday. I'm going to watch a football match The mighty tune.

Sidey: Do it. Well, I haven't, I haven't explicitly decided on the films. teaser. And what I wanted to do, what I was thinking of maybe doing was ranger Rango. Right. Because that had James Wood Burke involvement and we're a big fan of his.

Yeah. But I haven't, I'm not locked that in

Dan: I'm not locked that in

Sidey: cause it might just be entirely Clint Eastwood.

Cris: Is that a new one or is that this Ranger Rango? I don't know

Sidey: it's, I don't, probably about 10 years old, I'd

Cris: Oh, okay.

Sidey: Off the top of my head.

Dan: That from this range of Rango? I don't know. Yeah well

Sidey: So we'll fi I, we'll figure it out, but I, okay. Let's go with a, a western theme

Dan: Like it, right, well.

Cris: is gone.

Sidey: all that, all that remains is to say, society signing out.

Dan: gone. Dan's gone.