The Pig, The Snake and the Pigeon & Patchwork Pals

The Pig The Snake and the Pigeon

Reegs: Welcome to Bad Dad's Film Review, the podcast that's accomplishing for film review. What Hiroshima did for architecture this week sees us returning to something like regular programming as we take on a snake theme. Inspired by Dan's cassio clad Romanian stag du alter ego snake bite a character with all the charm of a septic tank in the fashion sense to match.

Speaking of things that are cold-blooded and make women scream will be slithering through the top five snakes in cinema history because cataloging fictional reptiles is definitely not a complete waste of our collective time. Our main review this week is gangster redemption thriller, the pig, the Snake, and the Pigeon.

And for our kids TV segment, we're watching the very Sweet Patchwork Pals. Season two, episode 26, the Patchwork Snake. Of course.

Sidey: it took them

That many episodes to get to the snake. That's where you

are in the hierarchy of animals. Just saying,

Reegs: I think like 26, they could have done it alphabetically and so it should have

Sidey: No, no.

They just really thought snakes were shit.

Reegs: Yeah.

Dan: but they're [00:01:00] clearly not zero fucks.

Cris: cold blood as well.

Sidey: Let him finish this fucking thing.

Reegs: A quick legal disclaimer. The podcast contains enough stupidity and profanity to make Satan himself reach for the parental controls. And we'll spoil everything There is movies, TV shows, and your already tenuous faith in humanity.

With that out the way, all that's left to do into is to introduce the dad, starting with Dan. He's so old. His memory foam mattress has Alzheimer's, and the number of fuck he gives is identical to the number of his original knees. Zero. Next up he's the king of Kluge and plunge, and his review style can be summed up as it was too long and too boring.

It's handsome, Chris.

Yeah. Second to last in breathing heavily. Our third bad dad is Sidey, who this week has taken up snake milking, which is either a legitimate reptile venom extraction process or what he calls it when he is home alone, Googling Danny DeVito butter wrestling while attempting to keep his numbers up.

And previous drafts of that joke, there were a lot of snake joke innuendos. There's

Sidey: Yeah. It's, [00:02:00]

Reegs: skin

Sidey: it's ripe

Reegs: your Python. I hope you've got a few done. And then there's me res Hello. Hello.

Cris: Hello.

Sidey: It's been a while, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. We, We've

been away. We've been like

Reegs: we survived Romania in

Sidey: been traveling across Europe.

Yeah.

On my stag

1. Yeah,

Yeah.

It was good fun.

Dan: We, we drove across two countries.

Sidey: We did

a

multi city

tour

and

Dan: and we made it, I mean, I wasn't sure we all would. Get, go back a month. I think there was a few nerves in the room. But here we are. Yeah.

Sidey: Oh we are. Yeah. It was good.

Dan: we lived

Cris: we all made it back in one piece. All Yeah. It's all good.

Sidey: Yeah. And Mrs said, oh, you haven't really like giving me any gossip. I said, well,

that wasn't like, it was just like

good times. Yeah. There

Reegs: Yeah. Pete's gonna walk with a limp for the rest of

Sidey: his time. Any stories to tell really? Other that we all had a really, good laugh and acted like

fucking man's Charles

for A week. It was Great.

Reegs: It was a lot of drinking.

Sidey: Yeah,

it was. Yeah. A

lot of late nights,

A lot.

of booze, But

good

Dan: There

were, there was, yeah.

A fair amount of day drinking. I do enjoy the day drinking, you know, can you remember we've got the the early flight [00:03:00] and we had a coffee. Because it was seven o'clock in the morning and the bar was

Sidey: Oh, on the way out. Yeah. Yeah. On the

Dan: out. But by like nine o'clock we were

Sidey: bears on the train up

Dan: a can. And it wasn't just beer.

There was like fucking, it was a cocktail cans, wasn't it? Which were disgusting. They really didn't go well damn well. But yeah, it's, it, it was, it was a fantastic way to start. Any, any lads trip away in a stag

Sidey: good times. Just Good,

times.

Good But

we're back in the swinging of things. For this week's snake

theme. Anyone had any, because we, before we've been back,

what,

10 or so

days? Something? I don't Know a

number. Anyone watched anything since they've been back?

Dan: I've watched loads of house, which,

Sidey: Hugh Laurie

Dan: the Hugh Laurie thing that's been popular in our house. I wouldn't say it was hysterical or anything, but it was, he is got a few laughs. He's got a weird bedside manner.

Sidey: an asshole, isn't he He's

Dan: accent.

I [00:04:00] mean, I can't get over it. The American

Sidey: they thought They liked, it.

Dan: they liked it. Yeah. I don't think he did. And

Sidey: I like you, Laurie. but I don't wanna watch that program. I just

Dan: I like Hugh Laurie in Ves and Worcester. I thought he was one of the funniest things

Reegs: Oh, you're living in the past, Dan.

Sidey: Well, he houses in the past

as well.

That's probably why you like that.

Dan: that's where I come from. But that was fantastic, you know, chiefs and Worcester

Sidey: got a blues thing going, doesn't he He, he plays the old blues. he falling

on

from our

midweek.

He, He's

got he's got records out and stuff. Yeah.

Reegs: believe so, yeah.

Dan: Oh, fantastic. Okay. I might have to get into that, but, yeah, that has been dominating in our house. And I did watch last night a little bit more of the the Michael Jordan Chicago Balls,

Sidey: the last dance

Dan: documentary, the last dance.

Just got into it again. Just thought it's such

Cris: Yeah. You can't, you can't, yeah.

Dan: a

Sidey: I like to do it once a year. It's just

so good.

Dan: Yeah. So, I, I went straight into episode nine where it [00:05:00] was, I think Steve Kerr

Sidey: When he punches him.

Dan: well, he, he makes some big shots. He, he kind of got his wings tonight and he's a bit top part player, isn't he? Although he's still a legend, you know, he's absolutely

amazing.

Cris: is a USA coach now?

Sidey: he's not. He's the golden State warriors coach.

Cris: Alright. Okay. Well anyway, he was at one point.

Dan: Yeah. I mean, he, he's fantastic.

Sidey: state's, my team,

Dan: It was quite a story with him. His father, as you all knows, watched the thing was in Beirut, he was a

Sidey: it was Steve Kerr.

Dan: Yeah, Steve Kerr's father was in Beirut and he got shot

Sidey: Yeah, yeah. He was the, he was the head

Dan: and,

he was talking about, you know, how he and Jordan never really spoke about that, even though there was

Sidey: Well, they both, Lost their father.

didn't they? 'cause Jordan's father. was murdered probably.

Dan: Anyway, but anyway, that was fantastic. But it did mean that I didn't really get to

Sidey: What

about you?

Rigg?

Reegs: I've been getting ready for final destination bloodlines by watching all of the movies back again over

Sidey: Oh, nice

Reegs: Days. That's been good. And we [00:06:00] watched the fifth season of, you we're in the middle of been watching Lego Masters on Prime for the Family.

That's just like one of those cookery shows, but with Lego builders

that kind of format

Sidey: yeah. because that's how

they sort of interview the people, isn't it? They

they may sort of make them do a competition.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: For the people who

wanna work for Lego, they

make, 'em build stuff out of like a bin of Lego.

Oh.

Reegs: They,

if you've got OCD seeing all that Lego sorted into colors and different patterns and stuff is good and then they put it together. It's hosted by Will Anette in

Sidey: so

Oh, rad. Yeah. Love Will.

Reegs: So that's on Prime. That's quite good. And, or

Sidey: yeah, I've been watching that.

Reegs: watched the first two episodes of that.

That was pretty good. I

Sidey: Yeah. So, almost immediately that I got back from my stag do that Mrs. Jetted off on her Hindu and I started watching and, and,

and or whilst

She was away, but

I was very tired.

So I fell asleep quite a lot, so I've had

to

So the

four or five nights that she was away,

I managed to

watch.[00:07:00]

after

several attempts, three episodes.

But now

that she's back,

it's stalled because not into it. So I have to find time to watch it. on her own. It's difficult, but I'm really enjoying it.

My daughter, for some reasons saw something about Ghostbusters.

Okay. Which She

was interested in.

So we've watched the first two. Ghost Buster. We watched those

while she, was, the miss was away. She was really into that

And

she's excited

about the prospect of

there being an all girl one. Yeah. And I

didn't hate that movie, so we'll watch that together. I've also watched, I've been watching of repeats 'cause it's just been like knackered so I've just, I wanted to watch stuff that doesn't matter if I

fall asleep.

Fast and furious. Hobs, Hobson Shaw.

Reegs: Yeah. Definitely doesn't matter. Good

Sidey: It's good.

That one's really good and some other stuff. Or the Batman 'cause it's,

on Prime and I think it's going in a set amount of days. so I'll stick that on and. Like that. I know you're on a little, bit on the fence. with that

Reegs: Yeah, I

Sidey: it.

I really liked it a lot. But nothing new.

I haven't, I haven't

Been able to concentrate

enough on anything new other than the homework

Dan: Constricted.

Reegs: Oh,

Cris: Oh,

Sidey: What about you?

Cris: I've [00:08:00] watched once Upon a time in Hollywood in on the plane, on the way to Romania on the du thing, which

Sidey: oh, You said Sydney Sweeney and

Cris: Sydney Sweeney and Austin Butler are in that.

I, I didn't know that, that they're both in it on top of obviously everyone else that they, you would kind of know and remember and all that, which I thought was really good. And it's, it's almost like, oh, this is before they were whatever.

Sidey: I've been seeing loads of memes or like tiktoks about Oh, when the Miss says she won't make your sandwich and it's Brad Pitt just like slamming the woman's head into the, and variance of that.

Just over and over again.

Cris: I watched black mass on the way back. Yeah. Well, not the whole thing, but most of it. I watched it on the way back. So again, a movie that I enjoyed and maybe not the correct depiction of

that guy, whatever his name was. But anyway, it was good. And I caught up with all the episodes of Mob Bland, which I really enjoy.

It was [00:09:00] good. And it's,

Sidey: piss wasn't good in it.

Yeah,

Cool.

Cris: Do, do you know what I like it. I, I, I judge a, a thing also by how much I hate some of the characters. Not necessarily how much I like the whole thing, which I'm like, fucking, I wish you would die today.

Dan: Make you feel something.

Cris: Yeah. And Helen Marin and the kid, the, the young guy in, in Mob Land, Eddie Fucking Al.

Honestly, it's so annoying. They, they're both really annoying, but that makes it really good. I dunno if any of you watched any of it. but

Sidey: yet. Not yet. I, a

bit like, don't wanna watch another,

like, a gangster thing,

but I will

Cris: I dunno. I watched it. I really like generally Guy Richie's thing and I watched Gentleman and all that, so I kind of knew what to expect.

It's, and I like, I really liked Tom Hardy generally as in his private life kind of thing. And, and in this movie he's quite

Reegs: I like that he just turns up randomly to win jujitsu

Cris: Yeah. And, and also he, he's just [00:10:00] whenever you see him in interviews or whatever, he's, if he doesn't fancy it, you'll know if he's in the mood, he'll, you'll get a, a good laugh and whatever.

So that's pretty much it

Dan: You, you watched Black Snake Moan as well, didn't you? Our midweek?

Cris: I did, yes. Yeah,

Dan: was with blues music and boa didley and different people.

Sidey: Yeah. Check that Out

The episode was out just

a few

days ago actually.

So check that out.

But should we

just crack on with top five snakes?

Reegs: There's

not that many interesting ways to interpret snakes. Is there yeah. I suppose.

Sidey: Yeah. But

mostly just snakes. Dan, your, is your topic really, and this was inspired by you adopting a persona on the recent trip

of snake Bite.

Dan: Zero. Fuck to that answer.

Reegs: I fairly only really came out on one day.

Sidey: No, I thought there

was several. Yeah, there was a, just a couple well, a couple of real, Like key moments that

I still laugh about when

I think, and there's one I was just like chuckling to myself in Kate's, like

all right, chuckles.

And I was just thinking about

when

like

in the car.

just

like abusing people.[00:11:00]

Yeah.

Dan: Oh, that was good fun. Yeah.

Sidey: I've seen

some

Dan: Yeah. it,

Cris: I've seen some kind thrive. But you, Pete,

Dan: Yeah.

there,

there was some, there was some good laughs all the way through that trip. And I, I, I felt, we all, we all brought something to it. There was the mosquito, of course. The unicorn. Yeah. Three train a robot and Marvin Gaye. Yeah. Of course all paid a visit at at different times. So, anybody who has listened to us for a long time and intensely and a bit of nerds on bad dads, which is basically just us.

We'll, we'll know that we played the dice game attack and we all undertook a themed stag do in which one of his would take these personas.

Sidey: Mm. I feel like

you embraced it.

Dan: Well, I did. I, I did have a, a, a kind of snake effect belt and,

Sidey: yeah, the, the, the,

Dan: had a, a gold

Sidey: the necklace thing

Dan: and, and the gold Casio, I thought

Reegs: what is that model? You're wearing it now. What is the model of

Dan: [00:12:00] that's an A LB 100 wag. It's,

Sidey: It's on discord if anyone wants to see it.

Dan: oh, it's absolute. You can find your phone and count your steps. It's a fucking cassio. Yeah. Quality

Sidey: It is slick. But,

but distilling

it down, would you like to give us a snake

Dan: Okay. So, obviously I gave zero fucks even though that I did nominate this.

So I'm just gonna kind of wing it. And the one that comes to mind is Indy Indy Indiana Jones, when he drops down into the pit of snakes. And I'm thinking of the one

Sidey: do

Hang

on because, do you know what the phobia is called?

Dan: It's snake orama snake phobia. It's no. Arachnophobia. No,

Cris: no.

Dan: that's

Sidey: that's no, that's shreds.

Dan: It's a, it's a something. Phobia

Sidey: ofid Doy phobia.

There

Dan: we go. Ado phobia. And indie's got a bad case of it. Yeah. Yeah. And it always seems to be whenever he needs to be in a place and [00:13:00] it's a tight little tunnel or a cave

Reegs: It happens at Raiders of the Lost Ark, I think is the

Sidey: I actually watched that this week. Yeah.

movie. Yeah.

Reegs: Okay. Because it's twice that you get his, like you learn about his fear of snakes earlier, don't

Sidey: you?

No. Well, yes, but only in a

later film. So the pre quart. Oh yes. So the last

crusade, you

see him as young in Janet Jones is River Phoenix playing him.

Yeah.

Dan: Where he gets his

Sidey: fear of Yeah.

Fearness comes from, is from the circus train. And then, but they originally see it in. Last crusade when he is got so far into the mission, And then Bella, they

Reegs: he goes into the tomb,

Sidey: And they throw, they, he's trapped in there and they throw Karen Allen Down there.

And, but he originally, he falls. And if

you're watching an older version of it, I think they've

digitally enhanced it.

Yeah. have, yeah.

You can see the plastic, screen, you can see the reflection, you can

see,

that it's obviously behind the screen

Because it's a real snake.

They didn't have like the

tech to do

that. They, but they just have it

hissing. But you can see

it's

like practical effects.

Very, very, like

Behind the

screen,

Reegs: behind a glass or

Dan: but yeah, the, the newer ones, they've kind of

hidden

Sidey: they've been able to [00:14:00] like smudge that away. Yeah.

Dan: but it was, it was fantastic at the time

Reegs: it was good.

They gave him a flaw. Yeah. Like, you know, the, the, he

Sidey: oh, That and he was a pedophile as well.

Reegs: Two floors.

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: What, what are you talking

Reegs: Well, the timeline of indie, isn't

Sidey: She literally says to him, because I'm watching it back knowing it and

when he, he meets

her in the bar when you know, when

The.

Gustavo guy grabs the thing and she says

to him you're a fucking asshole. You know, you fucked me. Basically when, I, because she literally, like explicitly says when I was a kid, and then if you do the, I think there's enough information in the film, you can work it back. And then she was 14.

Reegs: Yeah.

Dan: Wow. Indie. I

Sidey: not a great look for, Indiana Jones, but Different

times. Different times. I

Reegs: it's true of the teachers at our all boys school to be fair as well.

Sidey: Fourteen's a

Dan: Wow. Indy. Well I wish one of those snakes that have bit the fuck out of him now, but

Sidey: the Nazis

would've won. so you know,

isn't it? Yeah.

Dan: It of

Sidey: but He is scared

of snakes and there are, he sets fire to [00:15:00] them. we all, it's like fairly brutal.

He gets the little fuel

pump thing. Yeah. And he hoses them off. Like, I can't remember why there was gasoline down in this ancient tomb. I guess

the Nazis dropped it down there and then he Yeah.

Sets fireball that's shown off screen. You Just hear a noise of, snakes screaming.

Dan: Share.

Sidey: yeah, Like exactly like

Dan: Yeah.

But that was the first one that came instantly to my mind, because I just remember that scene, as you say, carrying, Allen, getting thrown down there, indie going in afterwards.

The, the fact that they're never gonna get out there, but they do. And

out. Well, they push some stones out, don't they? And get into the airfield and escape

Sidey: Christian

Cris: cone on the barbarian Tulsa doom.

Dan: No,

Cris: I,

I, I didn't even have a note for this one, but

Reegs: you don't need

Sidey: isn't, it,

Cris: is

the first thing that came to my mind when you said snakes.

Reegs: There's

a lot of snake content as

Cris: well in in Conan. Yeah. In, in all of them.

Sidey: He can.

Reegs: Conan the barbarian

Sidey: he can Transmogrify himself. [00:16:00] into a, A

snake. Yes. Like Manal?

Reegs: Yeah. He's an animal. Yes.

Cris: Yeah. Yeah. And, and

Reegs: And he has like a snake orgy thing

Sidey: Yeah. well, why wouldn't you?

Reegs: And

he wears them in like in a thing like, like a bowa constrictor around his

Cris: Yes. And also, I will have to give a shout to the Portuguese lab that I've seen. Yes. Sunday. So a few days ago outside the Iceland on Bus Street in Jersey,

Sidey: he have a

Cris: a snake

who who had

Dan: snake down his trousers

Cris: On a lead in, in, in front of him.

And a white snake as a color, a live white snake around his neck on a Sunday afternoon.

Sidey: That's what you gotta live up to.

Cris: Honestly, I'm not even making

Sidey: levels

Reegs: a stronger look.

Dan: catching.

Sidey: there's levels to

Reegs: To be fair though, if you go out with the diving helmet, that really would, I

Cris: take a picture of him, but I, I was like, oh mate, what's going on?

He's like, oh yeah, it's just my pet. We're just having a walk. You know, I walk my dog. So I thought I walked the snake as well, and I was just like, you should meet my mate snake bite. But you know, he wasn't available.

Reegs: And also he, he's a dick.[00:17:00]

Cris: Well, yeah.

Sidey: So friend of the pod and one of the guys who was on the stag do fas he used to have a pet snake.

Yeah. Called

Dan: Lead Ledley

Sidey: Yeah. It escaped.

it got away. and he never, never able to

Dan: I remember he, he was, he, he wouldn't eat properly or something. It was like

Sidey: to feed, you know, You have to feed these things like little mice and stuff

Dan: ledley after Ledley King.

Yeah.

Reegs: A live mouse, they won't have dead ones

Sidey: Really? Yeah.

Reegs: Like that's, they get like a blood lust or

Sidey: whatever.

My cat's are a bit like that. Anaconda the movie.

Reegs: Oh, yes.

Cris: Jennifer Lopez.

Sidey: I haven't actually seen it. I've seen bits of it. No. Seen, haven't seen it, but

Cris: Even I've seen that.

Sidey: I, Yeah,

Cris: the original.

It's

Reegs: not,

there's J Lo, there's Owen Wilson. There's Ice Cube Eric Stoltz, John

Sidey: Voy

as well, isn't it? John?

Cris: John Voight. Yeah.

Sidey: He's, he's been in The news because he is special envoy to

Hollywood. Yeah

Reegs: He is part of Trump's tariffs

Sidey: shit. but I think he did like

an actual, like sort of responsible. He went round and met loads of people. He was like,

well, this is what they

want and this is

the thing. And

and in certain [00:18:00] circumstances, like

a limited tariff thing

might be an option and Trump was like, right.

okay. Sounds

Reegs: Let's just put tariffs on

Sidey: But

I think he's also a maniac. But there's also Anaconda, the song slash music video.

Are You,

do you remember that one? No. It's Nicki Minaj.

Cris: yes. Oh yes, I

Sidey: think It's also about

snakes. from what I remember. Pets. Yeah,

Cris: definitely about

Sidey: I think she had a pet snake, and this is a Tribute to her pet snake.

Reegs: I, I think just, we can't skip that. I think Anaconda has possibly the greatest snake related death in any film of all time.

John Voight,

Sidey: he he

goes there,

Reegs: he gets taken by the giant Anaconda at the end. It's sort of like takes him from the top down over and comes over him, swallows him up and then he gets like spat out regurgitated at Jennifer Lopez, like thrown out by the snake

Sidey: he's well like, with with contempt.

Reegs: Yeah, basically. And he's like covered in this like

Cris: you are not Jenny from the block.

Reegs: Yeah.

that's what the

Sidey: With snake Jews. yeah. Yeah. Okay. Nice.

Reegs: So Anaconda,

Sidey: see I want to mention Ana condos. Yeah, [00:19:00]

Cris: definitely.

Yeah.

Reegs: Well what about characters called

Sidey: Yeah,

Reegs: snake Kin, obviously.

Sidey: escape from la, Escape

Reegs: Escape from LA and escaped from New York

Dan: Kurt Russell.

Reegs: Kurt Russell, Kurt Russell looking absolutely hot as fuck.

Yeah, right. Eye patch hair. On a mission to rescue the President. Also you've got snakes jailbird, snake, jailbird, sorry, his na his name is from the Simpsons. He's a sort of recidivist criminal. He's always getting arrested. He's got that kind of Valley boy surfer type thing. Yeah. He's played by Hank Azaria.

His real name has been referred to as either Chester Turley or Albert Nicker Alo Snake. And before his criminal career, he was known as Detention Bird and Professor Jailbird.

Sidey: Wow.

Reegs: That's Snake jailbird for you.

Sidey: Nice.

Dan: You've got Car

Sidey: jungle bird.

Dan: book.

Yeah. Probably the first snake most of us would've seen in film.

Sidey: Hypnotic.

Dan: Hypnotic, [00:20:00] exactly. Though he was a piping, he had those weird eyes and he had that song trust in me

Sidey: which is, but don't trust him

'cause it's a fucking snake.

don't.

Dan: But if his snakes say, because snakes are, have got that Adam and Eve kind of history, haven't they?

Where obviously it's. Talk you into, into temptation or Eve. Talk to Eve into temptation. Take the apple, dah, dah, dah, dah. And, and so we've got this history with, with snakes in our culture where you don't trust the Jungle Book, and Carl leans right into that.

Reegs: well, but also it was about colonial colonialism and

Dan: stuff. Well, easy for you to say. Yeah. But

Sidey: Do you remember, do you know who voiced

the original

iteration?

Dan: Was it Scarlet Johansen? No.

Sidey: Joe P No. it was Sterling Holloway. Ian's dad.

Dan: Right. Okay.

Sidey: Right. Okay.

Reegs: Who's Sterling Holloway?

Sidey: It was the guy who voiced car. Oh, And then you're right. Scarlet Johansen. then.

Did the she's so hot.

Did the,

I

fucking hate all those live action remake

things, I hate [00:21:00] fucking hate them all. I I watched me faster actually recently.

Fucking crap.

that one

yeah,

Cris: was gonna watch it,

Sidey: I know all crap.

I hate all the

Reegs: it kind of strangely, like brilliant at first and then like really ugly after a while when I

Sidey: it's tune out, it's bollocks.

Dan: they they've, for me, these later versions and reboots

Sidey: there's no love in it. It's, just, to me, it's just

commercial. It's a commercial

Dan: thing.

They, they've got all the tools, they've got far better

Sidey: technology has advanced,

Dan: and technology of what would be a

Sidey: got no soul down.

It's got no soul.

Yeah. Yeah, I know

Dan: it. And you look at the earlier versions and they would've spent hours and painstaking time getting everything right and putting it back

Sidey: again.

This might be something that old people, like I say about things that are

new,

Dan: No, it's right. It's just

Sidey: Yeah. You know, you're right. We are

Dan: else is wrong and we are right. That's why

Reegs: just part of the

Dan: this podcast

Reegs: campaign for why do they remake stuff that was good to begin with. [00:22:00]

Sidey: Did you see

Reegs: was shit that would

Sidey: Did you did see

Dan: they blew it.

Sidey: Mark ods review because revenge of the SIF is being re-released at

cinema. And he did

a review of it and he said, we, I'm so guilty

of being a person who was like, well, the originals were the best and everything else is

shit

and they're not as good. And then his son was like, yeah, but we didn't grow

up with those ones. Yeah. I grew

up with these

ones. and I know

it's not a perfect film.

Yeah.

You're

just being a fucking

film's not ker. And He is like, actually

yeah, it's, Gary. Say, I inspirational grow up Yeah.

Reegs: new ones

Sidey: except that we're old and Fucking grumpy and shit.

But anyway. More snakes.

Cris: Snakes on a plane,

Sidey: A motherfucking plane. Yeah.

Cris: Because I've never watched that movie

Reegs: Oh, I've seen that.

That's another samuele.

Sidey: Yeah.

Cris: that's what I was gonna say, because we watched previously and we did the other episode, ball Sta and we, we did have a bit of a question mark from you side because obviously you haven't watched Black

Sidey: Snake alone.

Cris: and you were like, oh, should we watch snakes [00:23:00] on a plane? I've never watched snakes on a plane and I'm happy that I didn't, and I'm happy that I watched black Snake Moan instead of

Sidey: that.

How would you react if there was a snake?

on, on your, on like the most recent, say the flight back. How

would you feel about that? I'd feel not great

Cris: it.

Yeah. I wouldn't feel great, but at the same time, the, I'm not an expert in snakes by all means. But

I dunno. I've seen like what

Reegs: what's it, is it enraged is or is

Sidey: bound to be an altitude?

Reegs: Yeah,

Cris: I'd be,

I wouldn't be enraged. I would be scared.

Reegs: No,

not

Sidey: no. The snake. would be enraged.

Reegs: I'm asking about the snake's demeanor. How

Cris: but why would it be enraged? Is

Reegs: I dunno. Well, I

Sidey: well It's

not, its natural environment.

Cris: Well, yeah, but, but it's also different, different pressure.

So how, how would you Yeah, I've never seen thought about that. They're

Reegs: not made for flying

Sidey: I don't like other people on the

flight, let alone

like

Cris: animals, any other

Reegs: An emotional support

Cris: But this is the thing I've seen, I've seen the cobra, like the king Cobra in Morocco.[00:24:00]

plane where

No, on in like in a square in Marrakesh.

Where? Well, you know

Sidey: oh, snake jammers. Yeah.

Yeah,

Cris: the, in the, in a sex shop.

Reegs: Pub and more.

Cris: But you know, so I've seen the whole thing where they blah, blah, blah, charm, the snakes and all that, but on

a plane, I dunno. I,

Sidey: I, wouldn't be that

cool about, it, to be

Reegs: not Snake Charming on a plane.

Definitely There is Snake Charming in Octopussy.

Yeah.

Sidey: A fairly shit Bond film.

Reegs: I think he plays the bond theme music as

Cris: well.

There's another one Live And Let Die has a snake scene.

Sidey: Yeah, that's a good bond Film both. Roger Moore ones?

Cris: Yes. But, but yeah, the, there is a snake scene in that,

Dan: Pete's favorite bond,

Cris: I remember correctly.

Sidey: Correct. We've had one Simpsons for this. What

about another one? Whacking Day?

Reegs: That's a part of a group of like sexy snakes.

Sidey: Well,

they.

just like it's snake genocide. Yeah.

They just go around the whole

of Springfield. Just fucking

this one day. Like, it's like steel clubbing, but with snakes. Yeah. And Lisa obviously is like [00:25:00] objecting to that.

Reegs: Yeah. And Barry White helps her. I love the slither of a sexy female snake or whatever. Woo. Baby.

Sidey: Yeah.

Yeah. it's good. There you go. Wacking day.

Reegs: Whacking off day characters who wear a snake, like a sort of feather bow around them. We already had Tulsa Doom. James L. Jones liked it so much he wore it off set.

The snakes Dora and the Lost City of Gold. We watched that for this program. There's she has a snake on

Dan: quite good

Reegs: Yeah.

And

oftentimes in the cartoon as well, in the Mummy. And the Mummy returns the Fit Bird with the, I can't remember.

Sidey: Rachel Vice

Reegs: an,

Sidey: oh, the one who plays the, the wife of like, INEP

Dan: the Holy Mountain. You remember we watched that crazy movie?

A woman knits a colorful sweater for her Bower

Reegs: Yeah. Oh, nice.

Dan: Which was

Sidey: we didn't need to knit the arms. So that's handy.

Dan: yeah, that's it.

It's like a

Reegs: on that one. Just Stripp Teeth. Waynes World.

Dan: Waynes world putty

Reegs: 'cause she complains that the snake molests her. And a peep show super hands [00:26:00] often wears a snake

Dan: Well, I'll quickly mention dust Dawn.

Selma Hayek has a snake around her neck

she turns

Sidey: you may, may or may not have that. The Swimsuit Illustrated sports Illustrated, sorry. Swimsuit edition hit the stands this week and it has Sam

Reegs: does it Oh,

Cris: at 55 or however

Yeah.

Sidey: at The ripe old age of whatever age she is.

And looking

great.

Ugly Betty, I think. I dunno, I've not seen the photographs, but

Dan: Okay.

Cris: I've got a scorpion king.

Reegs: That was more scorpions I think, wasn't

it?

Cris: It's a cobra roulette. There is a scene where the, I can't remember the woman, I, I'm actually watching it now on, on YouTube to make sure I've got this right.

'cause I remembered it. There's the King's scorpion or whatever it's called. The the guy before the

Reegs: Yeah,

Cris: he has, there's six clay pots on a spinning wheel and he spins them and the his queen or whatever puts the hand in Oh yeah. To pick up the [00:27:00] thing. So that's

Reegs: was like a Russian without, you're right. Yeah.

Cris: much. But it's a Cobra

Reegs: Yeah. Cobra

Cris: Ette. So it's nice,

you know.

Sidey: Yeah.

that sounds dangerous.

Cris: 2002.

Sidey: I'm gonna

go for one more before I nominate. And it is

we did it for

the pod, actually Dragnet

Pep Street back in Joe Friday. Yeah. When they they go undercover

Surveillance, the the Pagan ritual. Yeah. And they throw the pagan throw the lions made and the blah blah, blah. And then the virgin Connie as well goes into the

pit. Yeah.

And then they jump in and there's an

enormous fucking snake in there. Oh yeah. And it's so clearly like prop.

And they I think it's Joe, no, maybe Pep Reba gets it.

And there's loads

of pills

and they just shove

all the pills down its neck. And it does like a comedy

kind of like

it gets all rigid.

and then Flops over really bad. But I still

really do like that movie, even though it's got Tom Hanks in it.

So yeah,

Dragnet, but then I've got my norm to come

Dan: w

was and I'm pointing up to the top corner there, flash.

Reegs: Flash. Ah,

Dan: I'm sure There's a scene where and Chris reminded me of it [00:28:00] there, where he has to put his hand

Sidey: That's

just a miscellaneous poisonous

thing. I don't think they say what it is. it's like a tree stump that he put the hand in.

Reegs: It's a tree stump or something. Yeah, you're right.

Dan: I think

Sidey: right? I think it's, it's the guy was the guy from Blue Peter who gets

killed and he puts his

hand in it.

Dan: that's right.

Reegs: Peter Dennis.

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: I'll just do one last bit and then noms, is it Movies with Snake in the title Snake Eyes? Brian De Palmer and Nick

Sidey: Oh, I saw that twice at the cinema.

Reegs: that was a good one.

Sidey: Has a

good

Steady

cam shot at the start. Yeah,

Reegs: it opens with that. It's like a murderer, a boxing

Sidey: I think may have cost.

Lenox Lewis the world.

Reegs: they, they say that, don't

Sidey: they? It didn't, it wasn't constrained on

his training enough. And He

was doing that film.

Reegs: Yeah. Snake Eyes, GI Joe Origins that we watched here for this pod and got an interview with the Art Ninja to pair it with that was better than Expected. And snake and Eagle Shadow, which was a Yen w Ping and Jackie Chan movie from back in the day.

Kind of one of the start of his like slapstick type style. good. And [00:29:00] then just nos to go,

Sidey: norms. Dan, you got no,

Dan: Yeah. My no is Doc Savage.

Reegs: I don't, I've never seen it.

Dan: You've never seen it? Okay. It was he had blonde hair. Dark. Say that It's an old movie with like almost luminous green snakes that were, doc Savage was just like. The original James Bond stroke, Indiana Jones adventurer guy.

Sidey: covering all the bases. He

Dan: covering all the bases. He is an absolute hero. Everybody looked up to Doc Savage and this film when I grew up was just amazing. I loved it because he stood on the side of a car, you know, had those little sort of, rims on the side of the car that you could hold onto.

And he went into like deepest, darkest Africa and there was some bright green snakes that had been attacking p as part of like a, a [00:30:00] poison. And they were quite spooky at the time, it now and special effects are, are like kind of weird. But it was almost like filmed in technicolor kind of stuff.

But that would be my solid no doc

Savage

Cris: Senator Gaius and Gladiator gets killed by, well, it lets you think that he gets killed by a venomous snake while he's in the bed with his mistress.

Sidey: Mm.

Does that not what happens?

Cris: Well, it doesn't tell you he's dead. Oh, okay. Right. He, he dies afterwards, but it there, there's a

Reegs: dot, dot dot.

Cris: Yeah. But, but there's a green snake put in, in his in his bed on his foot and he kind

Sidey: got I'm

gonna go for the Nokia 33 10, snake game. Do you Remember

that when you had a

Dan: snake. Yeah.

Sidey: Four bit like screen And he just would.

you know, the

snake would eat something and get a bit bigger And if you're really cool, You can make it feel the entire screen.

Dan: I was never that

Reegs: No,

Sidey: no.

no one [00:31:00] was.

But yeah, snake.

big game.

Reegs: Well, my norms, I was torn between a bunch of movies that I've never seen.

'cause I just found like a list of like, know, giant snake bee movies including things like Mega Python versus Gator mutant Python. But the one that I chose is snake out Compton a rap group on the verge of signing their

first record deal. Yeah. You watch is the City's

only hope in a battle with a giant mutating snake.

Dan: Clearly we've all given zero fucks to this.

Sidey: Nice. Wow.

 

Sidey: a continuation of

Snake Week.

And you

picked a film, a foreign

language film.

Reegs: A Taiwanese

Cris: Yeah.

Reegs: The pig, the Snake in the Pigeon.

Dan: We've not done many Taiwanese films.

Cris: I don't

think we've ever done any.

Sidey: Might be

the first

Reegs: Yeah, I think you're right. And you don't have to know it, but it can be nice to know that the title refers to the three evils in Buddhism. Ignorance,

Sidey: was like a good, the bad and the ugly kind of thing. 'Cause there are three kind of, we'll get into the plot, but obviously [00:32:00] there's not

that,

Dan: well, it starts a hundred miles an hour. This film

Sidey: supervi. Right. So let's just get

outta the way This film is super fucking violent.

Dan: It's super violent

Reegs: At points.

Dan: at points. It has, its

Sidey: yeah, when

it, and when those points, are,

Cris: kind of peaks and then drops and then peaks again kind of thing.

Reegs: Yes.

Sidey: Because we Get

some like super violent right out the gate.

pretty much.

Dan: Well, the pace of it's fantastic. Straight from the off.

Reegs: We start with the funeral of a mob boss hung. It's a lavish affair. It's attended by loads of local gangsters, all clad in black and police officers in body armor.

And they've come mostly at the behest of Black Boss. These like low level gangsters all attending the funeral of Boss Hong and Goldie. One of the lower level MOOCs is telling this story to another guy about the Coolin kid, a feared kind of lunatic assassin. The best of the best, which of course turns out to be the guy that he's talking to.

Cris: but it's also because he says it is, are you representing the same boss like me? Yeah. That's why they kind of sit together

Dan: yeah. He's played it [00:33:00] perfectly to get in

Reegs: bluffed his way in bluffed

Dan: his way in, just

Sidey: like like wedding crashes.

Reegs: Yeah,

Like

Dan: wedding crashes. And as you say, he ends up recounting a story of this amazing hitman who's done these amazing things and he is got fucking ice for his veins.

To that exact guy.

Reegs: Yeah. So he walks off slowmo through the crowd as like Goldie looks on like jaw dropping in the background, and then he just shoots the, the black boss guy like eight or nine times, two or three times in the

Sidey: Well, I think it's a headshot first? Yeah. So The guy is

dead. Yeah, definitely. And then he goes up and Yeah, he just empties the whole clip into him. Yeah. He just like bang, bang, bang, bang. bang. He's like

Dan: In front of all these other gangsters who are carrying away. And then it starts the beginning of a mad chase with the, the cops who have been watching on of all this. And the, the beginnings of somewhat of a, a rivalry between this cops and robbers basically, or cops and gangsters.

Reegs: Yeah,

Sidey: It's sort of like, [00:34:00] do you know the police are like, okay, but if we engage with this guy, he's gonna kill

you.

So, you know, but they do have, there is a, there is a

Reegs: well there's a foot chase 'cause he escapes from the funeral and there's a foot chase between him and Detective Chen.

Some guy gets taken out by a truck, like final destination

Cris: Yeah.

Reegs: just running

Cris: That was good.

Sidey: out a corridor. Bang. You're

Reegs: bang, it happens twice in the first few minutes.

There must have been something. Anyway, they, they fight in an alley. Him and, and it's like quite stabby and

Dan: it, it, it's a brilliant chase before the the titles run and

Reegs: well, you don't wanna miss the bit, right? 'cause there's a cool drone shot where they're running across the roof and then it, it, they fall through the roofs and the drone goes with them and then they fight at the bottom of it and he stabs him in the eye.

Sidey: was calling bullshit on this bit.

Reegs: It was hideous. So he's got the rest of the movie. He's got like a milky horrible eye. But yeah, so he stabs him in

Sidey: eye because he gets up from that and just

pulls the thing out of his eye and he stands out. I'm like, that's a pretty

severe fucking injury

Dan: felt adrenaline like that, you know, then you

Sidey: Only at walking

Cris: snake Bite would know.

Reegs: So [00:35:00] he gets away from that fight with the guy left him with the, the bloody eye and we get the title card and we cut to four years later. Yeah,

Sidey: gone into hiding.

I think

Reegs: he's got into hiding.

Sidey: to

Cris: and he is got hair and beard and a bit

Dan: and he,

Reegs: we meet Dr. Chang, don't we? Yeah, she's getting some, it's not clear.

Un unintentionally. So for the plot, who these like, x-rays, x-rays of cancerous lungs are Yeah.

Cris: The lung x-ray

Reegs: And she's been told, well, you are a doctor. It's three to six months, you know treatment, And it's led, you're sort of led to believe through editing that it's talking about the cooling kid

Sidey: Yeah.

Cris: Well initially you think it's her,

Reegs: initially you think it's her, the grandma as well. 'cause she's getting surgery and, and

Cris: then, and then the grandma goes in and, and he's waiting outside the hospital. And then he meets he, he goes out to, in the street at this cafe, restaurant, whatever, and they're having a chat and she's like, look, [00:36:00] these are your results. Yeah. You,

Dan: There's a little bit of

Cris: and he's, he doesn't look well

Dan: there's, there's a little bit of confusion. He's, he's certainly led and so is the, the viewer to believe that he has a terminal illness, lung cancer and he's already given

Cris: stage four, which is zero fucks. Yeah.

Dan: He's given zero fucks.

And this diagnosis leads him to think that he needs to, to set the woes to rights before he can leave it

Cris: Well, no, she tells him to turn himself in.

Reegs: Yeah. She tells him that to die, to die with dignity. She tells him, but also he waits, he spurred on actually by the death of his grandma because he waits. He says that he couldn't hand himself in while she was still alive.

'cause the shock would basically kill her. So now that she's died and she, she's kept all the money he's ever given her, except for this like symbolic pink, pink, like, watch, who was it? Porky Pig on it.

Sidey: It was Porky Pig. Yeah,

Cris: Porky Pig. It wasn't Casio though.

Reegs: It wasn't

Dan: It was a swatch, I think.

Cris: of [00:37:00] a shame though. I thought he would've,

Sidey: would've elevated it a

Dan: it it was, it was definitely a let down in the plot.

But the, the point is that he wants to make an ame amends for his life by bringing down the the top criminals.

Sidey: didn't think that.

I think he just, he goes to turn himself in and they just fob him away. there, says they're like, wait in line,

Cris: because there there's been a collision.

Dan: Yeah, he, he looks at, he go, he goes in, you're right, he's, he's going to kind of turn himself in, but he's not instantly recognized and he realizes

Sidey: him.

Dan: there's other two people,

Sidey: He's third in line.

Dan: ahead of him and he thinks, well, I'm gonna fuck them up then.

And and maybe do society a bit of good, or at least he comes to realize this a little bit later on. So he goes to find the Pig

Reegs: Chang. Yeah.

But he goes to find Chang first Dr. Chang. And she's having lunch with her son. It sort of turns out that she's worked for the criminal underworld as a [00:38:00] doctor in like various capacities.

Cris: she's a pharmacist as a, as a

Reegs: Profession. Yeah. So she also helps in the

Dan: underworld

One of those doctors that's been lured into the dark side fixing criminals up.

Reegs: Well, crims need medical cover too, I guess so. Well,

Dan: Well, occasionally they. Can't go to a normal hospital, but

Cris: they, and she, she gives him the details of doctor, whatever the, the

Reegs: well, eventually he has to abduct her son first.

Dan: Yeah. He's not a nice guy. He, he kidnaps her son. He keeps the son well under a trusted underling who is the same guy. I think that,

Cris: told him the story at the beginning.

Dan: the story at the beginning. And she's then forced into. Giving the location or some information of the, the criminals he is after

Reegs: he tell.

Yeah. She says that he was shot in the head. And the bullet is still like lodged

Cris: neck. Yeah.

Reegs: neck.

Cris: this young girl comes and collects medicine for him.

Reegs: He gets terrible

Cris: or

Dan: and he's a real [00:39:00] asshole. This guy? Yes. He's at one scene he's he, he's kind of abusing this girl that's giving him medicine.

Her mom,

Reegs: well, he walks in like fresh from a, a meal where he stabs someone and he passes her the knife. It's still got like chunks of flesh on

Dan: Yeah. Clean that

Reegs: Yeah. And he slaps her ass and the goons start laughing and it turns like serious. With

Dan: goon starts laughing with him and he's, he's kind of a goon that will laugh along with the boss, but then the boss turns in and says, what you laughing

Reegs: Yeah.

the other two immediate, the other two goons like,

Dan: oh, well, let's go and have a smoke. And he gets seven heavy bottles over the head. And she stops him. The, the girl that's being abused from getting a heavy glass ashtray and smashing this over the guy's head basically would kill him.

She

stops him.

And then you see her going up to the room and being forced into sexual acts.

Reegs: yeah. He forces her to blow him

Dan: And [00:40:00] the, the kid Yeah, the cooling kid is watching all this from afar. Yeah. He's watching it through a, a secret window. What he thinks because

Reegs: he goes the next morning, doesn't he shave? He sort of almost accidentally ends up in there, get talking to her, or at least he's sort of

Dan: he's pretty much on purpose. He knows

Reegs: He's acting shifty

Dan: he, he certainly. You know, he goes, oh, I love a, just a shave, not a haircut. He, he's, it's not making sense. And they smell a rat. And he is only saved from a, a nasty kind of interaction with the, the pigeon or the pig.

Because

Reegs: the pig like he's having a shave and the pig continues the shave doesn't he? And he, so he's got a blade at his neck and eventually at

Sidey: over his eye.

Yeah. Like,

Reegs: And he doesn't realize as well that the cooling kid has got a gun pointed at his bollocks as well. So, and, and I think it's eventually stopped by a traffic cops coming in.

Sidey: [00:41:00] They walk in

Reegs: move your car. Like,

that's

Sidey: it. Yeah. He is parked illegally at the front

It what

what stops it all kicking off.

Reegs: Yeah.

Dan: But she can see that he's pointing a gun at him. Yeah. And doesn't say anything. And you think, right. Okay. Well, she's.

You

weren't expecting her to say anything because she's been abused.

But you dunno how much Stockholm syndrome she's under really. Because she's been with him for so long.

But

it turns out they have a huge fight. A huge

Reegs: the watch off in

Dan: Yeah, it is. It's another

Sidey: Devy used to watch the far show. Yeah.

There was a sketch within the far show called the long good punch up. I think it was, paul White House maybe and Charlie Hickson.

And they were just, it was just this comical thing of them

kidding. This is What this reminds, me. 'cause it

just goes on. and on. There's, and

Reegs: it's like the chicken versus Peter in family guy.

Dan: Yeah.

Sidey: like, you get one of these smacks to the face, you are

out.

You know, then they're just like going at it forever and

ever and

stabs and

Reegs: it really is because like the fight, they fight in their apartment, then they fight in a [00:42:00] stream, then they fight in a

Dan: they're they're running

Sidey: in a greenhouse or

something. Yeah.

or something

Reegs: where it's.

Dan: running like, to the point where I would be absolutely fucked if

Sidey: I but this guy doesn't know why.

He doesn't know what the motivation is for

Reegs: Well, he

thinks he's, that's why he sort of doesn't kill him straight away. 'cause he thinks that he's there watching the

Sidey: Yeah.

he's, confused. And

Reegs: but eventually, I mean, this is the cooling kid smacks him with a fucking

Sidey: when it comes to the,

the kill, the killing blow.

He is like, just

tell me why. And is

Dan: goes, no,

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: just, he just does that. It just taps his temper as if say no. It's

just,

for me, me

Dan: it's something for me

Sidey: like the final, like

cruelty

of like, I'm gonna

Dan: I'm not even gonna, yeah. I'm not even gonna give you that

Sidey: the camera, it

just cuts through outside.

I think it's like a Almost like a poly, tunnel. It's like Jersey Sea

salt And you just hear a gunshot and

then

he's been

executed.

Cris: was Jersey Sea

Sidey: Salt. Yeah, it was. Yeah.

Reegs: So he goes back to the salon girl who was tied up 'cause she'd been raped.

So he frees her and he offers her the chance, like, you can go or you can stay with me. And she [00:43:00] elects to stay with him as he finishes off the job and finishes off the henchman, the sort of henchman

and then

Sidey: drive by scene.

Reegs: Just guns them down.

Dan: Yeah. They, they're kind of having

Sidey: There's some noodles. It's

Dan: outside, outside. And,

Reegs: and it looks great. This film as well, it's lit really interestingly at a lot of different points and later cool use of lens flare and whatnot. They take them down, they go to a very blue beach where he tells her. That he wants everyone to know that he's the killer of Hong

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: Really g really nicely shot. Seen that as well, because it's, you've

Reegs: And it's not bravado though, is it? It's not like I want everyone to know, you know,

Sidey: he's fucked as well. 'cause he's been

Cris: Yeah, he's

Sidey: during the fight, the guy has pushed a metal rod, like right through him.

Dan: and he's got terminal lung cancer. I mean, he's, he knows he is on his way out.

Reegs: So he tells her to stay there, leaves the car and he walks off with his belongings. It was like David Banner in the Incredible Hulk. 'cause you watch him like walk off in the rear view mirror. So he gets a lead on [00:44:00] now Taiwan's number one. Gangster Bullhead. Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: Via a note that's left to him.

And he eventually, through a lot of shenanigans, he traces them to the spiritual movement, the new spiritual

Cris: Yeah. He goes to the old people's home. The mom is dead. Yeah. And there's a letter from this spiritual movement and he goes and

Reegs: had the same handwriting or something as another letter that he'd

Cris: No, the message is the same, but, but on the letter he he received was handwritten. Where it was basically a transcription of same, the same message. And

Sidey: of, but the movie kind of takes a shift at this point, doesn't it? Yeah.

It goes like, really like, 'cause we've been like violent and sort of foot on the, accelerator.

Reegs: and now it becomes like a folk horror sort

Sidey: Yeah. movie Yeah. Happy clappy, like cult thing.

It's

Reegs: shift gears again. Yeah. So he goes to this spiritual movement and there's like a lecture being given by the charismatic leader, your Holiness, it's all about

Sidey: a big shot of the picture behind him, isn't it? First there's This

Like grinning idiot,[00:45:00]

like Cult leader thing.

Reegs: And like you say, there's prayer and happy clappy stuff.

And then he what's his name? Lin, just fucking Team America. Black Vomits Water. Absolutely everywhere. All over the There's

Sidey: he's coughing. and fighting for a bit and then he let, He

lets rip, doesn't he?

Yeah. All over the place.

Reegs: whatever. When he comes to, he's in the cults hospital with the Holiness telling him there's something unclean in him and he needs to like, get rid of it.

And there's a class in the morning and if he's got enough energy, he should attend. So, he does start to like. Get into

Dan: I'm thinking at this stage, there's no way he's got enough energy to attend. He is just puked up

Sidey: well, when they leave the room, he PS

Reegs: he pugs again. Yeah.

Dan: He,

Sidey: he is in a bad way. I mean, he's

Dan: in a bad way. He's in a real bad way.

It's disgusting. Like it's ink from his lungs. You

Sidey: It's like an octopus.

Dan: That's

Sidey: squirting black ink

Dan: no way this guy's getting up. But actually the next day he does get up to meet with them and and he, he, he kind of

Sidey: he gets

Dan: himself. Yeah, he gets on board

Sidey: of life

Dan: [00:46:00] and he really,

Cris: Well, they give him the x-ray.

Reegs: they give

it Exactly. They give him the x-ray and they tell him that,

Dan: well, no, first.

Reegs: oh no, there's a few things happen.

Dan: first. He, he does this kind of initiation and he gets, he gets

Sidey: he gets, he gets thrashed and he gets his hair cut

Dan: thrashed and haircut

Sidey: blobbing and he's.

sort of indoc. Well, he's completely indoctrinated into this

Reegs: It's, yeah, it's after as well though. He gets the information that Bullhead, the guy that he's looking for is already dead. Yeah. So, you know, his mission seemingly cannot be fulfilled. He's taken to the

Dan: but

they show him the grave. Yeah.

Reegs: shows him the grave of Bullhead. He died 20 years ago, I think.

They the story. And the, the commune is just being run by himself. So he does undergo this indoctrination, this ceremony. It is like a baptism, but it involves being thrashed having your hair cut and giving up your worldly possessions,

they go into like a,

Sidey: a

Dan: He

has to give up the watch.

[00:47:00] this all

Reegs: this is all fine. And he's really happy and, you know, he's found a new purpose in life. He's given up vengeance. And then he sees a young boy and his mother arrive at the commune, and basically they go through the entire same experience that he.

Sidey: but

there's, the, but what we should point out, is right? There's this band that play.

Yeah. Because it

Comes really key at the end. They play this

sort of

happy

clappy nonsense

Reegs: folky prayer.

Sidey: kind of thing When, and, and his Holiness said,

I

I came up, you know, I wrote the words, channel the words through God

or whatever, and, and the band play them and blah, blah, blah. And they just kind of relentlessly just play

this kind of, like Horrible, happy.

nonsense

Dan: Yeah.

Sidey: and my Soul,

and my blah blah, blah. And you're thinking

oh God.

just kill me now. And yeah, like you said, this, this, this child and this mother come along and we see. the Same reaction. This this

black formity water,

Cris: the food

Reegs: He gives them the food. The mother doesn't take any, and the boy does, and the boy vomits black water everywhere.

But he [00:48:00] sees it from a slight, he sees it from a different perspective. This time he act, you know, he puts together the pieces that actually it's all being manipulated by this guy, the Holiness.

Sidey: kind of wondering how no one else

Reegs: He's in a room when some orderlies are talking about, they dosed him, the boy incorrectly. He also discovers that the possessions are being,

Sidey: we

see inside the crematorium, it just, there's one flame and then as soon as it gets past away, it just like goes down a passageway into like a

store room. And all Everyone's

s just kept,

Cris: he also hears

Sidey: living the, life of

Cris: basically w when the kid is in the thing.

In the hospital, they show the mom the x-ray.

Yeah.

Sidey: It's the same one.

Reegs: same

Cris: in the door and he is the same x-ray, the same spiel, the same words just twisted in a different way. Yeah. But it's the same words. If he's

Sidey: then when the mum is not there, he

Cris: clean him, I might do it. You need to give up possessions, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So he is like, mm,

Sidey: When the mom's not there. He says, I want the kid to stay like this. He

never, he Never recovers from this. He never

dies. But he never recovers from [00:49:00] this.

You're like, okay, this guy is a real sick motherfucker.

Dan: you know, it's the same X-ray because at one point it tears and he can see that it's the same torn x-ray.

The mother's being shown that he's being

Reegs: he's pointing out literally the same stuff on it, but

Cris: just different.

Dan: He is a one trick pony.

Sidey: And I was thinking, well this guy, you know, our not

hero

protagonist

probably not gonna take too well to this.

You know?

Reegs: And he discovers this like underground lair, which we've now seen his holiness like frolicking about him with one of the other lady,

Sidey: He is pregnant,

Reegs: So wouldn't you believe it, this spiritual movement of abandoning your like,

Sidey: it's not all it's cracked

Reegs: possessions. He's down there exploiting it all,

Cris: then he goes down, he finds his own box where he put a million yen or whatever.

And it's only the watch,

Reegs: only

the watches

Cris: instead of the money and the watch. So it is clearly the money's being taken by someone

Sidey: mistaken. Of course. Yeah. Yeah.

Reegs: So he goes back and the women's [00:50:00] initiation ceremony is happening and he goes in to try and stop it, doesn't and

Sidey: it's all about to

go completely bananas at this point.

Reegs: Yeah. Because there's a knife. Where does the knife come out?

Cris: The The Holiness has it. Yeah, the Holiness.

Sidey: Yeah, because

they want her, he, he says to the mother, you have to stab him because he's not a true believer.

All this sort of shit. He's gotta go

Cris: because he comes back with her belongings from underneath the

Sidey: crematorium.

there. There's five or six of them that are holding

him. Yeah. And he has to be killed.

And

you're waiting for what's gonna happen. And it all goes into kind of slowmo and it's shot from, and, but they show you that his holiness. And I don't she, she slices, she, she kills herself.

she

Dan: she,

kills

Reegs: It's all white and there's like a slowmo

Sidey: everyone is wearing white.

The whole place is white and you're waiting for the explosion

Dan: Well then he gets stabbed killed what everybody thinks is, is

Reegs: No, they, they bury him in a

Sidey: They stab him first and they say, I want [00:51:00] her and him to go to hell together. Yeah. And she's obviously dead 'cause she's, you know, slit her throat sl throat.

Yeah. He's put into it. He's buried alive.

Reegs: They nail him in the box, I think first. They have a little song though, don't they? With the

Sidey: that's what I mean about the song. It's just constantly playing. They're

just

Reegs: all covered in

Sidey: as if it ain't no thing. They're just Like duh, happy,

clap, blah, blah.

Reegs: And they take him off and bury him. Not very

Sidey: It's a shallow grave. Very, very

Reegs: because he escapes from it

Sidey: This, this rookie Numbers here because this

is like, what you doing? 'cause we can then we get a sort of drone shot or an overhead shot of where they've buried him and you can hear the thumping hum thumping. And he's managed to punch his way through the, the ground.

Reegs: And earlier there'd been a scene when they showed us him burying his ruck sack full of his guns and his clothes.

Dan: Oh. Now he's

Reegs: and he goes and retrieves

Dan: hell with him. Yeah. And he eventually turns back at the Happy Clappy mansion. And it's

Sidey: nice. At first he says, I'll give you 60 seconds.

anyone who's left in here, I'm gonna fucking kill you.

But anyone who runs, that's

fine. You can

Reegs: [00:52:00] fine. You can go.

Dan: he puts,

Sidey: And I'd say it's probably about,

Dan: one

Sidey: I dunno, there's maybe 60 or so people in there at first. Yeah. Maybe about half of them run

off.

Reegs: of them run straight

Sidey: rest of the band are playing. And

Reegs: And then he does, and then as he gets closer, he is a bit like, no, I, I am gonna do this. Like, and, and a few more run off and

Dan: He, he puts an early one in his Holiness

Sidey: When someone runs towards him, someone runs towards him and he kneecaps him. Yeah. And then he shoots his holiness to the shoulder.

And then he says, no, I I'm gonna fucking kill you all. And they just sit there and then we just get this sequence of him just walking up to people and just fucking

Dan: It's a really,

Cris: and re

Reegs: every learn, every now and then his gun misfires and if it misfires, you're judged to be

okay.

Sidey: said he, he sort of washed the gun to say, go

and one or two go and one stays. And he is like,

okay,

Reegs: yeah, it's there. Yeah. She just stays with, after the misfires all, fuck you. Then she's

Sidey: He probably kills

25 to 30 people here

Just with head shots. Just, it is like,

Reegs: [00:53:00] it's an amazing

Dan: really patiently,

Reegs: Mm-hmm.

Sidey: And and

Cris: both patients from both sides.

Sidey: The film sort of positions it in a way that it's just. it's Just really matter of fact, he's just like walking, up to execute, execute,

execute. Yeah. And

you're like, what the

Reegs: But it goes on quite a long time, just, just due to the sheer volume, the fact that he has to reload several times.

The fact that the gun jams.

Sidey: Yeah.

I think,

Cris: I think also the, the music,

Sidey: because she,

Dan: Well, the band,

Sidey: because he does the band

Reegs: Play on. Yeah. They're last,

Cris: the last one

Sidey: I, I was like, This is like the band on the Titanic sort

Reegs: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's

Sidey: the band last and it's everyone, every musician apart from the singer.

'cause she's there playing the acoustic guitar, she's

Dan: she, she being the pregnant mistress of his

Sidey: And

Dan: they fall together in some kind of symbolic,

Cris: Yeah. When they get killed, they kind of look into each other's face or eyes

Dan: gesture. And yeah, he, he's gone through the lot of them in the end. Apart from a few comedy ones that just run [00:54:00] off as you say, one or two of them the gun jams and then they decide to run.

Reegs: No, they're judged to be free. I think. He like, he's like, well, you know, it was in fate's hands and fate said You can go and off they go. And they accept that as well. Anyway, afterwards, he just gives himself up, doesn't he?

Sidey: He is like, well, my job here is done

Reegs: at the. At the

docks, I

Cris: to the ferry, there's a woman on the phone, on the ferry. He picks up the phone and he is like, I'm, and he's like, oh, Chen or whatever the, the police

Reegs: Chen. Yeah.

Cris: He's

like, oh, I, I'm giving

Sidey: up. No.

Cris: And

he, and then you see Ferry Taiwan and there's on, on docking into the harbor back.

And then he's, there's a million police officers, journalists, the media,

Reegs: Media circus.

Cris: And he's like, okay, well I give up. And he shouts. Chen, or I think it's Chen, I, I can't remember. He's like, ah, where are you? And, and the guy comes out and he's like, oh,

Reegs: it gives himself

Dan: the guy [00:55:00] that had originally chased him,

Reegs: and he's been on his case throughout this as well.

We didn't really talk

Cris: And then he shouts, I am Ian Kid, or

Reegs: kan kid. Yeah.

Cris: Or Ian y Chun or whatever his

Dan: he wants a bit of notoriety, doesn't he? He wants to be known as

Reegs: Taiwan's, number one gangster job

Sidey: done. Yeah. Now he's

he's gonna need a shave. He's gonna need

reconnect with what's her name I'm just gonna give him?

his final shave where he

sheds a

Cris: Chang. But no, because he gets a visitor. He, you see him and he is like, okay, you need, you got a visitor and he is a bit whatever. He looks a bit surprised and then he sees her and she's got shaved head.

Reegs: Yeah. She's the one, she's got a shaved

Sidey: head, She is ill

Reegs: and stuff. She's the one who's ill and she gives him the news that, you know,

Cris: Well, he knew

Reegs: had cancer.

He did

Cris: already because it's like, I got in here and I, they did a full medical and they told me I've never had cancer.

Reegs: So she lied in a sort of way because she knew she'd aid and abetted these people through the years. She sort of maybe masterminded this by [00:56:00] sending

Exactly. I think so. There was an element of that.

Cris: Well, that's why she says no. She's like, I've been helping all these criminals throughout the years.

Sidey: well, I'm

Dan: And I wanted redemption. And so I thought you handing yourself in might help me a little bit, but I couldn't understand the way it would go. IE him chasing after the number one, number two most wanted people and doing more good than he did harm.

Which is his kind of redemptive story. But he's, he's already done too much to be let off the hook. He's already

Sidey: he ain't getting out

Dan: getting let off the hook

Reegs: have capital punishment. Yeah.

Dan: And,

Sidey: this is how they do it.

This is how they

Dan: Well, they lie, they lie him down on a mattress

Sidey: Well, you get you get effectively a general or a, a, you know, a strong fucking

sedative

or whatever. But he

refuses it. He refuses it. Yeah.

But this is how, that is how it would happen. You would get a general or a whatever so that you don't feel the gunshot, but they lie you down and [00:57:00] they sh they

have a fucking,

Reegs: it's just a mattress on the floor.

Dan: feel the gunshot. I mean, fucking know.

It's back of the head. It's one

Sidey: No,

It's through the heart.

Reegs: in the heart. They have a doctor come on to listen for where his heart is. He draws a circle round it and it's a pistol pressed up again. I think. What if that like didn't kill him?

Sidey: I dunno, this is a fucking weird way to do it, but

Dan: kicks in, I guess.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: he refuses that and yeah, he's

Dan: and,

Reegs: but he has a little smile I think before he

Dan: Yeah, he does.

He,

Sidey: to be at

peace with himself.

Dan: He's

kind of at peace with

Sidey: with, he's also killed

Dan: End millions

Sidey: of

people.

Dan: End of movie.

Reegs: Yeah. So I really enjoyed this one.

It like flits between all sorts of different genres. Like we talked about, like thriller, actiony, black comedy, like rape, revenge, drama, cult horror. It's all of those things. It's lit really nicely. Lots of blues and greens and purples and reds. There's a great scene where he prays to his emperor before he goes on his rampage for like guidance about what he's gonna do.

Cris: didn't really understand the, the, the way the, those

Reegs: [00:58:00] little moonstones that he was throwing on the floor. No, I don't know. But that was a very significant scene

Sidey: I'd say culturally, that's probably beyond us, but maybe more significant if you're out that

way.

Reegs: Well, and it was a significant scene because there,

Sidey: goes on for quite a while, does it?

Reegs: Yeah, and there's a whole thing about like Taiwanese history and the independence from China because that's a deity that's worshiped both in China and Taiwan. So, and it's a, a deity that's about unity and that sort of thing. So there were probably heavy political messages in here that went way over my head, but just as a kind of story that is, it's really really good.

I really performances and good music as well. Sometimes jazzy, sometimes a bit shoe gazy

Sidey: bit of shoe gaze. Yeah.

Dan: Well. This literally got chosen because it had a snake in the title. But I really enjoyed this. Yeah, it was a hundred miles an hour from the beginning. As you said res it had touches of lots of, of different elements of films that we've [00:59:00] really enjoyed over the years. Taiwanese movies, if this is what they're about, then we should up.

Sidey: sign me up.

This was

Cris: good. Yeah. I, I,

Dan: check out a

Sidey: So like, you know, as, as a protagonist, you know, you're rooting for a.

fucking

mass murderer, you know?

Reegs: I

know, but it feels more like a, some sort of strange morality tale more than

Sidey: More Like all the cowboys

and all that sort of stuff. 'cause it did feel like, you know, it had a western element

to it. as well. You know, It could have

been a clint, you know, scared into a town and killing the, the local bad guy doesn't make you a good guy.

You're just a, another bad guy. I I thought it was great. Bonkers. fucking

great.

Dan: Bonkers

Cris: Yeah.

Look, cults you kill

Sidey: What'd you call me?

Cris: Yeah. You you kill everyone. The, the, the idea of walking into a police station to turn yourself in I'm not recognized instantly the, the. Almost like the, the

Sidey: the, ego is still by, the ego. Yeah.

Cris: like, oh, the ego.

And it's like, well, you dunno who I am. Oh no, I'm here to turn myself in, mate. There's another 25 people here [01:00:00] to turn themselves in. So relax,

and then he sees himself, his face, because he's third on the list. He's halfway broken. The other two are the ones with the big money and all that. The fact that he kills all the, the priests, the fact that he's double crossed by the, the person that he thought.

He's the only one that is the connection between the normal world and the underworld, the, the, the things that he puts in the, the oversized suit. Because if you look at it at the beginning,

Sidey: I did think about The suit and it was like,

Cris: doesn't look like it

Sidey: head.

Reegs: yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cris: The suit doesn't look like it fits him.

It doesn't fit

Sidey: It's David Burn. His shoulders are way too big. Yeah.

Yeah.

Cris: He looks like he borrowed his granddad suit. Yeah. And then the, the, the kid with the long hair at the beginning he's like, oh, the k cool kid, or Korean kid. He's like, you should stop calling me Kian kid. My name is Hun Kian or whatever, and bang, bang, bang.

And

the, the way the movie was filmed was even in the [01:01:00] sunshine spots was never too much light.

Reegs: Mm. Yeah. But also, right Hollywood. A lot of this movie, like a lot of Asian movies that we've watched is set at night and you can see everything like, and you know, like American movies recently sometimes and it's so badly for

Sidey: squinting or what? especially tv.

Reegs: Like, what the fuck? I can't watch this. It's too, yeah. So lit beautifully.

Cris: Yeah, it's good. And a shout of the girl. She was very pretty.

Sidey: And

yeah, strong lighting. Recommend.

Reegs: Yeah.

Dan: strong recommend.

Reegs: Strong

Cris: Recommend.

Strong. Recommend.

Sidey: this kids TV program is

Reegs: Patchwork Pals,

Sidey: and this is season two, episode 26. I Snake.

Reegs: And it's from Studio Film Builder, which is a German animation production house.

Sidey: Okay. Yeah. CBBs Mm-hmm. Is where you can find this it's a,

brisk four minute

thing.

Dan: It's,

it is a nice speedy episode.

Sidey: premise is

that it's a patchwork quilt. [01:02:00] Yeah. And every story is based on a different bit of the patchwork thing and the

different animals on each thing. And this one we are watching. is the Snake centric one.

Reegs: And that's all introduced in the intro song, which is like a little ukulele thing and a child singing and about the pals.

And they keep us safe at

Dan: which you can hear here. They can't.

Sidey: No, you

Dan: No, you can't. No.

Reegs: They keep us safe at night and happy in the day and they're always there to have some fun.

Sidey: fun. Yeah. I'd never seen this before, so I can't comment on what the other patchwork stories are like But this one

the snake

sort of sets on a off on a journey to visit the different patchwork creatures around

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Starts off with the bear. Yeah. Goes off to the, like the,

The

bee and the

mole

Reegs: The cat, the lady bird,

Sidey: and they're all pleased to see her. It's, a, it's a female snake. Yes. They're pleased to see the snake,

Reegs: but because she wants to visit

Sidey: doesn't, doesn't spend much time with any of them Necessarily. So they all get a bit disgruntled goat about that.

Reegs: Yeah. [01:03:00] Bear gets really me like, sort of entitled.

Sidey: Yeah. I thought, well, it's not really up to you. Like how long the snake sort of spends the fucking

Dan: It is just because he likes snake though. He

Sidey: Yeah, no, snake does seem like a Good, good time gal.

But what happens is that they well,

Reegs: they realize the snake is able to free itself from the patchwork

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: And straddle the boundaries of all the patchwork

Sidey: she forms. An infinity

Reegs: Yeah. Mobius strip.

Sidey: Yeah. Yeah,

Reegs: she does. And then they all cling onto her

and like revolve around the patches.

Sidey: of rudimentary

fairground,

ride. Yeah.

Dan: well, they've got, they've had fun, they've had low, more fun because snake is so long and

Sidey: because they, they zoom

out from the patch because you, get, And in you get the shot of the individual

Dan: That's right. So

Sidey: they zoom out and they realize. That this snake is actually still within each of

Dan: as they move from one window to, to the next,

Sidey: still with, all of them

Dan: is followed, but the [01:04:00] body is staying in each and then they get to visit each of their places and they have so much fun. They just like massive lulls.

Sidey: It's very wholesome.

Reegs: Very sweet. Yeah.

Sidey: all Go they all go back home to their individual patchworks, sort of

Dan: There's kind of a commentary over the top, isn't

Sidey: It's a child,

It reminded my misses of tumble leaf.

Reegs: Mm-hmm.

Sidey: The narration of it,

not the look of it. but the narration of

Dan: because there's

Sidey: the child's

voice over the top of it. It's very wholesome, very cutesy, sort of, everyone being friends

Dan: I really like this. I thought this would just be the kind of thing if you've got a toddler,

Sidey: young,

young kids.

Reegs: Perfect for young children. Should you let young children watch tv? You will do, won't you? 'cause you're lazy, aren't you? But let's be

Dan: Well, four minutes is, is plenty.

Sidey: Yeah. you need to queue up

about five or six episodes to make it really worthwhile.

Dan: If, if you want to, if you wanna get some, you know, the washing done or, or cooking the meal,

Reegs: Keep your numbers up.

Dan: these. Keep your [01:05:00] numbers up then you know, putting a few of these on

Sidey: genuinely is like a wholesomely good thing.

like it's nice the

Dan: It's not trying to sell you anything

Reegs: really nice aesthetic. It's got that kind of mix of cartoon and sort of seemingly real, like bits of fabric and

Sidey: was watching each animals, like what are they made of? and the Mole was like knitted together and they're all different kind of patchwork things, you know, made from leftover bits of fabric and whatever.

That's what they're supposed to

look like. yeah.

And it works like that. It looks good. The message is

Reegs: Very sweet. Yeah.

Sidey: it's good. It's sweet. Yeah. it's Sweet.

It's nice. Yeah.

Reegs: Oh, strong.

Sidey: Record And and it's four minutes long. Yeah. What could be finer?

Dan: Exactly. You know, if you want to, if it, if you are that kind of parent that says, look, you watch something and we watch something, you watch something, we watch something, you go, well this your four minutes now I'm gonna watch my two hour movie.

And then you get your four minutes again. This is just

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: Absolutely

Sidey: strong recommend,

Dan: Strong recommend as has been most of snake content.

Reegs: Snake week. Yeah.

Sidey: HaBO,

Reegs: strong snake content this week. It powered us [01:06:00] through the week.

Dan: Yeah, it is. It's been an absolute rattler of a of a week, really.

Sidey: I just didn't have any

rattlesnakes in the top five?

I don't think

Reegs: I thought about that noise, the rattlesnake noise in all the westerns that you just hear that.

Sidey: I think it might be Chris. who we can't hear anymore to nominate next week possibly. We'll figure it out. Yeah. But for now, all that remains is to say sadly signing out

Reegs: Riggs has left the building.

Dan: Snake bites. Fucked off. Zero fucks.

Sidey: Lara

Vid from Chris.

Lara.