For my wife's birthday I bought her a beautiful fridge freezer. I know it isn't much, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.*
In the real world, the humble fridge is a purely functional home appliance which transfers its internal heat to its external environment; cooling its interior in order to lower the reproduction rate of bacteria thereby maintaining the optimal temperature range for preservation of perishable food. In Hollywood however, a refrigerator may be a portal to hell, a gateway to another dimension, a fighters training camp or even a temporary nuclear bomb shelter. Thankfully we're (mostly) talking movies here at Bad Dads so we're sparing you any discussion we might have had about this utilitarian white good in favour of discussing the Top 5 Movie Fridges.
Our main feature tells a story as old as time itself, that of a talented and penniless surgical student, who when applying for a job in a strip club instead finds herself drawn into the fascinating and unusual world of extreme body modification before enacting a terrible revenge on the man who wronged her. Yes we've heard it all before but the Canadian twins Jen and Sylvia Soska (a.k.a. The Twisted Twins) bring a much needed feminine voice to the horror genre with their 2012 crime-revenge-thriller American Mary.
Far less wholesome is this weeks kids show, Blue Peter. From defecating pachyderms, subtle Marxist political messaging and cocaine-fuelled presenters through to more virtuous subjects such as viewer submitted art work and the besting of challenges thrust upon the eager presenters, this hotbed of depravity and staple of British children's television for more than 60 years has content that is wide ranging.
We're desperate for human contact! So come join us on Twitter - @dads_film - on Facebook or via email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Until next time, we remain...
*not my joke, I don't want to be done for copyright in-fridge-ment.
Reegs: Welcome to bad film review the podcast that is to move your reviews as Ian Brady was to childminding. So sit back and half lesson in Slack. Jordan difference as a bunch of dads chat about movies and kids TV. Gushing a wild river of bullshit for you to swim through open mouth. So you can savor the taste.
We're a trilogy once again, this week I'm reeks. Hello. We of course have the master of disaster, the count of Monte Festo, the wonderful Sidey and the ginger with intent to injure the creepy weasel Howie. Now for those listeners who are unfamiliar with Howie. Picture someone stupid, someone really impossibly, stupid, like literally going duh and grinning and dribbling and clapping their hands together, like a seal and wearing one of those beanie caps with a propeller on top.
Now keep that image in your mind's eye because unappealing is this notion or more on is he is still preferable to Howie once described as having a mind like a steel trap in as much as everything that enters. It ends up crushed and mangled beyond recognition.
And who does everything the hard way, like attempting to fuck while standing in a hammock. This is a man who is surely destined to live out his life, penniless and insane under a bridge prostituting himself and screaming about rainbows.
Howie: Who's to say, that's not me now.
Reegs: Good point. Good point.
Howie: Almost. I mean, I've almost achieved all of those. I've been putting all my goals into the work system and, and, and they, and they come up quite a few of them actually. I've got a lot of due dates to put them against, so I'll
Reegs: this time, next year
Howie: Well, this time, next year I could be under a bridge giving hand jobs to you for duckets wherever the currency is during the apocalypse that we go through.
Howie: Yeah. Yeah.
Reegs: here, there will be about onions.
Howie: I'm breeding. Duckets. I've got that because I'm re I got the duck it's from the book, the just JK Rowling's money, Nellis latest money spinner. I was reading that to my son this evening. And we've unfortunately got to the section where a man is going to strangle a little girl and throw her into the Marsh.
So that took an unexpected turn at bedtime. Yeah. So,
Reegs: It sounds kind of sexy.
Howie: It goes, it goes with your intro with them was murder, you know, that, that level of that level of subtlety.
Reegs: Anybody seen anything good this week?
Howie: Yeah. So grateful that you fucking had a go at me over John Carter. I really liked it. My kids love it.
Absolutely love it. And I read up about it that it was supposed to be part of a bigger series and it's also supposed to be 18 certificate because the comic books are pretty much new to T all the way and lots of game of Thrones, esque, death, and shagging, but they obviously dumbed it down for Disney with Taylor Curtch kit data to kitchen.
Sidey: massive flop.
Howie: Yeah. Huge. But it was It was mainly a flop due to them on Monday, they pumped into the marketing or something. Cause at the cinemas and stuff it did. All right. But it just didn't break.
Sidey: a pretty solid crushing by the critics when it
Reegs: Yeah. The cricket community were not kind.
Howie: Have you both seen it?
Reegs: I have,
Sidey: I haven't actually
Reegs: it's got Willem Defoe. Is this sort of green insect thing?
Howie: Yeah. A thug or something. Yeah. Something
Sidey: watched, or, well, I said like I started watching get hard. The name of your sex tape and also the name of the movie featuring will Farrel and Kevin Hart. I turned it off
Howie: Oh, I love it. I thought that was really funny. You just
Sidey: don't like Kevin Hart. She's the reason why I hadn't seen it to date. So That wasn't really did it for me. And it's a shit it's really shit.
They think that I did enjoy that it was Alison Brie, but she wasn't in it enough, so I may go back and finish it. But at the moment it's on the sort of the back burner,
Reegs: I, I don't really do Kevin Hart East kind of like yappy, small dog type. Is he high? Is he,
Sidey: four foot 11.
Reegs: Oh, the fact he's getting, he's getting a few inches on me. Name of my state.
Howie: Have you seen central intelligence with the rock and Kevin Hart
Reegs: I have actually seen
Howie: is that
Howie: yeah. It, it with, I, I'm going to forget what Dwayne Johnson's name is, that the character he plays, but it's not very pleasant. Yeah, I can see how Kevin Hart is annoying. I mean, I liked him in the Jumanji remakes.
Sidey: it did actually. I document those Dave's all right, reg see, watch. I think. Good.
Reegs: Yeah, we have just started watching the fifth season of this is us, which is this really sentimental us TV show, but it just treads the line. Of sort of being too cloyingly , sentimental because the plots are really well written and the acting is absolutely superb. It's got Sterling K Brown in it.
The I'm trying to think of what was he in. He was the bad guy in predators and a few other things. What, one of the things that's really interesting about this season is that it's been released after Corona virus and Corona virus is there COVID is there as a. Background to the story. So the characters wear masks and socially distance every now and then, but it's, it's there in the storyline, but as, as detailed.
So it's weird. Cause it's the first time I've watched something where it's reflected back, like how life has changed so much. And seeing it presented on screen is really interesting, but that's a terrific series. If you haven't seen it. It's definitely a good one for couples as well, because you'll all get something out of it.
Mandy Moore is in it. and Milo Ventimiglia beam 2 million
Sidey: I just, while we're talking, I've noticed you might have had a bit of a personal grooming, done their rigs.
Sidey: It looks like you've had a bit of a trim.
Howie: yeah, your politics are really shining. It's good that you,
Reegs: Have you, what do you think about this bit here? Yeah.
Sidey: the cancer treatment going?
Reegs: My, my wife I asked her to do me a number four all well, first of all, I showed her the picture of Timothy Oliphant from the Mandalorian. And I was like, that's the haircut I want, but she chickened out on that. So I said, can you just give me a number four all over?
I'm quite patchy has to be said, I've worn a hat to drop my daughter off at nursery every
Howie: she not put the garden? Because that's Green's slippage.
Reegs: I think I said, Oh, you know, get nice and close there, but yeah.
Sidey: you've tried to do some kind of fade, but it's
Howie: No, he was going for it. He was going for those what'd you call it trauma tramlines he used to have when you're about 14, 15
Sidey: a premier league
Howie: yeah. He's proper co
Sidey: I think we need some pictures, social media. I think you should get
Reegs: Oh, that's a good idea, actually. Yeah, I'll throw some of those up.
Sidey: because you did actually live stream it last time in there.
Reegs: I did.
Sidey: in the first lockdown.
Reegs: Yeah, I did. The back is pretty tragic as well. So
Sidey: Have you got mullet?
Reegs: not really a mullet, but I have got like,
Sidey: think you should have?
Reegs: yes, of course I do. Do you remember Ned's atomic dustbin and the guy had like a totally shaved head and like some really long strands coming out.
That's kind of what I've got going on in patches over my, I had.
Sidey: anyhow. Did we have any nominations to complete last week's top five,
Reegs: We did we?
Sidey: which was terrible movie VFX.
Reegs: Yes. Our nominations were.
Sidey: Are you going to make me do that? Okay. Hang on. Blade to the mummy returns. It's giant claw, which is a spectacular one and die another day
Reegs: Yeah. We also had
Sidey: a few shouts online as
Reegs: it did. Yeah. Darren lethally called that one out for us. Cat herder gave us Highlander. Which is a really good shout and two movies. I haven't actually seen which bridge to, to wrap it there. And Marley and me, I don't know whether you guys have seen them.
Howie: yeah. I got a nomination from a friend, which was all.
Reegs: Yeah. I might pick that one week for us to review. So.
Sidey: it was on my radar as well. And we also had trope storm has podcast nominated Lego last, all the legalese stuff and the Hobbit movies.
Reegs: Yeah, it's a terrific show. Isn't it? Cause it does look awful.
Sidey: So, what are we going to go for?
Howie: I think Lego less is not bad.
Reegs: and I can, I see it's pretty good.
Sidey: especially after the highs of the
Howie: Yeah, how could they have stooped so low with the same production company and with a similar budget would have thought as well.
Reegs: All right soon.
Sidey: like a last hope it may be it's done. Right. Let's plow straight into this week's appliance related top five
Reegs: Yes. Yeah. It's top five movie fridges.
Sidey: strong topics to be
Howie: well, I mentioned to you on texts that I've got an interesting story about a fridge in Korea, the, the most interesting fridge that I've ever come across, and it was kind of extreme inextricably linked to the TV channels that were available to the room that we stayed. Yeah. So previous podcast, contributor, Pierre, or Peter, and I were traveling in Korea and we stayed in our FIFA recommended hotel.
FIFA recommended probably by SEPP Blatter himself, based on what we found where is the room? Lovely room. Double beds, two double beds. Thank God. And then a fridge and a TV. And I was like, I'm absolutely gagging for Satan's drink here. And Pete and I opened the fridge and Pete turned, I, sorry, I opened the fridge.
Pete turned on the TV. We had 99 channels of porn, which, which was, which was obviously a real, real. Plethora of choice. And then the fridge I've never actually been in a fridge where every shelf was occupied with a menu card with butt plugs and dildos, and, and, and there was, why would you keep, but plugs and dildos cold?
Is that extra sensation or is it for freshness? Yeah, probably a good point.
Reegs: I guess.
Sidey: a, did you have a nice stay there then?
Howie: Oh, well, we, we booked an extra week and got our laundry done every day, but yeah
Reegs: Hello freaky. Did you get it or was it like, Oh, you just nip out for 20
Howie: But I just remembered something else about it. So P and I overs thought it was quite amusing and we left the hotel to go find some food. The hotel reception, the entire back of the reception was stacks and stacks of pornos. So if you didn't have enough porn on 99 channels of porn and you hadn't used enough of the ref, the Dodo fridge, not to worry, there's always a VHS library collection behind them, of every other porn that you could have seen.
Sidey: And the name of his hotel.
Howie: It was a code, something Blatter SAB, something backhand.
Sidey: Riggs faraway with some fridge nominations.
Reegs: Yeah, I, the first one I thought of was 1980 fours, Ghostbusters Dana Barrett has a demon God and a hell dimension hidden in her fridge.
Howie: No, it's not. It's a pink Floyd album cover.
Reegs: One thing that proceeded this was it. And then in the scene later on, so she, she, there's a terrifying scene where the eggs start cooking on the.
Counter themselves. And then she opens the fridge and the dog's in there. It's all. Later she's sitting in a chair at home after a hard day and the chair then suddenly sprouts arms and sort of propels her towards the fridge. One thing I noticed, and I even noticed this as a kid is that one of the hands just comes right out and grabs her boobs
Reegs: grabs her boobs.
Howie: special effects extras.
Howie: that's the scene that they now cut when they show Ghostbusters pre eight o'clock
Reegs: well, the grab the body stuff
Howie: Yeah, the chair grabbing sane.
Reegs: because it's purvey
Howie: for the horror element.
Howie: Cause they'd go there. They knock it down to a PG,
Sidey: yeah, that's, that is one of the first ones I thought of as well. It's a iconic fridge moment. Howie what you got
Howie: I'll go for the next obvious one Indiana Jones and the crystal skull Jones inadvertently runs away from those damn Ruskies into a fake town, about to be basically nuked. He handily, he finds it hides inside. One of those led line, 1950s, American fridges and survives both a nuclear atomic blast and multiple somersaults down.
As the blast hits, plus he escapes getting any form of radiation poisoning. Now that is really on the, if you had one of those stickers that you get on appliances with the energy star ratings, you know, like a plus plus plus plus that's got a degree that's gone beyond the classic GCSE level of grading.
That's a first honors. Now a bit of me because obviously I'm as thick as picture. It believes that that's actually going to happen. If you were to get an OLED lined coffin and effectively.
Sidey: why is it that, like, why is the fridge led light? No fruit.
Reegs: the fifties.
Howie: insulation and everything
Reegs: they had led everywhere in the fifties. And then he was like, what do you want for lunch today? What do you want for lunch? I'm going to have lead. I'm going to have some led pleases let everywhere. I, you can find a lot of nerds arguing about whether or not this is plausible online.
Sidey: it's not possible.
Howie: is it
Sidey: this is fucking terrible. It's Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal disappointment. It's fucking shit. just slightly dizzy. When he basically survives the fucking I have a nuclear detonation. It's bullshit.
Reegs: leads to it absolutely tremendous visual. When he stood up looking at the nuclear bond, like it's a beautifully shot scene now out of the two creative geniuses that worked on the Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. Who do you think the idea of indie hiding in the fridge can be attributed to?
Sidey: Mr. Lucas I'd
Reegs: Yeah, of course it was.
Yeah. The implausible ridiculous. Yeah
Sidey: I have got another lead lined fridge for your viewing pleasure. It's a razor. The Aish Swartz generic action movie. He goes to rescue Vanessa Williams from her house and the bad guys have x-ray scopes attached to their super high powered rifles. so they use the led lined fridge to disguise where they're hiding because.
The scopes are nullified that, that x-ray vision is blocked by this magical led lined fridge that fucking no fridge has ever had lead in. It just let's be absolutely clear doesn't happen so they should have died. They should have died.
Howie: after this part, I will look into Americana, fifties fridges, and I bet
Sidey: wasn't a, this wasn't fifties, this was nineties.
Howie: I always worry. Cause they, they, they have in films often like a bullet and someone will open up a camera, which film it is, but they open a fridge and the bullet takes away the deflection
Sidey: I got that. Got that one
Howie: yeah, it
Reegs: is that
Sidey: gross point blank.
Howie: Oh, but would it.
Sidey: fight. He runs in, opens the fridge door. Do you get these bullets pepper bang and hit the hit the fridge door. That is a bonafide legitimate saving. From a fridge, not a nuclear Holocaust and it looks cool. And it sounds cool when they pull it, set it and do that.
And then when the guy pears, Randy obviously gets gunned down really quickly by John Q sacks. Fucking cool.
Reegs: John Cusak actually features in one of my nominations. Weirdly, which is the Stephen King adaptation, 1408. Anybody seen that movie?
Howie: Is that the room
Reegs: basically about a haunted room in a hotel. And it has John cusecs screaming over and over. What do you want, what do you want? At a fridge and then beating it up.
Howie: we've all been there.
Reegs: The one I wanted to talk about was another one that I thought of. And it's stretching the concept of fringe quite far. A fridge too far. Rocky's special training routine in the first movie, it consists of him. He's beating his meat. He's actually beating Paulie's meat. Yeah, you're quite right.
Howie: He's tenderizing and beating the meat.
Reegs: Yeah. It's one of the scenes that you think of. It was also apparently really horrible on Sylvester Stallone's hands.
Howie: If he gets rib, if he hits the bone it's I can't think of any reason why you would do that.
Reegs: And in Rocky, you know, Apollo underestimates Rocky's tenacity and how hard his training and Duke who later of course comes onto the Rocky team. He picks up on it when he sees Rocky training in the meat locker. He's noting how serious he looks and it, of course it's pride. It's Apollo's pride that gets him defeated or got himself in trouble, at least in the first round.
Howie: I'm going to go for a film that a watch with the kids about two years ago, but still makes me go whenever I watch it with them. It's a particular scene and it's the Goonies. And it's the scene in the basement freezer where chunking the boys accidentally on chasing the fraternities, go into a house and they stumble across, I think they're looking for ice cream maybe and chunk opens the freezer and this fuck. Yeah, and there's fucking body falls on top of them.
Howie: he's and chunk gets kind of trapped in there
Howie: with the corpse and it's, this is a kid's film. Right. And they might have questions like. I'm answering like, Oh, I think he's just he's frozen. He's frozen. He's been in there so long. He's frozen, solid, not he's been nailed and stripped of all his life by the fatalities and then shoved in a freezer.
That film has other weird stuff. If you really look into it, the Goonies, you can go a long way. Things like one eyed, Willy and all that stuff.
Sidey: Some quite pervy stuff with a guy. Like I remember the name of it. There's lots of upscale stuff. And then
Reegs: then she gets off with the 12 year old. So she's a PD
Sidey: paid. I
Reegs: and then data's just a horrible racist stereotype as well. There's always that
Sidey: Hello back to the future three Meek's favorite ever Western doc, it transpires doc has actually invented, although it is actually a freezer but there's this enormous contraption that he's got going on in this big barn. And we don't know exactly what it is. And then it was into life and it shakes and buzzes away.
And in the end, Filthy looking block of ice. No single ice scape comes out at the end of it to put in his whiskey, but it pretty much must be the invention of the, the fridge freezer. I would have thought
Howie: Yeah. How we got those CFC gases together in wild West, wherever the fuck he is.
Reegs: Yeah, it was also a colossal waste of time because in the West pioneers bought snow down from the mountains and stored them in insulated ice chambers underground. So refrigeration was a thing back in those
Howie: You learned that or frozen didn't you.
Reegs: no, I, I learned off the internet.
Sidey: Back to the future, the actual time-traveling device was originally going to be a fridge, not the DeLorean.
Reegs: Is that true?
Sidey: that's true. Yeah. They changed it because they didn't want those kids trying to
Howie: Get into
Sidey: it at home. So they use the DeLorean instead.
Howie: What a fucking terrible film that would have been.
Reegs: It would have been very different that's for sure.
Howie: my God.
Reegs: Another one to watch with the children is. Nine and a half weeks things get a little bit steam.
Sidey: much cut it. It's so it's so time you could watch that with the kids.
Reegs: So when Mickey Brock and Kim Bassinger, who is probably the hottest woman in the world at that point and they do some food sex stuff, which I think was briefly a thing that people did in whenever this was the late eighties or the nineties, but the mess. Yeah,
Howie: is nothing. There is nothing erotic about strawberries. How
Sidey: the, it's the honey. No, fuck off absolute mess. It must be there. Yeah. The Alan Partridge scene where she tries to put chocolate mousse on him
Howie: Jamal defy. Do you mind if I talk through this, it
Sidey: You got it on the balance.
Howie: Dottie protest.
Sidey: nine and a half weeks. If you compare Mickey Rourke, then to Mickey
Howie: Oh, in the wrestler?
Sidey: it's two fucking different people.
Is his and his hands.
Howie: yeah, that's some star that's from
Reegs: Wait. He was a boxer. He was a boxer for a long time. So he broke his hands really horribly, but boxing.
Howie: look at the fingers, it's to do the size of the cuticles, you know, the ends and that's to do with substance abuse, which is used to enhance himself specifically for things like the wrestler which I've checked.
I've just taped that on sky last night. Cause I've only seen it once. And I thought it was a cracking film.
Sidey: Yeah, that's pretty good.
Reegs: King pin as well, the sexy bowling distraction from what is it, Claudia. Is that her name? And then of course what's his name? He's gone completely insane now. Isn't he? Randy.
Howie: Oh, yeah. He's he joined various right-wing
Reegs: Oh, it's just gone completely. He basically turned into his character from independence day. but yeah, he, he then reaches into the fridge to get Woody Harrelson, Roy Munson, a beer and Curt and reveals his nipples, various deductively
Howie: My next one is the fridge in drastic park. One that the fat dude, snuffles all the DNA samples into a pot and then makes his way haphazardly in an attempt to get to the port to sell the DNA samples of the dinosaurs
Reegs: Well in that it's in a Coke. No, it's not Coke. Can, is it? It's
Howie: a night.
Sidey: of Arizona thing.
Howie: Yeah, it's a what'd you call it a nitrogen. Cause it's super
Reegs: so what you were saying, that's a fridge. All right. Okay.
Howie: I isn't that the latest thing that foodies do nowadays, they'd use nitrogen on things and stuff like that, or blow
Sidey: it to make ice cream. You get ready to get ice
Howie: There we go. There we go.
Sidey: They, you got smaller ice crystals as the scientific reason.
Howie: look at you agriculturalist.
Howie: But I, I particularly liked that scene from a tech point of view because it's speeches, Samuel L. Jackson mashing a keyboard claiming that his entire unit systems locked out. And it's amazing how you haven't said the magic word. Yeah. I don't know anybody that's ever locked their password and had a message like that.
Other than they've said to them, fuck site. Oh, what the fuck is the help desks number? I don't fucking know how to get into a fucking computer fuck sake. A swear. It had an estimation Mark at the end of it or something like that. And then he meets obviously a horrible end. Where those contents fall into the slurry of some waterfall, because that weird lizard King thing spits ghoul over his chops,
Howie: that also links into something I really get annoyed at in films is when people get out of cars in the rain and they don't do their fucking coats up.
And they're you want me? I'm like, just do your hood up. You silly comes, put your hood up, zip, zip up. You won't feel the shit. And they're fucking flailing away. Ah, Personal personal choice there, but stupid as fuck.
Sidey: I have go fight club.
Sidey: The fridge is the device that the narrator uses to detonate his apartment.
Reegs: well, it's not, is it? That's the story they give to the FBI or whatever, but it was homemade explosives, but yeah, it was the compressor from the fridge.
Sidey: they tell. Yeah. You got the nice tracking shot. It tracks the whole wave to the back of the fridge and you see it go up. Yeah. Like say it's a, it's a, it's an alternate fact. that, is that how we say it these days?
Howie: Fake news, fake news.
Reegs: You got some more?
Howie: I've got one last one. I've got American psycho where he keeps a blonde's head in the freezer, the fridge freezer, and he opens the fridge and very casually asks his guests if they'd like some more sorbet. He's got a head in a plastic bag next to, I think it's a tub of Ben and Jerry's sorbet or something, but it's so nonchalantly done.
It's like, it's nothing really.
Reegs: Terminator two has the scene where the T 1000 is impersonating his foster mother, and then she kills the foster husband foster father through the milk carton. The Muppets has the S the 2011 reboot has the chef committing genocide by taking a flame thrower to the molding, crusted and talking contents of the fridge that hadn't been used in years when they're doing the the place up.
And it has bills, scars, guards, it crammed into a fridge like no other kind of contortionists you've ever seen any sort of twists himself horribly as he comes out of the fridge. It's a good one.
Sidey: Oh, well, well, joker has has also fridge inhabitants
Reegs: yeah, he improvised that.
Sidey: Yeah, they, they just sat there. They just set the room up to be Able to allow him to improvise. And one of the scenes that he did was just, it cleared all the shelves out of the fridge got around and closed the door and that they can't die in the movie.
I've also got Requiem for a dream
Sidey: One of the most challenging movies, just to sit through a film about addiction and, and Berston is addicted to diet pills and become so paranoid that she has hallucinogenic nightmares, that the fridge is alive and coming to get her it's.
It's a fucking challenging one, not one. I, I had to watch that about three or four different goes it's fucking hot.
Reegs: I have got a couple more. I did come across an ongoing film festival in East London. I'm sure it's not going on right now. But built primarily out of discarded refrigerators, which I think was quite cool. They played Rocky chariots of fire and cool runnings. So yeah. Good movies on a very.
Odd setting couple more that I had iron man three legs will be fine. As long as they're off screen says Tony stark, as he holds a freezer door to stop an explosion. There is also short circuit too, which had horrible racist stereotype. Ben Jarvey locked in a Chinese restaurant freezer by the bad guys.
And they sort of. Get rescued, but not before the requisite talk and coming to terms with one another Cato memorably ambushed someone from a fridge in return of the pink Panther. And my last one is going to be Jason X. In 2010, the authorities have been doing everything in their power to rid the world of the unstoppable evil force that is Jason Vorhees deciding that nothing else will work.
They choose to cryogenically, freeze him to keep the world safe. And then predictably things don't go plat to plan and he ends up being frozen in space for 445 years, and then ending up on a spaceship, killing everyone,
Howie: Oh, missed that one.
Sidey: he finds the plant in a discarded fridge, which is utter bullshit because we really expected to believe that a plant with germinate under those conditions.
Reegs: and no light in that.
Howie: but didn't we
Sidey: sunlight, no watching.
Howie: at school with a bean?
Sidey: Wait, is it blotting papers and water to me, you make crass, but this is the, this is not the way you propagate this know that is not the right.
You know, there's no soil, there's no sunlight. There's no war watering. It's utter bullshit. The whole integrity of that film shot to pieces in one fell swoop. I've also got maximum overdrive.
Reegs: Oh, the Stephen King one.
Sidey: King. He actually directed it as well. It's a passing comment. It makes all these appliances come to life.
And that the little league coach is having a moment with the vending machine and it starts firing cans of soda at him. First one comically hits him in the nuts and then they get more violent, but they eventually start firing and hitting him in the head and he dies. He is actually killed by the vending machine. And then finally for me, I've got Monty Python, the meaning of life. John Cleese opens the fridge and he's in the room with Terry Jones at the one who died recently.
Sidey: And Eric idle climbs out of the fridge and sings the meaning of life song.
Sidey: It's that, one's just more of a collection of skits, really that film, but I still really like it.
Howie: I've never seen the life of Brian.
Reegs: What? Wow. Okay. Well, let's watch that then.
Sidey: I actually prefer Holy grail personally, but
Reegs: Well, that's okay. They're both really good.
Sidey: Yeah. There's some like absolutely classic fucking all time comedy lines in life of Brian.
Reegs: Yeah, they really are. How about, she's still got loads more, most of them from horror movies, most of them being the same, the same sort of thing as body parts in fringes or that sort of thing.
Sidey: There are actually some movies specifically about refrigerators. So attack of the killer refrigerator, shake, rattle, and roll is about a killer fridge. And so is the refrigerator I believe, but I've not, I've not seen any of those three.
Reegs: No F the refrigerator is now. I haven't, I did come across the refrigerator and thought the central premise of the fridge containing a portal to hell is something that would interest me. So maybe I will look at it, but it was only ever released on VHS. I'm sure it's on some streaming services.
The tagline for the refrigerator is amazing. The
Howie: a Dick. If you watch this.
Reegs: no survivors only leftovers.
Howie: Oh my
Reegs: She's just amazing.
Howie: I wonder how screwed your Netflix algorithm would be if you just kept on typing refrigerator? Like what the fuck is it going to be finding
Sidey: Did you have any more? You wanted to mention me, so shall we whittle it down?
Reegs: Let's wait, let down,
Sidey: Go then. Shoot.
Reegs: Rocky, cause I love rookie. It's a great movie.
Howie: Okay. Go Goonies.
Sidey: it's a good show. Actually. I hadn't even thought that one I'm going to go for. Oh, that's back to the future three.
Reegs: nice. And then we need one more or should we let two in from the
Sidey: no. It's you
Have to. I see it. So
Reegs: all right. Kingpin
Howie: All right. Can I know what the viewer's choice will be?
Sidey: So that gives us the top four of Rocky Goonies back to the future three and kingpin. That's a fucking good list in it. all right. Main feature rigs you have used up your horror credits on this week's nomination. What was it?
Reegs: This was the Sauskia sisters. American Mary which is a 2012 horror crime revenge, thriller set in the burgeoning underground culture of body modification. It stars Isabelle, someone, and
Sidey: Catherine Isabelle.
Reegs: Catherine Isabelle as Mary Mason, the titular American Mary. She plays a young medical student whose need for money, leads her to pursue a job as a stripper.
And she meets Billy Barker, a strip club owner over the course of this impromptu job interview where she brings her own CV, which I quite liked for a stripper's job. The belly, the club owner has urgent need of a medical professional to patch up a guy in the club basement. This is presumably where you bowed out straight away Howie.
Howie: What I did was I watched it in bets part by part and my
Sidey: as in, you were in bed or
Reegs: Yeah, I watched it in bits.
Howie: but, but what it led me to realize, and, and I'm sure Dan, if he was with us at this moment in time, Would agree with me is that I did some research about horror films and the sorts of people that like them. Now, some research suggests that certain personality types and individuals who are high or low on some psychological trait may seek out horror or violent material for gratification.
Those who have significant exposure to frightening films, enjoy joy, danger, more and enjoyed happy endings, less. And finally. Gold watches are likely to be men to identify with the killer in films and those Cape carrying out the violence. And they're slightly to identify with the victim. The main personality traits include abnormal sinister and unpleasant aspects of behavior for such traits are Makaveli Makaveli elitism.
Narcissism psychopathy and sadism high psychopathic scores have been associated with preference for graphically violent horror movies.
Howie: I fucking do not like horror films and
Sidey: that thing that you said that about, about blokes that this film. Flips out and its head because it's written and directed by two women, but that the star, the protagonist is a woman that the victims are essentially all male.
Reegs: Hey. Oh, the reason why I chose it actually Sid, cause I thought it was a refreshing take on the genre. And I actually don't like, especially the more gory, like anything that's torture porny. And I think hostel is the one that treaded the line too much for me. Although there are some interesting things in that maybe, but they are allows you to play out interesting thematic content.
Howie: Body modification,
Reegs: Well, that was another reason I kind of wanted to watch the movie. I think that is an interesting subculture. It's something I could never do.
Sidey: what prompted your haircut?
Howie: Was she sticking boats onto your skin? Is that why there's that bull patch?
Reegs: No, I, I, did you ever have piercings any of you to none? I had eyebrow and ear done mutt in a longer life long ago, but this stuff is of a whole new level and I admire the commitment to expression that these people go through, even if I
Howie: Write poetry. If you want to express yourself, write poetry, don't staple your nipples to your ball sack. That's what you don't need to do.
Sidey: how many, how, how much of this did you actually watch?
Howie: I've I've I know the film I've, I've pretty much watched all of it. I reckon about 80% of it. I was going literally, I had it on low volume during the day. And when there were bits I couldn't tolerate, which is most of the surgery, I just kind of looked
Sidey: well, so
Reegs: I thought this
Sidey: her stitching up a Turkey, doesn't
Reegs: yeah. Which was one of the most graphic scenes in the whole movie.
Sidey: Then we got the introduction, terror lecture. Well, you know, we could tell she's quite smart, but we know that she's got no money.
Reegs: Okay. It's got the lecturer. His name is Dr. Alan Grant, which is the same name as the doctor in Jurassic park, played by Sam, Neil and I, there was nothing to suggest that they weren't the, exactly the same character.
Sidey: What do you want to be going back to dressy park? Anytime soon?
Reegs: No, he was played by one of those guys that you go. I know that guy. And I looked over his TV credits and he's been in absolutely everything under the sun.
Howie: And CIS, something like that.
Reegs: but he was dreadful. He was, he was dreadful much like virtually everybody in this movie and the acting
Sidey: I said, as in performance wise or just the character.
Reegs: Well, yes, both.
Sidey: So Mary goes for this innovative commerce job interview.
Sidey: She strips for him and she was indeed rather easy on the eye, but when this sort of dormant, bouncy type fella bursts in and says, we've got a fucking cluster fuck going on. I wasn't sure if that was a body mod thing gone wrong, or it was, they were just like a sort of back
Reegs: I think that was some. No, I think he was neither. Actually. I thought I threw it there. They were a bit sort of gang land D gangstery and I think they'd beaten somebody up and it had gone a bit too far
Howie: yeah, they just did smashed him up too much and needed to get him back out on the street, I suppose,
Sidey: Lucky lost an eye.
Reegs: it did look like he'd lost an eye here.
Sidey: This, this was, I thought the most bloody gory bit. I could see why you had sort of chosen this moment to, to take a leap Powerade, because I sort of fared the worst that this was going to be. It was only going to get worse from here when in fact, actually this was the worst that it, that it got, there was some scenes of.
Yeah, torture stuff, but it wasn't bloody. And it was more ludicrous. You know, this was, is this could have been a real person on a bed, you know, they were beaten or whatever, whereas later on it just became kind of, you know, beyond the realms of
Howie: well, I don't know, think. Part of me, didn't like the concept, particularly squeamish towards that form of piercings and stuff like that. And then there's other aspects of the film, which I found really quite not, well, we'll go onto the, where she's attacked by a lecture and stuff like that. And I just don't like it just those scenes.
I just felt it's with the film. It wasn't a fantastic film. Full-stop unlike. And I, and even though I'm squeamish, there was those films that we've seen with scenes in that you just accept as part off because the film is good enough to carry on. And the shock value is somewhat different in its context.
Whereas this is purely based around that subversive underground
Sidey: to be written well to be effective. And I think the problem with this was it was, I think some of the things were just chucked in there for baby some shock value or there was, you know, some of the characters decisions were a bit ham-fisted for example, Mary herself. I thought that her decision to bail out of college and go straight into this world of Bollywood just happened in a blink of an eye really.
The only thing that fucking really bug me and still bugs me about the film is the fact that her lecturer phoned her up to complain about her not being at college. Do you think the fuck's he got to do with you? I suppose it's cause he was a rapist, but like I would've got hoofed at a university in about the first week.
If they were phoning up, people say, why are you at your why aren't you at your lectures? I mean, what the hell.
Reegs: so anyway, listen, we can slug it all off at the end, but let's just quick recap the story. Cause I think the story on paper, at least it's interesting enough to generate
Sidey: Yeah, that's true.
Reegs: So Mary gets offered $5,000 to perform this emergency surgery. No questions asked which she does. And then she sort of spends the next few days sort of terrified at home with a baseball bat on the couch, waiting for people to kick down her door.
The only person who does VA visit her is. Beatrice Johnson played by Tristan Tristan, Tristan risk. She's a stripper at the club where Mary applied and she's had very extreme plastic surgery to make herself look more like
Howie: Betty burger.
Reegs: Betty B. Yeah.
Sidey: She phones up a bunch of times first out of the blue doesn't she? And she said, no. And then I think there's a, there's a doorbell or knock at the door and actually it goes out and then does something, she lets us out into the GAF and I was sort of like, Oh my God, you know, this is where it's going to start getting fucking twisted.
But it really is just just another proposition to do some more surgery. Isn't
Reegs: Yes. She offers her a huge sum of money. I can't remember exactly how it is because it how much it is. Cause it keeps getting added on to doesn't it it's like two grand just to show up and have a
Sidey: yeah, I think it was 15 grand to do it, but two grand, just to turn up and hear him out.
Reegs: And Mary who is struggling financially Down's a glass of wine and then accepts the gig, which I found quite amusing. So she goes to meet in a veterinary clinic. Ruby real girl, who is somebody who's had possibly even more extreme body modification surgery to sort of look like a real life.
Howie: there's an element of horrible truth in that I looked into I F I thought I'd heard some stories about that. There are various veterinary surgeries that double up. As unofficial plastic surgery clinics. So it started off with them doing things like Botox and stuff like that because they use Botox on animals for muscular injuries or something.
And then it's progressed to this world that the film's on about, which is horrific vets are allegedly used by the underworld to carry out medical procedures. On people, such as the dude that had the shit kicked out of him at the start, because there's less questions to be asked and they have medical
Reegs: That was in a movie I saw recently, maybe it was two guns. I can't remember, but I saw that exact thing play out in a movie. You know, that you've been, that you've had surgery in Yvette when they ask you to wear a flea collar
Howie: Panting and they put a thermometer out. You're also.
Reegs: And that Ruby real girl, she wants to have very extreme surgery on top of her multiple extreme surgeries.
She would like to have her nipples removed all of her external genitalia removed and then partially have her Volver sort of stitched over. What did you think about that?
Howie: isn't that what you had done when you were 13 to realize that you were action, man, and you could walk around as the real GI Joe.
Reegs: Well, that is essentially yes.
Sidey: she wants to be like a doll. She wants to have the sexual element of her life removed.
Reegs: She's seen as an object already a sexual object. And so she's taking that to its logical conclusions in some ways,
Sidey: not a great hit with our husband that move,
Reegs: no, as we shall see
Sidey: but we do, we do get to see some of the operation, Obviously not between the legs, but we see the netball's getting drawn on and then scalpels and whatnot. It's tightened. I
Reegs: fairly tame. I think there are people who watch those, like accident in emergency shows the real life stuff that, and you see things at least as graphic as that. And I can't watch that stuff. I have to say.
Sidey: no, but it's
Reegs: I can't watch that when it's real. And there is something very different about exploring something in a safe space, like a movie, but watching, I would never watch any of that voyeuristic.
Howie: she's the opposite of me.
Reegs: Yeah. Because you're just the fucking scum because that's like, here's a real person in pain and trauma.
Howie: No, but I'll watch
Reegs: I'll enjoy that. I'll I'll watch that for gratification.
Howie: Oh yeah. Well, I'm the person that doesn't watch, like an operation with a fucking techno house track in the background and like dramatic cutaways and CPR lighting, fuck off. I'll watch, I'll watch accident and emergency or something and see it.
And it will be incredibly interesting. And I'll talk my son through it and I'll go look at that checkout or they've done that. And he finds that
Reegs: wait, you're what your kids are watching surgery
Howie: They've seen it. They've seen some, they love it. Dr. Pimple popper as well, or the
Sidey: Oh, I love
Reegs: I like that too.
Howie: the squeezing all the blackheads out.
Sidey: spend hours on
Howie: yeah, but I think it's because the film makes your imagination thing. Exactly what society kind of said, Oh God, what's going to happen next. So surgical things in a safe environment
Reegs: With absolutely no consequences for those real people.
Howie: it well. Yeah, but the thing is that they're not going to show someone dying
Reegs: well they do. They, they do show that stuff on those shows though. I've seen, you know, anyway, I don't like those things. I think they're worse, a lot worse than the horror movies. Anyway.
Sidey: in this big quickly, then almost, almost sort of like a montage moment of now she's, she's fully into this world now. She's sort of working from home clinic thing that she's got set up now and she's She's very, whereas before she was shy and lacking in confidence, now she's getting people in and if they're vanilla and they, their tastes are just a bit of piercing or whatever, she's fucking gout, you know, I don't do that sort of shit here.
She's got to stuff, a nickname of bloody Mary online.
Reegs: was a much better name for the movie, by the way, why didn't they call this movie bloody American? Mary doesn't really make any sense, especially considering it was filmed in Canada with a completely Canadian cast.
Howie: Yes. Yeah, that's a good point, actually. Good. Yeah.
Sidey: Yeah. I
Howie: Is there a character?
Sidey: pictures of those people who do the tongue split.
Howie: Oh, I've seen the bloke.
Sidey: seen it actually work. And the way that
Reegs: Yeah, that was amazing. Wasn't
Sidey: put a bit of paper or a business card in between and they properly grab it and stuff. And that was the most,
Howie: Fucking tendrils. Have you seen the bloke? Who's had both of his cheeks. He's had holes cut in and you can see him eating say,
Sidey: noisy eaters. So that'd be a real problem for me.
Howie: please chew with your face closed.
Sidey: she's got her own clinic now to such a degree success is now that she has to. Take a bigger premises.
Reegs: that's correct. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
Sidey: and she's, she's started to get a real portfolio of images together. And things start to take a bit of a darker turn around this sort of portion of the
Reegs: same time as she's becoming successful in their private life, she's suddenly noticeably more flush with cash. And I think Dr. Alan Grant notices her, especially how her skills are also improving in her clinic work at the. Hospital. And she is then invited to a party which is really the major inciting incident for the rest of the movie.
She's invited to a party at Dr. Grant's house with the rest of the senior surgeons who all turn out to be men.
Sidey: and you can fucking say this coming a billion miles
Reegs: Yes. Sorry. Ugly at the party. Mary is drugged and raped. I think there was an insinuation from. One of the characters that they thought she was a prostitute, that's where her money had come from. And therefore that, that somehow made this more acceptable. And I think that was definitely there, but, you know, to talk about the, well, you know, th there is a feminist view of this movie clearly.
Anyway, yes, Mary is drug and we assume kind of breaked by everybody at the party. It's really awful. And the, the, the rape itself is filmed by Dr. Grant.
Sidey: I thought it was just him,
Howie: I thought it was just him
Reegs: Was it. Okay. All right. Well it's still no good. And it destroys
Sidey: is obviously he's a serial rapist. He's got, he's got a video collection of all his victims.
Reegs: And this is clearly a thing that this, the surgeons do. Cause there is one other lady I saw her. She was in the background. Being sort of groped and videoed? Well, Mary was, it was very odd. Yeah. This has a catastrophic effect, obviously on Mary who drops out of her residency.
Howie: this is pretty much where I switched off.
Sidey: Okay. Well almost immediately, in fact, it's the next day, isn't it? That Billy. Has basically captured the good, the good doctor. And he is strapped to the operating table and left for Mary to have her way with
Sidey: And he's been fairly critical of her throughout her lecturing. And he's always been very hard on her
Reegs: Yeah. And then he raped her. That's pretty hard.
Sidey: Well, he, she takes this opportunity to show him just how good her skills have gotten. We don't see anything at this point. We've just heard some screaming. I think
Reegs: I think there's maybe like a quick cut or, you know, a drill or something, but
Sidey: he goes through a list of procedures that that could take place culminating in genital mutilation. I think she says but we don't see anything yet.
Reegs: Mary is then approached by a detective. Who's investigating the disappearance of Dr. Grant. I didn't get the detective's name, but he was, he was one of the worst actors and he had inexplicably. He had this ridiculous, British accent that clearly wasn't, I don't know why they did that. It was just so bad,
Reegs: but amazingly it wasn't the worst act accent in this film.
Sidey: who's the, who's the worst. Are you going forward? The worst?
Reegs: the directors appear as, as,
Sidey: I didn't realize it was a director's till much later.
Reegs: yeah. They, as they they've got the sort of very strange, I dunno, East German, Russian accents.
Sidey: like Staci kind of thing going
Reegs: Well, I don't know what they were going for. And it could have been an interesting, sub-plot about two twins who want to. I didn't quite get this. They to have, they want it to swap arms
Sidey: you say this bit Howie? So they had, as they had this sort of fetishy kind of outfit on the two of them, like identical, they behaved identically, one of them bit the strippers tongue off or something. And the, but they had hooks in that all the way down that back. So from those shoulder blade all the way down, but that, and then they have the
Reegs: yeah. Like a corset, but down your back.
Sidey: but in their skin I've seen
Howie: yeah, no interested. Oh my good God.
Sidey: But they wanted to have their arms, their left arm switched over that. To me, it was more than someone who's capable of doing body, you know, that you're talking about serious nerve endings and stuff having to be, I don't know. Anyway, they did it.
Reegs: They had the most horrendous yeah. Acting is stick to direction, maybe socio sisters. So yeah, now we've got the two awful accents in it and the movie starts to head towards a sort of very damp squib conclusion. But before it does, we do get to see where Dr. Grant has been held hostage. Which is in a sort of parking garage thing where he suspended from hooks in the ceiling.
He has no arms, no legs. Ha w he had so shut. I don't know that he'd had his mouth shut and he'd had all sorts of dermal subdermal implants.
Sidey: It was a bit like a boxing Halena ready.
Sidey: He was just hung up through the skin on his back too big meat hoax, but she
Howie: you need, why do you need the shit in your life? Voice is fucking
Reegs: What just finding something to blank to it just gets harder and harder thing.
Sidey: But while she she's basically been, been told by the two sisters that she needs to get some more to get a website on the go. So I don't really understand the logic of this, but she, she starts taking photographs of this guy that she's tortured and is about to kill,
Reegs: It's a portfolio.
Sidey: It seemed fairly incriminating stuff to put online.
Reegs: And yet the only person who busts her is a security guard. He sort of randomly turns up from nowhere
Reegs: Blooded and SIM to death.
Sidey: she, first of all, she stopped him with a scalpel. Didn't she to take him down and then she just fucking pummeled his head into oblivion. Again, offscreen though, how he talked about you'd have to worry. It was nothing.
Howie: I'm S I'm still bemused at the concept of somebody taking photographs or a portfolio of somebody who's removed all their limbs and genitals. And so in their mouth shut for me, for me, that's a script. I may not pick up and read
Sidey: well, things did hustle to a conclusion very quickly from this
Howie: Yes, I sold the
Sidey: basically ended then she. He had, he was dad's a doctor was basically dead at this point. He, he, I think he was lying on the floor dead. The security guard dude was dead. The policeman came back and asked her some more questions in the, in the street.
And they, and then the, there, then the husband of what was the woman with the mad name? No Ruby real girl.
Reegs: I read the real girl. Yeah.
Sidey: He had. Beaten her, because he wasn't happy with the surgery that she had had. And he had beaten almost to death, Beatrice to find out who had done this and where they lived, went to her GAF and killed her.
Basically. It was there.
Reegs: Yeah. And the movie finished the sort of finishes with Mary, trying to stitch her own
Howie: yeah, that's the bit I saw. She was laying
Reegs: on her own operating
Sidey: going to save us after that point. I thought, Oh, sure. That'd be some way that, you know, a sort of happy ending in the sense that she won't have been killed by this fella, because I kind of expected that, given that it was a sort of strongly female led movie in terms of writing, directing, and acting that they wouldn't let some bloke come in and just fucking kill the lead off.
But it did. So I was quite surprised by the ending, not just that it was so abrupt,
Reegs: it was really abrupt. Yeah. So, I mean, let's be Frank, there should be more horror films about women written and directed by women. It's a very male dominated genre as they, as all of the directing genres are. But I think horror in particular and it's, you know, the Suskia sisters, the twisted twins as they sometimes call themselves probably a much needed female voice in the male dominated horror genre.
But. What this, that at first to me looked interesting enough sort of, you know, make you feel physically sick way, but a satire of Western infatuation with body image and the medical profession and, you know, statements about. Plastic surgery and body modification, which is actually far more common than people think, you know, what is it?
60% of people in the U S men in the us are circumcised that's body model vacation that happens at birth pretty much. I th I thought this was going to be a lot more interesting than it was. I have to say.
Sidey: when you nominated that, I said, Oh God. You know, I haven't really gotten over Midsummer yet. So I thought I don't, I almost never watched the trailers for these things. When that, when the nominations I haven't seen, I like to go into the film color, but for this one, I thought I'm going to watch the trailer just so I can see what I'm letting myself in for.
And the trailer really showed you not necessarily the glorious bits, but definitely gave it a. Much more frightening feel.
Reegs: I T I, a lot of the stuff in this is implied. I don't think the graphic imagery was that graphic. I thought it was quite tame.
Sidey: that the trailer
Sidey: built it up quite nicely. And when I thought I'll fucking out and then I was sort of planning out, I thought I'm going to have to watch it Friday night because the rest of the weekend is quite hectic.
So the Mrs. Sat down and I put it on. She was, Oh, what is this? And I'd already told her that we were watching a horror. And so she said, Oh fucking hell. I'll yeah. So she got up towards this. I actually put her headphones on and I could see she was watching it. And then at the end that she, she got a laptop away, headphones are off.
She watched the film, she watched the whole way through and she would never watch. And a thing that is basically that's just a a barometer of how tight this film actually was
Reegs: Mm, mm.
Sidey: there were a couple of sort of glorious and she just thought it was weird,
Reegs: Yeah, my wife watched
Sidey: certainly wasn't frightening or anything like that.
I, I thought that Catherine Isabel was, was pretty good. I th I quite enjoyed her performance. She was Certainly easier on the eye, which my Mrs actually commented on how attractive she was. Which made me feel less guilty about the masturbating. there wasn't really anything else to write home about a mess.
It was you know, it was, it was just a disappointment.
Reegs: I think the script was really bad. And the rape as a plot device is just, I, that I I didn't, I know this is written by women and directed by women, but there was still something that felt really lazy about using the rape as her motivation to get into this. Interesting subculture. And I suspect that the Sauskia sisters are a little bit self-congratulatory.
Edge Lords talking about how dark they are all the time, which might be a bit annoying to be around, which is it's a shame because there is something genuinely interesting about this subculture of people who alter their physicality in such grand ways to assert their individuality. And I, but the film doesn't talk about these ideas particularly, I think I would have liked to have seen a bit more of the freak flag flying.
More representation from the community because they didn't really real Dole. The actresses who played Ruby real Dole and Beatrice Johnson were not actually members of the body mod community. They were actors under prosthetics. And that also seemed like a missed opportunity considering how bad the other actors were in this movie.
Sidey: I thought they were from that sort of alternative lifestyle scene though.
Reegs: well, but they're not. I mean, there are people out there who've had very extreme body modifications. They can't have been any worse actresses or actors than the people who actually were in this movie.
Howie: I struggled with the film on white. Perceive. Yes, it's individualism and it's uniqueness, but I find it quite ghoulish, the whole body modification scene squeamish towards it. It's very patronizing. This is a classic way to try and explain it. I'm sure they're all lovely people, but I fucking can't deal with that.
Reegs: but you're scared of it because you don't understand it
Howie: no cause I don't want no object shoved up my ass and coming out my spine and being hung from meat hooks.
Reegs: Yeah, I know, but you don't say that about any other community though. D I mean, it's just because, you know, that's not something that's going to happen. Nobody's going to sit down and forcibly splice your tongue in half.
Howie: but if I'm I'm, if it's on screen and a film, then I choose not to watch it. But in this case I think the film was particularly lame because I've come round to some aspects of horror, because my example is what side he struggled with, which is mid-summer because I thought that was a really good film and the horror in that. Which is arguably more grotesque and horrifying because there's people burning alive, the old people jumping off the cliffs, the, the whole psychological meddling and the impending doom and death of each of those traveling students. Whereas this just seemed to be we've come up with an idea of a film that hasn't really been covered.
And as you said, they haven't even used people from that. Culture they've used extras actors with prosthetics, as you've said. So I didn't know that beforehand. I didn't know that afterwards or even so yeah, there is, there's an element of my ignorance towards the subject. Oh, I'll go with that. I think that's, that's a fair point that you've made, but I just find it too ghoulish and scream.
And I think there's an element of. I don't think you, I know you just equated it to me saying, Oh, it's like, you don't like that. It's other subcultures or stuff like that, but there's an element of psychological damage that worries me with people
Reegs: With the people who do this, I struggle with that as well.
Howie: especially facial facial stuff.
I'm somebody that doesn't have any tattoos. I don't have any piercings. I struggled too jewelry. I've got my wedding ring and I wear
Sidey: you did like a good facial though.
Howie: Well I do but. What goes on at Boca K stays at . That's not in my own. That's my bitchery sorted
Howie: team side.
Reegs: it's a good point, how he, because I've also struggled with that because a lot of the people attracted to this particular subject, but you can actually say that about anything that's got, that's taken to an extreme, you know, somebody who's got one of those big discs in their ear is probably not attracted to the scene because of trauma.
Whereas possibly somebody who suspends themselves from Hercs and has their penis half. Cut away. Like some members of the subculture do possibly does have some issues.
Reegs: I personally thought a movie that I wasn't really sure what the movie was trying to say about sexuality. It was definitely trying to say something. I, if there was a message I'm either too stupid or. It was badly executed and I didn't understand it. And I didn't really understand why Catherine Isabelle's wardrobe in the movie consisted almost exclusively of like lingerie and fetishistic surgical outfits.
Sidey: all fetishized gear,
Reegs: it seems a bit like it seems to be, but like having your cake and eating it or whatever the expression is when you're trying to comment on sexuality and also exploit your lead actresses, physicality.
Sidey: they did a good job of that. I'd say that,
Reegs: The inspiration for the movie. Sylvia saw skirt said I might, she was on the internet. I might've been looking for porn, but I found some weird shit. It was an April fools prank where a guy had his twin brother's arms or Knauf and put on his own chest. So he had three arms.
Well, prime K. Got you.
Howie: April fools.
Sidey: parents their house to fund this movie. And they were actually extras in the film
Howie: Are they homeless now?
Sidey: But I, don't know if this had a, I think it had a very, very limited cinematic release in the UK, but it must've been a straight to streaming kind of thing.
There's no data available on any kind of budget or box office figures for it,
Howie: It was shown in.
Sidey: would be too high.
Howie: It was only shown in two cinemas in the UK
Sidey: The Sylvia sisters. Describe it as a horror. Legally blonde.
Reegs: Nice. No, I actually seen legally blonde.
Howie: to be really good.
Reegs: She amputate people's arms. Is that Renee Zellweger? Isn't it.
Howie: No solace, is it? No. It's.
Sidey: no, it's recent with her spoon. Isn't
Reegs: That's the same person. Isn't it.
Sidey: I think so. Right. Let's wrap it up. Rigs where you not entertained.
Reegs: Sadly not, no, this is not a very good movie. The acting is uniformly appalling from everybody and the film never explores the interesting ideas that are out it's, you know, probably at this heart and it, and then it just kind of ends really sort of. Jarring and briefly and pointlessly. So now I'm afraid I didn't enjoy this movie very much, despite the fact that there were things I wanted to like about it.
Howie: Semis to say it was worse than Brighton rock and there we'll leave it at that.
Sidey: I kind of thought it had its flaws in that it ended really abruptly. There were some really. Painful performances in it, but for me, because it wasn't as horrific as I thought it might've been, I did actually enjoy it quite a
Reegs: Okay. Good.
Sidey: it was just the sort of right. Level of Gore and horror that that meant that the messages that I could sit down and watch this.
And yeah, I thought the lead was, was pretty good. She was. Certainly very attractive and yeah, the wardrobe was sort of, yeah, I totally get what your point about that. It was definitely like just over tesselation, the whole way through, but yeah, I kind of enjoyed it in spite of itself. all right. Kids TV. This one's been around since we were kids.
Reegs: before we were kids.
Sidey: Yeah. True. What was it?
Reegs: It was blue. And I don't know how well this translates to anybody. Who's not from the UK. I actually didn't look this up, but this is the longest running children's program in the world, which started in 1958. And it's still going today. The show is best described, I guess, as a kind of magazine type show and the presenters.
Where there are anywhere between two or four at any one time in there's people in the studio and people out doing various activities. They make stuff and then they report back it's our kids are actually watching this at school, which you found out the other day didn't use it. Cause
Sidey: didn't know that until I said I was going to watch one. Shall we sit down and watch it together? My daughter was like, no, I watched it Friday. Okay. this particular episode was called. Lindsey
Reegs: The Lindsay challenge.
Sidey: Lindsey racing challenge or something like that. And it was the central premise of this episode was that
the, one of the presenters Lindsay was going to go off and attempt to race a formula three racing car.
So they sent her off to, I think it was Spain. Was it
Howie: Yeah, Allie Alimera Alimera in the South
Sidey: To do that?
Reegs: I see they chose her for the challenge because she was the only one out of all the presenters who was old enough to actually drive. Cause they all looked about 15. I mean, I don't know. I know I'm getting old where I can watch a program like that and I'm like, Oh, don't don't
Howie: was it? Life? Cause I obviously watch it on catch up when I play it, but I think it was actually broadcast
Reegs: It would have been. Yes.
Howie: happened at the end. But we'll go into that.
Sidey: it's certainly it's certainly filmed live. I don't know whether it's broadcast live, share my
Howie: well it was
Reegs: But so, yeah, so Lindsey was, was going to drive the formula three car top speed, 155 miles an hour. It's a pretty serious car.
Howie: Yeah, but it's not a serious, it's a challenge though, because if you go into the archives, so people listening to this need to look at other presenters challenges over the years, and there is an absolute bonafide balls out challenge that was set for John Nokes. I think it's the late seventies where he goes and fucking climbs Nelson's column with ladders in his anorak.
And if you watch it, it makes your Palm sweat. So there's a point,
Reegs: And he did actually die. Didn't he? During the filming of
Howie: Unfortunately not the dog did that. He took up with him, but he didn't he climbs, he climbs up the bloody a tower and there's a bit where it obviously reaches out over and they've just strapped ladders.
So he's upside down and he's basically doing. Climbing challenge. And he goes up there and, and the story is he got up there and a camera man obviously follows him with his giant camera up there and the film will fucked up. So that's go back down, sort it all up and then go back up again. So yeah. That's a proper challenge.
There seems like it was GranTurismo at the start with the PlayStation set
Reegs: Well, yeah, she, she does get in the stimulator. Doesn't she? For it's in practice.
Sidey: I don't know if you want to talk a little bit about the presenters, because while you mentioned that Reese, that is the first thing that I took away from this. I was like, fuck me. They are young. Like, you know, are they were, they were socially distanced, so it's all very responsible. But you had these four I don't know, 20 year olds.
They're probably about
Reegs: Oh, tops 22, 23 absolute tops.
Howie: He had a leprechaun one from so solid crew and the female presenter who does the cookery stuff.
Sidey: Yeah, you had Lindsay, who was the one who did the racing then Richie dress,
Reegs: dress? Yeah.
Sidey: Adam bills. And is it marker? Oh yeah. I remember people like Sarah Green and Janet Ellis
Reegs: who was the wife beater? John Leslie, or drunk or something? Was he eating something?
Howie: he was a rapist.
Sidey: It was regularly. If that fielding Jember her Karen Keating,
Howie: P was it his own bacon Richard bacon? The coconut
Reegs: Yeah, that's right.
Sidey: I've. I've got him in my section about blue Peter contributor
Howie: my controversy to begin with was that Edward had had, that was Fastly too long, and he seemed like too nice. A person, children. He was the one at the star who would make that walking man that he made over, locked down. It wasn't the very start the
Reegs: Oh, I missed it. But I did, there was a little bit that we had the same old intro music that had been sort of jazzed up a little bit for the. Whatever decade we're in now. And there was a little bit of forced perspective stuff with the car at the beginning where that one of them was like, looked like they were sitting in a car, but it was actually a toy car.
I thought that bit was quite clever. Yeah. It's quite clever. Yeah. So, but one thing I did quite like is that she does get on the track in. The race car track in what looks like the shitters car in the world. But the track does look quite complicated. It's it? There's quite a few blind turns, so that's fairly steep.
Howie: it is, they say it's the w series, which is the women's series and car. My daughter said to me, I didn't know, women did F1. And I was like, yeah, that's a real fucking shocker actually, to think that you actually think that this is a man only dominated event, which it is. And so she saw that I went so there's, women's women's racing.
And then I had to sort of curtail the comments that I knew I would actually make. And I was like, yeah,
Sidey: we got, we got preemptively abused by my message that you just going to fucking say women drivers to shit on your show. Nothing.
Reegs: I really liked some of this because the, the decision from the people is they're not going to let her do it in a formula three car. She wasn't quite good enough
Sidey: When she got behind the wheel and squealed, every time I was thinking those people in the garage, you're thinking she is not fucking
Reegs: Yeah, but
Sidey: an hour around the
Howie: and a 200 grand car.
Reegs: yeah, at the end of the day, though, she's still, you know, she's only 22 or 23 years old,
Howie: 22. You're in your prime.
Reegs: you would be absolutely shitting yourself doing that. I, you know, it's easy enough to be like, yeah, exactly. You're shaking your head with all the bravado, but actually
Howie: no. Cause I've done it. I've done it. I have done it
Reegs: you've driven, a formula three car.
Howie: I have driven a formula. God
Reegs: if it's like that formula 3000 thing that she's in later, which is basically just a fucking go-cart, then
Howie: no, cause I've done it. And there are there are women on the course who were wiped out the mayor doing it, but everybody goes on these events and your adrenaline goes through the roof and you've absolutely fly. But the thing that did make me laugh is the fact that. It happens to all of the people.
You get a bit of confidence and all the instructors end up doing is going break, break, break, because you just lose the plot. You go into like super Mario kart world. And you think you're going to throw you think you throw him throwing banana skins and red turtle shells or the other, no beds on the track.
But it's, it's, it's really difficult. But at the same time, more than often enough people don't go slow. People go too fast. Cause you're so
Reegs: that's interesting there. Anyway, they don't let her on the track. Which I thought was interesting because if it's, if it's scripted to add a bit of dramatic. Attention to things, then that's quite good if it's not scripted and they did actually reject her so that she could go away and practice and try harder.
Then that's also really good showing these people on TV, trying and failing. Yeah, I did. I assumed that as well,
Sidey: they ha they had her on the simulator and she crashed, you know, pretty much
Sidey: every guy, you know, so that the fellow that was trading you know, he had a thinking. Each and every one of these in a real car, you're in the, you know, you're in the barriers. So you can't, you can't be sending you out to do that because these are single seat machines.
There's no one, there's no instructor. They're pressing the brake fee. You're you're left to your own devices. You're right. I think it was I mean, I'm not gonna lie. It seemed like a pretty obvious call at the first instance to say, she's not ready yet, but fair plates out. Why don't you take her out?
She fucking smashed
Reegs: Yeah. In between that there's some viewer submitted stuff for varying interest in quality.
Howie: Yeah, I hate it. It's all drivel. They just burn a big bonfire after each episode.
Reegs: they did. Yeah. They did have a thing called fan of the month where they seem to live stream a viewer.
Howie: Sweet that it would go. She loved it. She
Reegs: I thought she looked completely nonplussed when they rang up, even though it was clearly completely scripted and the Ritchie dress says, Oh, what a wonderful surprise that is when he phones up so that we know that it's wonderful for.
Howie: My kids love that bit. Yeah. Because I said to them, imagine if they phoned you Magnus and you haven't a shit. And he goes, and he said, he'd take the phone into the toilet with him. I was like, brilliant. That's what I want to hear.
Sidey: I hate all that shit. Anything where the public get involved fuck off. And like, I could watch idiots, like in real life all the time. I don't want to watch that on the TV.
Reegs: yeah, I have to agree.
Howie: was obviously very scripted. But if you remember in the late nineties, early nineties, do you remember Noah's house party where they were suddenly flipped the switch and there was a camera on someone randomly watching. Yeah.
Reegs: I know. Yeah. When you're cranking one out in your front
Howie: your, watch your Baywatch on the other channel.
Oh fuck. Which is apparently what had happened. Do you remember the present of Chris Evans? He apparently was up to no good cause they, they did a celebrity one occasionally and he was one of the celebs that, and he was in a state of undress.
Howie: Anyway, but
Reegs: We get part two.
Howie: That was super sweet.
And she was genuinely chuffed. I have been on a kid's TV show going live. I've been on that when I was about eight or nine, I phoned up and got through to the thing where you diverted the, the market with your telephone
Reegs: Dishing out hand jobs for Phillip Schofield.
Howie: was going down on Gordon, the gopher and getting bummed by Andy Peters.
Reegs: In the brain covered.
Howie: Yeah, but no. And the excitement is, is amazing when you're a kid and you go on national TV, I want a Batman bag.
Reegs: Yeah. Present is they're off their tits on Coke as well. Aren't they? Or they were back in those days.
Howie: Fuck off. They, they were, they were, they were true and honest. They don't shout at the illusion. One of the made me sit on his knee lots and we did trampoline.
Reegs: Uncle Jimmy, we get part two of the formula, three story on a second track. A year later, films before lockdown, we get in subtitles. She drives a formula 3000 car, which I mentioned earlier. Looks does look like a go-cart on what I imagined to be the top gear track, because I lack imagination or knowledge of other racetracks.
Was it the top gear Trek?
Sidey: did. I can't remember.
Reegs: She went round it a few times, got faster and faster and faster. And then they ship her back out to where did he say it was and a mirror to have another crack at the track.
Howie: Fair play to her.
Reegs: They set a target time to beat two minutes and she smashes it one 44, I think.
Reegs: And it did look kind of fast at some points. And then other points, it cuts to the in-car view with the light. Telemetry data
Howie: here's like 30 kilometers an
Reegs: 40 mile an hour. Yeah.
Howie: No, no, it was kilometers. That's what I was looking at is that kilometers and I'm like fucking, now she is really slow. Okay. Okay. But yeah. Fair play
Reegs: But fair play to her for doing it. I thought it was a pretty brave thing to do and she came out with it with credit.
Sidey: as well.
Reegs: And then at the end there was a sort of very awkward. And stilted cooking section.
Sidey: It was like, it was cringe-worthy. I thought it was,
Reegs: it was quite hard work. This
Sidey: yeah, it was painful.
Howie: foods because they're you good food sales cookbooks. And I did a cook book. Brilliant. Fuck. Off Jamaican food is best when it's got meat in it. Now shut up.
Sidey: yeah, I thought it probably quite, you know, all this stuff's good for the kids to see other kids doing stuff and making stuff and being creative and getting involved, but watching on the TV obviously the kid's not a natural presenter. It always a bit fucking chaotic.
Howie: the other one, the present is carrying it quite heavily.
Sidey: look that fucking appetize either.
Reegs: no, it
Sidey: and I just found this whole sequence quite fucking painful.
Reegs: there's a bit where she says something about I'll get a grownup to help you with the chilies, presumably, because it's just far funnier to see a grown man. Like, cause the first thing I do after I cut a Chiney is just go, Oh my eyes itchy. And then, you know, Oh, I need a way. And
Howie: on your thumb.
Howie: Yup. And then did you notice how they obviously were wrapped up for time at the end? Oh, thank you very much. It's really rare there. Nice weekend. Something about something
whatever the music is.
Reegs: There is a lot of content to fit in the time slot as a kid. When I watched blue Peter, I was nearly always waiting for it to finish so I could watch neighbors.
Sidey: yeah. Or Flintstones or something like
Reegs: That's my most abiding memory.
Howie: didn't watch the BBC because it's full of socialists comes.
Reegs: called me this
Sidey: I did, we weren't allowed to watch TV, but this, so, and then the holidays you used to have,
Reegs: Why don't you? Yeah.
Sidey: hate that with a passion. These were the two things it's all just too nice. It's too wholesome. I didn't like it when I was a kid for that reason.
I wide transformers and mask. I need fucking lasers and fucking
Reegs: Well, what did you think of it? Watching it as an adult though?
Sidey: I kind of appreciate it and that it it's sort of. Sort of educational and showing kids stuff. But I, yeah, I'm glad that they watch it at school and I don't have to watch it with and put it that way.
Reegs: right. Okay. I quite enjoyed this.
Howie: Lazy teaching though. What's blue. Peter. Shut
Sidey: Well, it does sort of bring into question a lot of things about Friday, cause
Howie: school fees.
Sidey: anything at school, but,
Reegs: yeah. Well that's another question. Isn't it.
Sidey: This was. It's wholesome as fuck, but that's not there. Haven't been some controversies around blue Peter down the years we've
Reegs: us more.
Sidey: We've mentioned already Richard bacon.
He was sacked in October, 1998 when he was involved in a cocaine scandal in a tabloid newspaper. Exposé Lorraine haggis, Cedar that had a BBC children's poet grabbing actually came on air and apologized. On his behalf. I don't know. Yeah.
Reegs: I don't remember the apology. I don't suppose I've
Sidey: then do you recall the the fake phone lines scandal?
Reegs: Yes I do. Now that you've mentioned that. Yeah,
Sidey: what I think this was the worst offender or, well, maybe not quite so much for the actually, you know, it probably was, so they basically the. Do you have all these premium phone lines set up and people would phone ed with their guesses or whatever the quiz was or whatever you had to do.
You would phone in and phone in a photo so that you would the co the company who owns this would make money off the back of these premium phone lines. And what happened was they had this competition. And someone who happened to be visiting the set that day was put on the program, told their wedding, and they were the person who won the prize and that there was, it was absolutely fucking nothing to do with the phone lines at all.
And it turns out that this sort of thing had been going on throughout just about
Reegs: I was gonna say it wasn't just blue, Pete. It was it. They got all the flack, but.
Sidey: I think they were the one that it was, it was discovered from. And, but there's a, there's a bit rife throughout every sort of this sort of light entertainment, TV programs that this has been going on, that they've just been coining in loads of money on these
Reegs: Fleece the customers. Yeah.
Howie: What a stupid thing to fuck up. Cause where you got to do is go. He just pick someone off the phones. All right. Sound.
Sidey: But most, most heinous of all. Was another breach of trust. This was September, 2007 with an online vote. This time where the blue Peter official website had a vote to take, to, to name the new blue piece of kitten.
Reegs: All right.
And cock stopper was narrowly ahead of
Howie: but anal face
Reegs: catty muck, cat face.
Sidey: it wasn't that, the name that won the vote was cookie, but because it presumably had some fucking patination on its feet, it, they called it socks. And this just brings back the very, very painful memories of Boaty McBoatface. That I don't think any of us have got over that. I don't, what did they call that boat in the end?
Reegs: no. The David Attenborough was something wasn't it.
Sidey: so fucking horseshit. So yeah.
Reegs: So what they just, it was just like, you could vote for the cat's name and it was clearly the winner and then they just went on. Fuck it. We're just going to call it socks anyway.
Sidey: Yeah. Yeah.
Sidey: So basically don't interact with them. Don't phone up. Don't vote. Democracy doesn't work. It's all a lie Biden, won't be president, et cetera.
Reegs: All right. All right. Tomorrow in it. It's tomorrow.
Reegs: It's it's stuff going to go down tomorrow.
Sidey: They'll probably be some scuffles,
Howie: I want to say
Reegs: that's that's hope
Howie: want to say Trump's many celebration that he's got planned, where
Reegs: We just had to move out today. Doesn't he has to move out on the
Howie: tomorrow morning at seven o'clock in the morning, he's arranged for 21 gun salute for military send-off, but I don't think anybody in the military wants to do it
Reegs: My turn, if nobody shows
Sidey: he said, he's going to run 20 to 24, but he'll be about thousand years old
Howie: count if they impeach him.
Sidey: Yeah. I'm not sure how that's going to go. In any case, that's got nothing to do with, with Peter rigs where you not entertained.
Reegs: When I, I was, yeah. I, I was pleasantly surprised, I think as a child, if I was a child now, I still wouldn't like it. But. As an adult watching it, it was quite good. And I'm pleased my kids watch it. Although I feel like I should say no on account of the Sox conspiracy thing. Cause that just seemed really bad.
Sidey: yeah. Howie. Were you in.
Howie: Do you know? I never really watched it as a kid. I quite enjoyed this. It seems quite safe. And cheesy obviously, but educational and wholesome, as you said, my kids really liked blue Peter. They watch it when it's on, they don't seek it out. Like they would for a cartoon like Helga, or they're still watching Clarence, which makes me laugh out loud.
It still makes me laugh out loud. But when it's on, they watch blue Peter and they really enjoyed it. And this was quite a positive episode for Carra because as I mentioned before, outlined the whole driving thing. Which was a good stereotype to, to sort of cut it, to kind of get rid of the whole men dominated F1.
Cause she likes things like Mario cart and whenever she plays computer games, she goes to the racing stuff. So yeah. Cool. Good choice rigs. Good choice.
Sidey: Yeah, I think my daughter enjoys it when they watch it at school. I didn't like this twins. I was a kid and same sort of reasons. I still don't enjoy it now, but I do appreciate that it has some educational content and it's all very wholesome and safe for the kids to watch. No, not for me. Yes and no. Let's just call it. Yes and no. Right. That was a thrilling chat this week. Chaps, I think. Possibly Dan might have returned from his round, the world trip for next week. So fingers crossed for that. I'm nominating a, we're going to do a top five of the worst movie sets. That's S E T S not se ex kids TV.
We're going to watch the Dr. Who Christmas special.
Sidey: yeah, I don't think it's Christmas Eve. It was a Dalek one. It's on I player. So get
Reegs: I used to always watch the Dr. Who Christmas special. Well, I haven't watched it for about two or three years now.
Howie: I've never watched Dr. Whoever. So this will be when you, yeah, cause it just looks
Reegs: Never, ever
Howie: No, never,
Reegs: what was the South faced? Northern guy who doesn't Christopher Eccleston. He was my favorite, I think.
Howie: So the top two Christmas special.
Sidey: Yeah. It's sounded like that. A film we're going to watch is the ballad of Buster Scruggs
Reegs: yes. Sweet
Sidey: So all that remains after that is to say, Sidey is signing
Reegs: weeks out.
Howie: How we get by.