Nov. 17, 2020

Midweek Mention... Baywatch

Midweek Mention... Baywatch

Never let it be said that we exist solely to review high brow cinematic offerings! 

This midweek mention is all about 2017's Baywatch. Now there's a masterpiece if ever we've seen one.

Turns out Dan hasn't seen this one. Reegs, Howie and Sidey give it the hard sell, but could we convince Dan to give it a whirl?

Tune in to find out.

Until next time, we remain...

Bad Dads



Sidey:  Okay Another midweek movie mentioned and I think that I'm writing saying Dan you haven't seen this one

Dan: No Yeah Yeah Well okay Like most young men of 25 years ago when

Howie: You look Haggard for 25

Dan: I am

Howie: hell and P

Dan: I look Haggard for 55 watch watching watching this as a kid growing up Yeah of course it was fantastic They made a movie with ROC I believe

Sidey: 2017

Dan: Right Okay So not that long ago yet Ma missed it missed it Didn't really

Sidey: see that And the reason that we're talking about it this week is because rigs has only just recently Pull the trigger on this one Great decision

Dan: What made the what made the choice there

Reegs: Let's watch a comedy it's on prime I just watched the 21 and 22 jump street movies and they will far funnier than I thought they were going to be And I thought this might be an amusing affectionate parody

Dan: Right Okay

Reegs: And I quite like Dwayne the rock Johnson and

Dan: I like

Reegs: get a bit of a man crush on Zach Efron

Sidey: Oh I've got a huge huge crush on Zach Efron

Reegs: And he is like let's just get it out of the way he's ripped in This is like so unbelievably huge And

Dan: he was in was what

Sidey: high school musical

Howie: Disney's

Dan: Okay

Sidey: he actually the rock calls in that in this film  which is really funny

Howie: Jeremy went on a massive steroid

Reegs: I don't think so Cause he's quite natural

Sidey: Have you watched

Reegs: Well you're shaking heads

Howie: He did a massive steroids

Sidey: Have you watched the eventually that he has on Netflix about renewables and the planet and blah blah blah He he talks about that

Dan: saves the planet or something

Sidey: yeah He talks about his dietary regimen that he resolved for this and how he gets there but he's just like you don't need to live your life like that It's bullshit But he is fucking rip as fuck in this If you're going on onscreen against the rock you want to

Reegs: hit the gym a little bit Just to

Dan: Yeah Could you imagine any of us just rolling up next to the rocket

Howie: The Dwayne Dwayne and his iron paradise lucky he

Sidey: Kind of seems like a good egg there bro I was saying it'd be quite good Fun to be around

Dan: I think so I think he comes across that way He just seemed to a nice genuine

Sidey: bloke I think Yeah Fucking hard worker

Reegs: the movie opens with the rock Dwayne he's playing Mitch Buchanan famous

Dan: Mitch No Right Okay

Reegs: David

Dan: It's such a great name Mitch Buchanan It just screams hero

Reegs: the movie opens with Mitch rescuing a wind surfer then rising out of the ocean with the film's title majestically coming out behind him as several dolphins jump around And I think you see that and you think I'm in

Dan: I know what I'm getting myself in for here Yeah The

Sidey: I think you're in if you're watching this you just kind of You're not expecting

Dan: Oh I dunno That there'd be times where I've you would hope

Sidey: so so universally panned when it came out

Dan: Yeah yeah

Sidey: Well you don't remember this Well

Dan: be honest it wasn't anything

Sidey: got some sort of snippets of some reviews that we can discuss

Reegs: All right Good

Sidey: but

Reegs: Let's get through the plot a

Howie: hi brow wankers dismissing it I think that would be

Sidey: exactly Right exactly Right

Reegs: so it's set in Emerald Bay Florida which is not where the original Baywatch was set Mitch Buchanan and his team of lifeguards including Stephanie Holden and CJ Parker raw rah rah rah shack roar batch CJ who a lot of boys

Sidey: she was lovely She really

Dan: you call it

Sidey: she was very I'm not gonna lie She's quite easy on the eye And just seemed really lovely too

Howie: I felt that the better personality came from Donna The other one

Dan: It's on a

Howie: no the one with the dark hair was that summer I can't

Sidey: she's paid by Alec Alec Alexandra Daddario

Howie: that's the one

Reegs: Mitch Buchanan he's beloved by the community he finds a small pouch of a drug That I think was called Flacker

Dan: Oh I don't touch that

Reegs: washed up near on the beach

Howie: bad Juju

Sidey: It's the new sort of synthetic kind of

Reegs: it's kind of mastery

Sidey: drug coat Yeah

Dan: yeah You injected through the eyeball I know that shit

Reegs: later Olympian Matt Brody who is sort of in disgrace for vomiting in the pool during an Olympic relay after but he's already

Sidey: But he was based on Ryan Lochte To your

Reegs: that happened afterwards though Didn't

Sidey: think they denied probably cause they didn't want to

Dan: go for a massive expensive court

Sidey: exactly

Reegs: that sack Ephron's character he's a sort of disgraced washed up swimmer who's been bought in there's some tryouts where the fat guy who I didn't recognize who gets his penis caught in a sunburn

Sidey: gets an erection and gets a stick caught in it in the sunbeds

Reegs: This is the kind of comedy that we're talking about

Howie: Genuinely funny Who is that guy

Reegs: John John Bass I think his name was I'd never heard of him but he was quite funny

Sidey: Yeah Good Another good shower scene and this one

Reegs: Yeah You get to see us bum Yeah Yeah I mean I don't know Do we need to go through the whole plot beginning to end

Sidey: There's the villain

Dan: it to me Why should I

Sidey: well I don't really want to spoil it too much for you Dan because I do want you to watch it but essentially it's kind of like the plot of bad boys or any other

Howie: fast and

Sidey: good guys against drug Baron type storyline there's blackmail those people everyone's out to get the rock because he's stitched up and eventually and you won't believe this but Zach Efron and the rock they fucking are at loggerheads a little bit And the don't quite get on but you won't believe it Zach Efron ends up having to be the kind of savior and It's

Dan: So there's real twisted plots

Howie: There are some genuine belly laughs in this

Sidey: kind of poking fun at it but I I'm the equivocally fucking it Yeah It's pretty

Reegs: funny I have

Dan: Okay Well there's three of you telling me that but I don't find any use thought funny So I just wonder where I'd find this funny

Reegs: well I think what really sells the movie is the interactions between the rock and Zac Efron They look like they're having a good time doing this movie They've got this kind of natural rapport

Sidey: Yeah

Reegs: that really

Sidey: stuff There's a lot of flesh on display as you can imagine from the Baywatch kind of thing So you've got the CJ It's

Dan: Does Pamela Anderson make any kind of

Reegs: Right at the end Hang on Let's get that because

Dan: you just saw that

Reegs: both Hasselhoff and Pam Ranson are in it very briefly

Sidey: This is actually rated R this movie and it's this serious shit It's fucking five people die in this film You know this

Dan: This is heavy It's not just that

Sidey: shits and giggles This people

Dan: by what you used to be like you get maybe a couple of drownings is

Reegs: Oh no Where the villain is killed quite horribly with a sort of firework she's like blown to smithereens at the end of the movie it also features a flacid penis that Zach Efron memorably has to kind of play with the Tainter of

Howie: Oh yeah And the photos he takes a pitch in the morgue

Reegs: it's got some laughably bad CGI in it as

Howie: Yeah With the scarab the power boat going around a fire

Reegs: in the water yeah so really bad CGI the acting is nothing to write home about but the jokes are fairly consistently funny

Dan: is this the kind of thing that costs A hundred million to make a made 200 million

Howie: probably

Sidey: To my eternal shame Didn't look up those statistics for this particular movie because I think it transcends ma

Dan: those mere mortal kind of money It's shouldn't pollute it

Sidey: It didn't get a great critical reception when it initially hit the street I've got a few snippets of What are some thoughts from a critic Friends Baywatch does not work in the comedic department nor the CGI the action or the script departments So that was pretty escaping The biggest disappointment is that it's not even so bad It's good Someone else said that it's almost disrespectful how lazy this movie feels at times someone else said that it achieves a level of incompetence rarely seen in modern cinema And then

Dan: these are really good on

Sidey: this person said it

Reegs: Really agree with them

Sidey: movie with no wet no imagination and no laughs throughout

Dan: It reminds me a little bit of shark soup

Sidey: And then finally someone said that by is so off base on every level that it nearly made me want to quit my career as a film critic

Reegs: Brilliant

Sidey: they should have been

Howie: So 65 million budget what'd you reckon it made

Sidey: 150

Dan: Yeah I reckon it's doubled its

Howie: 178

Reegs: there'll be a sequel then

Sidey: hope so

Reegs: I liked the fact that it doesn't wink at the audience too much It doesn't it builds on an acknowledges the shakiness of the premise even at one point There's a line about this sounds like the plot of a really bad TV show there's not too much of that going on So really hate that Metta winking like

Sidey: Yeah I could have done without the cameos to be honest with you I don't like the way that that trend of things when they're repairing a bit then they have to shoe horn in the people from the old ones

Howie: Starsky and Hutch your chips

Reegs: Mitch Buchanan who is still Hasselhoff Mitch It was also called Mitch Buchanan shows up towards the end of the movie

Sidey: the with the original soundtrack

Reegs: Yeah be dead He shows up to do a one scene inspirational speech to get Mitch back on his feet again after the predictable sort of

Dan: is there already a tear for me in my eye

Reegs: And Pamela Anderson turns up in effectively the last shot of the movie looking horrendous Absolutely awful I mean she's been Botoxed to oblivion and I think she's supposed to be sexy but she's

Howie: She's like a wizard slave

Reegs: not I mean it's crude and silly and it's kind of boobs and biceps and yeah

Sidey: it's all the things you'd expect from like if I was writing down all the things that I think I'm going to see when I watch a Baywatch maybe it's all those things and it's prominent you know

Dan: what what kind of age range is this

Reegs: was 18 I mean there's a lot of jokes about erections and people getting killed like Sadie said and penises and having to touch you know it's very silly and

Dan: It made so much money though You know

Howie: It's funny

Dan: we think about you know different fee Yeah

Sidey: Because you

Dan: Yeah They are big huge sack F on

Sidey: like everyone's got that Kelly brought back had the Swimsuit sports illustrated swim wear thin gun She's very

Reegs: She was apparently really hated by the cast and crew so much So she was reportedly so difficult on set to the point where none of her co-stars wanted to be paired with her during the press junkets the movie She's now married to Simon Walton who is some multi-billionaire

Sidey: Kmart

Reegs: Could be I think wasn't he John boy you want to run home John boy

Dan: John boy is married to this girl and he's a billionaire

Sidey: no that sounds like the Walmart family

Reegs: could be could be so yeah she's a bit of a trout but very easy on the eye it's it's fun It's not as funny as 21 and 22 jump street which is like my new high watermark for modern comedies Cause they're really really much

Dan: I'm going to check I'm going to check these out I will check out 21 jumps G I remember obviously the the first time round when it was a series with Johnny Deppen All the rest of it

Sidey: please do check this out as well Cause it could go either way And I really want to know everybody

Dan: well it would certainly over

Sidey: It's on prime so it's

Dan: period and all the rest of it there'll be time to watch this kind of film And sometimes you are in the mood to watch anything heavy like possibly the films that we've Reviewed in the past when it sometimes you're just not in the mood for them you want something light you want something you know is not going to challenge you intellectually or you just want it to wash over here this is these kinds of films so okay Why

Sidey: Available on prime for your viewing Pleasure