Based on a 1998 Frank Miller comic book which in turn was inspired by the 1962 Rudolph Maté sword and sandals epic THE 300 SPARTANS, 300 (2006) is Zack Snyder's very loose retelling of the events of the Battle of Thermopylae taking place circa 480 BC and I don't really think I can reasonably cram 1 more number into this sentence before it loses any semblance of aardvark.
Gerard Butler plays Leonidas, master chocolatier and King of the Spartans, the most feared and formidable of all forces in ancient Greece. Warned by a messenger that the God King Xerxes plans to invade their country and despite most males being raised from a young age to be brutal unthinking warriors obsessed with achieving an honourable death in battle, Leonidas is unable to convince the Spartan political hierarchy of the dangers that the Persians represent and so, leaving Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey) in charge to persuade the Spartan Council of the imminent threat, he gathers 300 of his best men armed only with chiselled abs and ferocious amounts of guyliner to fight the invading empire in a suicide mission at The Hot Gates, where the narrow cliffs and raging seas prevent the Greeks from being overwhelmed by the enemies superior numbers.
Utterly po-faced and sincere despite the often ridiculous subject matter, the film has a distinct aesthetic brought to the screen straight from the graphic novel itself; colour desaturation, heavy use of CGI backgrounds and Zack Snyder’s signature speed-ramping technique all combined to visceral effect in the many scenes of fighting, dismemberment and bloodletting against an ever escalating and inventive adversary. Of course you might think that this is all incredibly silly, boneheaded testosterone-fuelled fantasy nonsense with a cliched script and terrible acting, you might find yourself adverse to the troubling ableist aspects to Miller's narrative or just be plain confused as to how a movie can be both incredibly homoerotic and incredibly homophobic at the same time and I wouldn't particularly argue with you but I got a kick out of this when I saw it at the cinema and probably enjoyed it more when I watched it for this review. A triumph of style over substance then but not an opinion completely shared by all of us.
commence forth with the themed week that you've chosen for
Pete: indeedy. Yeah.
Sidey: What is it?
Pete: It's mythological characters, not myths.
Sidey: No, but this is the, this is the midweek, of course.
Pete: Yes. And this in itself is a film that is, I believe, based on an actual battle and things that did really happen, but it is still steeped in mythology.
Reegs: It's the movie 300. Yeah, like you say, very loosely based on the real events of the battle of the monopoly. In 480 BC, Dan,
Sidey: flop do
Reegs: tell us a little bit about what that
Sidey: was like.
Dan: No, I don't remember the actual battle though. It was just a little before my time.
Sidey: It's probably posttraumatic stress. I would imagine
Pete: Shell shock.
Yeah. Yeah. couple of reasons for, for picking this one was that I hadn't seen it in a long
Reegs: Mm-hmm ,
Pete: Two was that I wanted to have a themed
Pete: and three was because I was aware that Saudi had not seen this film before,
Sidey: I have now.
Pete: I thought that you'd like, Yeah, for certainly for aesthetic reasons.
Dan: it's Gerard Chafer, isn't it?
Pete: Yeah. God one awful joke. Yes it is. Yeah. It's it's, it's J Butler. I, again, unlike you guys, I dunno anything about like directors and cinematographers and whatever the fuck these people do. They just make films and they happen and I watch them and I recognize some of the actors and actresses, no actresses.
Isn't a thing anymore. Is it? Sorry?
Sidey: That is all actors. Yeah. this is a Zach Snyder joint and I am especially not a fan of him.
Pete: Well, I've, I've heard of him, but I couldn't tell you stuff. He's he's like redone some stuff that people like had a big shit about,
his own stuff. Yeah. Oh, okay. That was the justice league movie, but this is earlier on in his career.
Reegs: Yeah. He'd done Dawn of the dead, a remake. That, that was actually pretty good. And if this was pre watch men, maybe, which I also thought was really good. This one features a lot of his sort of signatures, which we can probably talk about.
Pete: So had he done much before this?
Reegs: Yeah. The Dawn of the dead thing was, I think the first one,
Pete: and was that.
Reegs: Yeah, I like that. Yeah. Yeah. It's got a bit where a woman who's pregnant gives birth to a zombie baby.
Reegs: mm. Tasty. Yeah
Sidey: so I was familiar with a few kind of famous moments from this film. Okay. Yeah. Especially where it literally kicks off the guy, you know, into the.
Okay This Yeah.
Reegs: Tonight we dine in hell. Yeah. A lot of them have permeated the popular culture.
So it's set in 4, 7, 9 BC before Craven.
And yeah, it's one year after the battle of it's when you're after the battle of the monopoly.
Reegs: All right. Yeah. Yeah.
Pete: reading the wrong thing? No,
Reegs: no, I'm sure. Yep.
Pete: that's, that's what
Dan: so they've already been in a huge battle and they they've come back haven't they they've they're back at Sparta.
Pete: Yeah. So
Reegs: yeah, we start with kind of narration and telling the tale don't we of, of kind of, of Sparta culture,
Pete: and it is narrated by the amusingly named delios
time it autocorrected to dildos in my, in my notes, which shows how many times I've used the word dildos yeah. And we see a baby being held a lot by a man there's thunder and rumbling and all sorts of shit. Isn't it. And they're telling the brutal story about male Spartans as babies.
They're checked for imperfections. And if they're rubbishy, they're thrown over the edge of the cliff, aren't Yeah. And if they're not, they're brought up to be warriors.
Dan: Yeah. But they go for a bit of a, a procedure to do that. Then they're a bit of an initiation
Sidey: Yeah. They go to warrior camp.
They've to it's a bit like America's got talent or something, I guess, but they, they do it with real wolves and knives and things and they just throw 'em out there. Don't
Reegs: I mean, it starts often, you know, with survive a half naked, muscular man wrestling, a 14 year old boy. As many of your favorite movies do dad. And yeah.
Then, then, you know, he's got trial by Wolf and he has to use his cunning.
Reegs: To, to get him, he backs him into a little ravine. It could be a metaphor for what's happening in the entire
Sidey: foreshadowing, perhaps.
Dan: Well this is all building up, isn't it? So we, we are just as we're we are learning what is Sparta and the culture, as you say, at this stage.
And a little bit later, we, we jump time. Don't we, we go forward.
Pete: Well, yeah, the, the, he that we're referring to.
Reegs: Leonard I,
Sidey: Yeah. Patron Saint of chocolate
Pete: makes chocolate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he's not only was he decent in a battle, but made stunning confectionary.
Pete: But he is then a man he's a king he's king of the Spartans and he is played by Gerald Butler. Who's
chiseled and grizzly.
Reegs: he's got a sort of like pointy beard
Sidey: grizzly he's very quaffed
Pete: Okay. But like, because of the beard, I think he he's got a certain menace about him rather, if he was
Reegs: I think what he has got is a tremendous amount of guideline.
Pete: is that. And, and I'm sure you guys are gonna talk about like the, you know, the sort of, oh, fuck.
How it looks the aesthetic of the film. Which I know nothing about cuz it's almost
Sidey: know about it. You watched
Reegs: you watched it.
Pete: No, but I don't, I dunno if that, if that type of aesthetic has a name or if that's something that
Sidey: okay, well,
Reegs: it's mimicking really the comic book upon, which is based by Frank Miller.
Pete: Right. Okay.
Sidey: There is, there is a process that they used.
Which we can talk about later, cuz it's kind of boring, but it does have a particular
Reegs: got color desaturation and then emphasis on certain grades of color and everything is very stylized, heavily green screened. And then the action scenes have this speed ramping effect where, you know, the, the time changes over as the shots, you know, as you go through the
Dan: almost wizards through it, doesn't
Reegs: some speed up some slow down.
Dan: And it has the effect as well of giving all the, the guys this real muscular look, it's all the shadows play on them, on their guns and their
Sidey: There's a lot of six packs, but I think post-production six packs in, in
Pete: many, I think most of these guys are in pretty
Sidey: were stacked, but they were, they were emphasized with a little bit of
Pete: They're very they're all very
Sidey: IP. We, we were obviously Jim regulars. Exactly. We would need that kind of treatment. These two flabby. Scumbag probably need a bit of happen at moment.
Reegs: Yeah. I wouldn't look great in sparer. I have to say I don't, you know,
Dan: I think I'd have gone over early. Like they'd have just thrown me
Pete: So really the first kind of, bit of the current story is when a Persian dude rocks up at the, at Sparta. Colin salmon.
Reegs: He was in the bond movies. Yeah. I just, now I know that guy's name. So I have to remember to
Well, he, he rocks up at, at Sparta. Yeah.
Just so he, like, I think what he he's, he's obviously been traveling, he's delivering a message from Z, Z, Z, Z, Z is how we're saying it. And he basically says, look, I want, I want like earth and water as like a tribute to he's the fucking king God man
Sidey: thing. Yeah, the
Pete: I that's like the leader of the world and stuff.
And you guys are gonna basically bow down and, and do what I say, which he's he? Yeah, he's, he's pissing up the wrong tree there cuz he hadn't. Reckon that the Spartans would be up to a great deal, but
Sidey: He was dead wrong. Yeah. And he's not gonna be around to pass that message back.
Pete: No, he's not.
Because I think at first he basically comes in like acting like a bit of a Whopper trying to throw his weight around. And then when Leonard, Ida like says, listen, you know, don't care. Like when, when his wife played by Lena Hadley,
Pete: heady. Sorry. Yeah. Lena heady. So the queen starts. Chatting to him.
He's like, how fucking dare a woman? Like talk to me. And she's like, listen, I'm worse than the fellas. So wind your neck in pal.
Reegs: Well, and did you notice he looks to her for approval before he makes any of the major moves in this?
So just before he boots the guy and just before he declares
Pete: Yeah. I, I took that more as He's given her a look and she's going, oh, go on then like yeah, go
Sidey: What do you like
Pete: Kick him down the bottomless
Reegs: go to your certain death.
Pete: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So effectively they're not gonna bow down to anyone. No. And the Persian and his whole entourage. Yeah. This is Sparta and yeah, the whole entourage end up down.
And, and that's that. So
Reegs: he's got problems of his own as well in a political sense. Cuz he's got Dominic west. Yeah. From the wire. Mm.
Dan: I really like this guy.
Reegs: Yeah. And he's sneezing around and you know, he's making things uncomfortable for him politically.
Pete: Yeah. So there's the, there is a lot of political sort of posturing in the background of what. Ultimately, you know, that the Spartans and the army, especially are a fucking force of nature with a, you know, they're very well known across the land.
Albeit the Persian guy didn't seem to, you know, think a great deal of them, but yeah, as you say, it's Leonard I, and, and his, and his band of Mary men. They're not really that interested in all the political bullshit, they just, and, and all the religious bullshit. So Leonard Ida knows that there's a threat at their door.
He goes to see the F four S
Reegs: Oh, the, these the creepy incest. Yeah. Hmm.
Pete: Yeah. Who've like imprisoned some kind of like a bird.
Reegs: They take the finest women of the Spartan empire and they become their kind of sex slave slash Oracles.
like that this, this girl, there was only one of them that we saw, but she seemed to be in some kind of like drugged.
Yeah. Drugged state.
Sidey: Yeah. It's really horny this bit.
Pete: Yeah. Yeah.
Reegs: She's in front of a wind machine. She kind of looks like she's under water, but
Sidey: it was like a B video or something. Yeah.
Reegs: And the nipples are everywhere.
Sidey: Well, Lena heady also got her boobs out. Yeah. Which was a treat.
Reegs: Yeah. That happens in the next bit actually.
Sidey: Because they have sex.
Reegs: Yeah. She's all like, why are you moping?
Pete: before we get into the sexy stuff or the sexier
Reegs: We've forgotten about the mystics.
Pete: like the, the, the E E four S whatever they called Th they, they say to Leonardi, he wants to basically go and attack
Sidey: He has to have permission from them
Reegs: take to go to war
Pete: And they say, you can't do that because there's some kind of like Fe like religious, like festival type thing,
Reegs: is the Kae.
Sidey: they, he needs to cross their partner silver just to, to go and
Pete: Absolutely. He brings a big
Sidey: like some
swag coins some bribery of
Pete: But you learn very quickly that once he's been told, no, you can't do that.
Cuz of this religious thingy they then as he scuttles off back down the hill and they have got some Persian coins with them. So obviously the Persians got to them first and said, listen, yeah, we're coming. You better be on our side. So
Reegs: he's not able to marshal the full might of the Spartan empire now.
Pete: we believe that the army is, is about 30,000. Yes. Yeah. But he's just got 300 guys, which is where
Sidey: coincidentally the name of the
Pete: Right. Yeah.
Reegs: And he says, oh, you know, we're not declaring war. I'm just going for a walk with my bodyguards. And they're well, rowdy we're with Siah
Pete: But before he does he foxes misses.
Reegs: He does. Yeah,
Sidey: I thought it was interesting because he, they have intercourse in a variety of positions, which you normally don't really see in a shore in porn. A they're like he bangs out from behind. Normally it's just like a missionary
Reegs: It's mostly like still images and gasp.
Sidey: Well how'd you do it?
Reegs: not Yeah.
Pete: But I think, I think that's to show that this kind of both they're red blooded, they're all very red blooded. The Spartans, the, you know, the women, the
Reegs: well, she says to him, come back with your shield or on it to him.
Yeah. Fuck. And she's so horny
Sidey: it's but it's the thing of, they're not allowed to.
Surrender a retreat, you know, if you come back and because you've bottle it, that's not cool. It's
Reegs: Dying a glorious death
Sidey: absolutely an honor for them to die on the battlefield. That's how they want to go.
Pete: losing an eye seems to be a bit of a free pass. Yeah. You could just like close your eye and pretend you've lost one and go like, oh, I'll just go back and see how the, the guys are
Reegs: getting I've got conjunctivitis. Yeah. So
they all they do go off.
Sidey: Well, he's also he's he's he is completely outlined the plan of. We've only got 300, but it doesn't matter because if we get 'em into this spot, we can
Pete: the, hot gates
Sidey: we can do this. And then our numbers will, it won't matter. We'll, we'll completely overpower them and blah, blah, blah.
And that's what they're
Pete: I, I really sort of took it even on the, I think I've only seen this foot. That was my second time, all the way through I've scene, other like, you know, segments of it. But I took it as that. This was always gonna. Like a bit of a suicide mission. Like they, there was 300, they, they knew that the, the Persian forces like it was like a hundred thousand
Sidey: or something.
Yeah. I hadn't seen it before, but I like completely understood that gay injury. They were all gonna
Pete: die. Yeah
Sidey: Yeah. There
was no, like it's, it's gonna be a glorious victory.
Reegs: it's to provoke, Xes into a move that will then force the Spartan rep empire to,
Pete: to, and because they're badass, they're gonna take fucking tens of thousands of them down with them.
Reegs: They're being followed by a guy called fel LTS. And
Sidey: a Looker.
Reegs: yeah, he's a Looker and they notice him. But then they come across a village that's been raised to the ground. There's no people in, it's just burning
Pete: the, the people have all been nailed to a tree by the looks of things.
Pete: Which isn't very nice. And I
Reegs: this little kid comes out, who's like suffering from PTSD or whatever, and runs out and, and he, he collapses into Leonard's arms and he says they came with beasts from the blackness because kids are known for their poetic pros yeah. In those kind of moments. But yeah, they do see them and it's heavy metal blazing.
Yeah. Absolutely. Pounding on the soundtrack, heavy metal and sculpted abs. I'm looking to you for this bit.
Sidey: There's, there's just some fine looking men.
Pete: Well, this is what, this is one of the reasons why, like, I've never like masturbated to men before, till now, but you know, if I, if I
Dan: now it's 300. Yeah.
Pete: yeah, this is, this would be like probably high up on the list.
Sidey: Butler's obviously in the shape of his life, Michael fast bender making his debut here. I think here he's looking great. Everyone's
Reegs: He's just intent on dying. The
Sidey: they all are kind
Reegs: Yeah. But he's really mad for
Sidey: Yeah he, keeps laughing
Reegs: Arcadian later, he goes with him.
Pete: Yeah. What, so the Arcadians are the, the Greek. Yeah. Who they meet along the way and that this is quite
Sidey: cannon fodder really
Pete: well, yeah, but it's, it is quite an amusing exchange there where like Leonard IIS is at the front of his group.
And then there's there's lot. There's more of them. There's there's a few thousand or something, but he just says like you, what do you do? I'm a fucking.
Sidey: I'm a, I knit,
Pete: Yeah. I work in the CD shop or whatever.
Reegs: I'm a project manager. Yeah.
Pete: A parking attendant.
Yeah. So but what he says, like all these guys are fucking warriors and yeah, like you, you just kind of get behind us cuz we'll look after you sort of thing,
Reegs: And they have a lovely night that night as well. Don't they? Cause they go down and see the Persian ships being battered against the rocks and they drink up in the storm and enjoy it.
Pete: I was going to just coming onto fast bender and I forgotten the character's name and, and I dunno the actor, but the, the son of the captain. Very very sort of homo homoerotic sort of relationship between
Sidey: Oh, I'm sure there would've been a bit of that going on.
It was definitely,
Pete: it was, it was full on like flirtation going on. As much as they were like challenging each other to,
Sidey: they had a nice way of saying that he was too young to go to battle Leonard Anita says he hasn't felt the warmth of a woman yet. which I thought was quite nice. And he says, oh, don't worry. I've got some other sons that can go and fuck
Pete: someone, but by the, yeah,
Reegs: myself laughing at that line. I thought it was
Pete: But by the looks of things, he wasn't particularly interested in finding the warmth of a woman. It was more Michael fast bender that he was
Reegs: The, the Persian Ry eventually is sent out from the Persian army because when they do see them land further down, there's fucking millions of him. Yeah. And the RC is sent out and there's a group of Spartans and they're building a wall just to block. The advance basically to funnel them towards hell's gates.
And the guy's laughing at him and he's got a whip and stuff. And he, he's laughing about a dozen men against the might of the army. My Scouts are everywhere and then he takes a closer look at the wall and he sees that the wall is composed of stones and the ground up bodies of the, the
Pete: of Persians. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dan: Yeah. The walls are piece of work. Isn't it really
Reegs: Yeah. And then he gets his arm locked off in bullet time. Yeah. Which is unfortunate for him.
Pete: fast bender as well.
Isn't it? He, he just sort of charges and, and locks his arm off and then threatens him and says on your way, my son I think the encounter with fel LTS is, is an interest. Well, it's, it's a, it is a valuable one to, to talk about because what's happened with FLTs is he was one of these children that we referred to earlier.
Was born with pretty hideous deformities, let's say. And would've otherwise been sort of, you know, killed.
Reegs: also sounded Welsh sometimes as well.
Sidey: the biggest deformity of all
Pete: Yeah. So, but his, his parents decided that for, for his sake that they would basically,
Pete: that's right? Yeah. They'd live in, they'd live in exile. Yeah. Away from Sparta. To protect their, their son disfigured as, as he was his, his dad sounded like he was a bit handy in the, in the Spartan army.
Taught, taught his son how to, to fight and do everything that he could. Leonard, I just noticed notes that he has a very strong thrust, which is one of the, you know, great offensive things that, that the Spartans have, but on asking him to raise his shield as high as he can, which is part of.
Defense, which is, you know, to cover, cover, cover their, their mate next to him from like neck to, to ankle or whatever. The, the fell is not capable of doing that. So he lets him down. He probably could have let him down a little bit more generally,
Sidey: I dunno. I thought he was, he was kind to me. He gave him the time of day. He heard him out. He said, look to. It was right. You'd no used to us. Yeah. You're just gonna die and probably kill
Reegs: Well, the captain's like, what is this disgrace? Get him away, straight away. So he's obviously much more compassionate
Pete: And he says, look, you can, you can help by, you know, tending to the wounded and, and like, you know, bringing me soup. Yeah. And stuff like that, whatever, like, yeah.
Do do like a spa run and get some like toffy crisps and stuff, but. Yeah. FLTs unfortunately has more honor than that. Well, at the time he did and he, he
Sidey: he pins off. Yeah.
Pete: his, his deformity and his, what his parents told him and, and yeah. Decides that. Yeah. Well, you, you, he doesn't say at the time, but you, you feel like he might have a part to play.
Yeah. Later on
Reegs: the full might now of the Persian army assembles by the wall funnel towards the, the hot gates.
And they send out another like lone guy to sort of shout some abuse at them. Why don't you give up? This is probably the fourth guy now. And it happens maybe four more times. Yeah. But one poor bastard is sent out.
Dan: You must just
Reegs: you know, give up now. Oh, please. Neil. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes out and he sped from fucking about two kilometers away.
and then the, the war just kicks off. I remember cuz I saw this film in the cinema and this was the exact point where a guy about. Five rows down from me, just sprung to his feet and threw his arms in the air and screamed. Yes. As the heavy metal, like yeah. Went crazy. And you know, you get this scene of the guy's individuals moving through the battlefield, lopping off arms and removing heads and
Dan: yeah, the battle scenes are, are
Sidey: bit is them just blocking off this route and just stabbing people relentlessly and building up this sort of load of corpses.
Yeah. And then they do eventually sort of break out from there and move forward and. Getting more hand to hand combat and not a single fucking spot and dies, I think in his first wave of the Yeah. They
Pete: this, this is where delios maybe I think he loses an eye.
Is that in the first,
Reegs: in the first one.
Pete: okay. Sorry.
Sidey: Think they, I think they're unscathed after the first
Reegs: the way they, they retreat back and they fire a bunch of arrows and they all it's iconic, I think because they all hide under there and they laugh at they're shouting cowardly, Persians.
There's all these arrows come down. Then he stands up and it's that comic book shop at the shot of him breaking all the arrows that are embedded on his shield.
Pete: the, the arrows block out the sun.
Yeah. As they, as they come over. Yeah,
Dan: that's right. Yeah. It, it, the way that they've designed their defense is obviously to funnel all the people down. So they can't.
Sidey: So their, their numbers, the way the numbers is is, is nullified because they can only get as many people as they can
Reegs: It's like a meat grinder.
Dan: This bottleneck.
Yeah, it is. Yeah. It's more like a meat grinder. Isn't it? Cuz they're just whirling swords and they've obviously got all the discipline and tactics they've been. Doing this for their whole lives. And all they want do is what they're doing. And they can't wait to die either unless they can kill everybody else first.
Pete: So the, the next group that gets sent in are the immortals
the plan is to put their name to the test, which they do by.
And they're quite horrible.
Sidey: a few.
Sidey: There's a few casualties this time.
Pete: is. Yeah. Yeah. There's these
I gonna say, like Japanese samurai kind of looked to them.
They had that sta suit of armor with the mask on it. And what I thought was amusing was when one of them lost the mask, it looked exactly like the
Reegs: you know what I mean?
Pete: Oh yeah. Yeah. You got like sort of wrinkled faces. Yeah. The, the mask reminded me of the, is it the sons of the sons of the Harpe or something in game of Thrones? Like those guys, like a sort of a. It's like got a, quite a, a sinister SMI smile on the mask. But yeah, they are not immortal in the slightest and they like way more of them get off than than the Spartans.
And even the
Reegs: ZX eat himself,
Pete: get involved. They attack them from the side. They come down a secret path and attack them from the side. But
Sidey: they're not so great
Pete: They're no, no, they're not much use. Yeah.
Dan: Was that the secret path that our guy or was that a little bit later
Pete: Well perhaps I dunno if it's the same one, well, the IOR, the immortals get
Reegs: get dispatched don't they and zerk sees himself then comes to bargain. Well, not bargain. He, he tells Butler that'll make him a great wall. Ord he'll give him all of grease and riches and zerk sees is the kind of eight foot tall.
Dan: Yeah he's
Reegs: heavily pierced.
He's wearing a
Dan: a lot David bow when he went through that
Sidey: they might
Dan: kind of phase and, and yeah, like that maybe.
He's got a look,
Reegs: he has, and he puts his arms on his shoulders. It's more homoerotic content and you know, he tells him what a great warrior he could be. All he needs to do is kneel. But he tells him no.
And, and he is left at that. They
Sidey: Well, he makes a cryp, doesn't he be? Oh my legs.
A bit knackered from all the killing I've been doing. I couldn't possibly like bend the knee.
Pete: Yeah. Yeah.
Sidey: Like, fuck off.
Pete: Yeah. It's like he's mocking him.
Reegs: So then it is more waves after waves. Did you see the fat guy who was Xi's executionary had like
Sidey: lobster to claw things? Yeah, yeah.
Pete: Yeah. He was quite cool.
Yeah, there was he was, yeah, he was basically there to like behead anyone that, that came
Sidey: was a captain that hadn't, you know, won his battle. Yeah. And so if you don't do that,
Dan: you might as well have left it all on the field
Reegs: and they throw everything at him. There's elephants, enormous elephants.
Sidey: are the worst.
They just go off the cliff.
Pete: Yeah. They were too clumsy and cumbersome for the, for the past. Yeah, yeah, yeah. DEOs does. Yeah.
Reegs: There's like cool scenes where they're fighting back to back. And the camera spins at a particular moment and shows you that the, both the Spartans have killed two guys at the same time in like in slowmo and all that kind of thing.
And there's but eventually as that, right, as the battle is dying down the captain who
Sidey: I didn't get this bit at all, why would you SHA I just, this is stupid when he shouts out to his son. Oh, fucking that was good. And some guy emerges from the shadows and just chops his head off on horseback. And he's like, oh no, I shouldn't have really shouldn't have distracted my son like that.
Pete: Yeah. Yeah. When you think, when you think how like brutal and effective they've been to sort of drop your guard like that is yeah,
Reegs: it is more like the sort of 275 now, rather than the 300. Cause there have been a few losses
Pete: and at about this time I'm gonna keep forgetting his name, but FLTs has, has now been seen to have defected.
Sidey: Well, he's just in an orgy.
Pete: well, which like fair
Reegs: fucks. It's all like
Pete: not had that much action. I wouldn't
Reegs: imagine it's amputee sex and like people have been burned and stuff like that's what X is into in his spare
Pete: time. But I think what he's also he's, he's, you know, he's using it to say, listen, we've, we've got some fucking weird looking cuts here as well.
So you can be one of our group and and FFL LTS goes, oh yeah, well, yeah,
Reegs: there's a lot of associating physical deformity with being evil in this movie. Isn't there a lot, a.
Dan: And I think they probably did during those days. Didn't they, as you say, if they, if they didn't make the grade as a baby, they were, they were thrown to their death. So yeah, I. Deformities and, and everything
Pete: well, so
Dan: seen as weakness or, or black magic maybe, or, or whatever, you know, who do.
they just didn't have the, the support network back then, you know, the NHS isn't what it,
Dan: it. Wasn't what it was now. Yeah.
Reegs: no. And so, yeah, FFL LTS is promised riches for leading them up the goat hurdles.
Dan: Yeah. Which
Pete: So euphemism.
Dan: no, no, that's that's what really happened. It did.
Pete: did. Yeah. Yeah.
Reegs: Back at Sparta queen, Lena has been having to do some politicing. She's got a friend on the council, but she's also got Dominic west running about being really creepy with her son and,
Reegs: All sorts of stuff.
Pete: And, and the
Reegs: And then he's had to, we could skip past it cuz I think we're going a little bit outta sequence. So we want to get towards the end as
Pete: well. Yeah. But the purpose of all of that is that what she wants her job whilst mateys away, having fun, fighting elephants and shit is to. Try and convince the council, let's say to send, to mobilize the Spartan army.
Yeah. To, you know, send in the, the backup,
Reegs: which Dominic west is a Persian, he's employed by the
Pete: again he's, he's in the pocket of the Persians. So he's he's dead against it, but just to even get an audience with, with the council Queenie ends up fucking Dominic west and, and he's he's not that pleasant about it.
He's like, you're not gonna enjoy this. This is not gonna be quick. Yeah. Fair play to him. Like yeah. For if he can, if he can make it last longer than a minute, then yeah.
Reegs: That is exactly how I initiate sex too. this, this will be over quickly. You will not
So yeah, that, that's what gets her, the, the audience with, with the council.
But again, I think we've probably come back to that bit.
Reegs: This is when your mate delios loses his eye then after that. Yeah, yeah,
Pete: And he gets, he gets sent back to
Sidey: he's a rider of Rohan as well. And
Pete: He is indeed. Yeah. He's a born.
Sidey: No, he is not Rohan he's Goor he's
Pete: he is Goor. He is a
Pete: Quite a big nose.
Sidey: Well, a far bit for me to comment on the size of girls's noses
Pete: Yeah. But yeah, he, he gets to it's it's like a, an honor honorable discharge. Yeah. From the 300. Isn't it. So one of, probably the only other way that you can get sent back because he's been given a specific task and second date
Yes. And Lee and I just gives him something from around the
Reegs: a necklace.
Pete: Yeah. Yeah. Something to, to give to, to Missy
Reegs: back. She'd given it to him. There was, that was, I was like, what is that pointless exchanging of a necklace. Here's a necklace. Have it back.
Sidey: symbolic I think. Yeah.
So yeah, he does go to do that and Now the 300 are down to less than a hundred, I reckon because this is when FTS leads a bunch of them up the goat herd as part the Arcadian shit themselves and run
Dan: from the side and behind don't they?
Pete: Yeah. Classic tactic
Dan: though. Yeah. And they completely a movement.
Pete: They are indeed.
Reegs: everyone's there. I mean, completely because you see it from impossible angles in Xes is watching the battle from an impossible position as well. Yeah. But it looks really cool.
Dan: Yeah. There's drone fridge.
Pete: Yeah. Oh, we should probably deal with the, what happens in. Back in Sparta then with the, the council where Dominic West's character whose name I keep
Theon Theron Yeah. Yeah. He
Sidey: he's a real prick about the sex.
Pete: So he basically says that, oh, her and this fella are carrying on.
Yeah. And yeah, she's, she's a bitch and don't
Reegs: yeah. He slight shames her.
Sidey: Yeah. He's such shame and just completely Negates any argument she has makes her unreliable and all the rest of it and, and says, no, she's actually a, a traitor and all
Pete: this. Yeah.
Sidey: But turns out. That he's the trader
Pete: Yeah. Yeah. Which we knew,
Sidey: and she's gonna be led away by the military police. Yeah. But she swipes a blade and stabs him, which the effect of which is twofold because he dies. But also his money that he's got from Xerxes with his face on it, spills out on the floor and they realize we've been, we've been.
Pete: had yeah, he's the Broer
Sidey: Yes. What a swine?
Reegs: He actually had it on him in the,
Sidey: it just seemed a bit careless to
Pete: Well, they didn't have safes and stuff in those days.
Sidey: you could just had left it home. Take
Pete: again, like there's no like fucking Yale locks on their doors and
Reegs: shit, but I'd be like, Pete, why are you jangling in so much?
Pete: yeah. Yeah. It's it's not Persian gold. What are you talking
Sidey: Anyway, he's outed. Yeah. And the truth is
Pete: and dead,
Dan: out is indebted. Yeah.
Pete: So it really comes to the sort of final sequence where, and it's quite, I dunno, I mean, this is where you know, that
Sidey: this game's
Pete: like glory and death kind of thing, but there's that bit of sort of Ft. Yeah. Uh Tries to reason with Le Leonard Anitas and And just basic based on the words that he uses, you just
Reegs: said, tell us the secret of your chocolate.
Pete: Yeah. yeah.
Reegs: Before you die.
Pete: Yeah. What percentage Coco is it? Um Yeah, cuz even though he was, he was like cast out by the Spartans. He, he doesn't wanna see them all get fucking dropped a bits. But that's what happens.
They get yeah, absolutely peppered.
Sidey: Well, li
Dan: they have a go though, don't
Sidey: Li just does Neil.
Reegs: Yeah, they get in, they get in the Fay lengths position and he's there by himself. And he thinks of the Wolf that he dispatched when he was younger.
And he thinks of the details of Sparta and his wife and everyone waits for what happens. He takes off his helmet and drops his shield. He condemns flies. He says, I hope you live forever, which is a good I love that that's a great insult. Yeah. He lays down his spear and he does kneel and then XXI starts to celebrate.
And then some guy comes, booting it out of the Fay lengths. And just in time to give him his javelin, which he leathers straight at Xerxes as this enormous battle kicks off, that kills all the rest of the Spartans and Leonard, Ida. And it. Raises through his kind of ear in mouth,
Sidey: takes his face jewelry off. Isn't it, he's got a couple of rings in his cheek and they get taken off and he's scratched and he's fucking devastated
Reegs: Yeah. Now the God king, because
Pete: it's exactly because that's that fallible basically shows the fallibility, he will bleed like any man.
And obviously that, that will play a part in the, in the wars to. That, that this guy is not the day he, he professes
Dan: Yeah. In front of all his people. They, they see him bleeding.
And he's, he's gutted by that. Cuz he, he was believing his own hype. Really? Wasn't he? Yeah.
Sidey: hype train, but Leonard is, is shot by a couple of arrows.
Pete: Yeah. He's a couple
Sidey: Well, no, but he, at first it is,
Pete: Yeah. Yeah.
Sidey: stands tall and then you just see again, that's that just rain sky. Yeah. The, the sky just shock full of arrows coming towards him. And you think. Is he gonna make it through this? I'm not sure.
Pete: Yeah, yeah, yeah. so he, he has another quick exchange with fast bender. Who's pretty cool in this film, actually,
Reegs: he finally gets his honorable death.
Pete: and he's like, yeah, it's been a fucking honor to, to, you know, he
Sidey: fight by my king. And he says, it's been honor to fight with you cuz he's humble like
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which is yeah Is pretty cool. I'll go a little tingle then just thinking about it.
Sidey: Then we, later on, we see the aftermath of the arrows and I actually thought there would've been more carnage than we were. Based on the, the amount of arrows in the sky.
Pete: Well, there was a lot of arrows in them.
Sidey: Yeah. They were all dead. Was
Pete: They were dead as fuck. Yeah.
Reegs: was dead a million times over.
Reegs: Leitis is in a Christ pose.
Sidey: Yeah. Yeah.
Pete: Yeah. There is
Reegs: is that? And he's lit from below in like a, there's a shadow with like glorious yellow, orange sun behind.
and then back at spar, it's all pan pipes and flutes and shit, isn't it.
And delios is telling the queen about this, the last stand. And he gives her back the necklace and she comforts her son.
Pete: Then again, like Dios again. And I think it was at that point that. If you didn't already know that he was the narrator, it becomes apparent because the, his narration becomes what he's then kind of saying.
And then you see him as the the, the captain or the leader of, of the, the Spartan army
Sidey: few more this time.
Pete: Yeah. 30,000 they say, and
Reegs: Spartans and 30,000 Greeks United.
Sidey: Well, that's Greeks. Great to fucking Useless
Reegs: Yeah. Yeah. But 10,000 Spartans could do a pretty good
Dan: job. Well, 300 is the, you know, did that
Sidey: called it should have called it the 10,000.
Pete: They still reference the Persian army as being three times bigger or whatever, but they know that they've got their number
Pete: and that, that they'll battle those guns
Reegs: And we get, like, it does go into, like you say, it's the final rousing speech of which we've had so many that we've not even talked about, but you know, people being geed
Pete: and quite a lot of arru.
Reegs: for war
Sidey: quite cool when they'll do that. I like that. Yeah.
Reegs: And the end credits were pretty good too.
They look like, I dunno if it was start
Pete: and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's start with SI, because he'd never seen this. He'd never seen this before. Yeah. I thought worst case scenario. You'll still get off on how hot the guys are.
Sidey: Yeah. So if it wasn't for the hot guys, I would be out. A lot of the battle stuff to me was a computer game of just like level.
It's just a level of like beat this, beat these enemies, then the harder enemies come out, beat those ones then. And I was just like, just so.
What's at stake here, you know,
Reegs: Sparta Sparta is at stake side
Dan: Well, this
Sidey: And I know that I story,
Reegs: honor and dying in
Sidey: got a blind spot with . I just don't fucking like him.
I don't like the aesthetic, the fake blood that was splurging around would fucking, really irritated
Reegs: It's like a comic book.
Sidey: But I'd rather just read the comic. So. I did, like I did enjoy it. I did enjoy it, but I just, I cannot give that kind any credit. And it's just a bit linear and a bit, you know, all that just like here, wave there's another wave.
And then there's another one.
Reegs: it is that, that
Sidey: go with that. But the buff guys elevated it to probably six or seven, whereas if it wasn't for them, like if they're wearing a tunic, it probably down to a four, three or four. So I, I did enjoy it. I got off on
Pete: Yeah. There, there was another first viewer and that was my misses.
she basically wasn't gonna watch it. And then she sat down and then she started taking interest in it and she watched the whole thing pretty intently. And then she was really seriously pissed off at the end when they all died. And I
Sidey: see that coming. Yeah. I also question whether sandals are an effective footwear
Dan: you wanna a close, a closed
Reegs: are good if you had to.
Sidey: I think, and I think, I think an open to shoe is suboptimal to go to Warren.
Pete: Yeah. But they did, they didn't have like safety boots in those days. They weren't any like
Sidey: yeah, but you
Pete: didn't have any dog Martins or
Sidey: Yeah But you must know that you close, you close that off. He's gonna be more efficient in battle.
Pete: I dunno. Maybe they like to waggle their toes or they get athletes foot or something like that.
Sidey: Oh, it, I suppose they didn't have socks. It might have been a bit sweaty.
Dan: the rocks though. Damn, no, enjoy this. I've seen it three or four times to be honest. And round I like the you know, I like the fight scenes, like the action. I like the fact it's a true story. I like the fact that there's facts in it, you know, and these people really existed and, and these 300 men or whatever had
Sidey: bottom. That was it. 299, plus. Leonard or was it
Reegs: him? Yeah. So should it have been called 301
Dan: 0 1
Pete: I was gonna flippantly say that would be the sequel, but there is a sequel to
Sidey: rise of the empire.
Pete: Yeah. Yeah. Which I've not seen.
Reegs: I have.
Dan: Okay. I've well, I've not
Dan: But the, the, the fact is I say that it, it did follow this, this story that has gone from you, was it 400?
Pete: Yeah. 500
Dan: BC BC, the effort those guys put in and when they were on the battlefield were saying, look, our story's gonna be told for, you know, a thousand years or whatever. Yeah. That's the kind of effort those guys put down on the battlefield against this huge army. So it goes over the top is large and it goes over the.
Maybe it does, maybe it actually doesn't. Yeah. You know, if you'd actually see it, I do like the fact they make the walls. There's a lot in this theme of,
Sidey: they're good builders. You mean?
Dan: yeah. People's bodies though. They just kind of, you know, yeah. They're really pretty clever. Very clever.
Pete: Yeah. It's, it's obviously like they're a kick ass fucking like, you know, collection of warriors
Sidey: tight unit.
Pete: I, I enjoyed this. I think more this second watch. Then I did the first time I watched it.
I, I, listen, I, I have no idea whose Schneider is and I couldn't care less. I know what you mean about the aesthetic and, and the, sometimes like the blood is almost like cartoonish and,
Sidey: and yeah, it was, we got this like really visceral battle going on and everything's really intense. Then you get some like red CGI blood flying that you're like, what the
Pete: I, I think if it was because this is what year, 2006, six, I think if it was made now, they'd make it more fucking. Go is like, it's more because of things like game of Thrones and stuff like that, everything's like, you know, blood fucking spewing everywhere is, is more widely acceptable and, and used I think.
And I think they maybe make it a bit more kind of gory and stuff, but I, yeah, I, I enjoy, I enjoy the pace of it. I enjoy the, you know, the fact that. Even though they're fucking, you know, they've gone through like hardships and they've had this hideous upbringing and they've been tested and, and put through like, you know, more than any child should ever go through that.
They've. Like, you know, love and companionship for each other and everything like that. It's
Sidey: fucking, it's just their culture. Isn't it
Dan: a loyalty
Sidey: Yeah. The, the yanks would probably come in and like force some sort of democracy on them and change it all around.
Pete: But oh yeah, I enjoyed it more this time than I did the first time.
Sidey: Really feeling you're a bit of a fan.
Reegs: Yeah, I did. I really enjoyed this.
I enjoyed this the first time I saw it. I've seen it a few times as well. Another sick brag. It's just really hits the sweet spot for me because it's like this huge budget behind these kind of crazy weird ideas. That's all being treated really like sincerely and with a lot of, kind of crazy love for the source material and stuff, which is often like a comic book brought to life.
And it's a heavy metal music video for two hours. And somehow, I mean that as a Compli. It's just
Dan: Joe Butler's best film.
Dan: What else has he done?
Reegs: Laura? A biting citizen is,
Sidey: oh, I was gonna say like Olympus has fallen or something like that.
Reegs: Yeah. He's pretty good in
Sidey: Oh, geo storm geo storm is better than this.
Pete: Can we just address his accent? He's like Scottish, like it comes out and
Sidey: It's like, Dan's, it's like Dan's Scottish impression.
Pete: Yeah. That's I spotter. And I'm like, where is you from fucking like Clyde bank or something? It's like, yeah, there's definite like Scottish twang in there.
But yeah, the, this, the good actors and performances.
Sidey: Yeah. It cost 65 mil and it made loads of money made 456 people really loved it.
Yeah. That's good.
Dan: They're always gonna do a, a sequel then. Is the sequel based on fact as well? Is it from the same army coming back?
Reegs: especially the bit about the giant mutants
Dan: Yeah. Okay. All good. They were around a lot in those days.
Pete: Yeah. Good film. Watch it even. So you didn't totally hate it.