If you're not familiar with the rules of Mortal Kombat, allow me to explain it to you. It's a form of kombat (or martial arts kompetition) between fighters from different realms. For some reason our realm - including Earth which is a place I've become very attached to over the years - is on the brink of losing 10 konfrontations in a row which would be very bad so a team of kombatatants assemble themselves to kome to blows with their kompetitors, which include cyborgs, ninja's with freeze attacks and a dude named Scorpion who has chains of an indeterminate length about his person and a mechanical viper he can deploy from the palm of his hand (?).
Every single movie based on a video game ever, without any exceptions, has been amazing. Can 1995's Mortal Kombat keep up that run?
Sidey: There was a shiny new trailer out just the other week, full a reboot of mortal combat. So inspired by that we went back and watched the 1995 original version. I think Briggs, it was you who put the pressure on for this one.
Reegs: Yeah. I'd seen this once when I was
Sidey: I have
Reegs: 19, 20 years old, I think. But it had been a long time since I'd seen this.
Sidey: Doesn't add up. We left school at 97,
Sidey: so we'd have been 15.
Reegs: Yeah. All right. Well, I didn't watch it. The second it came out, but I watched it a few years later. I
Reegs: probably, well, I'm glad we clarified the exact or, you know, more exact Hey, each time
Sidey: day of the week was it?
Dan: It up.
Reegs: So more combat is a film based on a video game, which is probably worth getting out of the way. Right, right from the off it's. The video game was probably famous for having these really violent things called fatalities in them. And photo realistic graphics back in the good old
Sidey: That was all motion captured. Wasn't it.
Reegs: Yeah. And it genuinely blew me away.
Even though it obviously looks crude now.
Dan: I had to say game gear with this, and it was Epic.
Dan: graphics were unbelievable. Your kind of handheld mobile device where you could just rip somebody's beating heart and show it them before they died or, or rip out their spine to watch them fold onto the floor. They would a different kind of fatalities that I was specialists.
Did you have any yourself? Did anybody else play that game?
Sidey: not the first installment, but there was one later on. I don't know if it was two or three, there was a character called Baraka and.
Dan: like loads at the end and they had
Sidey: we played a lot of video games, but this one, there were some fatalities that were quite difficult to
Reegs: Mm. Hmm.
Sidey: so you'd get a bit of kudos from him, even though you'd lost the fight epi, but Burt Rackers, I think it was like down, down, down Keck.
And if you
Dan: down, down, down left. Right
Sidey: was fucking all hell broke loose, because it was like you disrespecting
Reegs: cheap shot.
Sidey: Fucking shit. It's vitality.
Reegs: Yeah. Brilliant. I would do that every time.
Pete: I was a street fighter guy. I think this was like, kind of out at about the same sort of time. I don't mean I was an actual street fighter. I mean, I, I played street fighter.
Sidey: Eddie Honda.
Pete: Yeah. Yeah. I was Eddie Honda, the ma the, the thousand, the a hundred hand slap. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks for pointing out my weight problems side.
Sidey: I was a cheap shop. Cheap
Pete: And yeah, you managed to offend my entire family there. No, I was a straightforward guy, but I was aware of mortal combat and the, and the, the massive distinction I think was that finished him. Moment where like you could defeat your enemy, but in street fighter, it was just like, they, they dropped to the floor in, in mortal combat.
It was now you could do something really
Dan: Cause they, they would
Pete: like dying or dead body.
Dan: shivering when they, or wobbling and you,
Reegs: Yeah. And he had five seconds to do something
Dan: If you could go down, down, down, down, right left kick, then you would rip their heart out or whatever it was that you could do.
Reegs: but mortal combat, wasn't just a video game. It was also a fighting tournament between the realms of earth and some other realms. I'm not really sure which realms.
Pete: world or something.
Reegs: You have to
Sidey: spelled the name wrong though. They spelled combat wrong right from the start so that I, I must admit, I went into this with a certain amount of trepidation and dread,
Reegs: DTV, as soon as that guy screamed mortal Kombat at you in the opening seconds of the movie, and then the theme tune baked in
Pete: Yeah, I was going to say
Reegs: gone straight
Pete: CIM is fucking amazing.
Sidey: I think when I watched this on Saturday, I immediately texted the WhatsApp group, say, Oh my God, the soundtrack is
Dan: you did. Yeah.
Pete: I've got music and loads of exclamation marks written.
Sidey: the film just gets better and better from then on it. And it's fucking unreal.
Dan: So, so I didn't catch this, actually. I didn't catch it at the time. I didn't catch it this week, even for homework. So slap on the wrist detention for me, but why should I watch this? Tell me the plot. What happens?
Reegs: Well, you have, you
Sidey: why don't you say plot?
Dan: Yeah. Is it just the game? Is it a one-on-one fight to the death?
Sidey: so of they try, they try and bring some plot
Dan: a video game and it doesn't often go from a video game to a film it's normally from a film to a video game. Isn't it? So they they've taken the plot of the video game, which is a basically a world cup of killing isn't.
It is a world cup of killing. And then you get to the final.
Reegs: Yeah. And it's the same in this really there's a fighting tournament. The only bad thing is, for some reason, if you lose 10 tournament's in a row, then the evil emperor dude will come and like steal your world and turn it
Dan: Surely your own shame would have done that after eight
Sidey: your dad, so you don't care.
Reegs: The earth team has Lou Kang Robin Shu.
Who's a blatant. Bruce Lee rip-off
Pete: Magna feat.
Reegs: East for years to avenge the death of his brother at the hands of Shang song there's Sonya blade who can't fight for shit, but looks pretty.
Reegs: is that how it
Dan: I looking if I'm, if I'm looking at this for the first time, am I looking at computer graphics for these characters? How has the scene, is it. Is it real? Is
Sidey: only is this an incredible visual treat.
Pete: there's some tip-top CGI.
Sidey: It's also, it also carries a very important philosophical message. This really gets to the heart of what it is to be alive.
Dan: what is it is in? Should I
Sidey: really incredible data. It really is fucking, and I mean this without a hint of irony, I fucking love this
Reegs: Yeah, I'd loved
Sidey: The only thing, the only thing that's wrong with it is that it's not 20 hours long.
Dan: I don't know. I I'm struggling to read you here.
Pete: so Dan, right. I can answer your question before about plots, right? So I I found it on Amazon prime. For like, it came with Amazon prime, but no extra monies. And for whatever reason, it wouldn't work. My Amazon, I think my internet connection was.
Sidey: no, Pete, you know, what's happened. I think because when I watched it, it had only a few days left. So I think while you were watching it or when you went to set to it, went off. Because I went to rewatch it today and it was no longer on Amazon prime. You now have to rent it three
Pete: So that that might have been what happened. So what I, the only way I could watch it in advance of this recording was to I went to my last chance saloon, which is YouTube because every now and again, you can find a film that is cut up into 20. Like smaller videos or whatever. So I've, I found it and I've watched, I remember watching sort of about 10 minutes.
So let's say three segments and thinking, fuck these, these are just like, not even in the right order. This is all over the place. so I got up the synopsis and then I was like, Oh no, actually I'm
Reegs: That AIDS
Pete: in class. We run a logical order. This is how it's meant to be. It's just like, Like what's the opposite of seamless like transitions between scenes that left me, like, like completely baffled, but immediately engaged in an entertained in every single scene.
Totally engaged. And I'm genuine. I say it was, it was like the parts of it were awful, but it was a fucking, really, really good watch to the point where when the 17, 19, 20, whatever it was, YouTube videos finished, the sequel immediately started. And I've watched about half of that as well. Before I just had to go to bed.
I'd run out of booze.
Sidey: the main, the main star of the movie is Christopher Lambert who plays Raiden, but they spelled his
Pete: He he's, he's not, I wouldn't say he's the main star of the movie. I'd
Reegs: He's the biggest
Pete: mullet is your man.
Sidey: Well, I mean, his, he was the one that I recognized the most I've ever announced.
Reegs: And he is hamming it right up. Isn't he? But not in
Sidey: has great fun with this.
Reegs: it's not in a sort
Sidey: really at all.
Pete: thought that maybe in his contract, when he signed up to this, it was like, look, I'll, I'll do it. I'll say my lines, but I am not going to move. I'm not gonna, I'm not going to walk anywhere. I'm not going to gesticulate. I'm just gonna like use my voice and a bit of my face.
Dan: CGI around the canteen here. Cause I'm not
Pete: yeah. Yeah. I'm not fucking lifting a finger for this.
Sidey: lightning bolt someone on the bridge, I think, but he doesn't actually get in a full on fight. But did you read about Christopher Lambert's contracts or situation with this? He, he was only because he was the, he was the big star in the sense that he was the most
Dan: fucking Highlander.
On the roster for this. So they only
Dan: be only one? Yeah.
Sidey: They only had enough money for him for two weeks. And these were to be close ups in an LA studio. Once he done filming his scenes in LA, or once he just read the script or whatever, he was like, you know, this is going to be shit if you're just using a standard because they did some of that in LA and they actually went to Thailand to do the rest. He said that it will be bollix, don't go stand in. And so he just fucking flew out to Thailand at night for no fee and filled the rest of it with them. I was a total fucking legend and paid for the post filming party
Reegs: I love it. Love
Sidey: What a fucking
Pete: is amazing you.
Dan: He's just
Reegs: He also has a really bizarre line when he's explaining the stakes to them. And he says the fate of billions will depend upon you. And then he starts laughing. Sorry. It's really weird.
Dan: Probably wasn't billions of people back then, which is millions. How old
Reegs: Dan I'll I'll leave this to you. Right at the beginning, when they were assembling the earth team, you've got Lou Kang who was in the game. You've got a Sonia blade who was in the game, got Johnny cage who will feature in a moment in, in another. He was also in the game. There was also some other guy called art.
He wasn't in the game. I won't give away who dies first out of these four characters.
Dan: K Jane Diane first
Reegs: Well done Jody cage. He faces up against reptile.
Reegs: what's his name where he does
Sidey: Yeah, he fired the guy before arms.
Reegs: What's his name?
Pete: go row
Reegs: He fights scorpion
Sidey: Scarborough. Yeah,
Pete: Yeah, his name's go or something. It's not,
Reegs: Prince Goro?
Dan: I, I,
Sidey: going to be in
Dan: don't remember. I, well, who is, who was the guy that I was, it was the guy with
Sidey: sub zero that buy Raiden. Raiden is the guy with the hat. That's Christopher Lambert.
Reegs: Scorpion was get over here and he actually does it in the movie.
Sidey: He does it in the trailer for the new one as well.
Dan: the lightning come down?
Sidey: he, he did it once, but I think that the effects were a bit expensive, but what is, what is difficult is in the film, obviously it's a solo thing. You're one character you fight your way through and this, they team them up. But then the plot, what there is of it is still distilled down to.
Mullet guy wanting to avenge his brother or at least using that as motivation. So there's a sort of strange climax to the film where it just becomes about him and the other characters are still alive, but they'd just benched. They're just watching and they don't do anything at the end. It's like Sonya played Johnny cage.
It just there for no reason other than they ran out of stuff to do with them. But Molet guy has the fight with the other guy who is people's souls. I'm underplaying it because it is fucking
Pete: Yeah, that guy, that the
Dan: I'm kind of more attempted to see it then I was, but I I'm still kind
Sidey: person for having seen this
Dan: I'm still, how long is it going for
Reegs: Right. Put it this way. Dan, Dan put it this way. This is a movie that takes itself really deadly seriously. And yet at the same time is having a massive laugh about it all, but it's not insulting you for watching it. It's got the Prince Goro, the forearm, like. Tim Chronicle, beast guy, really scary. And then, but he clearly has a hard time just walking around like
Dan: it does look like that though, the actual game as well.
Reegs: looks like you could have just like pushed him over.
Like he was a
Dan: A bit like Zane
Reegs: Do you know what I mean? Like, but the way he does go down, but the
Sidey: a sequence where he fights and it's about two minutes long of him just fighting and bodies, just
Pete: yeah, you don't actually sit there. Haven't got a budget.
Pete: For the animatronics or whatever. So they just throw a load of guys on the floor and, and I, and what I don't understand is why he has to beat like 30 people to get through the tournament. Whereas everyone else only has to fight like three or four and he goes, and he enters late as well.
He should have been disqualified on that. I feel like with the animatronic or whatever the fuck it is that is used to, for his kind of character, just having a guy. Dress like him with arms and then just like really rubbish Pappy or Mashay arms off him would have been just as effective as, as the shit that they used.
Dan: got. I've got a lot of respect for people that kind of use
Dan: low, low FX, you know, using the, the lower
Sidey: Practical, I
Pete: why have you got loads of respect for them?
Dan: because there's masses of work that goes into them much
Pete: To make lower facts.
Dan: Yeah. Yeah. Because you've figured a paper Mashay King Kongs and, and massive snake reptiles.
And how are you? How is in who's in his hazard would have had to put together.
Dan: You know, how are
Sidey: Goro, he would have had to have shoulders in the middle of his torso,
Reegs: Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Pete: no, no, no. Just fight comms coming out of the middle of your
Reegs: No, but inside, he's saying
Dan: bolt. You need a bit of
Pete: Oh, right.
Dan: need a bit of a spin
Sidey: had to have a shoulder there and a shoulder there, and then
Dan: That, that feels really painful.
Reegs: it's defeated by being punched in the balls whilst Johnny cage does the splits.
Dan: would have fought one hand would have taken the Caradigm. It's got Three more to
Pete: of them.
some, some of this, it seems to dry up a little bit towards the end, but they set off. No, no, no. Sorry. I meant this, this particular element of it, this particular enemy, they started off with some really quite strong like puns.
Pete: like Arnie sort of one-liners like, like give me a break. And then like, she breaks his neck and start like, study this and like just kicks him and stuff.
It's like very,
Dan: face into a book.
Sidey: see the bit with Johnny cage when he's getting all the shit on the film set? the guy that director's chairs looks like Steven Spielberg. Apparently it was actually meant to be Spielberg, but he couldn't do it
Reegs: right. That would have been
Pete: So it's.
Sidey: mortal Kombat fan
Reegs: the director, yeah. This movie was Paul, not Thomas Anderson. And the,
uh, yeah, it still is. And the guy who did the soundtrack was interestingly George, not George Clinton, but George Clinton. So you've got two people with much more famous namesakes, arguably better at their craft.
Sidey: I thought when I was watching this, that the, it must've been a huge flop. But this spent three weeks at the top of the movie charts. This was the
Pete: I do remember it. So going back to it. So, so righ said he watched it. When you, when you were like, you made a big lie about watching it when you were 12 and stuff, but I didn't, I didn't watch it, but I remember really distinctly as sooner. I couldn't, as soon as scorpion came on the screen, I remember like with the contact lenses and the face mask and stuff like that, I remembered that car.
And I remember it being like, like not a big deal, but
Dan: I remember the
Pete: this proceed, did this proceed the really, really terrible. Streetfighter movie,
Reegs: it's a good question.
Pete: succeed it or pre-seed
it because that was fucking horse shit.
Dan: I remember this, Pete, you been living in a pop blockbuster in and around that era?
Pete: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep.
Dan: what was that?
Pete: Have been 21, 22, so nine 2002, 2001, 2000.
Sidey: came out in 94. This came out in 95.
Dan: 82 per year.
Pete: whatever. Yeah. So yeah, I do re I do remember it, even though I never ever, ever watched it. One thing I did really want to pick up on is the character Kaino,
Pete: like the guy with the metal bit over one part of its face. And who's there to be the kind of light there's got the story with with Mr.
Sam press. He was meant to be. I think I spent quite a lot of my scenes on YouTube trying to work out what accent it was. He jumped between cottony and Australian a lot.
Reegs: he was
Pete: turned out that he was a British guy
who was supposed to be playing an Australian guy, but doing a really, really awful accent.
Reegs: He was a boxer. I can't remember the guy's name. But he's dead now. I think,
Pete: you. Yeah. Trevor goddaughter, Trevor Goddard was his name and yeah, he yeah, he died of some
Reegs: he was beaten to death by a forearm man.
Pete: and to mass Japan.
Reegs: That's the
Pete: But didn't sign he, when you sent it in, I think he was Australian.
Sidey: They thought he was Australian and they re voiced the computer game character based on his performance in this, because it was that good.
Dan: Should I, should I should. I've got to pay now for this. Is it worth me paying three pound 49 for.
Pete: do the, do the YouTube scenes? No I
Dan: I will go into the YouTube scenes. And if I get a little bit tempted, then
Sidey: You will be just to put it into context for you. The budget was, I don't know, small and it made $123 million. It's fucking
huge for a video game movie. True. It's a
Pete: Eight $18 million was the budget.
Sidey: The director Mr. Anderson was he was terrified about how well or poorly received this might be. So he actually fucked off to Hawaii for its premiere.
He didn't want to be around for it. But actually made 23.3 million on its opening weekend, which at the time was the second biggest ever August opening weekend
Dan: to show how big that game was because I really,
Sidey: it's bigger than that. Damn. It's huge.
Sidey: The soundtrack for this went platinum in two weeks. It was fucking, absolutely.
It did genuinely. It
Reegs: they weren't allowed to use the music until mortal Kombat 11 in the actual game because of licensing issues. So that amazing mortal Kombat music yeah.
Dan: Strange Australia. It just seems so shit on the surfaces, but I have three people were telling me this is good.
Pete: I fucking really, really liked this.
Sidey: I was so surprised at how much fun I had watching
Reegs: Yeah, me too.
Dan: Wow. Okay.
Pete: yeah. Don't, don't go in expecting it to be a Bruce Lee film or.
Sidey: No it's far better than that.
Sidey: right. Let's leave it there because we weld on fucking long enough.
Dan: Finishing the top five from last week, Pete, you've got a, a gun's nomination for us.
Pete: no, not really. I've got I remembered BraveStarr the cartoon and I think the gun was called Mary Jane, but there's gotta be strong ones out there.
Dan: Did they really call the, the, the gun? Mary Jane, you brave
Sidey: I think they did. Yeah. There was a lot of love on Twitter for the M 56 smart gun from aliens,
Reegs: Oh yeah. Nice.
Sidey: which is a good,
Dan: It's a big gun.
Sidey: good, solid fucking Bev artillery from a fucking great movie. So let's check that in there. I actually can't remember if one of us actually put that in.
Dan: What about Tommy gun was an E in the Rocky film?
Reegs: Tell me the machine gun. Yeah.
Dan: I should be in nature. It is a big gun.
Sidey: I don't know. You've already had your nomination. So the 56 is going in Pete, you, you can have a think and give us your first ever nominations.
Pete: I've never done this lots and lots of pressure, although
Dan: give you five or six seconds. Carry on. Let's just have some silence and let's just P just, we'll just have silence until you think of someone
let's just have silence. I would just like everyone just to stay with us. We're going to we'll get Pete will over-talk or nominate.
Pete: No, I'm going to talk. I will nominate anything cause I'm not really that fast about whether you guys enjoy it or not
Pete: dunno yet, but it will, it will be. I might knowing, I know what side doesn't like, I'm probably gonna put him through the mill.
Sidey: Are you going to nominate return to the gender then?
Pete: what's a film. Like keep, keep, keep crying about it. It's a fucking tour de force.
Sidey: Ah, right. That's enough. Pete you'll let us know some nominations. We've watched the fucking bouncer this week. Don't forget to tune in on Friday where Dan's nominations get a skiving put down or a Pat on the back. I don't know.
Dan: yeah, we're going to do this, this
Sidey: we're talking about westerns.
We're talking about little big man, and we're also talking about some Australian thing. We know how we feel about Australians, but don't miss that coming out. It's a hot take on Friday.