England & The Brothers Grimsby

Brothers Grimsby

Cris: Good. We good? I,

Reegs: Welcome to Bad Dads Film Review, the podcast to entertainment as VAR is to this week sees the triumphant return of Peter as he sets off exploring England in the top five England. A place so preoccup- preoccupied with what it used to be that it's entirely forgotten to notice what it currently is, which is to say considerably worse. We'll be serving up more misplaced national pride than a tabloid headline, and more things done confidently and badly than the entire history of British dentistry.

Cris: worse.

Reegs: Our main feature is Grimsby, AKA The Brothers Grimsby in the US. In which Sacha Baron Cohen plays a football hooligan who reunites with his MI6 spy brother to save the world. A task which of course requires both of them to hide inside an elephant's vagina, while it is enthusiastically attended to by every other pachyderm in the enclosure. It's exactly as classy as that description makes it sound, and possibly even less so. But it did make me laugh more than once, which at this point is my only critical standard.

Sidey: only critical standard.

Reegs: The Football Association has charged this podcast with abusive and/or insulting langu- language, spoilers,

Cris: more than

Sidey: spoilers, and

Reegs: bringing the game into disrepute. We're entering guilty pleas across the board and waiving our right to appeal. So with that said and done, let's meet this week's back four of disappointment. Not starting with Dan. Unfortunately he's binned us off to have dinner with his mum, which we've all done to be fair. It's a pity because he is so old he actually remembers when England last won something, and whose zero fucks policy has now outla- outlasted 19 prime ministers. Commiserations to you Keir, I'm sure you're almost certainly listening.

Pete: almost certainly listening.

Reegs: so who do we have? Well of course there's radiant Chris, who approaches every film with the open-mindedness of a man reading a parking ticket. Chris hates cinema on principle and needs someone set alight and left to run around screaming before he'll call it 90 minutes well spent.

Cris: of a man reading a parking ticket.

Reegs: After several years on the bench, Peter returns, and with this many children he could now field a five-a-side team. Which I'll admit is the single most obvious joke going, but it's a million degrees and there's no added time available to find a better one, so everyone will just have to deal with it. And going down in the box for the third time this week the man who took one from the front and one from behind simultaneously and still the ref wouldn't blow him for it, it's Sidey. Hi. And then there's me, Riggs. Hello.

Sidey: Hello. Hello. Anyone been watching anything good this week?

Cris: blow him for it, it's Sidey.

Sidey: anything new? Anything exciting?

Reegs: The only thing I have, it's not really this week, but Widow's Bay on Apple TV is absolutely phenomenal. Absolute banger. Is

Sidey: is absolutely phenomenal. Absolute banger. Who's in that? It's got- I didn't know anything about it ... a

Reegs: it that? It's got a load of character actors, like Stephen Root, who plays in Barry. He's the handler.

Sidey: Right, okay.

Reegs: that guy. A load of brilliant character actors like that. A woman who looks just like Shelley Duvall. Matthew Rhys, he's brilliant in it. It's just really, really good. It's like- Okay ... comedy and horror and sometimes both at the same time, and it's just great. Yeah, strong.

Pete: Yeah.

Reegs: That's what it seems like. Yeah. Mostly horror.

Cris: It's like- Okay ... comedy and

Sidey: Basically horror. Pete, you've watched a million things no doubt since we last saw you. Shall I

Pete: three months. Shall I cover all of them off? No, no. No, no. The, the only thing I've watched that's probably noteworthy in my enormous hiatus is,

Cris: saw you. Shall I cover all of them off? No. No. Yeah. No, the, the only thing I've

Pete: Peaky Blinders.

Sidey: Oh, okay. I

Pete: did, did the first season and two- Two ... two episodes of the second season. Yes, it's just, like, it's something that the missus and I- Mm-hmm ... are jointly watching.

Sidey: Yeah. You've not watched it before?

Pete: No. No. Never seen it. I hadn't seen it before. I watched the

Sidey: film, though. I

Pete: I haven't seen

Reegs: He's so fucking hot in that

Sidey: gonna say, isn't he gorgeous in it?

Cris: watching. You've not watched it

Pete: like really gorgeous So, so is, so, so

Sidey: it's sort

Cris: it is. I watched the film, though. I haven't seen

Sidey: near Cov?

Pete: It's Birmingham. Birmingham. So it's, it's ve- it's very... 20 minutes up, 20 minutes up the road, yeah. Weirdly, there's a, there's a link between Peaky Blinders and Grimsby

Cris: Birmingham. Birmingham,

Pete: just... that's just dawned on me, but we'll cover that

Reegs: of who that is,

Pete: we do the review. I- it's,

Cris: Peaky Blinders and

Pete: it's definitely very, very watchable. It's not the, like, let's all lose their mind, let's all lose our minds like people sort of said it was, like everyone is about Messi during the World Cup every time he fucking ties his shoelaces up or something.

Cris: all lose our minds

Pete: yeah, that's, that's the only thing. And,

Cris: during the World

Pete: and the homework for this week. Okay. That's, that's all I've done in the last eight

Cris: up

Sidey: What about you, Christian? I've not watched

Cris: so yeah,

Sidey: rarely- Great. I'm gonna say it again, you're working too hard. That's it. From the 1st of July,

Cris: all I've done in the last eight months.

Sidey: Nothing. I'm not

Cris: I've not watched anything. I've barely had time to breathe.

Sidey: bars. Nothing.

Cris: I said, working too hard. That's it. From the 1st of July, no more evening jobs. Nothing. I'm not working events, I'm not working weddings, I'm not working restaurants, I'm not working bars. Nothing for the summer- Wow ... until probably November when it's close

Sidey: nice restaurants that we're gonna go to. There

Cris: gonna make some more

Reegs: Pretty boy like you, I can find a way to

Cris: I need money for Thailand and all,

Sidey: some money. There is a Bad Dads

Cris: scenery and for all the, you

Sidey: uh, Thailand

Cris: that we're gonna go

Sidey: There is, yes. Me, you, Pete- Well, Pete refuses to come though ... me and, me, you, Pete, and, and Dan are going away. Still working on Riggs.

Pete: Reece. You're still working on me as well.

Sidey: Ah, you're, you'll be there We've got

Cris: is, yes. Well, Pete refuses to commit.

Sidey: us through that- Mm-hmm ... for our trip

Pete: Well, the, the, the, there was a s- What is... Sorry

Sidey: Sorry. Sorry, what is the website again? Universe.baddadsfilm.com.

Cris: so if anyone wants to support us through that for our trip to Thailand- Well, the, the, the- What is it? Sorry, sorry. What is the website

Sidey: buy us

Cris: Universe.baddadsfilm.com.

Sidey: Yeah.

Cris: Universe.baddadsfilm.com, and you've got all the details there. You can give us a coffee if you want. You can- Ice

Sidey: Tiger Style. Are we

Pete: a crowdfunding for the Thailand trip on

Cris: singer

Pete: then then I might be able to

Cris: Depending on what the preference is. Maybe a Tiger- Yeah ... if that's possible. I can start. Are you doing a crowdfunding for the Thailand

Sidey: we were talking about- ... see what

Cris: on it? It's, it's just- Well,

Sidey: curated by Saidy and- 'Cause

Cris: is a possibility if, if enough people contribute, but it's more to visit the website- Yeah ... see what you like. It's, it's been curated by Sidey and his million bots.

Sidey: And make a tax deduction or

Pete: I like the sound of that. There's also a, another potential most of the Bad Dads,

Cris: Yes ... is what you're saying. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly.

Pete: what's the word? A quorum of Bad Dads

Cris: Another

Pete: participants, which is our road trip next year that we're planning. Cricket. Which will take in- Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Sidey: yeah ... the- Going for the Ashes maybe ... the

Pete: New Forest a day at the cricket.

Sidey: a day at the cricket. And then Brighton- Yeah ... for sex with a man.

Pete: Yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I've got one,

Sidey: I've got one in mind already, but- Yeah

Reegs: A

Pete: offers. Yeah, you don't wanna be, like, hemmed into- Yeah,

Reegs: offers.

Cris: Yeah.

Sidey: you don't wanna be, like, hemmed into one- Yeah ... yeah, too

Cris: I've got one, I've got one in mind already, but... Yeah. Yeah, I'm, I'm open

Sidey: I watch... Like, the World Cup does obviously, like, dominate- Oh, yeah ... 'cause my missus likes to watch it as well, so,

Cris: impressive, the one-

Sidey: but we did watch two episodes of The Pit last night, so we only got four to go. Oh, yeah, I love that. Yeah, it's really good. It's really fucking good. But I have also gone down a rabbit hole and become completely obsessed with,

Cris: two episodes of The Pit

Sidey: it's the,

Cris: so you're- Oh, yeah, you love that,

Sidey: Pierre White BBC Maestro series, which you can watch on YouTube.

Cris: obsessed with

Sidey: It's fucking incredible. So it's obviously, like, latter day Marco Pierre White teaching you how to, like, boil a potato or, you know, make food things.

Cris: So

Sidey: it also feels like you're being given life lessons whilst being potentially bollocked at the same time. While he repeats the same slogans over and over again. And-

Reegs: think I saw one of these. Does he make stoner food in it or something? One of them would like-

Sidey: he'll, like, show you how to make chips, or then he'll do something sort of extravagant like,

Cris: I saw one of these.

Sidey: avocado caviar, or

Cris: One of them were-

Sidey: then he'll make, like, a lasagna, but, you

Cris: then he'll do

Sidey: don't try... And it, he just repeats the same thing over. It's really funny 'cause the comment section is fucking brilliant. So I've I come in and my missus, missus will walk in the room and she's like, "Are you fucking watching this again?"

Cris: he just repeats the same thing

Sidey: I've done hours and hours of it. It's fucking brilliant.

Cris: brilliant. So I've

Sidey: and then I'd, then I've, like, carried on with it. There's a series-

Cris: watching this again?" I've done hours and

Sidey: From when he was 27 and he was, had three Michelin stars. 27? Yeah, he was the youngest ever to have three Michelin stars. It's when Ramsay worked for him, you know, there was the famous thing- Yeah ... where he made Ramsay cry when he was on the line, all that. Of what it was like, you know, back in the day. 'Cause he's, like, half Italian, half Yorkshire, which is, like, quite a combination. Yeah.

Pete: a combination. Yeah. What is ... Yorkshire?

Sidey: so he's... Well, he was, like, a bit of a rock star back in the day, but now he's sort of, like, the wise old man. He's fucking intimidating when you're watching him record it. It's quite, quite funny. So I've been watching a lot of that. And then I've watched The Homework. So, yeah. That, all that good stuff. Shall we crack on with our top five? Yeah. England.

Reegs: intimidating when

Sidey: Yeah.

Cris: and then I've watched The Homeward. So, yeah.

Sidey: Let's get into England

Pete: England? Yeah. Come on. Right. Let's get into England

Cris: all that good stuff.

Sidey: Top five England in any way you wanna interpret that. Pete, it's your

Cris: get into England

Sidey: thing and you've done nothing, so- I

Pete: I've done... I did, I did have... I didn't have time. I, I ran out of time to prepare. You

Sidey: you thought about anything whilst you're

Pete: whilst you were sitting here? Well, like Riggs, I think sort of like tr-

Sidey: the- You can go as abstract as you like ... the

Pete: thing I can think of is, is like, I guess, like stereotypes in, in film, not- mostly American film, which is things like f- like the typically English, like bad teeth and bad food- Yeah and the English are all villains.

Sidey: But that can be applicable to a lot of countries though.

Pete: But I think more so, I think the, you know, the- The

Sidey: and the tea thing, definitely- Yeah ... the, the Yanks think that about us

Pete: what we can

Cris: But that can be applicable to a lot of countries though. Right. But I think more

Pete: it was only this year that I, I heard the claim from you, Chris, that the English are obsessed with mayonnaise, which I've, I,

Cris: I've

Sidey: definitely- I would say the D- the, the Dutch or the Belgians ... the Dutch- Mm ... but also the Brits. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking Brits love mayonnaise. But also as, as a condiment- I do like

Pete: I've definitely, it's- Also the- The Dutch, but also the Brits ... yeah. Yeah. But also, like, as, as a condiment, I'd say it's probably come, like third or fourth in my entire lifetime. I had so much ketchup as a

Cris: but also the Brits Dutch. Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah. Same.

Pete: brown, brown sauce is, is for the win and then I'd say sriracha has probably overtaken mayo in, in the last- Oh ... last

Reegs: mayo with, tuna, no ... mayo, like, trying to be so f- like such a bad- Mayo with

Sidey: Yeah. I've- No. Mary- I've stopped being like trying to be so f- like such a bad- Mary cheese. No. Chris, go. In my defense, the reason why

Cris: last 15 years. Well, mayo with cheese. Mayo with cheese. No. I've still been- No. Mayo with tuna? No ... like trying to be so, like such a bad- Mayo with cheese? No ... Chris, go. In my defense, the reason why I say that is because I fucking hate mayonnaise, and I honestly- ... I di- I, I don't think I detest anything in my

Sidey: And I detest it. It's on everything. I de- I, I don't think I detest anything in my

Cris: much as

Sidey: much as I detest mayonnaise.

Reegs: as I detest

Sidey: the reason being that my mom used to make mayonnaise at home when I was a kid. Yeah. Well, that's the best mayonnaise. And because... Because, yeah, but w-

Cris: I detest

Sidey: it with the, th- they do... Have you

Cris: mayonnaise. Because the reason being that my mom used to make mayonnaise at home when I was a kid. Oh. And because- That's it then ... because, yeah, but we, we would have it with, they, they do... Have you ever seen a Russian potato salad and- Yeah ... they do a tongue salad, and they do... Back home they, yeah, like the, the beef and the pork tongue, they chop it and they mix it with mayonnaise and the gherkins, and it's like a, it's almost like a spread. It's amazing. But- It does sound- ... forget about that. There's a thing, there's like a Romanian version of the potato Russian salad. Anyway, all that. But for me, the, the... why I was coming to that is if you ever go to a supermarket, you can go from Waitrose to Sainsbury's, to Lidl, to Tesco- Yeah ... to the Co-op, to anything, and you buy a meal deal or a sandwich-

Sidey: in it.

Cris: They will always have mayonnaise 100% of the sandwiches, 100% of them have mayonnaise in them. If it's a ham and mustard, there's mayonnaise in

Sidey: and egg, if

Cris: There, there's will be 10% of it, of the whole saucy

Reegs: anything. All of them- So you as a person who dislikes mayonnaise, you're trapped in

Cris: there's gonna be mayonnaise in it. Yeah. If you want cress and egg, if you want ham and cheese, if you... anything, all of them- So you as

Sidey: in their own... I don't have a problem with mustard or mustard seeds- Yeah. Keep them, keep them separate ... as they, as their own individual thing.

Cris: whatever reason, I don't have a problem with oil, I don't have a problem with eggs in their own... I don't have a problem with mustard or mustard

Sidey: I like,

Reegs: I did not realize mayonnaise was so quintessentially British. I had the teeth and the self-deprecation and the shame about empire and all that stuff, but

Cris: and nuclear bomb the

Sidey: I make my own sandwiches- Don't you? when I'm organized. Oh, fuck, I've not done it for tomorrow. But I ma- I try and make my own sandwiches for work, 'cause when you go out and you buy like a sandwich and it's fairly average, unless it goes to Dan Dog and that's good you're just hemorrhaging money, which I could be spending on records. So I'll make my own sandwich. But I'll do, like say if it's like cheese and ham, I will mayonnaise it. Will you? But then I will also then wanna eat it, put a load of Sriracha on every bite that I eat. But I like the double sauce. I, I,

Pete: don't ... Yeah, fuck, that's So- So that's why I said that ... the, the only ... I'll tell you what, and, and it pains me to say this, French mayonnaise, like Dijonnaise-

Cris: that I eat. But I like double sauce.

Pete: that, that's the bomb.

Cris: so that's why I've said that I tell you what,

Pete: Yeah. Like- You would expect ... dip- dipping, dipping a ... You know, like, even fucking Mary Rose or seafood sauce or whatever it's called can fuck

Cris: they've invented it, right? So you would- Yeah. Like- ... you would expect it

Pete: dipping it in

Sidey: Spider Dijon. Yeah.

Pete: yeah. I feel like we've gone completely off topic here, but-

Reegs: Yeah, I did not realize we would spend so long talking about mayonnaise, otherwise- ... I'd have done more research on Helmand.

Pete: Yeah. Mayo. Rick, you got an England fruit? I've got Fawlty

Sidey: you got an England for

Reegs: books? I've got Fawlty Towers. Yeah. Oh. I think it's very English. It deals with a lot of English themes, repressed rage, g- class, a reaction to foreigners. You know, loads of stuff. It was obviously written by John Cleese and his wife, Connie Booth. And

Pete: His wife at the time, I think. Yeah, yeah,

Sidey: Isn't he quite complicated, John Cleese? He seems to, does not get on with anyone. What's

Reegs: I see, I keep seeing,

Sidey: Fawlty Towers. Yeah. Is that a book? No. It's a series, a sitcom.

Reegs: a series, a sitcom. It was a sitcom in the late

Sidey: '70s. It, just 12 episodes.

Reegs: It was just 12 episodes.

Cris: about? I see ... I

Sidey: sorry. I'll, I'll tell you

Cris: Fawlty Towers. Yeah. Is that a

Reegs: He, it's about it- Cleese plays a guy called Basil Fawlty. He runs a hotel in

Cris: I was thinking of, like ... All right, no, sorry. I'll, I'll tell you when it is

Reegs: does go wrong, and it's very farcical. But, you know, at the center of it is him and his just barely suppressed rage all the

Cris: wrong. Go ... Okay. And it's very

Reegs: the incompetence around him. It's just brilliant. It,

Pete: brilliant. The, the, the One of the main, like, themes in it is that he's got this, like, completely incompetent Spanish, like, head waiter guy, Manuel, that's come o- It was, it was Andrew Sachs, wasn't it? It's, like, an English guy playing this- He got-

Sidey: or dad? Who?

Pete: guy.

Reegs: his granddaughter.

Pete: Who ... Yeah, Russell Brand

Sidey: Russell Brand-ed, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Cris: that's come o- It was, it was Andrew Sachs,

Pete: the, there's, there's a whole, like, raft of, of gags that come out of that ju- down to, like, you know, miscommunication and, and misunderstandings and stuff, just to this guy's total, like, ineptitude with ... You know, he's always, like, dropping things on the customers and so on. But we're probably not giving this thing as much justice as it deserves- We need to 'cause it

Reegs: thing as much justice as it deserves- I think- I think of the, "Don't mention the war"- Yeah ... scene, just because it left such a big-

Pete: big- Well, he had some Germans come and stay in his hotel,

Cris: deserves- As it... Okay ... because it is- I think of the,

Pete: obviously-

Sidey: and he's obviously- And whipping the car with the tree and all that- Yeah sort of stuff, yeah.

Pete: it's brilliant. It's

Cris: he had some Germans come and stay

Sidey: he killed it off at

Cris: and- Okay ... and

Sidey: well. Yeah.

Reegs: Yeah. Just 12 episodes. That's it.

Cris: and- Yeah. The, the... It's, it's brilliant.

Sidey: do. Yeah, go on.

Reegs: I know you said about him being complicated. I thi- I see, I follow Eric Idle on

Sidey: They had a few spats, didn't they?

Reegs: he? Well, no, he... Do you know what? They keep, they ask him about John Cleese, and he's like, "The guy's 80 years old,"

Cris: follow Eric Idle on X and- Oh, yeah. A

Reegs: "Just remember him for what he did at his

Pete: he... He lives in America, John Cleese, doesn't he? And I think

Reegs: so, and he's got quite a few right-wing-

Pete: poli- like, the, the current pol- politics of America

Cris: l-

Reegs: polit- like, the, the current pol- politics of America ... Yeah, but he's also a bit, I think he's said some pretty sort of nasty

Sidey: Every now and then I see on social media a repost of him doing the eulogy for

Pete: Oh, yeah, yeah. The yeah, Graham

Cris: on social media

Pete: Chapman?

Reegs: Chapman.

Cris: him doing the

Reegs: fucking chairs-

Sidey: Yeah Graham- Chapman ... or Jane Chapman when he says fuck in the church. Yeah. It's really fucking funny. Like, it's- ... genuinely sh- like shocking 'cause no one's expecting it, and the whole congregation is li- like pissing themselves laughing. Yeah,

Cris: the church. Yeah.

Sidey: I think that Morris dancing feels very English. Yeah. Done a bit of Morris dancing in my time-

Pete: you? Have you

Sidey: you. Yeah. Really? Yeah. At St George's School. Yeah, we did a bit of Morris dancing. What does that mean? It's,

Pete: it's a type of weird-

Sidey: So you dress up in this kind of white gear- ... English dancing

Pete: dress up in a kind of like gear

Sidey: with bells attached to ribbons, like tied round your I think your ankles and your wrists, and you have a stick, and you dance. It's a sort of like Pagan ritual, though. Yeah.

Pete: It's like it's almost like line

Reegs: dancing. But you sort of wear lederhosen,

Cris: I

Sidey: Yeah. But you sort of wear lederhosen, don't you? No, you're wearing a, almost like a, sort of like white trousers. Like cricket, like cricket outfit really, like your jumper. Wow. Okay. And then you sort of dance in, in a line, and then you whack this stick. And it goes on like that. Which arm is the stick? And it made me think of... I've, for some reason I think I remember it in Hot Fuzz, but I don't know if that actually is actually true or not, and I'm fairly certain there's some in The Wicker Man. And that- Is it Midsommar as well? But that's not England at all. And I was thinking about Midsommar, and that's not England either. Yeah. But I was thinking a lot about Morris dancing. They do it- Especially as I've done it

Reegs: they do it down at Hampton. I've seen them do it. You're mostly watching to see if somebody gets hurt, aren't

Sidey: 'Cause it, yeah, 'cause you can dance, dance, dance, and then you whack... It's a big, long, like,

Reegs: It's like a synchronized dance and

Sidey: whack it all in sync, and then you dance round a bit, and you whack. I think they're like...

Cris: you can dance,

Pete: as

Sidey: Obviously it's- He's done it ... when you l- it looks, and it is so biff. Yeah. But it is this kind of pagan ritual, which is... I think there's, like, a, an actual, an element of darkness, and so therefore I'm cool.

Reegs: Yeah.

Cris: It is

Pete: Yeah. You're making it sound way more like edgy than it actually is, yeah.

Cris: think there's like a,

Pete: okay.

Sidey: Look my first... I'm gonna say the first rem- the, the

Cris: You're making it sound way more, like, edgy than it

Sidey: obviously to do with football, and

Cris: Okay. Look my first... I'm gonna say the first rem- the f- the first memory I have of England is obviously to do with football, and is obviously to do with the World Cup, which is quite topical, and is obviously to do with Italia '90. That's the first time, because it was It- Italy. We only had a black and white TV,

Sidey: was al- al-

Cris: and it was just after the revolution. So we had the revolution in December 1989 and, and six months later the

Sidey: Oh, you're saying, "Why, why is O'Leary taking a pen-" Yeah. Why is O'Leary taking a penalty? And

Cris: we got, I think, knocked out by Cameroon

Reegs: was for Cameroon, was it?

Sidey: Yeah.

Pete: No,

Sidey: but, but Roger Miller, I think we, we lost because

Cris: why is O'Leary taking a penalty? Yeah. Why is O'Leary taking a penalty? And he, he knocked us out. A- That was

Sidey: But I remember

Cris: no, but, but Roger Miller, I think we, we lost because if we would've beaten Cameroon, we would've got top of the group and something. But I remember,

Pete: is

Sidey: was it in that

Reegs: did shi-...

Cris: and I remember Lineker because he

Pete: it- He did I don't know. Was it '90 or '86? I'm pretty

Sidey: sure it was 1990. I think, yeah, I think you're right. I think it was. It was Paul Robson, which was both, so I, I- I'm pretty sure it was 1990 ... I think it was '90.

Cris: Lineker. yeah was, it '86? I don't know. Was it '90 or '86? I'm pretty sure it was 1990. It was, it, it was definitely Bobby Robson- He was heavy, wasn't he? Which was both, so- I'm pretty sure it was 1990- Maybe about '90, yeah because it was, it was the... Like, us kids, I, I was only five, right? So it was, for us kids was, "Ha, ha, ha." You know, it's like... A- and obviously whenever you go

Pete: He still scored in

Cris: playground, everybody

Reegs: nobody wanted to get

Cris: started laughing that, "Oh, you're gonna- Shitting himself ... you're gonna shit yourself," kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. So that's my first memory. He still scored in that

Sidey: got,

Pete: he got subbed off. But obviously, 'cause he'd shat himself and he, and he was like

Cris: pants.

Pete: basically trying to wipe it off his legs. He said it had rained, so at least the grass was wet so he could do a bit. But then he, it 'cause it was at Cagliari's ground. Yes. And he said that,

Cris: it off his legs. And he said it had

Pete: What he wanted to do was just, like, get immediately down the tunnel, at least have, like, a- A shower ... if not a full-blown shower, but

Cris: ground- Yes ... and

Pete: freshen up or whatever. But he got subbed off, and this was in the days where if you got subbed, you went to the dugout. You didn't go w- the nearest part. But he said Ca- every other ground in the world has got the tunnel between the dugouts. At Cagliari's ground- Goes all the way around ... the dugout's the other side of the pitch. So he's had to go off, so he's had not had an opportunity to, to go in the shower, and then he sat on the bench afterwards and he just said

Cris: the tunnel- You have to go around ... was on the other

Pete: of the

Reegs: everyone- Edging away

Pete: 'cause he stank of shit. Stank of

Sidey: him 'Cause he stank

Cris: in the shower, and then he sat

Sidey: so that's my first memory of England. Not necessarily a film or a place

Cris: moving away from him- Imagine ... 'cause

Pete: it appeared on the, on the black and white TV set. Yeah.

Cris: so that's my first memory of England. Not necessarily a film or a place in England, but that's- Yeah. It appeared on the, on the black and white TV set. Yeah, that, and that was my f- my first memory of, of the country of England in

Pete: thought of one, and it's actually not anything English, but is it

Reegs: seems off topic

Sidey: Dave-

Pete: Dave England is one of the guys from Jackass- Jackass ... which is topical because I think it's this weekend that their- Yeah ... final film...

Sidey: Have they got another, have they? I mean, is, is- He's in one... He's got one teste, isn't he?

Cris: from

Pete: I don't know, put it like, but he's, he's the one that- He's

Sidey: does the shits

Pete: he do- yeah. He,

Sidey: got one teste. Yeah, yeah

Pete: does stuff. Like, I think it is him with the yellow snow cone. Yeah. Like pissing on a fucking load of ice and then having to eat it. He always does stuff to do with shit. Yeah. They always

Sidey: They'll shit in like a B&Q or a Home Depot over there.

Pete: Yeah. Oh, yeah. In

Sidey: a little bit like the film, the start of the film. Yeah. Grimsby. Yeah. Yeah.

Cris: there was m- Or shit in like a

Pete: yeah, so just Dave England was, that came to it. But, yeah is, is anyone gonna bother with the... I feel like Jackass has kind of run its course, although- I'll

Reegs: see it because I-

Pete: lol at- I lo- I

Reegs: now ... I lo- I watched the last one not even that long

Sidey: Was the last one the one that had the hand, the big hand? Yeah. That's one of the funniest sk-

Reegs: was so

Sidey: one of the funniest skits of

Pete: fi- the giant high five or whatever it

Sidey: like fucking KO. It's like bam.

Pete: they go and get Dave England to get a tray of soups.

Cris: That's, that's amazing. It was so funny. One of the funniest sketches ever. The high f- the giant high five or

Pete: comes, he's just

Cris: Like fuck, he's

Pete: co- covered in it. It's fu- Bam Margera gets it really badly, doesn't he?

Cris: suits.

Pete: He's

Sidey: gets

Pete: a comeback. I thought he was dead. No, he's, he's, he's, he's skateboarding again.

Sidey: he's been skating, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks like in a bad

Pete: they... I don't know if he, I don't, I don't- He looks older than you. Yeah.

Cris: making a

Sidey: think they...

Pete: might be older than me. They're all, they're all in their

Sidey: he... I don- I don't- He looks older than you. Yeah. He looks older than Dan. He can't be older than me. No. They're all, they're all in their 50s, aren't they? He looks, he looks older than Dan. No,

Pete: not. No. No. Steady.

Sidey: he

Cris: don't- He looks older than you.

Sidey: way. Yeah. He's still got beef with them, hasn't he, about the

Cris: No. They're all, they're all in their

Pete: I think, I, I don't know. I think they all wish him well, and he

Cris: he's steady. No, he looks older than Dan. He's

Sidey: how bad he is, I think. Anyway.

Reegs: about

Cris: beef with the person

Reegs: Anyway. There is a sort of certain type of absurd satire that England does that I think is personified best by Chris Morris. As ... It's all sort of crass and shocking, but with a kind of real moral integrity about it often as well. And he's just a guy I really, really like. Had a really interesting career and produced a load of interesting stuff. He worked as a writer on Spitting Image, and then obviously he was on the ra- he was a guitarist in a band, and then went on the radio. And eventually came up with On the Hour, which was on Radio 4. That was a ... And that, in his writing team, had Stewart Lee and Richard Herring, so another kind of exponents of that absurd satirism as well. And then he did The Day Today, which gave the world Alan Partridge via Steve Coogan. And then you had Brass Eye.

Sidey: Just seminal

Reegs: absolutely amazing. Like, I think Petergeddon was the most complained about

Pete: person on TV

Reegs: ever.

Sidey: the most complained about- ... on television ever. Didn't have a-

Reegs: media frenzies in

Sidey: have a subliminal image slagging off Michael Grade- Yeah ... who was Channel 4 boss at the time. Yeah. Yeah.

Cris: ever.

Reegs: and and he did the radio shows Blue Jam, which f- spawned the TV series Jam, which was only okay, and then Nathan Barley, which I keep meaning to re-watch. I didn't like at the time, but maybe it's grown. And then obviously he's been brilliant in films as well. Four Lions and one I haven't seen recently ish, The Day Shall Come.

Sidey: that the Anna Kendrick one? Yeah. I haven't seen that

Pete: you say he's brilliant in films, doesn't he write these films? yeah, He's

Reegs: yeah, directing and

Pete: yeah, yeah. Yeah,

Reegs: yeah, yeah. He's made a few appearances. There are a couple of appearances in-

Sidey: He appears in Stewart Lee's comedy vehicle or comedy product or whatever. He does this sort of therapist type thing. They sort of work with each other.

Reegs: it's pretty cool.

Pete: pretty cool. He, He, also, and I know it's not, it's definitely not his finest work, but he absolutely steals the show in the IT Crowd as well. Yeah. He's in the first series of that, and then he just kills himself 'cause, like, the, basically the tax man, like, you know, the, the- Yeah ... he's, he's been embezzling stuff, and he just, like, walks over to the window and does a- Yeah ... and does a Tom and fucking r- again, Game of Thrones, can't remember their name.

Sidey: Yeah. Lannister. The, the blonde people, I can't remember their names. Lannister.

Pete: remember their names. Lannister. Lannister, yeah, yeah.

Sidey: Like just Lannister.

Pete: kills himself, and then it's Matt Berry that takes over that role as his son, isn't it? "Father."

Cris: people. I can't remember their name. Lannister. Lannister. Yeah, yeah.

Reegs: So yeah, Chris Morris, he's English. Yeah. I hope. Or, yeah, I don't know. He could be Welsh.

Pete: Basically, all the best actors and comedians are

Sidey: English. Comedians for sure. Definitely comedians. What about some films that just have England in the title? Yes. This is England.

Pete: We've seen that.

Sidey: talked about that. The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain. Yeah. That

Pete: hasn't got England in the title.

Reegs: Well, it's an English man. I

Sidey: English man. I mean, it's- Huge grant. He's really English as well. Yeah.

Reegs: Yeah. He is, and the rom-coms that he did are so English as well.

Cris: in

Reegs: Yeah.

Cris: the

Sidey: The English Patient. Yeah. It's kind of set in the desert, but it's got English in the title. Yeah. And, and did... done nine Oscars, so therefore- I don't think I've seen that. I haven't seen it either. Must be good. An Englishman in New York, movie and a song. A song, yeah. By your mate, Sting. Yeah.

Pete: all right, Sting. I'm, I'm, I'm here for him, and he was in a film. He was- And he's a Geordie ... he was in Lock, Stock. He was, yeah.

Sidey: He's a Geordie.

Cris: A song, yeah. Oh, mate, Sting. Yeah. He's all right,

Sidey: Brighton Rock and... Not Brighton Rock.

Cris: And he's a Geordie. He was in Lock, Stock. Film star. He's a

Sidey: Dune as well. And The Last King of Scotland. Oh, wait, no. It's something else.

Cris: Brighton Rock and... Not Brighton Rock, Quadrophenia ... Quadrophenia and June as well. Oh,

Pete: Oh, my

Sidey: really? Christian?

Cris: King

Sidey: I'm gonna say-

Cris: Oh, wait,

Sidey: gonna say Guy Ritchie-

Cris: not. Oh, really?

Reegs: than- Yeah

Sidey: rather than the film. Because

Cris: I'm gonna say...

Pete: have to

Sidey: say, I can't...

Cris: Probably gonna say Guy Ritchie- Yeah as a whole rather than- Yeah ... rather than the fi- because th- there's... I have to say, I can't...

Sidey: and he had Beckham

Cris: I've watched pretty much all of them, and

Reegs: Was that Howie that used to

Cris: I can't really remember... The King Arthur one was probably a bit of a stinker, that, and he had Beckham in it,

Sidey: gonna lie. I like most of- It's

Reegs: in it.

Cris: by

Sidey: Yeah. Mm. And he's got bad teeth and a scar on his face, and he tries to get- Oh, playing against type

Cris: that wasn't good. I- I'm not gonna lie. I like most of- With Beckham in it. Yeah. Yeah. And he's got bad teeth and a scar on his face, and he tries to get-

Sidey: have a competition

Cris: and to get the guy to, to get the sword out of the rock, the Excalibur, but all the films. And I used to have a competition with my brother, who can recite more lines from Lock, Stock and Snatch? Like, m- we would... And that's... I studied English in school, and Cartoon Network was probably the, the first one that I would get. W- which, I think half of it was American English. It wasn't- Yeah necessarily British English. But

Sidey: think it was two years before.

Cris: after we watched that, because I was already 15 when Snatch came out, so I think it was '98 when Lock, Stock was out, two years, I think it was two years before. So I was, what, 13 or something like that.

Pete: like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Sidey: so I knew...

Cris: I knew expressions and stuff, and I could recite, like, whole dialogues and, "Big Chris, that was dead for Harry," and stuff like that, right? Yeah, yeah. So I, I knew... Not... I couldn't really tell you off the top of my head now, but I knew how to say certain things from the film. Yeah. And I would just have a competition with my brother. And then obviously the films after, and I really like the, the two Sherlock Holmes that he did. Both of them

Pete: Is it... Was he

Cris: their own right, they were good

Pete: Yeah, Revolver. I saw Revolver ... No, no.

Sidey: it was good,

Pete: Yeah, it...

Cris: Gentleman was good. The... Most of them, really. Revolver. Revol- I still don't understand Revolver. No, no. But it was good, though. Yeah, no. I, I... Because it was so intriguing.

Pete: even if they're

Cris: And the, the two, the Andre 3000 from OutKast and the other guy, the, the mafia guy that you never really know what they actually do. Or even

Pete: that is a- He wasn't really- ... departure

Cris: Yeah. And, and, and to an extent, Jason Statham, which- Yeah ... for once, he didn't really beat people. He wasn't really a tough guy. That was, that was a- He wasn't really- ... departure from his normal character ... he wasn't really like, like in Lock, Stock and that where he was more of a clever guy. He was just, like, confused and alter ego and stuff like that. So I- I'm gonna say Guy Ritchie as a, as a whole. And there's m- also a massive massively famous photo of him and Madonna when they were together leaving a hotel in central London, and they had a see-through bag, and there was a strap-on in his see-through bag.

Pete: They

Cris: So I don't know who did who.

Pete: power to them. Yeah.

Sidey: Mm.

Cris: one can only assume

Sidey: be up there.

Reegs: Mm.

Sidey: We just need to get Ratl- a, a rig on to make the game. Yeah. It's 20 past.

Pete: to get around. Yeah ... bring it on. Yeah. Again. Yeah. Just 20 bucks. Sure. J- just sort of a... Well, ano- another stereotype. Well, I think we've done... I think we... You guys- guys have covered this, and I might have been there for some of it, is about accents as well, like the English accent depicted in American film. Oh, no. Espec- well, it's ne- it's never been worse than Dick Van Dyke- Never ... in in Mary Poppins. Although I think a few people have had a really good- Cor blimey.

Sidey: And I think a few people have had a word- Cor blimey, Mary Poppins. Ron Perlman,

Cris: it's never been worse than

Pete: Yeah,

Sidey: fade it, they fade it out, don't they, across the films- Yeah and it just stop doing it.

Pete: it. Yeah. And I th- I think that a- apparently to, like, to Americans, and I guess,

Cris: Ocean's 11. Yeah,

Pete: could tell an American accent, not literally state by state, but I could tell a Deep South accent- Of course

Sidey: course, or a Boston accent ... from a New York accent- Yeah ... or, you know, from a-

Pete: from a, you know, from a- Yeah ... so, you know, California accent or whatever. But a- apparently there's no discernible difference to American people between English accents,

Sidey: Scouse to a Cockney to a Geordie Because if

Reegs: What, they all sound the same to- Yeah

Pete: yeah. Apparently

Cris: no

Reegs: would

Sidey: think, they would just go, "We don't know what they're saying." I'm sure Geordies would stop- They'll just, they just won't understand Scouse.

Pete: Yeah, I was gonna say. yeah, yeah.

Sidey: Geordie to me-

Cris: all sound the same? Yeah.

Sidey: to these places and you hear them, Geordie to me, like proper Geordie way, is the most,

Cris: But surely Geordie is not- Or Scouse. I was gonna say, yeah, yeah. You can't- Geordie to me-

Reegs: When that's

Sidey: 'cause there loads of them here and we play football against them, you can hear them. You can kind of- 'Cause it's mostly swearing. Yeah. And you get it on the football field, so you can kind of like understand most of what they're saying. Yeah. But the Geordies is fucking hard work.

Pete: It is. And,

Sidey: then- I

Reegs: then- Yeah. Alright, man. That was in,

Cris: you get it on the football

Reegs: Partridge. He had

Sidey: character- Yeah ... what was his name? I can't... I can't remember it. Oh,

Reegs: his name? I can't fucking remember it, but

Cris: is. And, Even

Reegs: you basically couldn't remem- understand anything he was saying

Sidey: understand anything he was saying. I didn't get a word of that. He said- Yeah.

Reegs: Yeah.

Pete: Yeah. But

Sidey: But he's like a Shakespeare, you know, Royal Shakespeare Company actor, that guy. He's amazing. But there's a,

Pete: the whole Shakespeare comedy. I don't know. It's amazing. But there's a- like there's also this c- the class as well. It's either everyone English is either an absolute, like, sort of down and out or completely upper class, like, "Oh, hello," you know,

Reegs: And we're absolutely obsessed about it, and we write about it all the time, and we talk about it, like in our media class,

Cris: it, and we write about it all the time,

Reegs: We do. So

Sidey: he did, so I did read today that there's gonna be a fourth Austin Powers film

Reegs: Is it really?

Pete: today

Sidey: out of ideas, so he's gonna do another Austin Powers film 'cause he's obviously does the old, you

Reegs: He's Canadian

Pete: Yeah, but

Sidey: Yeah, but he, you know, does that version of the, the English sort of- Commonwealth things Yeah ... accent, blah, blah. And he does the bad teeth stereotype thing in

Reegs: Very much so.

Sidey: Yeah, very much so. Yeah

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Reese?

Cris: it's just that version of him, you know. It's the

Reegs: yeah, I haven't got a lot on my notes. I'm thinking about London black cabs, though. Yeah. Very popular ... I'm pretty sure I've seen them in a movie.

Cris: yeah, I haven't got a lot on my notes. I'm thinking about

Sidey: Fake taxi.

Reegs: Oh, I see. Right. Which

Cris: very popular.

Sidey: you the story

Cris: I'm pretty sure I've seen- For two different genres of television. Go on.

Sidey: On the... His

Cris: Yeah. Oh, I see. Right. Which I can tell you the story that Han told us

Sidey: acquired a car,

Cris: on the... His mom lives in... A friend of ours whose mom lives in Spain, he went to

Sidey: Oh, there's one in my, my road where I live. And, There's the guys on

Cris: acquired a car,

Sidey: gets the

Cris: and on the back has a

Reegs: a few super- You're like,

Cris: back window which says fake taxi. Oh, there's one in my, my road

Sidey: got it last week.

Cris: there. And he went to get take her car to go to whatever- ... to the supermarket, and he was like-

Sidey: mom, but

Cris: What are you doing? "Where'd you get that car?" She's like, "Oh, yeah, I just got it last week. It's nice, isn't it?" And he's like- That

Sidey: sorry. Just

Pete: re- as a ma- like, as, and so I've got exactly

Cris: going on there, mom, but okay. So. Go on, Sharon, yeah. Yeah.

Pete: Exactly

Sidey: couch. Gets

Cris: yeah, sorry. Sorry to interrupt. Just re-

Reegs: don't know what you mean. Yeah,

Cris: as, and

Sidey: I've never seen it either. Did you get the part?

Cris: couch as UK Casting Couch.

Reegs: Yeah, so black cabs I was thinking about by, you know, they've... I've definitely seen a

Cris: Yeah, I've never seen it. I

Reegs: they've been in. Oh, Lord. But just naming one off the top of your head's quite hard. I, I think there was one in let's say Sherlock

Sidey: Holmes.

Cris: seen

Pete: Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah.

Cris: Oh, loads. Yes.

Sidey: one of the, those carriages rather

Cris: in,

Sidey: black cab.

Cris: say Sherlock

Reegs: fine. Let's say

Cris: Well, I think it was the, the, one of the, those carriages rather

Pete: I'm now I can vaguely picture a, a chase scene through the streets of London involving

Reegs: A, a black

Cris: Definitely

Pete: M- and, and now I've made up that there was one in- Tom Cruise

Sidey: been in one.

Reegs: Yeah,

Pete: made up that there was one in one of them. I'm

Sidey: know he's not been in. Tom Cruise must have been in one. I've been in one.

Cris: involving-

Sidey: a chase? A black

Pete: a black cab. And

Sidey: Yeah. Okay. W- were you in

Cris: Tom Cruise must have been in one.

Sidey: I, I've been in one. Only against

Cris: well Tom Cruise must have been in one, which I know is not

Pete: got in a taxi and said, "Follow that car"?

Sidey: No.

Reegs: car? No.

Cris: cab. In a black cab, haven't you? W- were you in a chase?

Pete: need to put that on the bucket list I, I actually, no, I

Cris: I've been in a black cab.

Sidey: We need to put that on the bucket list. I've, I actually have been. I have been

Cris: Has anyone ever got

Sidey: 18 of you, and

Cris: "Follow that car?"

Sidey: from one nightclub to

Reegs: Oh, you'd need a mini, wouldn't you? There's

Sidey: the first one that is-

Cris: I've... Actually, no, I have been. I have been, because i- if it's 18 of you and you just get taxis from one nightclub to another- You need a mini there's the first one that is... No, but

Sidey: that guy. Yeah, yeah. So then if it, if

Cris: back home,

Sidey: and

Cris: you, know, you've been to Bucharest, you know it like the back of your hand now. I

Pete: following anyone. He was doing whatever he wanted, 'cause he was

Cris: exactly. Yeah. So, so, so then if it, if it's 10 of you, and you, you're like, "Oh, just follow that one." Yeah. You, so- He wasn't following anyone. He was doing whatever he wanted, 'cause he was fucked on ket Yeah, but the...

Sidey: gonna do some quick music

Cris: said that, but not in the movie way of, "Oh, follow that car." Yeah, yeah. I'm cha... It's more like, "Follow these guys because we're going

Sidey: offic- I don't think it was, it, it wasn't even England's official World Cup

Reegs: Johnny Barnes. I

Sidey: was it? Johnny Barnes. I don't think it was, no. Johnny Barnes, I remember John Barnes. But it was the unofficial World Cup song- Have you heard- for England World Cup '90 ... 'cause you know they, they, all the players auditioned for the rap. I've heard Beardsley's, yeah. Have you heard the Peter Beardsley version? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.

Cris: Johnny Barnes. I remember John Barnes- It was the unofficial world cup song Have

Sidey: I do, of course I know him. It's incredible. We have to play it later. It's incredible. In fact, Sodie's gonna put it in here. No he's not. English Rose by The Jam.

Cris: You know who Peter Beardsley is? I, of course I know. It's incredible. We have

Sidey: England by The National. This Is England

Cris: in

Sidey: by The Clash. Yeah. But my nomination is also a musical one. It's PJ Harvey's Let England Shake. I don't know if you're familiar with that album.

Reegs: I don't know if I am, no.

Sidey: It's fucking great. It's really, really great.

Cris: Harvey's Let England Shake.

Sidey: say no more, just listen to it. It's fucking s- really great, and I love her. She's amazing. Really cool.

Cris: great. It's

Sidey: So our noms. My nom is gonna be quite stereotypical. I have to give a shout-out to The Transporter only because it's, it's a British guy that kinda does all that, but it has to be

Cris: our noms. My nom is gonna be quite stereotypical. I have to give a shout-out to The Transporter only because it's, it's a British guy that kinda does all that, but it has to be James Bond. I know he's stereotypical, but it, it's- Yeah for me as- James Bond ... as, as a foreigner,

Sidey: was whatever cars. Watch,

Cris: He's a gentleman. He shags all the women.

Reegs: this week's movie trades off

Cris: classy. He drives a fancy car. Throughout the years was whatever cars, watch, gadgets, anything you want.

Pete: what is the, the single greatest, like, comedy series of all time-

Cris: Yeah. S- so, so yeah. I'll, I'll have that then. Yeah.

Pete: mayonnaise, 'cause that is really

Reegs: is so English.

Sidey: put Blackadder in. We've never fucking done it.

Pete: Yeah, yeah. Bla- Blackadder probably, w- I mean, we... It's probably the most quoted thing on the pod. Yeah. Certainly episodes I've been in because the... It's unbelievably

Sidey: live and breathe it, yeah.

Pete: Yeah. Blackadder. It's the best thing ever.

Cris: on the pod. Yeah. Certainly

Sidey: I'm

Reegs: for, in honor of the football theme tonight, I'm going for The Impossible Job, which was the 1994 documentary about Graham Taylor.

Pete: I not like that.

Reegs: I not like that? Do I not like that? Yeah. As, as Koeman smashed one in in Rotterdam into the top corner of that free kick. Oh, he

Pete: Oh, he should've been sent off. Just so, Press corps ... impotent. Keep trying. Yeah ... that he just, that was what... And he, that footage of

Sidey: Through, Crestfallen

Reegs: Crazy impotent- Keep balling ... really. Just that was what- and he- that footage of him just led to his demise really,

Cris: off. Should've been off. Oh, he should've been sent off. So,

Sidey: And,

Reegs: oh, no, he'd already gone by the time the

Cris: Keep trying. Yeah. Really just

Reegs: he was just a figure of ridicule really, wasn't he? And he- Yeah. We, yeah, and

Sidey: Yeah.

Pete: really, wasn't he? And yeah. Well, yeah, and w- we've, we've done that to many a manager,

Sidey: Football League, like, gave him a real fucking hiding. Yeah.

Pete: hiding.

Sidey: panned him.

Pete: That also was brilliant. And certainly, again, typically

Sidey: English. Yeah.

Cris: actually, but- Fantasy Football

Sidey: Job. So we need another England, basically, in so many ways. Yeah.

Reegs: Yeah.

Pete: Yeah.

Cris: something, again, typically English.

Sidey: Let us know your nom.

Cris: Yeah. There you go, The Impossible Job. So we need another England,

Sidey: Let's not spend too much time on this Have we

Pete: to get a glass of wine, do you think? And would you like one? Yes. Would you like a glass of wine, Chris?

Cris: let's not spend too much time

Pete: you- I'm good

Reegs: jive with that nigga shit.

Sidey: think I

Pete: that

Reegs: Oh, are we still recording?

Sidey: stop it

Reegs: Thatcher's gaze in there. Are we

Pete: Yeah. Yeah, I'll switch it off. Yeah, so, so I need desperately not

Cris: think I might, I might have another Statues Gaze in there. It's still recording.

Sidey: been so long since I've seen Pete's

Cris: There's- Yeah, don't stop it now ... Sonny desperately not trying to

Pete: Which,

Reegs: right hand tattoo, and it's- It's something,

Cris: I also have to

Sidey: up. Pete, Pete, come on. Come on. We're gonna miss the game if you don't hurry up. This, this, it took two, two phases to- You're causing us to miss the game to- Huh? You're causing us to miss the game. It's coming home. It's coming home. Come on.

Cris: that it's been so long since I've seen

Pete: took two, two phases to, to create this.

Cris: it's

Reegs: two three-year-olds. It's coming

Cris: one. This, this one. That one. Hurry up, Pete. Keep up. That one. Fucking hell.

Pete: Come on, England.

Sidey: such a stand. Oh, really? It's the

Cris: the game. Yeah? You're causing us to

Pete: I'm putting cans in

Sidey: a flambard

Cris: Come on. It's coming home. Come

Sidey: Come on.

Reegs: my God, Peter.

Cris: Go on, Riggs. Yes, no, that on the

Reegs: Yeah, he's flamboying

Sidey: Surprised Dan's not

Cris: No, there's the box there. Come on. Oh, my God, Peter. Flambarding.

Reegs: past, Pete Is it finally

Cris: isn't he? Yeah,

Reegs: a degree cooler?

Sidey: No. So we're going there. I know. Should I sit out there and watch it through the

Reegs: No, when we go in there.

Cris: he's flambarding. Oh, Dan's not back. 29 past,

Reegs: and watch it through the window? Just

Cris: a degree

Pete: fans have taken up

Reegs: Is there a way that we could get a mirror

Cris: in

Pete: the visiting

Reegs: and-

Sidey: What I thought was really funny was when

Pete: Adam Rickitt. I don't

Sidey: been like watching all... You know, I don't wanna give the Scots too much credit, 'cause they are essentially cunts. But when they drank all of the booze, all of the beer- Yeah, all the Boston, yeah ... in Boston, but not the Bud Light.

Cris: watching all

Reegs: Got to give them

Sidey: Gotta give them some kudos for that.

Reegs: I, watched this video of this guy whose,

Cris: booze, all of the beer- Yeah, all the Boston, yeah

Reegs: called Jobby.

Cris: I gotta

Reegs: see it? And it sells liquor. Yeah. And it had all these, like, thousands of Scottish

Cris: guy- Thank you, Peter ... whose,

Reegs: taking a photo 'cause it says Jobby

Sidey: Did you see it? Yeah. It sells liquor. Yeah. And it had all these, like, thousands of Scottish people outside taking a photo, 'cause it says Jobbie Liquor. We've seen they wanna, they wanna twin with Glasgow now.

Reegs: wanna twin with Glasgow now. Job- He was, like, literally that. They- What,

Sidey: Jo-

Pete: New York?

Sidey: no, the mayor of Boston- Why Boston?

Pete: Oh, Boston

Sidey: this an annual event? Like, can we twin with Glasgow? You guys need to come back," blah, blah, blah. Imagine they're, like- Imagine them go- Imagine going to Glasgow ... imagine

Pete: imagine them go-

Reegs: our town dry.

Cris: mayor of Boston- Bo- Boston ... of

Sidey: seen Glasgow in their life. Yeah, they've obviously don't... haven't got a clear what Glasgow's like. But,

Cris: back, blah, blah, blah. Right,

Sidey: remember that, that viral slide video of the policeman going down the slide? Yeah.

Cris: to Glasgow. They've never seen anything like that.

Sidey: found it, and they sent a guy with the bagpipes down it

Cris: you remember that, that viral slide video of the policeman going down the slide? Yeah. The, the- Yeah ... the jocks

Sidey: then. All right, ready?

Pete: Yes. Did everyone watch this?

Cris: down it.

Sidey: I've watched this.

Reegs: Peter, you inflicted Grimsby on us.

Sidey: Slash the brothers Grimsby. Slash the brothers. I had, I had like deliberately avoided this in the

Reegs: I had seen this before.

Cris: inflicted

Sidey: and then it became a thing because this was the movie that sort of got him canceled a bit.

Pete: bit.

Sidey: there was a-

Reegs: because of Rebel

Sidey: there was a, a set too with him and Rebel Wilson. Yeah.

Cris: because this

Pete: was that over? It was like sexual harassment

Sidey: He wasn't nice to her in

Reegs: he was degrading to her on set is the allegation. Easily

Sidey: done

Reegs: So I don't know. This is, we'll get the conceit out the way, it was directed by, well, it was written by Sacha Baron Cohen and his part- writing partner Baynham, was it? Something

Sidey: P- Phil Johnston and Peter Baynham.

Reegs: Yeah. And directed by Louis Leterrier, who has some kind of form as a sort of fairly workman-like director who did things like The Transporter, and Now You See Me, and,

Cris: who has some kind of form as a

Reegs: The Incredible Hulk, and all that sort of stuff. So somebody who has kind of action, mid-range action chops, genuine action chops. And it stars Scott Adkins, who I really like. I love him. The Ukrainian Ben Affleck as they call him

Pete: in Russia. Yeah. Boyka.

Sidey: Yes.

Cris: it

Reegs: Boyka, yeah. Have you seen the Undisputed movies, have you? Yeah. You seen the Undisputed

Cris: I love him.

Reegs: Oh, man. Undisputed IV is my, my absolute favorite.

Cris: Boyka.

Reegs: We should do an Undisputed movie. Right. So, and,

Cris: Oh, man. Undisputed

Reegs: Strong.

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: Strong. Playing sort of James Bond. Bald

Sidey: Who do we get introduced to first?

Reegs: first? Well, we're introduced to them shagging.

Sidey: Yeah. That's right. That's, yeah, it's the Jackass sort of joke, isn't it? Yeah. 'Cause they're shagging, they're really getting down to it. Hot and

Reegs: bump and grind, isn't it? R- R. Kelly,

Cris: do we get introduced to first? Well, we introduced to them

Sidey: And they are, like, properly sweaty, and she's grabbing him, and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And then it, the camera sort of zooms out, and they're in a, you know-

Cris: wrong.

Sidey: Fucking guy.

Cris: like, properly sweaty, and she's

Sidey: fucking guy. This fucking guy. And they're in a shop buying a bed, testing it out by shagging on it. Yeah.

Reegs: So that's the kind of thing we were getting.

Cris: guy. This fucking guy.

Sidey: good? Yeah, nice.

Pete: And you? Grab a

Cris: in a shop buying a

Reegs: Oh, you want

Sidey: want... Sorry. You- We're recording, yeah.

Cris: that's the kind of thing we get. How it going, Steve? All good.

Sidey: yeah, and then he's carrying the mattress back through very... And you can see, like, Grimsby's not portrayed to

Pete: it's basically at the beginning of this is England where it's like completely shitty, rundown

Sidey: Yeah ... of England. And he has... The kids have to help him lift it up the stairs. Yeah. And there's a joke about smoking with the kids. They're like, "We're not smoking crack." Yeah. He's like, "Yeah, but you start on vaping."

Cris: rundown part of England. Yeah, And he has, the

Reegs: he's got 11 children, is it? And one grandchild called Django Unchained.

Cris: crack." Yeah. He's like, "Yeah, but you start on vaping." Yeah,

Pete: The oldest kid's called Skeletor. Yeah.

Reegs: Yeah.

Cris: children, is it? Yeah. And one grandchild called Django

Pete: And the... I, love the best one is the, his son called Luke- Luke ... 'cause he's got leukemia.

Sidey: really, but we, we shave his head so he can get a benefit. Benefit. Yeah. Yeah.

Reegs: he's basically a Liam Gallagher proxy. Yeah. He's got the hair and mutton chops.

Sidey: literally do it later on chops and sideburns. Yeah. We've talked, we've lamented, never on air I don't think,

Pete: sideburns Yeah We've

Reegs: talked, we've lamented, never on air I don't think, so maybe now's the time. But we've been having a long discussion- The

Sidey: sideburns

Reegs: of sideburns- Yeah ... in the world. In the world. In, in general.

Cris: we've lamented, never

Sidey: just crap. All the, all the younglings- It's awful ... they have the sort of alpaca hair, but-

Cris: the lack

Reegs: It starts very top, very high

Cris: In

Sidey: it's not like a fade, like, like a, like what we'd do generally. No. It's just, just the sideburn

Pete: is what it is. You remember back in the ... we used to have

Sidey: Wedge, please.

Reegs: Wedges, yeah.

Pete: Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah. Like a fancy bowl cut. I never went

Pete: wedge. I went under shave. Yeah. I went, like, the curtains with an under shave,

Sidey: So cool ... '

Pete: cause I was cool. I even got tramlines in my under shave. Yeah.

Reegs: we're making a desperate appeal to bring back sideburns. Yeah. We've done.

Cris: I went, like, the curtains with an undershave, 'cause I was- So cool 'cause I

Sidey: then we're gonna meet Strong Mark.

Reegs: Yes. He plays Sebastian. He's MI6's most lethal

Sidey: Really great action sequence, I thought

Pete: i- well, it's, it's only when you said that the director has, like, prior, p- like, previous with, with action films, like Transporter and stuff like that. As I was watching it, I have seen this before, I was watching this again the other night. Yeah. I was like, "This is a fucking really good action sequence." Well, the- Like, 'cause it's from the, it's

Reegs: first person point of view shots were done by Le Terriere, but he brought on as a consultant Ilya Naishuller, who was the guy who did Hardcore Henry. Right, Yeah, Did you

Sidey: yeah. We watched that for the pod. Yeah.

Reegs: Which was a movie made entirely from first-person perspective, and that's what he's done as his career. So, again, another Russian action director who really knows his chops in this. And yeah, a really cool sequence from

Sidey: He's sent in to retrieve someone and, you know, there's a million, you know,

Cris: who

Sidey: shitty soldiers, foot soldiers he has to go through to get to the guy, and we see that all from the first-person

Reegs: he's got Isla Fisher in his ear Sacha Baron Cohen's wife at the time. Yeah. Ex

Pete: Oh, at the time.

Cris: has to go through to get to the

Reegs: And Ian McShane- Yeah ... feeding him instructions in

Sidey: He

Pete: He'll always be Lovejoy to me.

Sidey: doesn't get to do much in this,

Pete: unfortunately. No, he doesn't.

Cris: is there. Oh,

Sidey: It really could have been anyone.

Pete: prowls around a room quite a bit, but...

Cris: Lovejoy. He'll always be Lovejoy to me.

Pete: And the moon's out tonight.

Sidey: way more of the cravings tonight than I would've thought I was gonna. Yeah. A lot more than Dragonfall. Not

Reegs: you bargained for.

Pete: It's not quite as horny as, as his wife, but...

Sidey: but...

Reegs: There's a poisoning, isn't there? And the guy mentions, drops the name Rhonda

Cris: A lot more than you bargained for. Not quite as horny as- Yeah ... as his

Reegs: she's a f- an actress and a philanthropist.

Cris: And the

Sidey: She is, yeah, her... in part of her philanthropy,

Cris: out to be Penélope

Sidey: they believe that she is a, she is a target to be executed- Yeah ... at this big

Reegs: film It's a World Health Organization thing, is it? Yeah, she- Or a

Pete: she's pioneering something called World Kill- Yeah ... which is to cure the

Sidey: all disease to

Reegs: of, of all diseases. Yeah. Wow. It seems like a good idea to me- Yeah ... in general, that.

Pete: Yeah. Let's, let's do it.

Sidey: it. Sounds

Cris: World Cure- Yeah ... which is to cure the world- Cure all disease ... of,

Sidey: And did,

Cris: of all diseases. And like- Yeah. Wow. It seems like a good idea

Pete: w- so how, what, how we connect, so we kind of learn through the, the early sequences

Sidey: and- Well, there's a key bit in

Cris: And did, did,

Reegs: There, I was about to say, you're gonna miss something thematically important if you don't discuss

Pete: I was gonna... The pub

Sidey: was gonna- ... which

Reegs: up his arse.

Cris: sequences

Sidey: Yeah.

Cris: There's a key

Reegs: Yeah. 'Cause it ties into the climax of

Sidey: He... So basically they've been s- they are brothers, and they've been separated at the ages of about 11 and seven, let's say, whatever the age. I can't remember exactly what they are

Cris: into the climax of the movie. It does indeed. He... So basically they've

Sidey: and so his whole life, he has been pining to get his brother back

Reegs: Yeah, he's built a shrine

Pete: kept his room exactly how it was, built a shrine to his

Sidey: And he's been hunting him, trying to find him, you know, given this spiel that he, he's just left home and

Cris: he's built a

Sidey: back, and blah, blah, blah. And someone just comes into the boozer one day and says, "Oh, you

Cris: this spiel that

Sidey: we've... y- your brother's gonna be here." And you're thinking, "Well, how the fuck

Reegs: And he goes, "Oh, fuck." How does he know that? Yeah.

Sidey: anyway, but for plot reasons, he has to know that. But while he's in the pub, they're watching an England... So there's, there's a World Cup going on. Right. And they're watching these England games, and

Reegs: believe Raheem Sterling is actually in the movie

Pete: well ... Well, it, it, it looks like Raheem Sterling, yeah.

Cris: Cup going on.

Sidey: And whilst they're watching one of the England games in their local boozer, it's just like, it's absolutely wild. It's like Johnny Vegas is there,

Cris: And,

Pete: He's another Milky, isn't he? He's- Yeah

Sidey: Something. A scout by the way- Phil Tomlinson. Oh, yeah. It's,

Pete: I know him Ricky Tomlinson. Ricky

Sidey: Ricky Tomlinson ... Ricky Tomlinson. Yeah, yeah Phil's brother. Yeah. And they get him absolutely mad there. And eventually, like, he sticks a firework up his

Cris: Oh, yes. I know Phil

Sidey: properly wedged up his arse. Mm. And they have to get it out, and that might become important later on. Yeah.

Cris: like he sticks the

Pete: But someone runs into the pub ... he's told,

Reegs: he, he's told about, "Oh, your brother's gonna be at this event." So we know that these two things are lining up, that Mark Strong as the MI6 agent is going to this

Cris: someone runs into the pub- So

Reegs: thinks he's found his brother. And it doesn't take a genius to work out, especially if you've already seen the trailer or the movie before, that Mark Strong is, of course, his brother. So they're gonna go to this event. Scott Adkins is gonna turn up, sneak a machine a sort of remote droney

Pete: sort of remote droney

Cris: is of course his brother.

Reegs: gun thing in a camera, in a video camera into the event that's getting a speech done by Shlomo Kalidi, who's a, a Palestinian Jew

Pete: In a wheelchair ... who's in

Reegs: wheelchair,

Pete: And he's got AIDS. With HIV. He

Cris: done by Shlomo Kalidi- who's

Pete: he

Sidey: gets a rough trot in this movie. Yeah.

Reegs: He really does. And there's gonna be an assassination attempt, which Mark Strong is gonna f- attempt to foil up in the r- rooftops. He kinda cottons onto what's going on. He's g- he's in a sort of sniper's

Sidey: a gun. The camera's a

Reegs: camera's in the gun, the camera's in the gun. He's got a bead on Scott Adkins, and then from out of nowhere comes Nobby. Gives his brother a hug just as he's taking the shot, which means that Shlomo Khalili gets a bullet. And in sort of slow motion, you see the blood, the AIDS-ridden blood going out into Daniel Radcliffe's

Sidey: going out into Daniel Radcliffe's mouth. Thank you.

Reegs: Giving him instant AIDS according to the logic of

Pete: day on the, on the news, the first story is like, "Daniel Radcliffe has AIDS. In other news, Shlomo Kalidi got shot." And

Reegs: got shot."

Cris: according to the logic of the film.

Pete: then like that's the thing. I mean, in, in the build up to that, you see Nobby, who's like a scumbag, and he's, he's like ge- you know, th- there's a guy giving out free drinks

Cris: It's the thing.

Pete: so he's taken the whole tray and drinking them all, and then he puts his finger

Reegs: Finger

Pete: like, p- paper cut, like o- of, cardboard cutout of like a, a, a Black kid. Yeah. And he's like

Sidey: Oh, doing a, like, a willy. A willy into the- Yeah. And it gets hard

Pete: he has

Reegs: It was so shit, this joke, until he spat on it. And then I was like, "Oh, come on." Look,

Cris: Yeah. And he's

Sidey: until he spat on it. And then I was

Pete: all the way... Like, so my missus had never seen this, and I said, "Look, you've got two choices. One- one's about like racist skinheads, like, and it's really grim and bleak and stuff, and the other one's like totally a totally fucking stupid comedy. Which one?" She chose the comedy. By this time she was warming up to some like T- tittering and a bit of chuckling and stuff. Yeah. And, and it was just about holding her interest at th- at this point.

Reegs: this point. Yeah.

Cris: up to some

Sidey: So they... The, the... HQ- Yeah

Reegs: Yeah.

Cris: And, and it was

Sidey: mis- misinterpret what

Reegs: come to the conclusion.

Cris: this

Pete: Yeah

Sidey: has happened to be that Mark Strong's character has tried to assassinate. 'Cause what then happens is there's another shot fired, and it kills the leader of the World Health Organization. Right. He, he is executed, and they interpret that as he's gone rogue, and he's killed him.

Reegs: he's killed him. This was completely lost in the edit, wasn't it? Yeah.

Sidey: Very obvious that that hadn't

Reegs: over it, don't they? Like, "Oh, he's turned bad. Of course, that's the

Sidey: not, as quick as his broken ankle heals. Well, but he's got those

Reegs: Yeah. Well,

Pete: but he's got those injections, which again- Tie- ... become, like ties into something ... shadowy government thing. Like yeah.

Cris: course, that's the obvious- Well, not,

Sidey: So then they have this awkward rec- you know-

Cris: which again become, like, ties into something that- Foreshadowing is

Sidey: Reconciliation? Okay. What do you call it? Yeah, yeah. Reunion. Reunion is the word I'm looking for. Where they, they get back together and he's like, "Fuck off." Like, "I need to go and, you know, sort this out." And Nobby just wants his brother back. But they're from... You know, they're polar opposites at this point, you know?

Cris: it. Where they, they get back together

Pete: But he has to lay low Mark Strong.

Sidey: wanted man now

Pete: a wanted man. He has to lay low, and he goes, "I've gotta go somewhere that's completely, like, off the grid,

Cris: But he has to lay low,

Pete: you know, no one'll ever think to look for me there and everything." And Nobby's like, "I've got exactly the place." So they take him back up to Grimsby. Which is

Reegs: Which is where this- Yeah.

Pete: Not to... Well, to, yeah, to his house. Like,

Reegs: is where the story starts to emerge a little bit, 'cause it comes in drips and drabs, their backstory,

Cris: Grimsby. To the shrine. Where it's- Not to...

Pete: fine to do it now, is it? Do it now, yeah

Sidey: Do it now, yeah.

Cris: does- This is where the story

Reegs: there's like a, they, they were fost- Parents ... the parents died- Yeah and they were fostered in the in the care system.

Pete: In Grimsby ... which was probably really shit.

Cris: a,

Reegs: and these kind of rich parents come along, and they think that they're gonna be taken to safety. And then it's revealed that Sacha Baron Cohen's character as a lad heard them talking, saying they're only gonna take one, and he wanted his brother to go and have a nice life, so he went on the train with him as if they were going, and then at the last minute bins him off because he knows he doesn't have a future, and he's going back to the care home. And off goes Sebastian to live a life with the rich parents, and eventually use his... He's, like, quite emotional about, he felt that, 'cause he didn't know what happened. From his perspective- Yeah

Pete: he was abandoned,

Reegs: him.

Sidey: Yeah. So he's, he's

Reegs: he used that to drive

Pete: James Bond angle of the orphaned, like- Exactly Yeah,

Sidey: yeah. So,

Reegs: yeah. The, that's the... It, it's a sort of moment of sincerity that they reach for that's completely undercut by, like, literally nothing else being sincere in the entire movie. Yeah. Or, or heartfelt

Pete: in the entire movie Or, or heartfelt in any way, shape, or form. Anyway, the... So what, what's happened? HQ have put... They've, they've got, like, a rogue agent out of retirement- Chilcott ... who was, like... Chilcott, who, who was basically knocked off because he was, like, too... He, he kept going, "Fuck it." Too extreme. Yeah. But he's been brought back in 'cause he's the only one capable of assassinating-

Sidey: Corty

Reegs: what's it? Sebastian.

Pete: yeah Sebastian. So he's managed to follow them up to Grimsby, and, like, basically there's, like... What, what, what they've done in the local pub is they've made a massive hoo-ha about it, so it was easy to track them down and so on. I mean, we've, we've got to then go to the, the fish factory part of it- Yeah because

Cris: it was

Sidey: Oh, is this the, the-

Reegs: the- The

Pete: the, the- The darts ... yeah, the poison darts. The poison darts. Yeah, so,

Cris: to the, the fish

Sidey: We'll give you, like, a flavor of the level of the comedy

Pete: Yeah, like, this is just, like, sort of, like,

Cris: Yeah, the poison

Pete: stupid,

Sidey: like- So he get- ... humor ... th- they get found, and they, he gets a couple of poison dart... Well, he gets a poison dart, we're told and we see- In the neck in his, in his, l- like- Shoulder ... the back of his shoulder. And he says, "You need to suck the poison out." That's some sort of caterpillar venom or something. Yeah, yeah. He says, "And if you don't get that out in the n- the next 90 seconds, I'm a dead man." And he says, "I'm not doing that. That's gay." And he's like, "You gotta do it, brother." And so he's like, "Oh, God, you

Cris: or something.

Sidey: I've found you after all these years, so I'll do it." And he's, like, sucks it out, and then he spits this, like, toxic green poison. And then he sorta looks down, and he's got one right in his dick- ... or in his crotch. Oh. And he's like, "Oh, it's in, it's in my left testicle." Yeah. You... And, and Mark Strong's just giving it all, like, completely,

Pete: De- like, completely

Sidey: the seriousness with which you say that

Reegs: serious and-

Pete: suck my nuts right now, otherwise I'm gonna die."

Cris: this- "It's

Reegs: now-" You- or I'm gonna die" It's the seriousness with which he's saying it that completely

Pete: But it, it ramps up because you don't think... You think, "Well, surely they're not gonna show anything." And then you see

Sidey: but you've seen Borat, and you've seen other stuff, and you know- Yeah ... Sacha Baron Cohen will show it.

Pete: then at one point he's, like, going like, "Yeah, no, like, the... No, the, the way the blood's running, I need to be on top of you." So he goes like that. And then you

Sidey: he goes like that. And it just... There's a shot of Sacha Baron's face, and there's just a testicle, like, on his mouth. Just going in and out of his mouth. And

Reegs: then some guy walks in, and it

Cris: goes like that. And then it's just him- The shot of Sacha Baron's face and

Sidey: But Johnny Vegas, then he's... They start filming it,

Pete: they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, by, by this time my missus is now completely pissing herself. Like, this has now become fucking her

Reegs: favorite movie ever ... classic.

Cris: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh,

Pete: just, the way... 'Cause Sebastian passes out after he's sucked the poison out. But then there's just this like he's... And then, and Nobby's, like, crying 'cause he thinks his brother's dead, but he's still got his sack on his face. Yeah. And then at

Reegs: And then at the end when he comes to, like he's finished, and then he just jizzes a little bit on

Pete: He goes, "It's just a bit of pre-ejaculate. Grow up."

Cris: And then

Sidey: Which we'll come back later.

Cris: like he's finished, and then

Pete: Yeah. We need to get a regular.

Sidey: So there, there's a lead basically of,

Cris: Grow up."

Sidey: What the, what exactly are they trying to find? Who- They're trying

Reegs: to find? Who- They're trying to find Ben Aff- not Ben Affleck Scott Adkins. Aren't

Sidey: and the, the lead takes them out to South Africa. Yeah. So they end up going out to South Africa, 'cause this is where you're gonna get the, what you alluded to in the intro, Riggs, the elephant sequence. Yeah.

Pete: Which again was foreshadowed when they're watching National Geographic.

Sidey: But there's also, like, a super, super hot bird, which is maybe worth checking the film out for.

Pete: She's the bird. She's,

Cris: when they're watching National Geographic.

Pete: Peaky Blinders. She's the girlfriend. Yeah. The Irish... Yeah.

Reegs: really quick detour where they meet a, a heroin dealer 'cause of course, and Nobby decides to get some heroin. 'Cause of course. Can we have ... Yeah. And then he has to take over Mark Strong comically, who has to keep injecting himself with this thing to keep his ankle from re-fracturing or something. He then has to take his place in a seduction plot. But we've already seen he's got a bit of a fetish, I guess, for- For ... slightly larger women, and he misinterprets the instructions to seduce the woman in a green dress, the

Pete: beautiful- The beautiful woman in the green dress. Yeah

Reegs: goes for the sort of more heavy-set cleaning lady. Yeah. And then there's just a very brief scene that we probably, where he clogs up the toilet with a massive shit and gets the beautiful girl to unclog it- But- ... 'cause

Sidey: it- And the- because she even tries

Pete: There's a hilarious, like, misunderstanding, because she's talking... He, she thinks

Cris: toilet with a massive

Pete: she's talking about his dick- Yeah ... and he's talk- thinks she's talking about

Cris: there, there's a hilarious,

Pete: "Oh, well,

Cris: misunderstanding,

Pete: hard and then soft in the middle and then really hard again."

Cris: talking

Sidey: There, there's a, there's a basically a-

Cris: talking about his shit. His massive shit. Yeah, so and it's, it's

Reegs: going? All right?

Cris: hard, and then soft in the middle, and then really

Sidey: Swayes. How's it going? All right? Good, man. You all right? Sorry. Yeah. Good, mate. How's it going? Daniel's, Daniel's in there. Oh, is he? We're just finishing the pod.

Pete: Oh, shit.

Sidey: That's all right. You all right? See you in a sec.

Reegs: Yeah. Is that set?

Cris: hard again. There, there's a, there's a, basically a- Chaps. Sores.

Pete: Save me a good seat

Cris: Sorry? All good, mate. All right. You all right? Daniel's, Daniel's in there. Oh, is he? We're just finishing the pod.

Sidey: basically loads of people get gunned down, but let's just cut to the, like, the elephant bit, 'cause it's- Yeah like-

Cris: me a good

Pete: Ridiculous

Reegs: They've gotta get away from these hitmen that are chasing them. Yeah.

Sidey: And there's been a, there's been the, there's the commentary on the National Geographic, Nat- National Geographic, about how enormous an elephant's vagina can- Is, yeah, yeah ... stretch. So they basically both climb into an elephant's vagina. And then a, a particularly horny elephant climbs on top, and you just see an ele- like, a massive elephant dick come and

Cris: and then a, a particularly horny elephant climbs on top, and we just see an-

Reegs: It's like hitting Mark Strong in the

Sidey: hitting Mark Strong in

Reegs: just a huge elephant cock. And just hitting him- And he's playing this role like, obviously completely straight. Yeah. And

Sidey: he's been playing this role, like, obviously completely straight. Yeah And he's just getting battered by this massive elephant dick.

Pete: And no- and they'll be

Sidey: "There's only one thing for it. We're gonna have to make him cum." "You work the shaft and I'll do the balls." Yeah. I don't know why

Pete: this

Sidey: thought of that. Yeah, I did as well. So they, they basically wank off this elephant. Never said that on the pod before. Until it explodes with

Pete: Until it explodes with

Cris: know why I thought of

Sidey: And he says, he uses the line back on him, "It's only a bit of pre-ejaculate. Grow up." Yeah. But then they look, he looks out of the vagina at another elephant and he goes, "Oh, no. It's a massive eje- elephant bukkake party." Bukkake. And you're like, "Really?"

Reegs: And you zoom back and it's all these elephants

Sidey: And you see back, and it's all these elephants just standing there. A queue of them. Yeah. Like, 20 of them. Yeah.

Reegs: And he's getting shafted in the ass

Cris: Pikachu ... cocky pie."

Reegs: as well, 'cause in the next scene he'll comically have a bruise on his bottom. Yeah.

Cris: waiting. A queue of like

Sidey: turns out that what they, they get some intel, and they do the stuff with the blob, 'cause the plot is fairly th- flimsy It's

Reegs: all gonna culminate around the World Cup final

Sidey: that's happening in

Cris: that what they, they

Pete: Chile.

Sidey: Cruz is not the victim. She is the ringleader, and the global cure- The global target. Oh, no ... she is going full Thanos. The global cure is not- It's eugenics ... it's to kill everyone and start again. Right, and it's not Evelyn

Cris: antagonist. Oh, no. She

Sidey: in the World Cup final, which England will be playing in later on, but they are playing in this, in the film. Yeah Life imitating art.

Cris: And it's not Evelyn Luff and Jez either. No. And the plan is

Sidey: is the virus that

Reegs: And the, basically because it's people from Grimsby, the idea is they're so worthless that they'll, you know, go home and take the underclass with them in the way

Sidey: the virus has a sort of two-week-

Reegs: to do

Sidey: the nastiest possible thing to do ... thing, and then once everyone's gone from the World Cup back out around the world- Yeah, it will spread out they'll spread the virus everywhere, and everyone will die ... and everyone will die. Yeah ... all the poor people.

Reegs: this is really where the movie is trying to make some sort of point, isn't it? About

Cris: out around the world-

Reegs: rich people

Cris: It will spread out, and that's how

Reegs: to, you know, control the, the population. But it's just spent fucking 90 minutes ridiculing and being horrible about these people mostly- Yeah and making them the butt of every joke. Yeah. So it's really undercut. Anyway,

Pete: Anyway,

Sidey: The way that it plays out is that the, they get... He does a rallying cry to the crowd of the, basically section of Grimsby lads that we need, we need to do a pitch invasion, and there has been a thing about a pitch invasion before, but it's really irrelevant. And so they do. It's quite funny 'cause they're, they are, like, it's Johnny Vegas style. You know, he's big fella. And they do a pitch invasion, but they're so unfit they get, like, a quarter of the way. And he's like... And and then they, they get the intel from Mila Fish to say, "Oh, it's the, you know, the virus is in the the

Pete: virus

Cris: get like a quarter of the way and it's like...

Sidey: fireworks." And it's like, "Oh, there's only one thing for it, basically, you know, we've seen how he's dealt with fireworks before. He's gonna have to stick it..." And she's like, "... up his ass." And he's like, "It's, it's the one on the right." There's a joke about him not knowing his left from his right, whatever. So eventually... And it's a, it's an enormous fucking rocket, right? So he takes... He drops trou, and he squats over

Reegs: It's bigger than even you would be comfortable, Chris.

Sidey: Oh, no. And, and she says, "Oh, no.

Pete: And he says, "Oh no,

Cris: enormous fucking rocket,

Sidey: It's both the rockets in the middle." You know, the middle of the, they... Right ... where he's like, "Brother,

Cris: Chris. Yeah. And- Really? Oh, no ... and he says, "Oh,

Reegs: Yeah, so Mark Strong h- heroically

Sidey: one for the team together." He literally takes his pants down- ... and puts the rocket up his ass

Cris: he's like, "Brother," you

Reegs: Um- And

Sidey: they- As anyone would, right? The, the fireworks ignite, Bevis presses the button, and they fucking shoot off into the sky, and it explodes, and it's

Cris: As anyone would, right?

Reegs: Oh ... she was taken out by Shlomo Khaldi being thrown in his wheelchair

Pete: And,

Cris: into the sky,

Reegs: At,

Sidey: khalidi being thrown into the wheelchair By a 10-year-old.

Pete: Yeah. And then, and then there's another stray bullet, which this time hits Daniel Radcliffe, and his blood goes into Donald Trump's mouth, so now Donald Trump's got

Reegs: Trump immediately gets AIDS. Yeah. Yeah.

Cris: then there's another stray bullet,

Sidey: So we've l- the bad guys have been defeated, but we've lost our two heroes as well.

Cris: So now Donald Trump's

Sidey: times. Then we sort of pau- it could fade to black for like a second, and then we go to cut to a, a hospital room. And it, it, it's explained- They've got massive damage to their anus ... it's explained

Reegs: damage to their anuses. He's

Sidey: that because of the ex- you know, enormous amounts of elephant jizz- that that had some sort of, It helps with skin elasticity. It... No, it, it had a sort of antidote quality to the virus. Yeah. So they weren't killed by the virus.

Cris: This helps with

Sidey: up his hospital gown and his, he's gaping like his asshole is, like, fucking

Pete: They do the, the bit with the fan where he's like

Reegs: Yeah. Ooh, ooh.

Cris: up his hospital gown and his, he's gaping, like

Pete: So, I mean, we're just like, we haven't even explained it yet. So he's, "Oh, it's hot in here. Turn on the fan." And as the fan pans round, obviously it goes past like the, the big gaping hole, so it makes a

Cris: so... I mean, we're just like, we haven't even

Pete: like noise.

Reegs: asshole and makes a woo sound. You know? Like you're blowing on a bottle.

Pete: And even says, "We're like a couple of pan pipes, aren't we?" It's so fucking stupid. So

Sidey: they, they have fully reconciled. They're back to being bros, and actually Nobby's been- Nobby goes- ... recruited into the

Reegs: over this. He had a fight with Adkins ... Adkins, and during which he discovered an absolute passion for, and curiously great ability for shooting a handgun. A- he starts killing

Pete: executing everyone

Reegs: And so it ends with him as part of the elite team. But unfortunately on his mission, he does, he does seem to have executed his own team

Pete: Yeah. He just goes onto this boat, kills all these foreigners. Yeah. And then he

Sidey: his own teammate. He just goes onto this boat, kills all these foreigners- Yeah ... and then he sees his brother. He's like, "Have you met all the team?" He's like, "Oh, no." And then there's a- And then

Reegs: then it ends with a bit of text. I think it says "Daniel Radcliffe doesn't,"

Sidey: was not part of this film was not part of

Reegs: Was not part of this f- was not part of the

Sidey: And does not have AIDS ... and does

Reegs: have AIDS. And then it said, "Donald Trump was not part of this film."

Sidey: Cut. And does not have AIDS.

Reegs: And then a, a long beat, "And does not have AIDS." I guess they had to put that in for the lawyers, right?

Cris: Donald Trump. And it said Donald

Reegs: Yeah. So there we go. I

Cris: does not

Sidey: go. I was dreading watching this. Yeah. I thought it would be absolutely awful. And whilst it probably- It is ... is, I laughed at it way much, way more than I thought I was gonna. Yeah.

Pete: That's the th- It's a little bit, it's, it's quite similar to... Have you seen The Dictator? No. Yes. It's, it's similar to that. It, it's similar to that in that it like, so much of it, you're like rolling your eyes at because it's so preposterous and stupid and everything. But there are, there are l- like parts, elements of it that will make

Sidey: you- Yeah

Pete: proper belly laugh

Sidey: much about it as, say, like a Borat or even Bruno maybe. Yeah. But it's

Reegs: not as sharp satirically as any of those

Pete: No, it's not.

Sidey: it's not. No Some of the

Cris: have- Yeah a proper, proper belly laugh.

Sidey: stuff about the kids smoking, you're like, "Really? Is that..." That was the first gag in the film. Oh, God. Really? But no, some of it really made me laugh.

Cris: Some of the writing is like fairly

Reegs: And some of it is that thing of this isn't very funny, but they keep pushing it and making it more extreme. Yeah. Like, the joke of the, him being shot in the balls is possibly not all that funny, but then when he's gagging on his cock basically- Yeah ... that kind of is.

Sidey: kind of is. I, I kind of feel

Pete: on his cock, basically- Yeah ... that kind of is. I, I kind of feel like he sits and thinks like, "What can I... H- how can I get that in a film? How can I get that-" Yeah ... "in a film?" And then he, then he does it and the d- like, the delivery still makes you fucking laugh. It hits, it hits... That, those parts hit the spot.

Sidey: I'm gonna give it if I had to, I would say it's a strong recommend.

Reegs: Yeah.

Pete: So I would give it if I had to, I would say it's a strong recommend. Yeah. Yeah. If I was- Strong ... Yeah, I'd say a strong recommend as well. Yeah.

Cris: those parts hit the spot.

Sidey: Right. England week is done.

Cris: I would say it's

Pete: England are

Reegs: Where are we going next? Or- You're

Sidey: we're going to sweat in the Man Cave now, where we watch England bring it home phase two. Yeah.

Cris: Where are we going next? Essentially we're

Sidey: all that remains to say, Sidey signing out.

Reegs: remains to say,

Pete: the building Madder than ever Dan's gone

Cris: home

Sidey: No, I never done it. Dan's gone. That was good, Pete. Well done.

Cris: all that remains to say, sadly signing out. Reese's left the building.

Reegs: Reeks has left